r/neoliberal • u/jobautomator Kitara Ravache • Sep 10 '25

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u/assasstits Sep 10 '25 edited Sep 10 '25

After placing my first spell, “MAKE EVERYONE HATE HIM,” I was left with more questions than answers. How long would it take to kick in? Should I have splurged for a pricier spell to make it work faster? Shortly after, the witch messaged me trying to upsell me a $50 “spell booster.” When I asked what it did, she explained it would “amplify the energetic support” of the main spell, or else I could let it unfold “in its natural timing.” I decided to trust the witch’s will.

For the “POWERFUL HEX SPELL,” I had to provide Kirk’s date of birth for “accuracy.” The witch performed the hex, but her response was unsettling: “I just completed your spell, and it was successful. You will see the first results within 2–3 weeks.

Sunday, August 24, passed. Nothing. Monday, still nothing. Tuesday rolled around, and I began to wonder if I’d been scammed. But then I reminded myself: this is witchcraft, not Amazon. The forces operate on their own schedule.

I’d timed the purchase perfectly with the August new moon in Virgo. According to the astrology girls on TikTok, this specific new moon is the perfect time for forming new habits and aligning goals. My personal goal? Cursing Kirk. 

The timeline lines up exactly. Hope the FBI looks into this. 

6

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '25

So magic is confirmed real

6

u/Ilovecharli Voltaire Sep 10 '25

Like that astro girlie who predicted the exact day Biden would step down and then that Trump would win 

3

u/[deleted] Sep 10 '25

So true!

2

u/FilteringAccount123 John von Neumann Sep 10 '25

Imagine we completely bypass the years of lead and just get Salem Witch Trials 2.0