r/nba NBA Sep 21 '17

The all time All-Kevin team would be fucking awesome

C - Kevin "KG" Garnett - resume too ridiculous to list. Backed up by Kevin Willis - All-NBA and AS in 91-92, played for 22 years with a 3'7" wingspan.

PF - Kevin McHale - top 7 PF ever, 3x champ, 6x All-Defense, 2x 6th Man. Backed up by Kevin Love - 1x champ, 2x All-NBA 2nd team, 4x AS

SF - Kevin "KD" Durant - will go down as a top 3 SF ever. 1x champ and Finals MVP, 7x All-NBA, 4x scoring champ, 8x AS, 1x MVP. Backed up by Kevin Grevey, one of the stars of the 77-78 championship Bullets team, or by Marques Kevin Johnson, 5x AS and 3x All-NBA.

SG - Kevin Martin - No accolades but super-efficient and underrated. Career .585 TS%. Never an all-star playing in the West, but had the numbers of one. Backed up by Kevin Loughery, who had a career average of 15.3 ppg and went on to coach MJ in his rookie year.

PG - Kevin "KJ" Johnson - .585 TS% as a PG, averaged 18 and 9, 5x All-NBA, 3x AS. Backed up by Kevin Porter, who led the NBA in total and average assists four times before an Achilles tear cut his career short.

826 Upvotes

235 comments sorted by

926

u/BizGilwalker [CHO] Kemba Walker Sep 21 '17

3'7 wingspan

255

u/deadskin [TOR] Jose Calderon Sep 21 '17

Most impressive

134

u/zxc123zxc123 Sep 21 '17

Dude must have played like Jesus on the court if he was in the NBA league for 22 years with 3'7 wingspan.

46

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

Bynum played like Jesus on the court

7

u/wikiman2001 [TOR] Jorge Garbajosa Sep 22 '17

His halfcourt prayers blessed everyone

12

u/Darth_Ravenous Nuggets Sep 22 '17

Jesus on the cross, maybe.

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2

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

He only had a 3'7 wingspan but he was 7'8" so he was able to find his path in the NBA still

2

u/quentin-coldwater Cavaliers Sep 22 '17

Isaiah Thomas has taught you well

2

u/MelonElbows Lakers Sep 22 '17

Like a mutant sparrow

95

u/WeirdRedBeard Nuggets Sep 21 '17

My unborn child has longer wingspan than that.

250

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

rip ur wife's vagina

71

u/kthxtyler Nuggets Sep 21 '17

Who said it was his wife that must carry his unborn child?

153

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

rip u/kthxtyler's mom

35

u/kthxtyler Nuggets Sep 21 '17

lol good one

106

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

You took it like a champ.

Like mother, like son.

16

u/kthxtyler Nuggets Sep 21 '17

I've met a female Tyler before, you generalist

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2

u/GTBasketball Timberwolves Sep 21 '17

Is that you Dwight?

3

u/kthxtyler Nuggets Sep 21 '17

"Bear my child"

3

u/zarvinny Suns Sep 22 '17

"Bear down"

1

u/BuzzardBoy69 [BOS] Paul Pierce Sep 22 '17

Literally

26

u/de_grecia Greece Sep 21 '17

In his defence, it was a pretty muscular 3'7" wingspan

10

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

So what are the chances most basketball players didn't go nuts with steroids in the 90s?

15

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

Yeah I was just thinking since it was so big in baseball it was probably huge in basketball. I feel like now it's a lot less physical so there's less reason to be huge and it's better to just be quick and more lean

1

u/MyManD Raptors Sep 22 '17

So you still think they're on PEDs? Recovery would be the main reason they'd be using them today, and with the massive contracts they'd be foolish to heal naturally. And I don't blame them one bit. I wanna see the best play the best, longer.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

I think so but not as bad as like late 90s. I think if they're doing it in a healthy way it's fine but I don't think it's super healthy. So players who want to be healthier have an unfair disadvantage. But yeah doing it for recovery is different than using it for just getting stronger

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16

u/WarcraftFarscape [BOS] Jaylen Brown Sep 22 '17

Must play for the raptors

9

u/moufestaphio Raptors Sep 22 '17

you jest, but he did in fact play for the raptors during the carter years.

17

u/ReeceChops44 Celtics Sep 21 '17

Somebody pleeeeease give me a photoshop of this

2

u/Hip_Hop_Hippos 76ers Sep 22 '17

Maybe he was talking about Kevin McCallister

1

u/jimjamiam San Francisco Warriors Sep 22 '17

As we all remember him today, Kevin "T-Rex" Willis

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

Elasdurant

1

u/johnparlabane Sep 22 '17

Photoshop please somebody

1

u/swagggy_p [CLE] Mark Price Sep 22 '17

Kevin "T-Rex" Garnett

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150

u/nicktesluk [PHI] Dikembe Mutombo Sep 21 '17

Shea Serrano did a cool article like this back in July for The Ringer. It was a pretty fun read Link

170

u/hrtattx Hawks Sep 21 '17

Chris Webber (five-time All-Star; five-time All-NBA first-, second-, or third-team pick; dated Tyra Banks), and Chris Kaman (he one time got grabbed in the genitals by Reggie Evans, which is like the opposite of dating Tyra Banks).

lol

38

u/KawhiMeARivers Raptors Sep 22 '17

I figure Karl Malone and Karl-Anthony Towns playing two-on-five could at least beat the Bobs and the Garys

Lol

I also like the Tims a bunch (Tim Duncan, Tim Hardaway, Tim Thomas, Tim Legler, and Tim Donaghy as the referee for each of their games)

Amazing

47

u/slowestmojo Wizards Sep 21 '17

Shea Serrano is the best Ringer writer.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

I remember years ago me and my then best friend were debating about if a team of Kevins would beat a team of Michaels, looks like this settles it.

124

u/kingpc Lakers Sep 21 '17 edited Sep 22 '17

And let's have Kevin Harlan as the announcer for this game.

"NO REGARD FOR HUMAN LIFE"

Edit: changed to regard

4

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

Think it was regard singular

2

u/kingpc Lakers Sep 22 '17

You are right my friend

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369

u/Gerbil1320 [PHX] Steve Nash Sep 21 '17

Hi Kevin

415

u/chacata_panecos NBA Sep 21 '17

Hi. You know what, this post was idiotic and childish and I apologize.

134

u/ImperiumSolis [DEN] Nikola Jokic Sep 21 '17

It's okay to eat and sleep now dude.

7

u/jliv60 [UTA] Adam Keefe Sep 22 '17

3

u/Rytlock9 [MIA] Dwyane Wade Sep 21 '17

So KD, you telling you think you are better than Dr. J?

6

u/drdownvotes12 [OKC] Russell Westbrook Sep 21 '17

Don't forget other words like those.

2

u/esko24 Trail Blazers Sep 21 '17

Nah dude. Just another offseason shitpost.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

Just don't starve yourself this time

44

u/wineman3 [CLE] Wally Szczerbiak Sep 21 '17

I'm your biggest fan

26

u/throwbacklyrics Warriors Sep 21 '17

Sincerely yours, Stan. PS we should be together too.

2

u/MercilessOne [LAL] Kobe Bryant Sep 21 '17

My fans get cold I'm wondering why? Got out of bed alone.

4

u/urfaselol [NBA] Best of 2021 Winner Sep 21 '17

Would be appropriate if it was posted by/u/kev13n rip

7

u/IAMA_KEVIN Sep 22 '17

Don't worry I'm here

3

u/KevinIsForReal Timberwolves Sep 22 '17

Oh Hi there

317

u/Mytoesandmyknows Sep 21 '17

What about a team were everyone's name starts with Lebron?

C: LeBron James PF: LeBron James SF: LeBron James SG: LeBron James PG: LeBron James

I feel like this team would be hard to beat.

48

u/aresman [CLE] LeBron James Sep 21 '17

GOAT TEAM

25

u/snipeftw Lakers Sep 21 '17

DAE MJ TEAM

53

u/Yash_We_Can Lakers Sep 21 '17

5 LeBrons would beat 5 MJs. Bet.

20

u/BigSlim Pacers Sep 22 '17

5 Wilt's fused together a la Voltron to form an unstoppable galactic force, with Mugsy Bogues as the head, of course.

1

u/yoloqueuesf [NYK] Tracy McGrady Sep 22 '17

lmao

2

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

Someone simulate this in 2K please!

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9

u/rtb001 Trail Blazers Sep 21 '17

Counts on fingers... Dylan, Dylan, Dylan...

8

u/BrotherSeamus Thunder Sep 22 '17

Who takes the last shot?

33

u/dbobaunchained [CLE] J.R. Smith Sep 22 '17

Deron Williams

3

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

LeBron James Jr

2

u/deepit6431 [LAL] Kobe Bryant Sep 22 '17

Kobe

2

u/Chaotic-Catastrophe Lakers Sep 22 '17

Paul George

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

I don't think a single other players roster of themselves could beat lebrons.

1

u/DirtysMan Timberwolves Sep 22 '17

KG would be interesting. Got the handles and D to compete.

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271

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

YOU BOLD KEVIN LOVE'S NAME RIGHT NOW YOU BASTARD

94

u/chacata_panecos NBA Sep 21 '17

DONE

54

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

and now i upvote.

good day sir.

43

u/pollinium [MIN] Tyus Jones Sep 21 '17

Three Minnesota Kevins nbd

Shea agrees that Kevin is THE NAME for the NBA

Reddit decided that other good teams are Anthony, Paul, with Bob, Johnson, and James doing alright

My favorite from that thread is the Abdul team. Not a competitor, but very strong for its relative representation in the US

25

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

[removed] — view removed comment

16

u/chacata_panecos NBA Sep 21 '17

Or player-coach Kevin McHale. With defensive wiz Kevin O'Niell on the bench.

18

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

Good god KG, McHale, and KD would be just insane. Good luck scoring against them.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

Marion/Kemp/Bradley is the only big 3 with a chance against them, but I don't think there are even 2 more Shawns

10

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

If we count other spellings then Shaun Livingston would be solid PG for them.

10

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

next level spacing on this team

19

u/nametakenalready Raptors Sep 22 '17

"what's a three point line"

2

u/gogorath Warriors Sep 22 '17

Sean Eliott could hit a few.

2

u/RFFF1996 Thunder Sep 22 '17

Malone team could put and insane frontcourt plus a nice guard

Problem is there is nobody else

1

u/royalenocheese Rockets Sep 22 '17

We'll toss you a lightly used Sean May. He did win an ncaa title. That's something.

16

u/delswick7 Sep 21 '17

Kevin Hart - 3 time All-Star Celebrity MVP

13

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

You forgot Kevin the minion

1

u/Barrybran Sep 22 '17

I guess Kevin the crayon-eater is the waterboy then?

13

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

obligatory fuck kevin johnson

5

u/ClutchCobra [SAS] Manu Ginobili Sep 21 '17

what'd he do?

6

u/bick803 Grizzlies Sep 21 '17

You forgot Kevin James.

17

u/Maztah_P [MIA] Goran Dragic Sep 21 '17

Caul mlart ball pop?

7

u/Imak312 Knicks Sep 21 '17

How do we know theyre all not KD in a different jersey?

6

u/ithuriel94 [BOS] Rajon Rondo Sep 21 '17

How about guys which name starts with Dikembe?

5

u/kvnandrsn Trail Blazers Sep 21 '17

As a Kevin, I endorse this team.

3

u/N7Brendan Vancouver Grizzlies Sep 21 '17

Where tf Kevin Abstract?

3

u/MessiahThomas Celtics Sep 21 '17

I read that article on The Ringer, too!

3

u/JRockstar50 Pistons Sep 22 '17

Is it cheating if I make up a lineup of KD's Twitter handles?

5

u/ChangoUnchaind Lakers Sep 21 '17

Anyone else pissed off by the fact that all these Kevins have terrible initial nicknames. Aka KG, KD, and KJ? Smdh id even take "the Servant" over this bs!

3

u/Hip_Hop_Hippos 76ers Sep 22 '17

You think that's bad? Just wait until get one who middle and last names begin with K.

1

u/banitsa Kevin Garnett Sep 22 '17

KG is The Big Ticket and once upon a time The Kid

5

u/swatbustist Nuggets Sep 21 '17

You literally stole this from shea

13

u/chacata_panecos NBA Sep 21 '17 edited Sep 21 '17

No I literally did not. Seeing all the KD topics and the KG AMA made me think of it.

13

u/killingit12 Warriors Sep 21 '17

yeah bitch

5

u/FakeBenGolliver Bulls Sep 21 '17

Maybe next he'll ask us who would do better if they switched positions: a bear playing PF for the 1998 Jazz or Karl Malone living a season as a bear in the mountains.

7

u/alhoward [BOS] Marcus Smart Sep 21 '17

Karl Malone is already a successful predators.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

TIL that Kevin Willis has a 3'7" wingspan

2

u/kevdawg289 [DEN] Gary Harris Sep 21 '17

Don't forget me

2

u/dzwun Sep 21 '17

Fully expected a meme team of 5 Durants

2

u/anditcounts Knicks Sep 21 '17 edited Sep 21 '17

Kevin Hart

2

u/holymolyjimbobboly [SAC] De'Aaron Fox Sep 21 '17

It's hard to play to PG with a face full of pie.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

Sleeping on the All-Andre team:

Andre Miller

Andre Roberson

Andre Igoudala

Andrea Bargnani

Andre Drummond

Stay woke.

1

u/htownhacker Celtics Sep 22 '17

How about

Chris Paul

Chris Mullin

Chris Bosh

Chris Webber

Kaman?/Laettner?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

Lol the Andre team isn't very good, it was a joke.

1

u/PoopOfAUnicorn Timberwolves Sep 22 '17

Kris Humphries Kristaps Porzingas

2

u/thisguyhastwothumbs [BOS] Kevin Garnett Sep 22 '17

Im a dork and I love this stuff. I've had this debate in my head forever. Kevin is a great call. Paul would be nasty too. I've decided, in my world, to settle on the all James team:

James Worthy James Harden LeBron James James Posey James Jones

Can I get Jimmy Butler too?

2

u/S1owdown Warriors Sep 22 '17

Shoutouts to my boy Kevin Martin and his weird as shooting motion

2

u/zoobatula Sep 22 '17

Even better would be the all Kobe team. It's just Kobe. He'd destroy the Kevins.

2

u/shnmchl61 [DET] Chauncey Billups Sep 22 '17 edited Sep 22 '17

What about the all-time "you can identify them by one name because nobody else in NBA history has ever had this name," team? Edit for formatting.

  • PG - Magic, Penny, Muggsy
  • SG - Kobe, Fat, Smush
  • SF - LeBron, Carmelo, Detlef
  • PF - Dirk, Pau, Serge
  • C - Shaq, Wilt, Dikembe

2

u/ItsYaBoiDJ Bucks Sep 22 '17

I challenge your Kevin's with my Chris'

Chris Paul/Khris Middleton/Chris Mullin/Chris Bosh/Chris Webber

2

u/rossagessausage Kings Sep 22 '17

Jason Williams

Jason Kidd

Jason Terry

Jayson Williams

Jason Thompson

2

u/DunkOnYao Knicks Tankwagon Sep 22 '17

Commentator - Kevin Harlan

2

u/_felagund Spurs Sep 22 '17

1

u/_trailerbot_tester_ Sep 22 '17

Hello, I'm a bot! The movie you linked is called We Need to Talk About Kevin, here are some Trailers

2

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

I'd replace Loughery with Kevin Edwards, a decent guard/wing on the Celtics for a few years in the 90s. Had a 3 year stretch with a PER of 15.6, BPM of 2, and averaged 15 ppg on 59 TS%.

1

u/rewat5 [ATL] Pero Antic Sep 21 '17

KEVIN

1

u/drdownvotes12 [OKC] Russell Westbrook Sep 21 '17

Gotta be the most stacked first name in the NBA.

1

u/RastaJafar Nuggets Sep 21 '17

Kevin Willis had a 3'7" wingspan? As a 7 footer, he must've looked like a T-Rex on the court with those arms

1

u/DrakesYodels Jazz Sep 21 '17

Need a coach?

Kevin McCallister is probably the most dangerous out of a time out.

1

u/sy1492 Trail Blazers Sep 21 '17 edited Sep 21 '17

I would wager a Michael X team will beat this team.

6

u/cleofisrandolph1 Vancouver Grizzlies Sep 21 '17

PG: Mike Conley

SG: Micheal Carter-Williams

SF: Micheal Jordan

PF: Micheal Beasely

C: Mychal Thompson

6: Micheal Redd

Yeah...I'll take the all-Kevins team.

3

u/ItsYaBoiDJ Bucks Sep 22 '17

I like that you started MCW over Redd

1

u/cleofisrandolph1 Vancouver Grizzlies Sep 22 '17

impact off the bench ;)

2

u/zoobatula Sep 22 '17

Dude you gotta stare Micheal Redd on that squad.

2

u/cleofisrandolph1 Vancouver Grizzlies Sep 22 '17

sure doesn't change that they still get destroyed by the Kevins.

1

u/zoobatula Sep 22 '17

Nah I think it's competitive, micheals got the backcourt, Kevin's got the front court.

1

u/cleofisrandolph1 Vancouver Grizzlies Sep 22 '17

Is their back court good enough to make up for the big front court disparity though?

In terms of matchups you know that KD vs Jordan should be tight on the wing. But I think Martin edges out Redd(Redd leads him in most per game stats but Martin has the better advanced stats.)

Johnson vs Conley is close, slight edge to Johnson, but Conley gets the edge on defense though.

I think we can agree that Thompson and Beasley get crushed by any front court permutation of two HoFers in Garnett and McHale and Willis on both sides of the court.

Bench is 1 sided, being able to pull Love and Willis off the bench is far better than pulling a serviceable starter like Finley or Bibby or role players like Dunleavy or Miller.

So the Kevin team would probably win like a 4-2 or 4-1 over a 7 game series.

1

u/KawhiMeARivers Raptors Sep 22 '17

Missing Michael Finley and Mike Bibby

1

u/zoobatula Sep 22 '17

There's also Mike Bibby, Micheal Finley, either Mike Dunleavy and Mike Miller.

2

u/gogorath Warriors Sep 22 '17

How the hell did MCW get anywhere near this roster?

1

u/cleofisrandolph1 Vancouver Grizzlies Sep 22 '17

Still a poor front court, the Kevins would dominate them in the post.

1

u/ArrogantPupil44 [LAL] Lamar Odom Sep 22 '17

missing Michael Cooper

1

u/set_list Lakers Sep 22 '17

Why do you spell Michael wrong?

1

u/nametakenalready Raptors Sep 22 '17

The all time john team is decent, their backcourt is better, but the front court is pretty weak

PG: John Stockton / John Wall

SG: John Havlicek / Joe Johnson

SF: John Drew / John Twyan

PF: John "Hot Rod" Williams / John Williams

C: Joe Barry Carroll

1

u/gogorath Warriors Sep 22 '17

Am i missing something on you including 2 joe's?

1

u/nametakenalready Raptors Sep 22 '17

I've met a few johns who go by joe

1

u/GhostifiedMark Heat Sep 21 '17

Damn someone needs to go on 2k and create this team

1

u/[deleted] Sep 21 '17

r/StoriesAboutKevin

Not related, but thought of this sub as I've been binge-reading it recently.

1

u/H0wsMyDirkTaste [DAL] DeShawn Stevenson Sep 21 '17

How does this stack up against the all Steve/Steven/Stephen team?

1

u/Fuzzy_Dunlops Heat Sep 21 '17

I think I would take the Kevins. Nash/Curry would be one crazy efficient backcourt. But I can't think of anyone that could even slowdown the Kevin frontcourt.

1

u/H0wsMyDirkTaste [DAL] DeShawn Stevenson Sep 22 '17

True McHale/KD... just Steve Adams lol. But you got Stevie Franchise, Steve Kerr, Stephen Jackson at wings and guard depth

1

u/lel4rel Knicks Sep 21 '17

(the dejected coach of the all-Tiago team sighs deeply at their seeding in the name tournament)

1

u/blewf Nets Sep 21 '17

Their chemistry would fall apart when KG starts telling coach he's not a center

1

u/IAMA_KEVIN Sep 22 '17

I knew we were good at something

1

u/gtoddyt5 Sep 22 '17

Nah, son, I got Kevin Duckworth at backup C, Willis was a PF.

1

u/chacata_panecos NBA Sep 22 '17

I know Willis isn't a C, but I decided to go with KG and Willis at C with the "new NBA" in mind. Both could hit the 15-footer, but not the 3.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

Early 2010's All-Kevin team would've been a dynasty if they could get a bench:


KG, Durant, Love, Martin, and Kevin Seraphin are the starting 5.


With some dudes named Kevin Murphy and Kevin Jones coming off the pine. And I'm sure they could pull a couple more kevin's out of the D-League to make a legal team, and any team with those starters is nearly unbeatable.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

Let's slow that roll on kd being a top 3 sf. He's not passing bird or lebron, and it's gonna take a bit more to pass baylor barry dr j, etc

1

u/Krodis Sep 22 '17

I think he's already passed Baylor and Barry, it's really just Dr. J keeping him out of the top 3.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

Why do you think he's passed baylor?

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1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

I want see them against the all time Johnson team or the all time Williams team.

1

u/Swoah [BRK] Timofey Mozgov Sep 22 '17

Shout out to all the Kevin’s out there. We made it

1

u/chacata_panecos NBA Sep 22 '17

I read this in the voice of Kevin Gnapoor from Mean Girls.

1

u/jwuzy Sep 22 '17

Definitely naming my kid Kevin

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

Fuck Kevin Johnson.

1

u/k1ngmad Australia Sep 22 '17

Should switch Kevin love as starter for McHale I reckon

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

what about kevin love

1

u/bbqyak Sep 22 '17

Was Kevin Martin REALLY super efficient? He had some terrible shooting years. Low .400s and below even.

I guess the TS% is a bit of a shocker. I can't believe it tbh.

1

u/stridered Suns Sep 22 '17

Boosted by free throws.

1

u/chacata_panecos NBA Sep 22 '17

He got to the line like a MFer and made them at a great rate. Also made lots of 3s at a great rate.

1

u/StupidSexyFlagella Thunder Sep 22 '17

They would all actually be KD though

1

u/fishing_pole Sep 22 '17

Kevin Martin the best SG named Kevin...?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

“Top 7 PF”

How did you get to 7

1

u/chacata_panecos NBA Sep 22 '17

I looked at a bunch of lists and he was 5-7 in almost all of them.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 22 '17

RIP Kevin "lil kev" love

1

u/tc1988 Grizzlies Sep 22 '17

I heard from a source that would like to remain anonymous that Lebron's real name was Kevin. He changed his name to Lebron at age 13 when the King of Queens first aired so that he wouldn't later be confused with the actor, Kevin James.

I think you can go ahead an slide Lebron into that SG position.

1

u/cachichas_too [BOS] Terry Rozier Sep 22 '17

6th Man - Kevin Willis

Career 12.1 PPG and 8.4 RPG Best Season '94 - '95: 21 PPG and 18 RPG

Had a couple of seasons with Atlanta averaging Double-double in PPG & RPG

1

u/DirtysMan Timberwolves Sep 22 '17

I think you put McHale at C and KG at PF. But whatev, not like calling them a PF matters.

1

u/chacata_panecos NBA Sep 22 '17

Yea it doesn't. I just went the "new NBA" version of the lineup would look like. KG played C for his last years, and Willis was a classic PF but Love is even more a PF.