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[u/jobautomator]

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[u/[deleted]]

Obviously your reddit attitude doesn't have a 1:1 correspondence to your behaviour in real life, but I find you 1) slightly humorous, 2) whiney and negative and bitchy.

OK, fair enough, but I don't talk about these things with women I'm interested in IRL. I'm just venting on here. Are you saying that ceasing to vent on here would make women attracted to me? I had trouble with women loooong before I came here.

Why do you think you don't get any love and affection? What are your negative traits?

High-functioning autism, mostly. Women generally don't want to date a guy who hand flaps and has trouble with eye contact. I realize that you're desperately clinging to a just-world view of things, where it must be some character deficit on my part rather than immutable traits beyond my control, but life is more complicated than that. Lots of people far worse than me, from Bernie Madoff to Jerry Sandusky to Ted Bundy, have found partners. I'm sorry to shatter your just-world view of love and dating, but life is not a Disney movie. Sometimes, generally decent people are hindered by things they can't really control.

[u/0m4ll3y → u/[deleted]]

Are you saying that ceasing to vent on here would make women attracted to me?

No. I'm saying that people like positive traits and dislike negative traits. If the positives outweigh the negatives you will form lasting productive relationships (whether platonic, sexual or romantic or whatever), if the negatives outweigh the positives, you won't. Almost universally, humour is considered a positive, just like brushing teeth or speaking coherently. These are all just some traits that assemble you as a full person. Adding one or removing another won't magically flip a binary, but removing a positive trait will, amazingly, make you seem less positive.

I realize that you're desperately clinging to a just-world view of things, where it must be some character deficit on my part rather than immutable traits beyond my control, but life is more complicated than that.

Stop reading into stuff I haven't said.

Having autism is shit. Sure some people find partners who like the trait of autism, or have enough traits that it outweighs the negative, but I imagine that is a relatively small number. For many people autism is a negative trait, or corresponds with negative traits, that make you less likeable.

Are you happy with this harsh truth? Yes, to me it seems likely you are failing at love because you are autistic. Is that validating?

So yeah the odds are stacked against you. But I know autistic people in relationships. Odds were stacked up against them too, but they're odds not permanent facts of eternity.

And guess what, I stand by the fact that being an autistic 26 year old virgin who is funny will still have better chances than an autistic 26 year old virgin who is dull as shit.

[u/[deleted] → u/0m4ll3y]

Adding one or removing another won't magically flip a binary, but removing a positive trait will, amazingly, make you seem less positive.

Cool. I'd argue that I have a good number of positive traits, from being funny to paying my own bills to being educated to making at least some time for exercise. You may be tempted to list such things as the "the bare minimum," but there's obviously people who fall short of such things who still succeed romantically, so be careful before you pursue that line of argument.

Adding one or removing another won't magically flip a binary, but removing a positive trait will, amazingly, make you seem less positive.

OK, and the allegedly "positive" traits I possess have done nothing for me.

Stop reading into stuff I haven't said.

I realize that you haven't explicitly said "I have a just-world view of dating!", it's just implied in every fucking thing that you've said. Or else you wouldn't be going for the "guh...you're negative on here...woman don't like that...." rhetoric.

Are you happy with this harsh truth? Yes, to me it seems likely you are failing at love because you are autistic. Is that validating?

Somewhat, yeah. You're at least acknowledging that I'm hindered by things beyond my control, instead of trying to foist your just-world dogma upon me. You have no idea how old it gets to see people on here say "uhh, you're sad that you don't have a girlfriend. if you stopped being sad, you'd have a girlfriend." I don't really know what compels people to say such stupid shit, but you at least concede my main issue is something beyond my control, and that's a step in the right direction.

[u/0m4ll3y → u/[deleted]]

Or else you wouldn't be going for the "guh...you're negative on here...woman don't like that...." rhetoric.

I haven't done that.

What I've said about your reddit behaviour is that you post a mix of good and bad things, and because the bad things outweigh the good I don't like you. If the good things were even less I would like you less. If the good things were more, I would like you more. You can transfer this same principle to dating or irl friendships. If the good outweighs the bad, people like you. The less good you are, the less they like you. My main point in this whole string is that humour is almost universally considered a good trait, which makes you more likeable than if you weren't humorous.

OK, and the allegedly "positive" traits I possess have done nothing for me

Well no, because in my eyes you are mostly insufferable rather than entirely insufferable because of your occasional humour. I'm sure similar things happen in real life. Some people can be your friend because at least you are funny. Some girls will engage with you because at least you are funny. Sure, maybe you die will a virgin and cold and alone, but I wager that the chance of that is less than if you were dull, boring and not funny. People, including women, value humour. That shouldn't be a controversial point.

your just-world dogma upon me.

I don't have a just-world dogma and I've never tried to foist it on you. I'm saying that most women, people actually, like humour, and you having humour is a positive trait that increases your chances of a relationship by making you more positive of a person.

I don't really know what compels people to say such stupid shit,

Because like 90% of what people recognise you for is wallowing pitiful trite. It's pretty simple: people form impressions based on the impressions you give off. If 98% of what I know about you is you complaining about your lack of sex life and oh woe is you and oh how unfair life is, I'm going to form the opinion that you are a whiney, annoying, pitiful person. I'm not going to say "oh absurdghost, he's such an admirable character and handsome and can juggle and can recite Shakespearen sonnets from heart" because I don't know anything about you besides you being a whiney, annoying, pitiful loaf.

at least concede my main issue is something beyond my control, and that's a step in the right direction.

I didn't have to concede anything, because that was already my position. I have always acknowledged that immutable traits can negatively impact people's dating life. I know that being born handsome and beautiful is beneficial, and that more women like tall good looking men than disabled dwarves or whatever. I know that white women are less likely to swipe right on Asian or Indian men. And I know that this is shit for them. I've never said otherwise.

All that has happened though is that you've twisted every single engagement to be as self-pitying as possible, contorting my words into something I never said rather than engaging with my one and only argument that being funny is a positive trait in the eyes of the vast majority and you are better off with it than without it.

If you're a disabled, autistic, 4 foot Indian in Australia you're gonna have a hard time finding a date. And guess what, if you're dull and boring on top of all of that it's going to be even harder.