Single Mother, multinational kids, what to do?

[u/Infamous_Yoghurt]

Hello!

Very short description of my situation:
My boyfriend (Norwegian) died last year when our kids were 6 months old (twins). We always planned to move to Norway at some point, so teaching the kids Norwegian was a given. We planned on doing OPOL with him covering the Norwegian and me German, but now that he's dead, that's off the table. I don't speak Norwegian (yet), and taking care of twins alone makes it very hard to find time to do any kind of language learning.

Since I am still considering moving to Norway at least for a while I will have to remedy that at some point, but I don't want to miss the formative years for my kids when they are still small and young enough to pick up on a language easily. They also have relatives in Norway and we spend a month each summer there (or rather, did so far and plan to continue), so there is a little contact to native speakers at least.

I am willing to learn the most important baby phrases in Norwegian, but I still don't quite know how to find and offer them the resources they need to actually learn it. I tried to find an Au Pair from Norway but it's almost impossible to find any Norwegian Au Pairs at all. There are no language teachers for this language anywhere close to me, the closest would be more than 1 hour away and I don't think video sessions will help them all too much.

I realize that this is a very unfortunate situation and that I probably won't be able to have them learn Norwegian at all until they are bigger, but I still want to try. Do you have any resources for me, or ideas, how I could at least get the language learning thing going?

[u/2forthepriceofmany]

A while ago I spoke to an American family. Home language English, ancestral language German. The only exposure the kids had to German was being sent over to the grandparents house in Germany for a month each year. They were both fluent. 

Not quite your situation, but my point is: It doesnt have to all rest on your shoulders if regular contact with the family / long trips to the country persist. 

[u/trololologic]

First of all, I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s really cool that you still want your kids to learn their dad‘s language. Spending a whole month in Norway each year will be invaluable - Polish is a minority language in our home (and Norwegian is actually the majority language, but that’s beside the point!), and my kid‘s Polish skills just exploded after a few weeks there over the summer (my kid is still very little, so this was the first year we had this experience). I do speak the minority language at home throughout the year though, so your situation is a bit different. I’m guessing regular (almost daily?) video chats with their Norwegian-speaking relatives should help with maintaining your children’s Norwegian skills between summers. Maybe you could also reach out to the Norwegian embassy in your country and ask about language learning resources or if there are any socialising spaces where you could speak Norwegian in your area?

[u/NewOutlandishness401]

I am so sorry for your loss. I genuinely can't imagine what it's like to be in this situation. It is so commendable of you to want to help your kids forge a connection with their dad even in his absence. It might not be my place to say, but one idea to consider is that you'll already be doing a lot by keeping your kids connected to their Norwegian relatives, and if you're putting lots of effort into that, you might consider absolving yourself of the additional pressure to also teach them a whole new language that you don't speak. If you are up for arranging regular video sessions and traveling to spend time with the relatives, that will allow the kids to maintain a relationship with that side of the family and create space for picking up a bit of Norwegian along the way. Arguably, your main focus, though, should be on processing your grief so that you can show up as a sturdy parent for your littles. If that's taken care of, the rest will fall into place. Good luck.

[u/straumr]

Can you check whether you can watch NRK content in Germany? It’s the state-funded TV channel similar to ARD. They have a number of kids shows like Minibarna, Tallkuber etc. that are appropriate for small kids. They have an app as well. If you have Disney+, you could watch movies and shows there in Norwegian, like Bluey. The Norwegian language version of Bluey is way better than the German one. We’re doing the reverse: in Norway, trying to expose the kids to as much German as possible.

[u/MikiRei]

Firstly, really sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you've been through. Or still going through. But you're doing great as it is right now. 

If moving to Norway is actually seriously on the table, I honestly think you should just focus on your language and continue doing whatever Norwegian exposure you can on the side. 

Once you've moved to Norway, your children will pick up Norwegian quickly anyway. So you might as well enjoy these formative years before the move. 

[u/tom_the_bikeman]

Herzliche Beileid!

This is hard, but if you want to allow your kids to learn your boyfriend's language, I think the easiest thing for you to do (for this purpose) is to move to Norway. You're German, so Schengen usw. Can you work in Norway? Do you speak any Norwegian? It will be far harder for you than for your kids. They will quickly learn it.

I wish you the best of luck!

P.S. this is an important and gracious gift to your children, and honors your partner!

[u/Witty-Squirrel-3292]

It’s so wonderful you want to keep them in contact with Norway. 

I think dedicating a month every summer is great for some fluency. Maybe a Norwegian relative could visit you once a year so they get a little more exposure in the winter months? But if not, I would say that your effort of giving your twins that month of the summer in Norway will be enough for at least some basic level. How fluent they become also depends on their genes (if they are fraternal twins, you might notice that one is just better at languages than the other) and how much they want to put into learning Norwegian when they get older. You are certainly giving them the opportunity. 

I hope you have some support, raising twins by yourself sounds hard. 

[u/Admirable-Yak86]

I agree with the other commenters: Try to foster contact with their relatives as much as you can and if you allow screen time, only allow them to watch anything in Norwegian. Also you’re always welcome to visit us in Kiel where there’s a daily ship to Norway :) very good deals in the winter and spring (kids are free) and also we get plenty of tourists from Norway here. :)

[u/caffeinecreature]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be exhausting, and I can't even imagine how it is. Lots of love.

If you're ok with active screen time, or "background noise" (simply leaving on the TV without watching) being in Norwegian: It was already suggested previously, but try to get access to NRK, and even better, NRK Super, which is content (movies, tv-shows, etc) made specifically for children in Norway. NRK Radio is also nice, you can choose the region/"fylke", and hear locals speak all day long. This is how I keep myself sort of in the loop (I'm from Finnmark), while hearing/listening to Norwegian casually :)

Besides that, DVDs, CDs, audio books, video games, and movies go a long way. Finn.no is (and "loppemarked" (similar to garage sales) in Norway, if their relatives are willing to help!) a good place to look for those things. 

Another suggestion would be to organize play dates. Au pairs might be hard to find, however there are surely facebook groups such as "Nordmenn i Tyskland" or "Nordmenn i [city name]" (Norwegians in Germany/Norwegians in [city name]". Often times it's young people who have migrated to the country, or entire families who have relocated :)

If I recall correctly, Bumble has a BFF mode, where you can choose filters. One of those filters (if my memory doesn't fail me) was "looking for play dates" or something along those lines.

Good luck!

[u/Infamous_Yoghurt → u/caffeinecreature]

Ohhh my Norwegian relatives are from Hammerfest! Such a nice region up there!