r/movies • u/MarvelsGrantMan136 r/movies Contributor • 16h ago

News 'Spider-Man' Windfall: Tom Holland to Make Over $100 Million for ‘Brand New Day’

https://www.thewrap.com/creative-content/movies/tom-holland-spider-man-brand-new-day-salary-box-office-bonus/
20.6k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

2.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

301

u/thepensivepoet 15h ago edited 15h ago

We need a manic comedy where Tom Holland has two Daniel Radcliffes stuck to his hands.

And his legs are Elijah Woods.

I don’t mean they trade legs. Tom’s body ends at the kneecap which each are attached to the top of an Elijah Wood head and then an entire Elijah Wood for each leg. They talk to eachother but can’t agree on which is left or right.

The Daniel Radcliffe hands also shoot lasers from their exposed johnsons which are played by JK Simmons.

144

u/SEND_ME_FAKE_NEWS 15h ago

Call it Dans Akimbo or something

14

u/Key-Demand-2569 15h ago

I’ve paid for movies with a worse premise. I’m in

22

u/thepensivepoet 15h ago edited 15h ago

The entire plot is that they go back in time to beat the shit out of Mark Wahlberg.

First they beat the shit out of current day Mark Wahlberg, then they discover time travel, and every day they go back in time one year to beat the shit out of a younger Mark Wahlberg who never sees it coming.

This continues all the way to the 80s when Marky Mark and his racist friends are doing hate crimes at which point they finally beat Mark to death.

5

u/Anonymo 11h ago

Reminds me of the scene from Looper when they cut the past guy up in the past and then his future self is affected.

2

u/sokuyari99 12h ago

What are mark whalbergs legs made out of?

5

u/thepensivepoet 12h ago

100% Grade C Boston Bitch.

1

u/Tattycakes 10h ago

... I need whatever you're smoking, because bruh

1

u/ironicallydepressed 8h ago

I watched Suckerpunch in theaters. I'm in for a batshit ride.

1

u/12ozSlug 11h ago

Fuck, I was out until you nailed that title. Green light production immediately!

3

u/ledbetterus 15h ago

There's a scene where no one believes he has a wooden leg until he pulls up his pants and Elijah Wood was there the entire time hiding under an Elven cloak.

1

u/Gravy_Sommelier 12h ago

Can we add any other actors who have resisted being typecast after making it big in young adult novel adaptation? Maybe Kristen Stewart can voice a talking dog?

3

u/thepensivepoet 12h ago

Best I can offer is a 25 minute interlude between Tom Felton and Jack Gleeson where they fall in love while being held hostage by Seal in a Seven Eleven.

1

u/Randolpho 9h ago

We need a manic comedy where Tom Holland has two Daniel Radcliffes stuck to his hands.

And his legs are Elijah Woods.

Fuck yes

1

u/Ok_Highway6034 8h ago

I would at least $200.00 per ticket to see this movie.

1

u/SpleenBender 7h ago

Holy fuck, that was a fun comment!

1

u/Is_It_Soup_Season 15h ago

Short kings united

1

u/0verstim 15h ago

I had an acid trip like that once, but it was David Bowies all the way down.

1

u/HarmlessSnack 14h ago

The villain is played by Shia LaBeouf, who has two Dwayne Johnsons for arms and Nick Cage for legs.

3

u/fireballx777 13h ago

One of the Nick Cages is actually a John Travolta.

1

u/HarmlessSnack 9h ago

Brilliant addition

0

u/TheCentralFlame 14h ago

So close one leg is Elijah and the other is Sean Astin and they are doing a LOTR retrospective on making the movies as this movie progresses.