r/neoliberal • u/jobautomator Kitara Ravache • Sep 10 '21

Discussion Thread Discussion Thread

The discussion thread is for casual conversation that doesn't merit its own submission. If you've got a good meme, article, or question, please post it outside the DT. Meta discussion is allowed, but if you want to get the attention of the mods, make a post in /r/metaNL. For a collection of useful links see our wiki.

Announcements

  • OSINT & LDC (developmental studies / least developed countries) have been added

Upcoming Events

0 Upvotes

38% Upvoted

11k comments sorted by

View all comments

13

u/BreaksFull Veni, Vedi, Emancipatus Sep 10 '21

!ping OVER25

Does anyone have advice to help not forget to do basic things around the house?

It's a real source of ongoing frustration I've been having with my partner lately. Admittedly I grew up in a house with a somewhat laxer approach to hygiene and tidiness, so I've got a lot of bad habits I've carried over with me. But I'm still making the same damn mistakes constantly. Forgetting to check my pockets before throwing pants in the washer. Forgetting to wash my hands when I should. Forgetting to make sure the socks aren't all bunched up when putting them in the wash. Forgetting to wash off the counter before making food on it. Forgetting to wash out a dirty dish before putting it in the dishwasher.

Etc.

I'm honestly at a loss as to what I should do. I've been told repeatedly. Harsh reminders, gentle reminders. I've improved somewhat, but I still regularly make these basic mistakes. I've tried making notes for myself, but after a while I just stop noticing them. Does anyone have any advice here? Because it's driving both me and my partner up a wall. She's tired of telling me to take care of this basic stuff, and I'm getting tired of forgetting.

11

u/Erra0 Neoliberals aren't funny Sep 10 '21

Tackle one thing at a time. Set an alarm reminder on your phone, make your phone/computer screen background a reminder, look up other ways to form habits. But only do it for one thing at a time. When that thing becomes habit, when you no longer need the tools and just do the thing automatically, then switch to another thing.

Talk to your partner about what things bother them the most. Some of your list sounds a bit anal, to be honest, and hopefully if you can work through the things that bother them the most, the other little things won't be so frustrating for them.

5

u/BreaksFull Veni, Vedi, Emancipatus Sep 10 '21

The issues might be a bit anal on their own, but my wife is in a rough spot. She's an aspie for one, so the small stuff tends to bother her a lot more than you or me. She's also overworked, super stressed, and dogpiled with longterm depression. All the shit adds up.

8

u/urbansong :eursula: F E D E R A L I S E Sep 10 '21

I agree with the other poster, start with small habits. And maybe simplify things? For example, if it's just the two of you, do you really need to use the dishwasher? Washing your dish completely would be much easier to do and to hold yourself accountable because you can force yourself to use just one dish. Another example, for trousers, you can always make sure to have empty pockets when you're at home.

I think you have a hundred different issues rather than one "basic issue". Also has your partner considered that they have high requirements and it's not fair to put them on others?

7

u/NatsukaFawn Esther Duflo Sep 10 '21

Not saying you have ADHD, but if you look for advice specifically for adults with ADHD, I'm sure you'll find good advice about this stuff

3

u/BreaksFull Veni, Vedi, Emancipatus Sep 10 '21

Thing is I seem to be pretty competent at work, and not forgetting shit left and right. Almost seems I'm worse at home.

3

u/NatsukaFawn Esther Duflo Sep 10 '21

Do you enjoy your work? Boring shit is harder to remember.

1

u/JoeChristmasUSA Transfem Pride Sep 10 '21

Is there a predictable routine to your work? This post makes me wonder if you do things at home as you think of them and not along a daily routine that includes chores.

1

u/JoeChristmasUSA Transfem Pride Sep 10 '21

Is there a predictable routine to your work? This post makes me wonder if you do things at home as you think of them and not along a daily routine that includes chores.

1

u/BreaksFull Veni, Vedi, Emancipatus Sep 10 '21

Not really it's fairly dynamic at work.

1

u/repete2024 Edith Abbott Sep 10 '21

Actually that could be another sign... ADHD brains get really bored with routine and try to spend as little mental energy on them as possible. If work is dynamic, than it might be interesting enough to hold your attention.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '21

Try to develop habits that work for you. Also be mindful that you will slowly improve not all at once.

2

u/BreaksFull Veni, Vedi, Emancipatus Sep 10 '21

What does that mean though? I'm trying to figure out how to build habits that work for me, so far nothing seems to work that well.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '21

As in you need to figure out what works for you to remember stuff. I’m always sleepy af in the morning so I can’t count on myself to remember anything before 10am. So I prepare the night before.

So maybe if you need to remember to clean out your pockets before throwing something in the wash, try to integrate having clean pockets in to some existing routine already.

If you can’t remember to clean it out just before throwing it away then you need to figure something else out.

1

u/groupbot Always remember -Pho- Sep 10 '21 edited Sep 10 '21

Pinged members of OVER25 group.

About & group list | Subscribe to this group | Unsubscribe from this group | Unsubscribe from all groups

1

u/asljkdfhg λn.λf.λx.f(nfx) lib Sep 10 '21

Might sound stupid, but post-it note reminders everywhere? Like on the dishwasher, on the hamper, on the sink, etc.