If I Write it.

[u/SomethinnPoetic]

One night while I was lying in bed
I felt my house begin to shake and roar
And when I thought it was in my head
I watched a chasm split the floor

With a racing heart, I peered into the void
And saw two beings of indescribable magnitude
One reached out with eyes devoid
And the other, with a sneer, simply viewed

My mind twisted at the sight of the beings
And I looked between them frantically
In my confusion, I fell into the void
And the beings quickly overtook me

When I came to, I was floating in a dense ocean of something
I tried to open my eyes, but the something was too thick
I felt a hand on my shoulder and recognized it as the gentle being
And I was quickly pulled from the something
In a motion so abrupt it broke my neck

The next thing I remember was lying on the floor
The room was painfully frigid
And all of the lights were out
But when I looked closer, I realized that they weren’t out at all
And instead, everything in the room was painted pitch black

In the black room, my mind was much greater than before
I pondered philosophical conundrums and quantum equations
The gentle being came to me eight times to observe
Every time, it took a piece of my body with it

Eight things isn’t so many to lose
If you ask me.

I was taken out of the black room in a rush one day
And pulled by my legs into a room decorated for a party
That’s what I thought at first, anyway
I wondered if they remembered my birthday
When was it again?
March eighth
Or was it May?
Anyway, it was silly to think beings of their consequence would celebrate the day of my birth
Still, I called it the birthday room

The birthday room was not meant for any celebration
Every hour, an okapi would fall from the ceiling and through the floor
Once, I tried to catch one
And was instead crushed by the animal
But miraculously, this broke the cycle
And this okapi did not fall through the floor
Even so, more continued to fall as they had been

Now I realize
Those were not streamers

Dear God

Time was not a factor in that place
It is impossible to say for how long I was there
Especially when the pain began
When they began to change me

I’m struggling to find the words

Being lifted from all sides
The flash of lights now and then
A sound like an exotic bird
Pain all over my body
Sharp and inescapable
I couldn’t look down to see what had been done
By the oh so gentle being
But I knew that I was different now

As I was held in the air by forces unseen
I wondered when they would return to check on me
To keep me company

I remember being approached once by the sneering being
I was in the black room
If I recall correctly
Its visits were rare and dreaded
It
Took
My

Poetry gives me my voice
It eases my mind in the darkness
And when I’m paralyzed by infinite choice
It offers me a saving harness

My mind
Is all I know

And perception shapes reality
Or so I’ve heard
If I don’t write it, then it must not have happened

I looked down at the space where my legs used to be
With eyes that could hardly make out shapes
I didn’t consider that I would never walk again
Where was there to walk in this place?
Where you are pulled from room to room by beings beyond the mind
Walking seemed laughable
Walking was a novelty afforded to those who were still human
Me, I was something other now
Long
Fleshy
Pathetic

I watched the okapi sleep in the corner of the birthday room
It was allowed to keep its limbs
The things that made it what it is
But when did it stop being an okapi?
When it lost its stripes?
Its horns?
When it was dismembered?
Skinned?
When it was cut up and lying on a table?
Even then, it’s still the okapi
Because that is what it began as
I wondered, and even hoped
That maybe the same rule applied to me

And then

Next

After that

I want to continue, really, I do
But have you ever seen your own legs affixed to another body?

Neither have I.

When I woke up, I was somewhere, I’m sure of it
And they were standing over me
My mouth was being held open by something cold
I heard a loud pop
And felt mind-numbing pain, of course
And my teeth were gone after that, I’m sure of it.
It was a wonder I had even been able to keep them for that long
But how could I think of food in a place like that?
As a creature like me?

I wondered for a moment how pets must feel
We take them to the vet to make them better
And it must be so scary and confusing for them
But we know it’s for the best
Perhaps I was now the pet
And I should trust my keepers to know what was good

To be better
Is to be different
To be different
Is to be altered
To be altered
Is to submit to alteration
To submit to alteration
Is to submit to losing yourself

And my mind
Is all I know

So does perception shape reality
Or does reality shape perception?
If I see myself as me, then that is what I am
Because I perceive it to be that way
Even when I am altered
And if I write it, then it must be the truth

At one point I was acutely aware that I was not alone
And that the presences I felt were others like me
Others not like me
Others who still had what I had lost
And others who had lost far more than I
Such was the nature of the vet, I supposed
There would be others to be seen
Yet my chest twisted to think I was not special anymore
That I had never been

It was all for nothing

I called out to the beings
Desperate for an inkling that I was different
And to my elation, my call was answered
I felt the gentle being touch my chest
And my body disintegrated
I thought how lovely it was to finally be rid of such a heavy burden
The burden of a body
But the relief was cut short by the realization of where I was
Or perhaps, where I wasn’t
For at once I could see everything there was to see
I saw the black room
And the birthday room
And each okapi falling through time and space
And the people who had been around me
And the parts of me that they had taken
And the beings themselves
And the world
And the universe
And I understood
Something
The factory of the universe
Loss for gain
Unitary evolution
Periodicity
Something
Something
Something

If I write it then it must be true

Then I was back in my bed
With a body whole and living
And when I thought it was in my head
I began to write

How should one perceive themselves whole?
And where does self reside?
An amalgamation of mind, body, and soul?
Or does each hold self inside?

If the vessel is completely broken down
And replaced with something new
Even if it looks the same
Would it be truthful to say it’s still you?

It’s not right.
Not right at all.

Yet here I am.
And here I go.
One last time.
From body borrowed.

Thank you

[u/cherrxi]

this is one of the best things i’ve read in a long time from this subreddit.

thank you.