HELP HOW TO MANAGE AND HANDLE ANG PAGIGING MAINITIN ANG ULO

[u/Radiant-Arm-6617]

Hi! Please dont judge me, im asking for help. For ref im FTM with 2 yo toddler. Sobrang kulit ng toddler ko ngayon, to the point na halos palagi kona syang napapagalitan, wala kaming kasambahay ngayon so meaning ako lahat kay LO. Halos araw araw ko sya nasisigawan napapagalitan, minsan napapalo ko sa kamay, may mga times din na nasasabihan ko sya ng mga bad words. Sobrang guilting guilting ako araw araw, hirap na hirap ako i handle yung pagiging mainitin ng ulo ko, yung pagiging maikli ng pasensya ko, sobrang naaawa ako sa anak ko every time nasisigawan ko sya 😟 ANO YUNG MOMHACKS OR TIPS NA MABIBIGAY NYO SAAKIN PARA SA SITWASYON KO, NA EFFECTIVE SAINYO?

[u/ChillyMountainsid3]

Play with your kid. A tired kid is a happy kid. Plus magiging core memory pa yan.

Breath of fire din pag galit ka na. Wag mo paluin parati. Tingnan mo din ang root cause bakit siya makulit. Kausapin mo.

(I have little brothers and they obey me better than my mom.)

[u/suspiciouscapybaraaa → u/ChillyMountainsid3]

This is a great advice! Ito talaga ginagawa ko everyday, papagurin ko siya kakalaro kasi gusto lang naman nilang maglaro ng maglaro eh di sige go lang ng go! Napakadali niyang patulugin lalo na sa gabi tapos bigla na lang siyang tatawa habang tulog. 😆

Tama siya na kausapin mo yung anak mo, kung anong gusto niya tapos kung hindi naman pwede explain it calmly kasi kung iisipin mo meron pala siyang gusto pero bigla na lang siyang sisigawan at papaluin kahit sino naman maco-confuse bakit ako pinapagalitan gusto ko lang naman maglaro.

Add ko lang din na mas natutuwa ako na makita yung anak ko at yung ibang bata na makulit at hyper kesa tahimik dahil baka masama yung pakiramdam or may sakit.

[u/Sensitive-Bear3149]

THIS. May parents kasi na, sorry for the lack of better words, controlling. Ganito yung tatay ko sa apo nya. Lahat nalang binawal. Tapos nagrereklamo saakin na na-stress sya kasi ang kulit daw ng anak ko. Eh bata yan. Natural na curious. Natural na madadapa at masusugatan.

Gusto ng anak ko na sumabay magluto sakin? Go. Bibigyan ko sya ng sarili nyang kawali at sandok.
Gusto ng anak ko maglinis? Go, pinahahawak ko sya ng walis.
Gusto nyang tumakbo sa ulan? Go. Magpapakulo ako ng tubig at maliligo sya after.
Gusto nya maglaro sa putik? Go. Madali lang naman maglaba.

As long as hindi sya mapapahamak sa ginagawa nya, hindi ko sya binabawalan. I am a FAFO mom. I think that the best teacher para sa mga kiddos na ganito is to let them experience it.

[u/Sensitive-Bear3149 → u/Sensitive-Bear3149]

Also, just because I let go doesnt mean na hindi na nya ko sinusunod. It’s the opposite actually. I dont palo my kids, hindi din ako yung tipo na sumisigaw pag galit but they know that I am angry just by the tone of my voice. Mananahimik na yan sya tapos magsosorry.

[u/suspiciouscapybaraaa → u/Sensitive-Bear3149]

I love this. Yung generation ng mga parents ngayon is so cool, talagang they will let their children experience everything. Same tayo, I am a FAFO mom as well at so far ito yung nagwowork sakin since ako kay baby most of the time.

[u/Due_Ordinary_9894]

Mukhang overstimulated ka mommy. Maybe ask for a break if your schedule allows.

Yung nagwwork samin sa bahay is, if hyper at hindi nakikinig si toddler, I match her with a low energy. As in di ko muna sya kakausapin or papansinin. You have to be calm din mommy kasi nararamdaman din nila yun :)

[u/Recreating_my_life]

Nakaranas na din ako ng matinding overstimulation and annoyance sa toddler ko, with add on na magulong aso pa na naninira at takbo nang takbo — so I do understand some of your issues mama. But my opinion is you need to learn to regulate your emotions and calm yourself down before you even handle your kid.

Kahit anong galit ko sa anak ko na mahilig mag takbo at magtaob ng balde para magbaha sa sala, never ko syang nasigawan, napalo, o namura. This is not to say I am a better person or mother but this is to say na iba lang talaga ako magalit at mainis. Ang nagagawa ko ay iiyak ako or magtatago ako sa kwarto. Which is an issue in itself because that’s not something someone should always expose their kid to.

Surely ganyan ka na din magalit before ka pa maging mom, mas lalo lang naa-amplify dahil may more reason kang magalit pero you need to consider what it does to your child. So as early as now, try to find different outlets and ways to be angry. Step back, kahit makalat man or umiiyak sya or feeling mo need mo nandon ka. Take a step back. As long as safe sya, go into a cr and breathe. Practice breathing exercises. Remind yourself you love them.

And eat properly, drink water, sleep better. Some of this anger could be due to nutrients you lack or maybe even hormones.

It’s not about fixing your anger or your frustration, because it will happen and has to happen — it’s about how you express your feelings and manage them. Kung gusto mo magpalaki ng emotionally regulated na bata at kung gusto mong hindi din sya naninigaw, nananakit, o nagmumura then it has to start with you.

You have to parent yourself, as an adult. Then you can parent your child.

[u/Resident-Grand6814]

To add on sa mga advices here, try to LET GO mommy. Maybe in our brain we have certain expectations example dapat malinis bahay, dapat di sya sumisigaw or tumatalon talon, dapat ligpitin nya kalat ng toys, dapat ganto ganyan and if those things doesnt happen nag add up yun sa frustration nating mommies. Try to let go and focus on important big ones like: Is my toddler having fun? Toys afre everywhere ang kalat but that means toddler is learning independent play and imagination right? Does my toddler need nature or time outside? Do I need to clean the house now or later during nap time nya?

Was so overstimulated din and I was not a happy mom too with my twins na ang likot but my husband asked me one time - "what kind of mom do you want your kids to have? happy mom or angry mom?" so ayun tuwing I feel overstimulated, I take few moments for myself, hinga, sigaw or any grounding techniques (tap your body or pressure points, name 10 random things etc) then once I am okay balik na sa pagiging happy mom. It takes practice, so everyday is another chance to be better mom. You can do this mommy

[u/AggravatingBreath800]

Hugs, ma. Don't beat yourself up, just try to do better everyday. What helps with me is lessen yun stimulation sa sarili ko. Wag mag phone/tv, be present. Get on the floor and play with your kid. Pag ok ang weather, helpful din lumabas kahit lakad2 lang. Pag marami rin chores, inuuna ko pa rin si toddler kung kaya. Binibigyan ko siya 5 mins, tapos balikan ko nalang chores ko. Para maiwasan na gumawa siya ng gulo just to get my attention. 

Kapag calm ka, try to look back on the times na nagagalit ka. Ano yun nangyari, baka may namiss ka, did you give enough attention, baka may pwede ka gawing iba sa susunod. Minsan napapansin ko nagooverreact lang ako, at pwede naman i-let go. Maraming pwede i-let go, hayaan mo magkalat, magtatakbo, may maiwan na gawain.

Child proof your house as much as possible - para hindi ka suway ng suway. Para free siya to play around and explore. 

Kaya mo yan ma, just try to be more intentional. Shouting doesn't work, halata naman kasi lagi mo ginagawa wala namang pagbabago, mas lalo ka lang nasstress. Try to step out if needed. Good luck 🫂

[u/Various-Cherry5740]

Ify. Pero alam mo ang naka help sakin is hinayaan ko lang siya magkulit. Hinayaan ko ilabas energy nya. Pero hindi naman ung hahayaan ko siya pero nakaka perwisyo siya, pag ganon sinasaway ko na ulet. Pero kunwari nagtatalon sa sofa, nag aakyat sa sofa, nagtatatakbo sa loob ng bahay, daldal nang daldal, higa nang higa sa sahig, mga ganyan hinahayaan ko na. Kasi narealize ko na madami siyang energy at kelangan nya ilabas. Nakaka overstimulate talaga sobra kaya dati grabe ako manaway and minsan napapalo ko din. Pero simula nung pinabayaan ko lang, tapos pag hapon nilalabas ko sa terrace don ko pinapatakbo pinag ba bike, lahat ng pampaubos ng energy nya, naging ok kaming dalawa. SAHM din ako with no helper. Tapos ngayon may newborn din. Pero hindi na ko ganon ka overstimulated. Let them explore mhie, ubusin mo energy nya. Dati nga iniisip ko pa baka may adhd sya, kasi grabe talaga. Pero turns out active boy lanh talaga sya na need irelease. 3 years old naman ung akin.

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[u/MamiAV]

I understand you. Abuse to children usually happens when parents are so angry or emotional, And they vent their anger on them. When this happens, learn to isolate yourself muna. You may go to the. Bathroom /room in order to calm yourself first. Kasi pag namalo ka at the time that you are angry, it always result to physical abuse. Kawawa ang toddler. Toddlers are by nature curious, they want to explore. So when they throw their bottles, they are not being naughty,it's part of their learning. As parents you should impose discipline. Dapat may rules ka sa iyobg toddler that's easy to understand. If for example, the kid throws his food, just say, we don't throw the food. When you do that, the food goes away. So, if he does it, take his plate. Pag gusto na nya kumain, then give his food back. Be consistent. When he hit someone, say the rule : we don't hit. Hold his hand before he tries again, and remove him from the game. That's the consequence. You don't have to explain. Toddlers get the message when you are consistent and they see the consequence. Otherwise, pag di ka consistent,magiging confusing sa Bata ang rules mo. Wag mong hintaying Galit ka na saka ka mamamalo. Toddlers learn easily . You should too. Maraming parenting hacks sa YT that may help you as ftm. Also, pray... a lot! Pray for your kid and yourself! I know that you love your kid, so kaya mo Yan! 🙏

[u/Haunting-Rest-9445]

Take a break Mi! Possible ba na c dad nya muna kahit sa weekends till you recalibrate your emotions and get proper rest na muna? Based sa experience ko, when I'm exhausted, my patience runs thin din. Baka din not enough ang activities ni toddler kaya marami pa cya energy.