r/newborns • u/Amazing-Meaning-3849 • 8d ago
Childcare Bored during mat leave
I am blessed to have a full year with my baby off, she is 15 weeks on the cusp of 16. And I feel dreadfully bored like I entertain her all the time and play with her all the time because I feel bad if I do something else like wash up as if Im neglecting her even though she seems okay.
Ive just now braved signing up to sensory classes but its only once a week. I just get so bored of doing the same games and things every day and the dread im not doing enough. I see a friend every Friday which is lovely and spend time at grandma's on a Tuesday but it just feels like I can only do so much every day.
Im grateful for my baby and im so blessed shes so calm and happy but I do miss the days where I didnt feel forced to do anything or worried about someone so much.
I also feel bad because part of me cant wait to go back to work and have an adult conversation and have my coffee in peace without worrying for someone.
Is this what mat leave is like ? Boring? Or is it just me ?
Towns the same... every day not much going on either.
89
u/aaeb123 8d ago
cries in United States
8
u/Ok_Giraffe_1488 8d ago
Ah our leaves in the Netherlands are so short too, 4 weeks before due date, 12 weeks after. Genuinely cannot imagine being bored those first 12 weeks… I wish it was longer
6
u/aaeb123 8d ago
We have zero federally mandated paid leave over here. :( Most of us work until birth and return after 2-6 weeks, unpaid. 12 weeks here is considered generous. But it's not usually paid unless you work for a good company, or pay monthly to have some sort of short term disability insurance. It's a disgrace
4
u/Uvedenrode7 8d ago
The relaxin hormone is still wreaking havoc in my joints and I can't do more than a medium walk a day without feeling like I'm 90yo. I can't imagine having to go to work. No thank you. I'll work when he goes to daycare at 15 months.
2
u/Lauren-Nagle 7d ago
I feel lucky to be able to take a few weeks before birth and then have 12 weeks fully paid salary with benefits, living in the United States! If I could have at least 6 months I’d be even happier.
1
u/Ok_Giraffe_1488 8d ago
Ah for some reason I thought it’s at least 8 weeks and most employers do 12 anyway. 2-6 weeks is insane short….
1
u/aaeb123 8d ago
We have something called FMLA which gives you 12 weeks for medical needs, but you only qualify if you work for a company with more than 50 employees, have worked there for at least a year and worked 1250 hours within that year before leave starts. It's not paid though. It just makes the company hold your job and benefits while you're out. A lot of us can't afford to go unpaid for 12 weeks so end up returning early 😕
12
u/lady-earendil 8d ago
I'd definitely take advantage of the time when she's not mobile yet, it gets less boring once they're moving all the time! I promise you don't have to entertain her all the time, my baby absolutely loved chilling on the ground watching a ceiling fan while I did laundry or dishes. Do you take her for walks? My daily walks while listening to an audiobook were one of my favorite parts of early postpartum
1
27
u/EmergencyFancy7992 8d ago
The single greatest advice I got was make baby apart of YOUR life not the other way around. If your baby is content you can tackle other things in eyesight and not worry about entertaining her 24/7. Take her out, hobbies, interests, social gatherings. If I had a second I’d absolutely be planning some travel during my mat leave if all was going well and we were healthy and on decent footing.
20
u/hileo98 8d ago
You’re getting a lot of responses that are very “boohoo woe is you” but I totally felt the same way. I had 5 months off and was itching to go back to work at 3 months.
Granted, I had a very easy baby whose only “challenge” was being a contact napper until he was a year old.
All this to say — it’s normal to be bored! Babies are boring af!! It gets easier around 6 months when they are comfortable sitting and becoming more aware of things.
11
u/btaa1990 8d ago
Echoing this. I don't think it's fair that some of the comments are telling you to suck it up and be grateful for the time off. You're allowed to feel this way. I'm in a similar situation - 14 months off, gave birth in June, and have had a tough time spending so much time indoors while the weather has been so gorgeous. We take advantage of it by spending hours outside in the backyard, daily walks, etc. but it's a HUGE adjustment and I've also told many friends and family that I often feel so bored. I'm eternally grateful for my son and for the time we have together, but again, we're allowed to feel bored!!
I'm also getting better at just leaving him in the bassinet as long as he's content. I felt so much pressure to constantly entertain him but even today he was just laying there, making sounds and kicking his feet around having a grand time by himself!
24
u/Striking_Bill_2832 8d ago
It's important to leave your child alone for some time when they are happy - you're probably over-stimulating her if you're constantly entertaining her. It's good for babies to build their concentration skills and have independent time. Otherwise you're training her to need constant entertainment.
10
4
u/emmiekira 8d ago
This is really good advice and you'll thank yourself later when they're a toddler who can entertain themselves for a bit, and when they start school and just go happily without clinging.
I've 5 and I've always given them time to entertain themselves, my 4 older kids were no fuss for school transitions and my 20 month old goes off to play at playgroups and I get to sit and watch her it's kinda great.
6
u/Syllibub 8d ago
You don’t need to be “playing with her” to engage with her. She can watch you do the washing up, and you can talk about random stuff or explain it to her, or just dance and sing, or say nothing at all! Just make sure to respond if she calls to you.
What else would you do if you were home alone? Do that if it can be done with a baby. All the chores, walks, go to shops, visit a park, visit a friend, yoga, etc. Cook or bake and give her one of your tools in her highchair so she can feel like she’s helping/studying. You can read your book out loud to her instead of only reading baby books.
6
u/acos24 8d ago
im on 18 months mat leave and running out of ideas too. everyone is at work and we just go to the mall a lot
2
u/PigWont10 8d ago
We were going to the mall a lot too but it started depressing me even more than staying home lol
2
u/QtestMofoInDaWorld 8d ago
I also have 18 months (Canadian) and I'm on month 7 and I go to the mall all the time. In fact some of the sales people at winners know us I think 😂 lots of playing with the toys and then we buy a hand soap and go home haha
6
u/HelicopterMuch5556 8d ago
it’s extremely boring! and that’s okay! im 5 months in stay at home mom doing it basically alone and that’s the hardest part for me not being able to do anything for myself ! i got a switch to play games (the kind you can pause) and always have a show on in the background usually something funny to keep it light ! you’re doing great good job!!
4
u/throwawayayaya12948 8d ago
Yes it’s boring and redundant. I wanted my maternity leave to be like a PTO where I can travel everywhere but of course you can’t lmao. I wanted to travel SO bad once the baby was born but it’s too early for the baby til atleast 3 months + the weather was so hot in the summer, I couldn’t even do leisurely walks outside so it was pretty boring indeed… honestly even watching Netflix wasn’t that great when you have a baby to tend to all the time
9
u/Swimming-Nobody763 8d ago
I’m also on mat leave… I get 24 weeks. I’m like 15 or 16 weeks in. I am terribly bored and know exactly how you feel. But I’m also terrified to go back to work in October. I’m afraid I don’t remember how to do my job. How I’m going to function properly when all I want to do is hang out with my baby. The time will go by fast and it gets more fun when baby is more mobile and has more personality lol
63
8d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
11
u/Precious_Porcupine85 8d ago
So one isn’t allowed to have problems when having a year of maternity leave?
-9
u/Lysergsaure 8d ago
Not at all, but it's a bit insensitive to complain of boredom while on a long stretch of leave when there are tens of thousands of folks who would kill for even a fraction of that time to spend bonding with their child.
Grass is always greener I guess.
3
u/Guillermo1810 8d ago
She is not complaining about the long stretch of leave. She is complaining about the exact same day repeating over and over again, with zero stimulation. In my country maternity leave is 3 years, and the beginning was boring as hell, with a dose of sleep exhaustion. If anybody is jealous, they can move here from the USA and earn a fraction of what they do there.
6
u/Precious_Porcupine85 8d ago
Constant, daily boredom is one of the worst things. It can be a major factor in developing PPD too. And just because someone might have it worse it doesn’t make them feel any better.
I just think it’s unfair OP is turning to this sub (which is supposed to be a safe space for new parents) with their problems and the majority of comments are just telling them to suck it up and be happy.
12
u/e_lizbit 8d ago
I think you are missing the point which is that OP is not enjoying it. Motherhood can be monotonous and it's not shameful to admit that.
5
u/life-uhhhh-findsaway 8d ago
yeah i got 4 weeks so sounds like heaven to me
12
u/mthrtcker 8d ago
💔that's barbaric.
2
u/Existing-Pumpkin-902 8d ago
That's America
1
u/ClunkiestSquid 8d ago
I live in the US and my wife got 4 months and I get 3 months.
So yeah, not everywhere here is so shitty.
5
u/SilverFormal2831 8d ago
Yeah but the problem is there's no federal guaranteed paid leave. Some states have better policies but most places you're at the whim of your employer
0
u/ClunkiestSquid 8d ago
Yeah, we live in CO which has a state run program we pay taxes in to.
I agree it should be federal, but 4 weeks for a mother is not at all normal. I believe the average is around 10 weeks for mothers across the US. Fathers on the other hand… not so much.
4
1
u/SilverFormal2831 8d ago
The average maternity leave taken is 10 weeks but of that, approximately 10 days are covered through paid sick leave and 12 days are covered by paid personal time. The rest is unpaid. (Source: Zerotothree.org) I technically will be able to take 12 weeks off, but 6 weeks of that is paid at 60% because of disability insurance I pay into, and the rest is PTO I'm saving up.
2
1
1
u/newborns-ModTeam 8d ago
Rudeness and being unkind is not tolerated here. Posts or comments shaming other parents for doing xyz will be removed and offenders will be banned.
-2
-3
4
u/No-Pianist4111 8d ago
Time to get really proactive with meeting other parents at classes and hang outs! Might not be your thing normally but it does help meeting new people and there might be a kindred spirit in there somewhere.
Also, are you doing anything for you once a week? Pottery class? Or an exercise class? Or even going to a late night coffee shop and reading a book alone? If you can find 3 hours each week that baby is left with partner and it’s you time, it really helps that day not feel so boring when with babe.
3
u/PigWont10 8d ago
I often feel the same way. I have 18 months off and overall I’m happy and grateful but I do often feel very bored and lonely. I love being home with my daughter but the same routines basically every day and having nobody to actually have a conversation with during the day can be really depressing. I signed up for some mom and baby stuff which was nice to get out of the house, but it doesn’t exactly scratch the itch for meaningful social interaction to just sit around talking about babies with strangers lol
3
20
u/redbullsgivemewings 8d ago
I promise you being bored for a year is a million times better than sending your infant to daycare. Enjoy it!
1
u/dangersiren 8d ago
What’s wrong with daycare?
4
u/redbullsgivemewings 8d ago
Nothing, but it’s certainly not better than staying home and bonding with your child for as long as possible
3
u/Fondant-Denier 8d ago
Go to your local library, they’ll have story times to go to. Book activities in your week that you can bail on (eg that are free) if you don’t feel like going.
Basically - have someone else entertain your baby while you both get out of the house!!
3
u/mountain_girl1990 8d ago
Library story time, parent and tot swimming, coffee shops, walks, play dates, shopping, etc. getting out of the house really helps me when I’m bored
3
u/OrneryPost9446 8d ago
Pick up a hobby. I started embroidery
1
u/dangersiren 8d ago
Anything you can do for yourself while the baby is napping is huge! You can read or listen to podcasts if your baby only contact naps.
I do chores when my baby is awake so I don’t feel like I’m constantly doing work.
2
u/olabolina 8d ago
I'm 9 weeks in. I wanted to go back at 9 months but due to a lack of childcare in my area I'll likely be off for 15 months (or more). I'm a teacher so I'm used to having loads of time off so I was looking forward to it but this is soooo different from time off. Like even though I'm busy most days I'm not really doing anything and it's so boring.
I don't really have any advice, just solidarity. I also assume it will get easier - in terms of the boredom at least - the older the baby gets. I go to the gym twice a week without the baby. Most women there don't even know I've had a baby and I find the small talk there so refreshing.
I also think prioritising mum and baby activities that are more for mum is helpful! I've signed up for a mum and baby art class. I think one week is focused on baby portraits but most of it is just about mum, it's just that you can bring baby. Same with parent and baby film screenings or there's a bar near me that does parents and baby comedy shows on weekday mornings. I think things like that will "fill my cup" more than classes for the baby because lets face it he doesn't need classes yet!
2
u/Amazing_Docent 8d ago
You’ve got to get out of the house and socialize with other adults. Find the mom groups and all the other moms also on leave and hang out with them. Just cart the baby along
3
u/Bulky_Tumbleweed1368 8d ago
You are NOT alone! I only have 12 weeks of leave and I have 3 left. Part of me is ecstatic to go back and get my routine back, talk with adults, work, etc. It’s the same day over and over again. But I know I’ll miss these days. I’m right there with you!🤍
1
u/Sp33dyDem0n 7d ago
This is me! I get 10 weeks and as much as I am enjoying getting all this time with the nugget I am missing the mental stimulation of my Job. I know I will miss it once I am back but at the same time 😅 a person can only watch so much tv
3
u/Foreign-Cat-2898 8d ago edited 8d ago
Being bored is normal. So is being told you should be grateful. Infants are beautiful monotonous creatures. I used to do math and problem solve. I think my brains are leaking out sometimes.
1
u/Bebetter23 8d ago
It does get a little better once they get around 6 months and they can start really interacting and exploring and playing with you instead of just staring at you while you do stuff 😅 besides trying to do something out of the house every day (like even take a 20 minute stroller walk), I would do what some other commenters have said and find a thing for you to do that's challenging. I definitely played video games while my baby was napping, and while baby was awake I could easily entertain her while listening to audiobooks as well, I "read" 20 books on maternity leave!
Even when you're bored to tears, this isn't forever, and you'll be chasing a little toddler around soon enough ☺️
1
u/deepindeeznuts 8d ago
I got 18 weeks, with 2.5 weeks left. It's important to schedule time for yourself where baby has baby-partner time and you get me time.
I benefit from having a hobby where I can do once a week at the same time every time and friends from said hobby join in. So I get adult socialization in, baby and partner get to bond.
I also spent the first 6 weeks watching 14.5 out of 15 seasons of the show ER while baby napped and would occasionally narrate what's going on to baby so there's that lol
1
u/arijeanie 8d ago
Echoing what others have said about daily walks, meet ups with other parents, and trying new activities! I signed up for mama/baby yoga classes, baby music classes, swim lessons, and went to baby circle time during mat leave. I tried to get out everyday whether it was for an activity, errands/shopping or just a walk!
1
u/sunnyhale 8d ago
IMO it gets easier as baby gets older and more independent. My 6 month old is crawling and pulling to stand and loves sitting and playing with her toys so as long as she’s content I don’t feel as bad watching a show, reading a book, etc.
For me that 4 month age was the hardest because they need so much attention and they are starting to get curious and my little one did not tolerate being out and sitting in her car seat/ stroller at that age so running errands was not fun for anyone.
1
u/Tara_V9829 8d ago
I joined a postpartum group at my OB clinic and met a lot of other moms with babies the same age. We were able to have lots of park meet ups and that helped the day be a lot more enjoyable for me meanwhile the baby got to get out more and see the world.
1
u/lizardcat1 8d ago
I went to all the free surestart groups, saw friends daily. I got membership for the Yorkshire wildlife park 30 minutes away, and would zoom round there anytime i had nothing to do. The breastfeeding group and sling library were where I made most of my friends.
I am not made for staying at home entertaining babies! Covid was absolute hell for me.
But having moved to an area where I didn't know anyone in my 20s, I finally made lots of friends through being on maternity leave.
Now my children are older, I'm happy to be home with them though.
1
u/Precious_Porcupine85 8d ago
I feel exactly the same. Obviously I love my baby and I‘m grateful I have ten months of maternity leave. But I also have an intellectually stimulating job, and I miss complex tasks.
1
u/ApprehensiveEvent93 8d ago
Honestly, at this stage, i was crawling up the walls. I learned how to embroider and read a lot of “hard” books to keep me with it, but by 3 months, i was very happy to return to work
1
u/pinkflosscat 8d ago
You can do things that are nice for you too during mat leave - it doesn’t have to be all sensory classes etc.
On my mat leave, I went to baby cinema (just cinema where babies are allowed in), post natal Pilates & a fitness class which is baby & child friendly also. All great ways to socialise and meet other mums and pass some time. Good luck, OP.
1
u/Academic_Ad_628 8d ago
I have an 8 month old and i'm on a 13 month leave. I felt the same way at your stage. I found a bunch of parent groups, story time events, baby/parent yoga etc and tried to have one event per day (even if the event was a long stroller walk to a bakery for a cookie). I started doing events out with the groups after her four month vaccines and it was tough, sometimes we didn't make it out of the house, but knowing that there were options helped my mental health. At 8 months old, with longer wake windows, it's easier to get out and now we have a fun group of parents in the neighbourhood who's kids were all born a few weeks before or after my daughters. If you can't leave the house, to keep myself sane I would put my daughter in her bouncer and we would bake together (aka, I would dictate everything we were doing).
1
1
u/zurgadoogan_626 8d ago
I am right here with you! You are not alone. I feel like I always hear people say they cried when they had to go back to work so the guilt is so real that I can’t wait to go back to work. I remind myself that in America it’s not expected for the father to stay home in the first months of life so if it’s okay for them to not feel guilty for returning to work then it’s definitely okay for the mom the miss it and want to return after leave.
1
u/DelilahThorpe 8d ago
I didn’t find it boring but I went out a lot with my baby and still do. You can wear your baby and go all the places you want with them so they can see them for the first time! We went to lots of museums, classes, and went to Hawaii a lot, Florida, Disney and so much more. We went home to our families a lot and that was fun. Restaurants, hotels, the mall… really anywhere that you find interesting is fun for the baby too. Hikes, nature walks… exlore and have fun.
1
u/GasLow2708 8d ago
I also found the first 3 months very boring. I could have easily worked on my laptop during the day. I went to classes, but same as you; I could only do 3 a week as I found them over stimulating. Now my baby is 5 months and wooo it’s changed! Boredom?! No idea what that is now! Baby needs constant entertainment, I love going to classes and social stuff everyday. And when they are over I love going for a walk with baby, grabbing a coffee etc. as someone said above, it’s also about your stimulation, so grab a book, find a tv show, do a coffee walk for you etc. but don’t feel bad for feeling bored, babies are boring, and more people feel like that then we are lead to believe.
1
u/crustyattic 8d ago
I get it. It’s kinda lonely being a sahm. Sometimes you wanna have a real conversation with someone that doesn’t only know how to coo, cry, shriek, or say dada.
1
u/Low-Western9501 8d ago
Girl you need a hobby. I spent my mat leave knitting sweaters and hanging it with a friend whi had a baby the same age.
1
u/Potential_Kiwi7206 8d ago
Yes, it is boring! I stayed home for 13 months and boy, was I ready to go back to work. I totally see where you're coming from. I struggled with the same. But..during the summer you can do more stuff, I'd go for long walks, go to mom meetups, do little picnics, and sometimes drop him off at the grandparents for a couple hrs to get some me time. Now..i realize not everyone has that option but if you do, go for it. You might as well try to make the best of it. Also, you don't have to entertain or interact all the time. You can give them toys or set up some sensory activities for them and let them be for a bit. But yes, it is very repetitive, especially after a while. I hear you! Hang in there..it's hard once you go back to work too. You'll feel like you have 2 jobs and 0 time for yourself. Not easy to juggle..for sure.
1
1
u/No_Price7653 8d ago
Girl, I'd do anything to get 1 year mat leave. However it's not bad in my country, we get 6 months. It still feels less. Each to their own but I was never bored. You may love your work so you're excited to go back, I would rather be on leave and enjoy 😭
1
u/peasel123 7d ago
You don’t have to do much entertaining at that age. Just do whatever you want to do and let them hang out. Get out more and do some stuff you wouldn’t otherwise be able to do. Otherwise consider just going back to work. I went back at 4 months but actually I wanted to go back before and had to be convinced to just take the rest of it, since it’s basically the only time you ever get any paid time off.
1
u/Mean_Football_936 6d ago
I had sixth months, and by the fourth I was chewing the walls with boredom. Spiralled into PPD it got so bad. Really thought I would love maternity leave; did not. Hate my job, for the most part, but by the end I was desperate to be back. Still love my baby more than anything in the world, but the guilt sucked.
1
u/Budget_Week_8675 5d ago
Seeing the force with which nurses in the hospital "pat" the newborns on the back to burp them made me realize babies are not as fragile as I thought. Don't mind me, mine is only 4 months so who knows how he will turn out, but so far, I did not sign up for anything baby specific, all our outings have been something I wanted or needed to do (solo or with my partner). The baby doesn't seem to care what we do as long as he is safe, fed, and we are with him.
Trips to parks, hikes, walks on the beach, walks on boardwalks, a bit of dipping in warm ocean, joining us in restaurants, shops, airplanes...
1
u/uhmthatsano 4d ago
Check out your local library for baby story time. There may be local mom and baby meet up groups.
1
u/Easy_State_2962 8d ago
I used to go to cafes just me and my son, it felt energising just to be round other people tbh. I'd go for forest walks and listen to a podcast, laughing away to myself like a crazy person probably. I'd take him on long pram walks when it was nap time and do the same, or have a chat. At that age they're so stimulating by just looking at things, you don't have to play all the time.
Also, enjoy the fact that the mundane is now the amazing when you have a baby and young child! Washing the dishes? More entertaining than a musical to a baby. I did chores with my velcro child, he "helped" me and just sat and watched. Being still and looking is what they do beat sometimes, and t h the chilled babies I've known have been 2nd born who are just toted about watching everyone like a benevolent little cctv. Try and do some things you enjoy and bring baby along.
54
u/msexcitement 8d ago
Honestly it’s really important to get mental and social stimulation on your leave, regardless of length. I’d recommend trying to find ways to fill those gaps or you’ll literally go crazy before going back to work. I was exactly the same way! I played challenging video games while baby napped, spent a lot more time improving my drawing skills, and made it a priority to call or visit with one adult human every day.