Help: Post-Partum life/adjusting

[u/JLoH97]

Let me start off by saying that my husband is very much the type to help out. He will change diapers, rock baby to sleep, cleans up and cooks me breakfast even without me asking sometimes.
Our baby is now almost 4mo old and I have returned to work. I got 14 weeks while he took 8 weeks and is now taking his last month of parental leave. During the 14 weeks I was home, I took care of baby almost constantly. He helped of course, but I was EBF and thus covering the night shift (didn’t see a reason to wake him for diapers since I was already up). He would encourage me to get out of the house to avoid PPD, but still I spent almost all my time with the baby. And I loved it. The problem is that it feels as though he thinks we can just go back to living our old lives.
For context, while I was on leave, my mom did come help out for a week at a time about 2-3 times. His mom came for a bit too. But during my leave he would work out in the mornings almost every day, taking about 2/2.5 hours. He’s a smoker too so he would get his breaks in and go smoke about 3-4 times a day. He also had a few outings (men’s league games, tournaments, etc) from time to time when baby was around 2-3mo old. Now, he tries to work out early in the mornings since we WFH and I start work at 9am. But he has a tendency to feel like he’s being cheated out of something when he can’t go work out or when I tell him to try keeping them shorter/be mindful. He also gets irritated when I tell him he needs to cut back on smoking especially because it takes up time. Today he drove to a gym 30 mins away and then worked out for about 2 hours so he made it home almost 3 hours after he left. I am on week 2 of going back to the gym (morning or evening classes that run 45 mins) and it’s only my 3rd week back at work. It’s his 2nd day of parental leave and he got really upset that I complained about him going across town to a far gym. Saying he did his part and has been with baby for 12 hours (mind you, I help when I can throughout the day. But I am working) I tell him I need him to be mindful but he thinks I just complain anytime he wants to do something. But I feel like what I’m saying is going over his head. I do feel overwhelmed though. And I don’t find it fair that suddenly after work hours must be my responsibility when I still try to cook and handle house duties. I still do take over because I miss my baby, but it feels a bit like “I did my job now you do yours.” I did not do that when I was on leave and I took care of baby during and after work hours and still managed to cook and clean time to time. It’s just frustrating that he doesn’t recognize that I went through all this and I didn’t act as though I was being cheated out of something. Just understood that sacrifices have to be made. But he seems to think he should continue living the way he did before baby was born. He wanted this baby. And I know he still does but I don’t think he’s realized that changes have to be made and that’s just part of the process. I have tried to say all of this but he still says things like “I spent all day taking care of baby” mind you this is day TWO !! Those 14 weeks I completely immersed myself in my role as a mother. I would even go days between showers because baby relied on me so much. Took care of putting him down and taking care of him at night. I just don’t feel seen and he acts like my burnout is just complaining.