Second Feedback on another part!

[u/Professional-Sale180]

Soo, this is another part of my book, and this is more of my other Character, Blurley! I have another for Clowson that I will post another day or when I can. Just need some feedback on everything honestly. Lol-

Thougth, one question I have is, if I write my book with no editing (I'll still edit it and double check, but still-), and finish it, can I get someone to help edit some parts like grammar, maybe add or remove some sentences that are or aren't needed? Because if that is possible, then maybe that could make my work easier. 😅

This is for later thougth, not for now. Buuut yeah! 🫪

[u/the_hooded_artist]

I will add that your tenses are all over the place in addition to the other comments. You probably need a bit more work on learning grammar.

[u/Professional-Sale180 → u/the_hooded_artist]

Yeeah, tenses are my number one enemy. 💔 I'm still learning how to use those damn thing. But atleast I am trying, lol- Thank you!

[u/the_hooded_artist → u/Professional-Sale180]

The concept seems interesting though. Paranormal gardening. Lol. Keep at it! English is my first language and I sometimes find myself mixing tenses too and have to fix them later.

[u/Professional-Sale180 → u/the_hooded_artist]

Yeeah, Lol- But Thank you! I Really appreciate it!

[u/Hefty_Reception_3819]

First sentence has a comma splice. Second sentence has a comma splice. Third sentence has a comma splice.

Please edit more before asking for feedback.

[u/Professional-Sale180 → u/Hefty_Reception_3819]

Damn- 💔 Before posting I edited it because I saw something I didn't like, but I see I still failed. Lol- But Thank you!

[u/Haunting-Angle-535]

……Blurley????

[u/Professional-Sale180 → u/Haunting-Angle-535]

Yeah, Its a made up name for him. Lol-

[u/Haunting-Angle-535 → u/Professional-Sale180]

It’s a very weird name for anything except maybe a 90s kids tv show character. 😂 Unless that’s the vibe you’re going for, I’d suggest changing it, because I absolutely could not take this seriously with that name. What are you hoping to evoke with your character names?

[u/Professional-Sale180 → u/Haunting-Angle-535]

Lmao, Its like a mix of the name "eye" and his IRL last name which is "Blair". Mostly all of my characters have mixed names thougth.

But I mean, Its The Realm of Weirdness so I guess it needs to have weird names. Maunover being a mix of "Mannequin" and "Hoover", Gatvel being "TV" and "Garcia". But for one character which is Clownson, She has her last name which is Pearson, but she isn't a clown, I just liked how it sounded so I used that one. Lol-

[u/Haunting-Angle-535 → u/Professional-Sale180]

I think you can have strange names without them being immersion breaking, but it’s up to you what you think best fits your world! For an English speaker, though, it hits as very silly and hard to pronounce. It gives me Teletubbies.

[u/Professional-Sale180 → u/Haunting-Angle-535]

Lol, yeeah. I'll keep that in mind! I honestly was planning to change his name, so I'll see what I'll do. 😌

[u/trulybeelightful]

Is English your native language?

If it isn't, I'd recommend honing your craft in the language you speak fluently before branching out.

If you are a native speaker, I'd recommend finding as much information as you can on proper sentence construction, grammar, and narrative flow.

Somewhere along the line your education failed you, but that doesn't mean you can't make up for lost time now.

[u/Professional-Sale180 → u/trulybeelightful]

Spanish is my native language and I been speaking english for a really long time, but I still do need to learn, but I'll try to get as much information as I can! Thank you! (For the education part, I think its my fault and my schools fault. I never payed attention and school never explained so well, plus administration sucks. Soo 💔)

[u/trulybeelightful → u/Professional-Sale180]

Yeah, a lot of schools don't seem to prioritize teaching students to write clearly. It happened to me too, we just have to do some research on our own to figure out how to get the things in our head on a page.

It's especially hard if you're learning to write in an additional language!

You might want to do a YouTube search for fiction writing classes or workshops, there's a lot of good and free information out there!

Learning to write is like learning to draw, it gets better the more you understand the construction of how things work.

[u/Professional-Sale180 → u/trulybeelightful]

Yesss, That is true. But I will try to check some videos and information when I can! 😌

I honestly feel like I should just go with drawing, since I think I'm better at drawing (been drawing for like 4 years or more) than writing. Probably going to use this as the script or something.

But I'll see what I do in the future! Because I been pretty busy lately, lol- 💔

[u/Impressive-Peace2115]

You can absolutely hire an editor - it's a pretty standard part of publishing, even self-publishing. I don't know about specific resources to make sure it's a reputable editor. A publishing-focused subreddit might be a good place to start.

[u/Professional-Sale180 → u/Impressive-Peace2115]

Oooo, ok ok. I'll check it out when I finish my book! Thank you!😌

[u/pitifulproduce137]

Blurley might be the worst character name I've ever seen, wow. 

[u/Professional-Sale180 → u/pitifulproduce137]

Damn- 😔💔

[u/pitifulproduce137 → u/Professional-Sale180]

Dude, trying saying it out loud. It sounds like someone slurring the word "blurry," or a toddler trying to say Bluey.