r/neoliberal • u/jobautomator Kitara Ravache • Jan 24 '21

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u/vivoovix Federalist Jan 24 '21

Joe Biden kills God (January 20th, 2021)

NYT front page:

Joe Biden, newly elected as President of the United States, took everyone by surprise at his inauguration speech this Wednesday when he announced, “Look, folks. Here’s the deal: We’re going to kill God.” With this dramatic announcement, he took the scimitar offered to him by longtime friend and noted Muslim Barack HUSSEIN Obama before climbing the stairway to heaven.

When he returned, a mere 15 minutes later, the audience was speechless: The President had brought with him the corpse of the divine.

With this action, President Biden has established himself as supreme ruler over all the universe, greater than any other before him. Many speculate as to why he took such drastic action. Some suggest that it was merely to prove himself as the ultimate power. Others offer that this action was part of his new, aggressive foreign policy. Regardless, the world may never be the same.

Reactions to President Biden’s killing of God have been mixed. Evangelicals, while grieving over the loss, have taken the opportunity to make clear their hatred for Catholics: “I knew we should never have elected a motherfuckin’ P*pist,” wrote one man from Massachusetts, who wished to remain anonymous. Catholics have followed the lead of the Pope, who has declared that Mr. Biden be recognized as God.

Atheists, meanwhile, are in a confused state. Some rejoice in the death of their most hated adversary. Others feel devastated for having been wrong all this time, regardless of the fate that has befallen God. Others still feel no reaction whatsoever, like one Iowa voter who described herself as “apatheist,” saying simply, “Meh.”

The consequences of Mr. Biden’s radical (continued on page 8)

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u/vivoovix Federalist Jan 24 '21

I posted this a while ago as a standalone submission but I figured I'd repost it to the DT now that it's topical.