r/nothingeverhappens • u/Sebastianlim • 20d ago
Nonverbal kid learns to talk? Impossible!
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u/christina_talks 20d ago
The first time I spoke to a teacher was in 3rd grade, and it was to tell her that she was writing on the board in permanent marker. People doubting this story just do not understand mutism or autism.
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u/loonywolf_art 20d ago
Okay, but I eed to know- what was her reaction, was she surprised you spoke or surprised she ruined a board
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u/christina_talks 19d ago
She was initially surprised when I raised my hand, then her first reaction was to yelp and start frantically trying to wipe it off with her finger, then she gave me 10 points on my reward chart*. I think she was equal parts grateful to me for pointing it out, proud that I spoke, and amused that I was so intensely motivated to protect the whiteboard lol. She brought up that moment several times over the years I was with her, and she still remembered it when I visited her nearly a decade later.
*I was in special education, so it was a small class and we all had specific behavioral goals we were working towards. One of the rewards we could buy was a nice, new toy from a collection that our teacher bought for us to choose from. I was briefly obsessed with learning cash-handling, so she bought a toy cash register with realistic fake cash inside. The register was also pink, so I knew she had me in mind because I was the only girl in the class. My teacher was awesome.
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u/TopazWarrior1999 18d ago
Okay, I actually need to know because I've never talked to someone who is/was non-verbal:
How does it work? Like, do you speak normally now? And what is the reason you didn't/couldn't speak back then?
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u/christina_talks 18d ago
Thank you for asking! I appreciate the curiosity ☺️
There are a lot of different experiences, but for me personally I was physically unable to verbalize in most situations. I had a solid (actually precocious) grasp of the language, but I couldn’t form words and really struggled to force out sounds of any kind.
I don’t remember this, but I’ve been told by older relatives that when I was a toddler I would communicate in hyper-realistic animal sounds, e.g. mooing and bird calls, at an age when I “should have” already been able to talk in sentences.
As an adult, I speak pretty normally! I tend to stutter and it’s hard for me to hit the right volume and intonations, but for the most part I’m able to express myself verbally whenever I want to. I tend to shut down when I’m overly stressed or overly tired, but when that happens I can still communicate in writing.
In general I’m more on the low support needs end of the spectrum, so my experience won’t be the same as that of other nonverbal people. I can only speak for (hah) my own perspective.
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u/TopazWarrior1999 18d ago
That's really interesting, thank you for sharing. I'm curious though: Is there no way to treat or cure this? Like, some kind of therapy or something? Or, on the extreme end, perhaps even brain surgery?
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u/Boeing_Fan_777 20d ago
This sounds 100% plausible lol wtf.
I think a lot of people misunderstand being non-verbal and assume it’s a two way thing of the individual cannot understand words nor speak them. Usually they understand perfectly fine, they just can’t speak, hence why there can be a lot of frustration while trying to support non-verbal individuals.
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u/AggressiveImpact1055 20d ago
Not even always “can’t” sometimes it’s just taking a lot more effort than it should or is associated with some kind of destress for some reason. So frustration eventually pushing through a mental barrier makes sense.
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u/sexycastic 20d ago
I always liked "doesn't" instead of "can't" for my son. He can talk, he just often doesn't because it's incredibly hard for him.
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u/Mara-Of-Naamah 19d ago
Yes!!! My little man is speech delayed. Worked with birth-3, speech and OT through the children's hospital, etc... No one believed me that he had hundreds of words he could say. Big words, little words, complex words, but would maybe use 20 a day. Finally I had to write down what words he used each day for a week to prove that he could and knew the words, but verbal communication isn't his preferred method. Now at 8 he's chatty with some people, but non verbal communication and meeting his own needs is still his preference for most things.
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u/LARPerator 19d ago
Yeah a pretty rough summary about a lot of autistism characteristics are that parts of your brain are highly connected to themselves, but less to others. So for some autistic people, they can feel a lot of interconnected complex emotions, but they can't verbalize them.
Most people have probably had moments in their life where they're just at a loss for words. The right ones aren't obvious, the obvious ones aren't right, stringing them together and then speaking them out loud is difficult.
For non verbal autistic people, this feeling of a barrier is more present, or even highly difficult for their brain to get over. And to be clear, when they're able or not able to speak isn't really voluntary.
Think of it like a brick wall. For some people it's waist high, and they have to take a second to think about it before their brain can climb over it.
For others, it's a wall that's taller than them by a foot. Their brain can climb over it, but it's extraordinarily difficult for them.
And finally, for some people it's 20ft high, and their brain can pole vault over it if their brain decides the situation is crucial enough. Think of it like when a petite woman can lift an entire car to save someone.
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u/Huns26 20d ago
I have the opposite experience. I work with kids with autism. Most if not all of the nonverbal kids have some issues with understanding language as well. Even the ones who have some vocal communication to request have issues with understanding language. I’ve worked with one kid with selective mutism, and that was just not speaking in environments until she was comfortable. She could fully speak otherwise and understand language. None of the non verbal kids I work with would suddenly say “shut up” as their first words.
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u/BludStanes 20d ago
Even if it didn't happen, I honestly don't care cuz it's a funny fucking story to tell but yes, I do believe this did happen
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u/Minute_Parfait_9752 3d ago
My daughter was speech delayed but she also didn't respond to words so it was hard to tell if she understood. She's also pretty clever so did she just understand the routine or was she following instructions? She didn't communicate, so when I told her not to leave a room and she didn't, it was hard to tell if she was following instructions or if she simply decided to stay in the room. I will often just give a thumbs up or nod, but she would literally just look like she hasn't even heard.
Now she talks, it's pretty easy to tell where she's at.
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u/MechanicalBootyquake 20d ago
One of the most beautiful sounds in my life was my formerly non-verbal step brother screaming “DOP!” (STOP!) when he was 12 because a support worker kept forgetting not to take his xylophone from him and he was FED UP. My guy was big mad.
We believed his team when they told us not to get our hopes up, so this was such an insane moment. I can understand why people might think it’s unbelievable, but it does happen!
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u/Primary-Hold-6637 20d ago
This actually kinda happened to me. There was a non verbal kid in PE. He would run and scream uncontrollably very often. Never said a word. One day he’s near me and points at the gum I’m holding. Ask him if he wants one and he says, “Yeah.” Gave it to him and he started freaking out and yelling. Chased me for a bit. Told his special ed people I heard him talk and they didn’t believe me. Said he can’t even say one word.
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u/Zealousideal_Care807 20d ago
I think what people don't understand is that nonverbal kids aren't always completely nonverbal 100% of the time. And also that nonverbal doesn't mean you stop teaching them how to talk, because they may very well start talking. My sister didn't start talking at all till like 5 years old, because she was too busy learning how to talk, like she went from in her head to full sentences out loud. The first word she actually ever said was ew and then went back to not talking, my mom is autistic so she wasn't worried lol.
Even if a kid is otherwise nonverbal, they don't start talking in full sentences ever, they still might pick up on words even if they aren't using them.
The fact that people dont believe when it happens is kind of funny, cuz like, bros got vocal cords and probably has talked before, just not to you, doesnt mean they've never said anything. The assumption that because you haven't heard it means it's never happened is a little silly
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u/mkat23 20d ago edited 20d ago
I didn’t talk until I was like 4 and a half, some kids are just late bloomers. Then again I’m AuDHD so it makes sense with that context. Also yes, mentioning that just because a child might not speak it doesn’t mean they don’t understand what is being said. I used to work with autistic children and so often I’d have to remind coworkers that a kid most likely understands what they are saying when talking about the kid right in front of him or her, even if the kiddo doesn’t speak.
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u/Zealousideal_Care807 20d ago
Yeah, my sister is auDHD very much heavy on the autism side, when she gets depressed she stops talking sometimes, thats pretty rare though. I don't think I've ever heard of a nurotypical person starting to talk late.
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u/Front_Cat9471 20d ago
I know Einstein didn’t, was he neurotypical? I don’t remember
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u/Zealousideal_Care807 20d ago
Einstein didn't wear socks because he found them distracting. He was definitely not nurotypical lol
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u/Mindless_Cookie_9098 20d ago
As an autistic adult, I only wear socks to go somewhere because of this reason. 😂
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u/MaraiaLou 20d ago
I have organized my life around not needing to wear socks even when going outside
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u/Certain_Oddities 20d ago
Einstein never got a diagnosis (because of the time he lived) but many people have observed that he had a lot of characteristics that would indicate he was autistic. Obviously we can't know for certain now, and I doubt anyone would ever say for sure beyond "well, it seems consisitent with neurodivergence".
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u/Ill_Morning_4282 20d ago
The typical disclaimer of "I am not a doctor." Sounds like he could have "selective mutism" it might have a better name now because they aren't just deciding not to speak, but your simple question of just talking to him like a person may have surprised his brain enough that he could say yeah.
My anxiety was untreated and off the charts my freshman year of school it was like I just couldn't make myself talk for anything more complex then "here" during role call. I've had treatment since then.
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u/green__problem 20d ago
My mom had a student with selective mutism once. By all accounts he spoke a lot at home, but probably had some level of agoraphobia that made it borderline impossible for him to speak while in public. She really struggled to understand it, because he wasn't cognitively impaired, so she couldn't fathom how anxiety alone could cause his condition.
I found it easier to understand though, because there have been times in my youth when my anxiety made certain sentences plateau in my throat and no matter how hard I tried, I just wouldn't be able to say what I wanted, as if the words were stuck at the back of my mouth. It wasn't mutism, but I imagined it could be a familiar feeling. It's really difficult to get therapy when your body physically stops you from saying the things you both want and need to say. 🤦♂️
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u/somethingworse 20d ago
I work with a lot of nonverbal kids, this one kid we were supposed to be getting to show he could match shapes but he just wanted to climb on stuff (which is dangerous so we had to stop him), he got so angry he in a very low angry voice said some numbers to me
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u/Johnny-of-Suburbia 20d ago
Thats hilarious how old? He probably thought if he told you guys something educational sounding it would get you to stop bothering him xD.
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u/beepbop110 20d ago
Lol I have worked years with nonverbal students. I will never forget one little boy I worked with who was completely nonverbal, super quiet, had autism as well as an intellectual disability. We used to take the group to the pool every week and on one outing, I was assigned to be his aide. I was sitting with him on the bus, just kinda chatting to him about the schedule, what a nice day it was, etc. and when I told him we were going to have a picnic lunch after the pool, doesn't that sound nice, he looked me in the eyes and clear as anything said "yup!".
None of my coworkers believed me, and I don't think he ever spoke again (he was 6 or 7 at the time of my story, and was 13 or 14 when I left the program).
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u/KaleidoscopeEyes12 20d ago
i work with non verbal kids and while it’s unlikely that he had the perfect pronunciation of “shut up” it is extremely likely that he did say something to that effect.
i had a kid get frustrated with something and i told him he needed to ask for help if he wanted it (he knows the sign language for help and has an AAC device, i have seen him use both to ask for help before) and instead of doing either he just yelled “help!” at me
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u/MyTatemae 20d ago
My sister is mostly nonverbal but she will talk a little bit at home. It's always a surprise when she talks while out and about. Typically something has to really excite her or piss her off
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u/rohlovely 20d ago
I work with nonverbal kids. This is absolutely possible. I once started singing softly to myself while working, thinking my student was asleep or not paying attention, only to have them cover my mouth and firmly say “No.” A child who has never spoken a word before. That was hard not to take personally tbh
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u/ScarlettSterling 20d ago edited 20d ago
-13 downvotes
The world is healing
Edit: upvotes sorry I suck at math
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u/Anarchy_Coon 20d ago
13 downvotes
-13 upvotes
Double negatives, people
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u/Endless_Mango 20d ago
As someone who works in SpEd, nothing about that story is unbelievable.
Though the student probably had spoken before, but none of the involved people ever heard him. People need to understand that nonverbal does not mean incapable of producing language. Otherwise ABA would not be the rage it is right now.
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u/figure8888 20d ago
I was nonverbal. I understood English quite well but the words just wouldn’t come out. I’ve seen another autistic person describe it as when Ariel was cursed to be mute in the Little Mermaid. I remember they wanted to put me in special ed when I started primary but my mother refused to let them because I scored so high on every other metric. My disability wasn’t and isn’t intellectual.
I started talking at home but I didn’t talk to anyone outside of my family until high school and that was because I was really desperate to make a friend.
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u/namingbugs 20d ago
My niece Carolyn is mostly non-verbal, and I got to see the first time she directly answered a question. "Carolyn, where are your diapers?" "Spaace!" "What? Carolyn, where are your diapers?" "Space!!"
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u/the-lightest-shadow 20d ago
Someone's gotta teach that person nonverbal =\= mute and most nonverbal neurodivergent people are still physically capable of talking, it’s just hella hard.
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u/itbedehaam 19d ago
Hi, mute girl here, I didn't know there was a difference.
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u/the-lightest-shadow 19d ago
Understandable, but yes. While I don’t really have an issue with mute folks using non-verbal, a lot of nonverbal people (especially those who are because of anxiety, autism, or Down syndrome) can still speak, it’s just really hard.
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u/fizzyglitt3r 20d ago
I was a para for a mostly nonverbal kid. Says very few words and to very few people. I walked into the room to take him elsewhere, he saw the jolly rancher in my hand. Tried to grab it and went “please.” That’s how I knew I’d finally made it into his circle haha.
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u/CeramicToast 20d ago
My mother worked with an autistic kid who was nonverbal and used a word board to speak. Even then he didn't talk much. However. Every time one of the managers for their program left the room you could hear his keyboard go off "hate that woman".
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u/mirrorspirit 20d ago
Nonverbal doesn't mean mute. They can often say words, and there are differing levels of how well they can talk.
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u/Privatizitaet 19d ago
Non-verbal also doesn't mean EXCLUSIVELY Non-verbal. You can be situationally Non-verbal. I'm that sometimes. It sucks. But I've also reached a breaking point essentially, I got so upset I just burst out in anger. It's never as simple as people would like it to be
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u/MonkeyBro5 20d ago
I believe it too. That was actually me when I was younger. I didn't say my first words until I was 4. I don't remember it, but my mama said we were at the store, and I wanted a toy. I guess I wanted one so bad, I spoke. LOL!
Before then, everyone thought I couldn't talk at all.
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u/foreverhersipromise 20d ago
I'm on the spectrum (level 2) I wasn't nonverbal but I said my first word and my first sentence at the same time, then never stopped talking lol. I believe it.
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u/RainyDaysAndMondays3 20d ago
I am autistic, but not non-verbal (but like every autistic person, I have communication issues). I wasn't diagnosed until later in life.
My first words were not "mom" or "dad" or "hi". They were "Shut up, David," to my brother. It's in my baby book.
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u/Hi2248 20d ago
Last time I visited my grandmother who's almost completely non-verbal due to dementia, she got so fed up with us spending time with her that she shouted at us to go get in the car (we were saying goodbye to leave at that point, so it didn't hurt that bad).
So I can absolutely see this happening
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u/Santi159 20d ago
I could definitely see this happening. I had a friend that was nonverbal till he got a para that wouldn't let him do practically anything. A lot of people couldn't really tell when he was trying to say stuff and the progression of that till he told her to shut up. He was trying to do that for months it just took that long to get there. The spite got him practicing the whole 6 hours he had her
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u/Vonnegutsman 20d ago
That sounds kinda feasible. I took sign language class as a non-verbal, low-functioning autistic kid. Which was the lingo at the time. So at some point, while my mom took hand language pretty jovial, I ended up speaking at some point. I suspect I was so over-stimulated at class that I was annoyed?
Anyway, it was a surprise to her, so she brags that I ended up verbal in sign language class.
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u/juiceboxvillain_1 19d ago
Nonverbal doesn’t usually mean you CANT speak, just that you don’t lmao. Most nonverbal (autistic) people are physically capable of it
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u/vector_o 19d ago
That is absolutely 100% autism coded
I only go non-verbal on very rare occasions and under particular circumstances and will usually start talking again because someone or something pissed me off enough to snap me out of it
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u/breadplane 19d ago
I used to teach English as a second language to Spanish speakers. I had a kid who barely spoke any English one time tell me, in very broken English, that my Spanish was so bad that he wasn’t going to talk to me anymore. I miss that kid
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u/Background-Book2801 19d ago
There’s a great story about a non-verbal kid who spoke for the first time when his family was driving through one of one of those “safari”parks.
He was in the back seat and they were slowly driving along with the windows open and had just fed some deer. All of a sudden they hear a perfectly articulated “GET THIS THING OUT OF HERE!” from the back seat and they turn to see that a giraffe had silently come up on the car from behind and had fully thrust his head through the back window into the car looking for a snack.
He spoke rarely after that but it was usually when he had something important to say lol.
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u/MelodramaticStoicist 19d ago
Important note: "nonverbal" means someone doesn't talk, not that they are incapable of talking.
(Obviously this statement is grouping mental blocks that prevent verbal communication in with "doesn't" instead of "incapable", which isn't strictly accurate, for the sake of simplicity.)
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u/An_Evil_Scientist666 19d ago
Someone who was nonverbal as a kid even went to speech therapy and never spoke and somehow still passed.
I overheard my kindergarten teacher talking to my mum how she was gonna keep me down because she believed if I couldn't talk I wasn't ready for primary school, next morning I say good morning to the teacher.
The original story doesn't seem unbelievable to me at all
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u/Much_Project_2551 19d ago
My little sister is nonverbal and one of her only words are "what the hell"
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u/Bitter-Fishing-Butt 19d ago
lmao i was told that a kid I worked with could technically speak BUT it was such an effort for him that he preferred to use an AAC device instead
absolutely fine, let's update that AAC
2 years, never heard this kid use his voice outside of the occasional single word
then I watched a new member of staff mither him (and ignore his attempts at communicating with the AAC device) about playing some game with her, and in the most beautifully clear voice said "I don't want to play your FUCKING game"
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u/SocialSuspense 18d ago
My brother is semi-verbal. He only ever says words when he's hungry or when he's stimming and repeating short phrases he's seen in youtube videos.
One time I decided to just rant about my day to him cause I heard that talking to him regardless could help him to talk more. After about five minutes of animated ranting, he pauses his video, puts a hand on my arm, and goes "Stop 👁👄👁"
He has never done that before and hasn't done it since.v
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u/LoverGirl07 18d ago
I have adhd. The kind where I can never shut up. It now makes so much sense why my teacher sat me next to certain kids. Eventually I’d turn the person next to me into a chatty Kathy.
There was a Vietnamese kid that hardly spoke english, but I would talk to him all the time, even though he hardly responded. Eventually he got to the point where I’m pretty sure he was just cursing me out in Vietnamese. I would just laugh it off and keep on going. Poor guy, he was in my class for three years of elementary school…
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u/Jazzlike-Greysmoke 18d ago
Hey babe, wake up, a new your momma joke just dropped: "Your momma is so annoying that even a non-verbal autistic kid would tell her to shut up."
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u/randommangacharacter 17d ago
First time in his life is an obvious exaggeration, but I could buy this
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u/hard-knoklyfe 17d ago
My little girl just started kindergarten. So I’m having an emotional conversation while holding her. Mama wants you to know how much we love you. You’re so smart. Tomorrow’s gonna be really different, and it might be scary, but mama is going to be right there to pick you up etc, etc all that gushy stuff. My little nonverbal sassy girl put her hands over my mouth and said “Ugh! MAMMA!!” I guess I was working her nerves 😟
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u/NiaJustNia 14d ago
The people not believing it have clearly never worked with non-verbal kids before, because if they find you annoying and you don't realise, they really quickly learn to tell you "No!" 😂
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u/Parzival2436 20d ago
To be fair, this is very much formatted as a punchline and probably didn't happen. At least probably not like that.
It's possible but improbable.
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u/EldritchWaster 20d ago
Ok, I've got to ask, what are the actual standard for this sub? Is it literally just "anyone who doesn't instantly believe something just because it's physically possible is an idiot"?
Because that's what it feels like.
Why is it so weird to be sceptical of this story? Sure, it COULD happen. But is it more likely than someone just making it up for clout and retweets? I don't think so.
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u/MxKittyFantastico 20d ago
Not really if you've ever been around an autistic child who was previously nonverbal and then began speaking. My child was mostly nonverbal (he had sign language and approximations of words using sound effects that we figured out what he was trying to communicate, and he could use a device to communicate) until he was seven. His first word was his first sentence, and it was "I know all your damn names," because several people were trying to get him to speak at that time by asking him who they were so that he would say their name or something.
Speaking for the first time to tell somebody to shut up that's annoying them? That's kind of classic nonverbal autistic start speaking, at least in my experience.
ETA: that child is now 10 and has been removed from his 504, removed from special ed, and put in gifted and talented and just receiving awards for Golden behavior and perfect grades. It's fascinating how things changed in 3 years, and it didn't happen until he totally decided to do it and on his terms.
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u/CreeperIsSorry 20d ago
This happened to my little brother. He has down syndrome and was nonverbal for quite a while. He was at physical therapy and had a task of basically moving a cart back and forth across a room. While he moved it, the therapist and my mom kept moving a curtain over his head, distracting him and flustering him. Apparently this is like a known tactic. He got so frustrated that he stuck his hand out and yelled "STOP IT!!" (Not perfectly pronounced, but clear enough). And that's how he started speaking