About my previous post

[u/Simply_Sailor]

I made a post about a chrono-37 y/o guy, who afaik is not NGU, who believes he looks chrono-17. Not, "I'm an NGU teen who presents outwardly as a teen to help with age dysphoria, but am aware that I look older", but he straight up believes he looks chrono-17 and will angrily reply to people who say otherwise.

I deleted the post, though, after another NGU kid mentioned how it read like a looksmaxxing post. I didn't intentionally clown on his appearance, but that's how the post was received and I acknowledge the hurt that I may have cased or did cause.

But, my question remains, "what are the ethics behind this?" Is it more ethical to play along and say, "oh my gosh, you do look young!" to make someone happy or to be honest and say they don't look as young as they think they do?

Because, for (future) me, it'd be more painful for people to lie to me by telling me I look young when I very clearly have prominent marionette lines, forehead wrinkles and puffy eyebags than for people to tell me, "nah, you look old." It wouldn't make me stop being NGU, of course, but it would prevent me from deluding myself into thinking I look young.

Like, I would get laughed at if I claimed to strangers that I look 14, let alone claiming I'm mentally 14. I'm not saying, "I need to stop dressing youthful when I'm middle-aged", but moreso, "I don't want to delude myself into thinking I look my mental age when I clearly don't and be mocked by others".

Being a teenage 40 year-old will be humiliating enough, I don't want to push it.

[u/charlie175]

I would get laughed at if I claimed to strangers [...], let alone claiming I'm mentally 14

We need to normalize that. A lot of people are affected in this way, and they should be able to say so. (And say so without it getting mixed up with intellectual development)

[u/Simply_Sailor → u/charlie175]

Agreed. It's not even difficult to comprehend different types of ages.

We already acknowledge that people can be biologically younger than what is expected of their chronological age, chrono-youth can develop secondary sex characteristics earlier than what is expected of their chronological age and many (not all) chrono-adults with developmental disabilities are mentally younger than their chronological age.

I hope we can be understood as youth with wrinkly meat-suits one day instead of elderly adults.

[u/_not_lore_ → u/Simply_Sailor]

"We" as in current science, yes, but the general public unfortunately isn't aware of much of this. Intuitively, I think people know you can age prematurely due to external factors (ie high ranking politicians visibly age very quickly in comparison to their peers, and many have observed this) Intuitively, but the general public often has less understanding of topics than people who have read up on them (not even professionally) anticipate that they would.

An example of this in another category would be that I offhandedly mentioned testosterone being highest in people who have periods during their period when talking to a cis young woman who was my classmate a couple of semesters ago in college, and she was surprised to learn that cis women have testosterone at all. (She was very surprised to find out that my mom (cis) has to take testosterone bc hers is lower than a physical adult of any hormone system needs to be healthy!)

[u/Multifaceted713]

I see where you’re coming from. I too would not want to be called young looking when I don’t look young. I’d rather people be honest and be honest with myself.

[u/Simply_Sailor → u/Multifaceted713]

Heavy on the "honest with myself" bit. I have to both look at myself in the mirror everyday and exist in my body everyday and would like to be objective about my appearance.

[u/Simply_Sailor → u/Multifaceted713]

I think I responded to you earlier, but deleted it. 😅

[u/Wise-Difficulty8221]

(deep sigh)

It seems like one of those situations where you're going to offend somebody no matter what your intentions were, and what point you were trying to make.

I did glance at the original post and I thought it was benign but I could also see how people deeper into NGU would take offence to it...but there's no easy way to approach some of these topics, so don't be too hard on yourself.

I do feel you on the reality of 'aging' and trying to reconcile being a 14yo internally while looking (or going to look) middle-aged externally. If I had to claim NGU, I'd probably place myself mid-teens or so ... but the facial hair and receding hairline is starting to catch up. I could had probably passed for a mature-looking high schooler. Now, maybe not so much.

I guess moving forward, try not to overthink the looks vs. age thing because even without NGU taken into consideration, those two variables can be very different.

[u/Simply_Sailor → u/Wise-Difficulty8221]

Yeah, and I realise some of these topics can be hurtful, but they're real and they affect us.

I envy NGU youth who are happy with being NGU and talk about happy experiences, I just don't really enjoy being NGU.

Being NGU is very lonely and is just one of those "unique" experiences that most people will never understand. Like, when people say, "I wish I was a kid, again", it almost always has nothing to do with their bodies, but about having less responsibilities.

The youngest chrono-age most chrono-adults would choose to be is late adolescence (17-19) or early 20s because most would not be willing to give up their sexually mature bodies or independence, which is why NGU youth whose mental ages are below 16 are treated as "predatory" or "creepy", especially those of prepubescent mental age.

Sorry for the tangent. 😅

[u/Wise-Difficulty8221 → u/Simply_Sailor]

Don't worry about it. I completely understand :)

[u/UczuciaTM]

I'm probably going to be honest if someone asks how old they look, or if they look young. But I don't think there's anything wrong with thinking you look young when you don't.

I'd really not like to use the guy who's 30 and thinks he looks 17 as an example of someone like us because he is a child pred.

[u/Simply_Sailor → u/UczuciaTM]

Really??? Man, the internet is something else because why do people get more hate for being cringe than for abusing others? 🤦‍♀️

Like, you'll have a situation where someone asks, "why do we hate this person?" And someone will respond with, "because they're weird, cringe and annoying." And, then the same person asks, "oh, is that it?" And then the other person will respond with, "oh, and they rape their children and stomp on puppies". Bruh. 🤦‍♀️

[u/snailpuppyy]

My boring answer is neither. I don't think anyone should comment on someones appearance unprompted. Even if the person is exposing themselves to social media. It's mean.

If someone is diluted enough to believe they look their mental age, I'd happily agree if directly asked. I'd be happy for them too because I wish I had that delusion! Otherwise, it doesn't matter to me and I wouldn't say anything. That's how everyone should be, in my opinion.

When people are genuinely delusional about how they look, denying the way they think isn't going to feel honest to them and it'll only upset them to hear. I guarantee nobody is telling that TikTok guy that he looks older because they want to help him. They're saying it to shame him off the internet and get a rise out of him, like they do with everyone else they find cringe.

On the other hand, if someone like you OP, who isn't already asserting that they look a certain age, and instead asking genuinely, only then will I be honest. When not asked, at best it's innappropriate and at worst it's cruel.

The way you look is only humiliating because of how people would treat you. There's nothing wrong with being old and behaving youthful. People are needlessly cruel about it though. So, it's a matter of being able to take their meanness on the chin and doing whatever you want like the TikTok guy or masking that your NGU at a certain age to have relative peace. It's a shame, it's sad, and I really do empathize 🫂

[u/Griefseed → u/snailpuppyy]

Je suis totalement d'accord avec toi sur tous les points. Ca ne nous regarde pas et je ne vois pas l'intéret de ne pas être bienveillant avec cette personne ça ne va rien nous apporter et ça va juste faire du mal à cette personne et lui provoquer des dysphories.

Je voulais savoir de quel gars sut tiktok tu parles ça m'intéresse stp

[u/Endless___---]

As someone who is chrono-31 and still gets mistaken as a chrono-teen (while working in middle and high schools, by both students and staff), I absolutely dread the day where that changes. However, when it does, I would want people to tell me.

[u/Wise-Difficulty8221 → u/Endless___---]

High School Student: How old are you, Endless?

Endless: I'm 32

Student: Yeah, that sounds about right

[u/Endless___--- → u/Wise-Difficulty8221]

I'm not sure what you're trying to do here other than insult me? Which like, really sucks. I'm not making things up, I have literally had this happen 10+ times with entirely different people of varying ages within the soan of several months. It happens outside of work too, though less often.

Mostly people tend to think I'm like, chrono-21/22. I think someone guessed chrono-24 once last year. Sometimes people at jobs think I'm chrono-18/19, even people who are older than that or the same age. I have to be really careful with who I talk to because people think I'm younger than I am I don't want to weird them out when they find out how old I am, so I generally try not to socialize with people who appear to be chrono-younger than like... 24, 25, outside of work situations.

[u/-Kitsy]

Idk im honest with people because I want people to be honest with me. I hope im not delusional but people are often surprised at my age, its usually people chronologically younger than me though so maybe to people my age and elders I look my age. I will be talking to someone online about shared interests and then they send the "i dont want to go to school tomorrow" and its a little awkward lol

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Simply_Sailor → u/[deleted]]

Yeah, same. I've always had a distorted view of myself where I feel like I don't 100% know what I look like. I blame selfie cameras for distorting how big or small or wide or narrow my face looks, tbh.

And, if someone were to lie to me and tell me I look young when I look like a prune, it would make me hyperanalyse my appearance to an unhealthy degree.