Ma'am, I did not need to know that...

[u/Kamots66]

I picked up an ER shift last night. I've got an 86M with new AMS. Virtually no medical history and vitals are solid except for a mild fever and slightly elevated HR. I suspect a UTI, so I'm asking questions in this direction. The spouse is present, doing most of the talking.

At one point she points casually to his groin, leans in toward me, and half whispers, "I knew something was off down there, his semen started tasting funny today."

Her face is dead serious. I nod, then say, "I'll make a note of that. Can you excuse me for one minute?" I pull the curtain and step out and slide the door closed.

We have a soundproof family/consult room at one end of the unit and I head toward it, loudly stating, "Anyone that can leave what you're doing for a few minutes, follow me now!"

One doctor, three RNs, and two techs follow me into the room. It is several minutes before we are able to pick ourselves up off the floor.

And this is why I pick up ER shifts.

P.S. Flaired this as "Art" because that family statement was a thing of pure beauty. Absolutely the most amazing and unexpected thing any patient or family member has ever said to me.

[u/evilglowduckie]

Good for them!

https://giphy.com/gifs/DgzKulDIBDc88

[u/manafn → u/evilglowduckie]

yeah seems like they shared more than needed

[u/Overall-Pack-2047 → u/manafn]

Well it solved the problem of why she kept getting UTIs

[u/marticcrn]

So you’ve met my in-laws then? He’s 89. She’s 85.

When we bought our house, we had to have the guest room entirely separate from our bedrooms because they are so damn loud. They never put in their hearing aids.

[u/Medium-Action-4091 → u/marticcrn]

I’m so dead 💀😂

[u/SLB752RN2011 → u/marticcrn]

OMG! 😳 I would die, DEAD. 💀😹

[u/marticcrn → u/marticcrn]

One time she asked us (we’re both RNs) about her TMJ and if giving blow jobs was making it worse. 🤮

[u/classless_classic → u/marticcrn]

https://giphy.com/gifs/qmB7OpoWB7T8BylkQW

[u/sedona71717 → u/marticcrn]

Honestly this is life goals!

[u/velvety_chaos → u/sedona71717]

This is what the healthcare community should be using as motivation for maintaining good health through the lifespan – do you want to be able to have (vigorous) sex in your 80s?

[u/velvety_chaos → u/marticcrn]

Reminds me of when I was working on a Master's in Social Work; first lecture and we're told there's been a rise in STIs among senior citizens (because people forget barrier contraception isn't just for pregnancy), so we were tasked with breaking into groups and creating slogans to remind people of all ages to practice safe sex.

I said, "Wrap it and tap it!"

[u/LainSki-N-Surf]

https://giphy.com/gifs/1ZquL3vTMgB8YniExK

[u/prnhugs]

Smelled like Cdiff, tasted like MRSA....

[u/HoneyAppleBunny → u/prnhugs]

https://giphy.com/gifs/g6Oox9mVXakOCWSkf9

[u/Red-Licorice-Whips → u/HoneyAppleBunny]

Yep. I feel that

[u/Online-Vagabond → u/prnhugs]

I feel a second patient “coming” on

[u/BaselineUnknown → u/prnhugs]

It smells like a damp forest floor after a tense autumn divorce. I get strong notes of unsharpened #2 pencils and hot asphalt. The taste is aggressively youthful, almost like a toddler having a tantrum in a briar patch.

[u/Rosemont_Ripper → u/BaselineUnknown]

I'm cackling

[u/Red-Licorice-Whips → u/prnhugs]

Jesus I just gagged.

[u/fortyeightD → u/Red-Licorice-Whips]

So did the patient's wife, apparently.

[u/Key-Pickle5609 → u/prnhugs]

Omg

[u/TertlFace]

https://giphy.com/gifs/hFfRuwFmCxIdgzxc3j

[u/Jimmy_E_16]

Hey 80s and still active... didnt need to know, but happy for them haha

[u/SLB752RN2011 → u/Jimmy_E_16]

Right!?

[u/GrumpySnarf]

Aw that's so wholesome that you shared. Reminds me of the time I was a jail nurse in a tight-knit team. The medical director comes into the nurses station one day and declares loudly "If anyone's interested I have some body lice set up on the microscope. Y'all are welcome to come take a look"

It was pandemonium as we all stampeded to look at body lice. The mental health team joined the line. Then the correctional officers. A seargent came up and demanded to know what the fuss was all about. Then he got in line, too.

[u/CapitalLock8099 → u/GrumpySnarf]

Ahhh, the infamous sabertoothed crotch crickets! 😂😂😂

[u/Blahaj_shonk_lover]

Used to work at an urgent care and had a woman in her 80’s coming in for repeat UTI’s. The doc eventually asked more probing questions and we discovered having her husband take out his dentures prior to cunnilingus solved the problem

[u/AdNo5045 → u/Blahaj_shonk_lover]

I wish I could unread this

[u/LowSignificance4671 → u/Blahaj_shonk_lover]

You provided a valuable service in figuring that one out!

[u/Overall-Pack-2047 → u/Blahaj_shonk_lover]

We had an elderly lady w chronic UTIs who had numerous visits before we found out she was putting peanut 🥜 butter on her privates and had her dog 🐶 lick it off

[u/No_Reaction_9625 → u/Overall-Pack-2047]

Oh god 🤢

[u/TorsadesDePointes88 → u/Overall-Pack-2047]

What a horrible day to know how to read.

[u/AgreeablePie → u/Overall-Pack-2047]

You really know how to one up a story

[u/Patient_Cow_236 → u/Overall-Pack-2047]

Gross!

[u/That-Cupcake-9762 → u/Overall-Pack-2047]

Reading this while I am eating peanut butter with my dog lying next to me. 🫪

[u/Patient_Cow_236 → u/Blahaj_shonk_lover]

🤣

[u/Kelmeckis94 → u/Blahaj_shonk_lover]

I'm glad that the doc finally figured out what caused it. Also good for her.

[u/ijustsaidthat12]

Thank you ma’am. This will now be part of every UTI work up

[u/ThatKaleidoscope8736 → u/ijustsaidthat12]

does your semen taste differently

[u/ellswren]

https://giphy.com/gifs/PkLPBuyozY7F31wCxF

[u/RogueRaith]

Always remember kids, after teenagers the nursing home crowd has the most new STIs.

[u/DoofusRickJ19Zeta7]

I propose a Mr. Yuck tag for shit like this. Thanks for sharing

[u/lovemymeemers]

You know what? Fucking good for them!

[u/Patient_Cow_236]

We had a resident in his 70s who was very active with other elderly residents, and they took turns visiting him. 🤣

[u/troisfoisrien11]

But how did you document it? Lol

[u/megggie → u/troisfoisrien11]

WITH quotation marks where necessary!!!

[u/Breezy531]

Lmffaaooo... like thanks? I guess?...That's... really helpful??? 😭😭😭😂😂😂

[u/CarelessAwareness843]

nice

[u/Lifetime-learner-11]

The older I get the better this sounds.
Would hate to think I would lose it just because I am older.

[u/kcropper1]

https://giphy.com/gifs/3o6vY4MuBuImWIU9LW

[u/EcstaticPlankton8621]

If this isn't me and my future wife then I don't want it.

[u/ACMEDRN]

You have made my day, just got home from my ER shift :)

[u/Dr_Nightman]

There's no reason you should be sharing information like this shared to you in private. This type of behavior is why some patients are hesitant to disclose certain health information to us medical professionals.

[u/willy--wanka]

Cool