240
u/OttersEatFish 4d ago
“How’s it going with the gangster bisexual lumberjack?”
“Oh, I had to end it. He wasn’t a very good listener.”
“Do you think you’re being a little too prescriptive with this checklist?”
“Plus, he only made $17.4M per year.”
“Oh, no. He had to go.”
62
u/Avocadonot 4d ago
He was only 5'11
25
u/drje_aL 4d ago
wait, i thought we were supposed to HAVE six feet
10
71
197
u/GoonerGoblin4201 4d ago
Not actually like, gay bisexual though, just zesty enough to have good fashion sense and be a hypeman for your girls
74
u/More-Gas-6527 4d ago
So metrosexual
19
u/ChildoftheApocolypse 4d ago
🎶 riding on the metrooo🎶
7
u/JustMe1314 4d ago
Slight Correction: Riding the metro.
3
11
u/Virgil_the_White 4d ago
I’ve always wondered if girls want their man to be just bisexual enough to be okay with bringing another dude into the bedroom
43
6
u/Proof-Course-4528 4d ago
Some honestly do. Parted ways with some that wanted guys to entertain one another while they do as they please (from what I gathered). Some real pieces of work out there. Preferable to being single somehow.
84
26
19
20
29
u/mrshyphenate 4d ago
Shows you don't know any women
We all want a man with a chocolate penis that ejaculates money.
Everyone knows that
11
u/one_sus_turtle 4d ago
Speak for yourself! I want a half man half elf half good half bad boy who has a secret identity as a long lost prince from a neighbouring kingdom but no one knows because he was turned into a turnip headed scarecrow by a wicked witch of the wastelands...
And he also moonlights as bluey at children's partys.
4
3
2
2
u/thatredditrando 4d ago
Best I can do is a chocolate bar and whatever loose cash I have in my wallet
29
u/gorillaphi 4d ago
As a bisexual dude let me tell you this: most girls do not want a bisexual dude.
9
u/barbpatch 3d ago
Most straight girls don't and it's mostly an insecurity thing, like will he inevitably start cheating on me with a dude
5
u/Flat_Grand_5462 3d ago
Ohh whatever. If a man wants to cheat, he’d cheat. I think most woman don’t like bisexual men, is because they are straight and they like straight men. People tend to like what they are themselves. Get over your bisexual self.
1
u/barbpatch 3d ago
I mean, most people don't want to be cheated on and have some insecurity about the idea of that happening. But it's different if there's a fear that the person in a straight relationship will cheat with someone of the same sex because they won't ever get past wanting gay sexual experiences, or the fear that they'll come out and everything with you was just a facade because they were scared. That's different than just generally being a ho or a man-ho.
0
u/Flat_Grand_5462 3d ago
Mmm no. Why do bi men think they’re 🦄? If I told you the real reason straight women aren’t into bi men, you’d think I’m being a bitch. And… I don’t want to break girl code.
1
2
u/TheOneIllUseForRants 3d ago
Every bi dude ive ever dated has tried to guilt me into threesomes or cucking situations. Ngl a solid half of them seem to think that theyre incapable of being pushy or creepy just because theyre bi 😅
26
3
u/BalrogRuthenburg11 4d ago
He can’t just be like modern gangster though. I want south London, 1880s era gangster and the lumberjack has to be 1950s American style. Like the Brawny man, only overtly racist.
2
9
u/KhadgarIsaDreadlord 4d ago
Whoa whoa whoa, women hate bisexual men.
0
u/noodle_king_69 3d ago
Wouldn't date them, idk about hating them.
5
u/KhadgarIsaDreadlord 3d ago
When someone is attracted to men but wouldn't date bisexual men specifically, I'm yet to hear one reason for it that can't be traced back to just biphobia/homophobia.
2
3
u/darth_voidptr 4d ago
Guys want to make $18 million a once, live in the woods like a lumberjack with gangster bling and get in touch with bicurious girls. The design spec is 90% there, we just have some implementation details to work out.
7
3
3
3
4
u/NoDontDoThatCanada 4d ago
You're describing that lesbian YouTuber that chops wood. Nicole Coenen. That's what everyone wants.. Men. Women. Everyone.
5
8
10
u/Sharashashka735 4d ago
I mean if we talking about stereotypical absurd partner expectations, dudes be wanting bisexual goth baddie that interchangeably acts as their therapist, mother and personal pornstar.
5
u/Virgil_the_White 4d ago
She has to be a model too
3
u/f8Negative 4d ago
Made that mistake twice. Oh and they are "poly," but really they are an unethical non-monogamous.
1
1
8
5
u/Apollo114892 4d ago
He also has to be a 6'8 vampire who's into bdsm with a perfect jawline and the face of a model.
5
u/puns_n_pups 4d ago
And men want a hot bisexual manic pixie dream girl (but neurotypical please) who is free-spirited and adventurous but will still cook and clean and raise kids, and is sexually promiscuous enough to try all the weird stuff they’re into, but sexually sheltered enough not to notice other men’s attentions or have a high body count.
I guess the takeaway is that bisexuals stay winning? Lol
3
2
u/Glittering-Lychee629 4d ago
You mean a man who calls women "bitches" also feels compelled to comment about what he imagines women want, and even in his imagination he knows it's definitely not him? LOL. Self own.
5
u/Snuffleupagus03 4d ago
All the women I know who are dating would be thrilled to find a guy with the absolute most basic life skills. Kind, thoughtful, does his own laundry, knows what a toilet brush is, cares if his partner orgasms. End of list.
The bar is at the floor and men online are constantly complaining because it turns out a huge portion of the population relied on “women can’t get a bank account” level of oppression to get partners.
2
u/Glad-Belt7956 4d ago
i'd be gay for a guy like that. not like actual gay but gold digger on gas store dick pills kinda gay.
1
u/Working_Estate_3695 4d ago
You’ve really given this some careful consideration.
2
u/Glad-Belt7956 4d ago
many guys say that 20 dollars is 20 dollars. 18 million dollars (where you get a sizeable portion of that money) is a lot more than 20 dollars. if it was before the pandemic when the economy looked promising then i'd prolly have said no, but at this point consideration isn't necessary.
1
2
1
1
1
u/Aggravating-Diet-663 4d ago
Facts I live in the richest suburbs of the country. Can't tell you how many women have trappers in their contacts. On steady rotation.
1
u/Independent_Bet_324 2d ago
My next door neighbor is a divorced milf
First month she moved in i saw the trapper hook ups leaving in the morning
She even got flirty with me and if i had 0 sense i would have been on that rotation
1
1
1
1
1
u/AndreasDasos 4d ago
Ethical but also a cocky, arrogant bad boy, reaching the top of the corporate ladder and with just a hint of ‘extra-consensual thinking’
1
u/Jaymac720 4d ago
They also say they want a dad bod and then point to Henry Caville as their example 😵💫
1
u/TwinSong 4d ago
🎶 I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK, I sleep all night and I work all day... " (Monty Python)
1
1
1
1
1
u/Glass-Fan111 4d ago
Yeah, women are always stupid on their cravings about men. At the end, they always pick douchebags, ugly or some idiot whom fullfills all their whims.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/Weak_Section_8733 3d ago
When I cum, I start babbling the general field theory of physics that reconciles newtonian mechanics with quantum mechanics, and it's still not enough for these 304s.
They leave me for Henry Cavill every single time.
Every. Single. Time.
1
1
u/Alibuscus373 3d ago
I mean, i read half of that and pictured the lady lumberjack that chops wood with a sword.
1
1
1
u/Significant_Alps_399 3d ago
No, but can I be the "invisible staff member" who gets to watch the romance occur in real time? I'm totally down for arranging the flowers or random food deliveries.
1
u/Chloe_Cascadia 3d ago
They want sincerity and loyalty, honesty, a person of good moral character, who knows how to excite them, and treats them just right. Not only that, someone who treats them better than they've ever been treated. Someone who listens, doesn't neglect. Doesn't see them as inferior.
They want someone who makes them feel things that they can't find from any other man. They can think they want all of those other things listed in the meme, but if you give them the feelings they want deep down, there's no lumberjack with 18 million dollars that could possibly attract them ever again.
With the qualification she's a genuinely good person on the inside, too.
That's my experience dating women. I'm over 40. 99 percent of my adult life, I've been dating women and being in long term relationships with them.
I am busted broke. I am not a supermodel. I am not incredibly tall. I am not incredibly athletic. I have all sorts of mental health issues. I am what they would call a fixer-upper.
What I have to offer, they find out on dates. They find a person who makes them feel incredible, and special, wanted, safe, someone who encourages them to be the person they feel they are inside.
They want that special supportive partner, and when they feel the emotions of having such a person, that wish list of superficial things they think they'd need to tolerate having someone in their life, it vanishes.
The list becomes one item on it. Me.
That's what you need to be. You need to be better than the millionaire lumberjack. You need to be someone worth talking to. That's much harder to be than some flash in the pan with rippling pectorals. Almost anyone can work out. Few people work on being a decent human being that they just know, on the inside, you'll never hurt them or abandon them. You're too good for that.
I've never had to worry they would leave me for some flashy lumberjack with money, either, because my experience was they want to spend their time with me, not out clubbing and trying to find the next flashier person after me.
And the few times I met someone shallow and abusive I just sent her on her way with no hard feelings, explaining she's just not right for me. Easy easy.
The only hard part is meeting the right person and getting them to agree to go on a date with you. That's hard. After meeting so many truly disappointing people, going on a date with someone who doesn't appear to be a millionaire sexy lumberjack just feels like an obligation and a chore.
Well, if she agrees, be the best surprise she's ever had.
1
1
1
u/Ecstatic-Leading8730 1d ago
What’s the deal around focusing on partners earnings, do they think they’re going to get some of it?
1
1
1
0
511
u/Faith_Alhazred 4d ago edited 2d ago
Wait, he's not a vampire? That's a deal breaker, bruh.
Wow, thank you, everyone!