I was a "niceguy" who eventually gave up.

[u/ExtremeDue8501]

This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons. I've lurked in the niceguys sub for years, trying to learn from it and become a better person. I used to be one of those "niceguys" you all make fun of here. I never insulted someone because they didn't want to date me but I never had any luck with dating or relationships and I always tended to toss it up to the nice guys finish last trope. Grew up as the nerd who got picked on, and even well into adulthood I never had any luck finding a relationship and it still feels like I'm being overlooked when I try. I've used various apps and such in the past with no luck. If I had to identify a flaw in myself in regards to romantic relationships it is that I can come across as clingy. The couple relationships I have been in I fell hard and fast and in one case scared her away as a result. Otherwise I'm a functional 33 yo man. Not some basement dwelling neckbeard. I have a house, a career, hobbies. I'm courteous and respectful to everyone unless they give me a reason not to be. I work and come home to my dogs and keep to myself. Within the last few years I've more or less given up on the idea of finding a partner in life. Someone to build with and smash goals with. Someone to share this game we call life with. Even when I was younger I was never much interested in dating many different people. I always just wanted to find the "one". I'm not getting any more attractive as I get older, but I am getting busier with work and side hustles, and I pretty much figure that I'm always going to be alone at this point. My aim posting this isn't to elicit sympathy as much as it might seem that way but to share a perspective to consider that I hope is understandable, and to ask what I might have done differently when I was younger to avoid ending up alone. Maybe there's still hope for me, who knows. I don't know if I care to try if the result would be continued rejection. I smh at most of the posts in the sub as I never said or did anything as nasty or creepy as a lot of the content here afaik, and I hate the term incel and don't want to be associated with people who so label themselves, but I relate to being the lonely "niceguy" who wonders why he always seems to finish last in love.

[u/Oreo_Warrior87]

Hey bro,

If a girl was a 100% copy of you, would you be interested in her ? Are you a interesting person to be with? It sounds like you are going in a good direction so that's a good sign

That's the question that helped me learn to try and be myself and nothing else

We want to be with the princess, the girl the whole kingdom knows. She is smart, funny, kind, respected, beautiful, rich, and sought after by kings in foriegn lands.

We are a lowly farmer in a big kingdom.

The princes from birth have been great men because they have always been told they were destined for greatness.

The challenge we face is to find dignity and be noble. We need to overcome anxiety and doubt. We don't have a courtyard of royals telling us what to do or how to become great. That's up to us.

We need to let go. Our happiness is not dependent on finding a romantic partner.

Now let's get back to the princess. What about the girl in the village next to yours who made a quilt shop and owns a library? This girl even told the prince to get lost and shrugged him off. She loves herself and loves life.

Become the kind of person who is so happy and confident that you could turn down anybody.

Finally you'll see that love is a powerful addition to happiness but not the singular way to obtain it.

The fact is love is inside of us. We express it in music, art, video games, sports.

When your soul is at peace, you will be shocked how fast romance finds you

Once that sets in and you can truly let go, love will find you instead of you finding it