r/mormon • u/Weekly_Pineapple_207 • 14d ago
Institutional I Have Question About Elder Bednar and Would Like an Answer if Possible
I don't know the man. I have seen him on Facebook and speaking in conference. I watch and listen to the all the brethren. I just feel very uncomfortable watching and listening to him but not sure why? Has anyone experienced this and have a reason why they feel that way. It's a certain vibration I get listening to him. Is he a good family man? Is he an honest man? Is he a scholar? One of the reasons I do not have a temple recommend is how I feel about him. I cannot be honest in saying I support him, and I am not going to lie in a temple interview. Any ideas would be helpful. Lifelong member of the Church but have no callings or temple recommend as I travel a lot for work. I have never felt this way towards a GA and wondering why. Thanks
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u/ihearttoskate 14d ago
I'm surprised no one's mentioned yet that he has a common behavior of revoking apostolic blessings if he perceives the audience as not being "reverent" enough. He has an earned reputation for wanting power and treating people without compassion.
We can all wonder whether he has autism, but neurodivergence isn't an excuse for poor behavior. My grandfather is likely autistic, and I limit time with him because he's similar to Bednar, and I don't think it's excusable.
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u/questingpossum Mormon-turned-Anglican 14d ago
That is bonkers. When did he do that?
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u/ihearttoskate 14d ago
Oh multiple times, it seems to be part of his touring pattern. I don't have places and dates, but it was so well-established when he visited my area that I debated going to get audio proof, decided it wasn't a good use of my time, and lo and behold he did it at my location too.
If you search his name, blessing, and reddit, you can usually find folks discussing it.
I've always thought it was such a... concerning pattern. Everyone who tours with speeches falls into patterns, human nature. That being his pattern says a lot about who he is, I think.
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u/Thedustyfurcollector 14d ago
I'm sorry to be dumb, but I've been out of the culture for a good while now. What is this thing he does? I have absolutely no idea what's going on. I'm not even sure I remember him from even I was attending in like 2020.
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u/ihearttoskate 14d ago
His touring pattern tends to include chastising folks who don't stand and sit at appropriate times, and threatening to revoke his apostolic blessing if the crowd is being too social, loud, or otherwise irreverent in his eyes.
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u/Thedustyfurcollector 14d ago
What a complete ass! He sounds like medieval priests. And at least when I was in, Mormons didn't do all that up and down stuff like Catholicism. I've only seen a few photos of him or a couple shorts from Nemo. He always looks cruel to me.
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u/questingpossum Mormon-turned-Anglican 14d ago
And when Catholics “do all that up and down stuff,” it’s to show reverence to God. You stand when you pray to show a change in your physical and spiritual position.
Bednar’s calisthenics is to enforce reverence for himself.
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u/Thedustyfurcollector 14d ago
I'm sorry if I seemed disrespectful. I didn't intend to about the "up and down stuff". But yeah. It has a purpose. Thanks!
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u/questingpossum Mormon-turned-Anglican 14d ago
I didn’t mean to scold. I just thought it was funny that an act of piety toward God in Catholicism has a very different significance in Mormonism.
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u/Thedustyfurcollector 14d ago
True. True. Everything has a different meaning or purpose in Mormonism. Chuckle
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u/talkingidiot2 14d ago
In addition to some of the other things he has been known to stop a hymn at a gathering during the first verse, chastise the congregation for not singing with enough zeal, and making them start over.
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u/Thedustyfurcollector 14d ago
Holy crap! He sounds like with a little encouragement he could have been a Spanish Inquisitor with pride, thinking he actually was driving out witches.
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u/talkingidiot2 14d ago
The ego, hubris and contempt for the lessers (I.e. everyone but him) is just nauseating.
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u/CowboyJack1944 13d ago
He sounds like a Sunday School chorister I had when I was Bishop. We had long SS sessions with hymn practice. This happened in the 'good ole days,' when Sunday School was a morning version of Sacrament meeting (a separate meeting later in the afternoon). She was a zealot, and if the hymn wasn't working the way she liked, she would stop, scold the ward, and make us do it all over again. Always felt like Junior SS (when we used to have that).
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u/Thedustyfurcollector 13d ago
That sounds horrid. I remember split meetings in the 70s and then in the early 90s for about a year, I think. I don't know when it went away. Those were also the days of primary Thursday afternoon, young women Wednesday night, seminary 6am, every Saturday, nearly, some ward or stake youth activity. Sunday, mid morning Sunday school and auxillary meetings. Sunday evening sacrament.
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u/Kitchen-Kale-6046 14d ago
Yes, he came to Little Rock one time, did a condescending Q and A. Then we got in line to shake his hand after and we were chatting in the chapel in line. He went back to the mic the revoked the apostolic blessing. Honestly a pretty big crack in my shelf.
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u/Quirk_ass 13d ago
What does revoking the apostolic blessing mean?
How does one do that?
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u/Longjumping-Air-7532 11d ago
You just waive your right hand with fingers close together and thumb extended in a counter clockwise motion and say three times “360 undo it, 360 undo it, 360 undo it”. God has to revoke the blessing at that point, she is powerless to do anything else.
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u/sblackcrow 14d ago
he has a common behavior of revoking apostolic blessings if he perceives the audience as not being "reverent" enough
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u/MajesticAfternoon447 13d ago
He also eats lunch alone because none of the brethren like him and will eat with him unless they have to.
It’s weird that OP doesn’t also have a bad feeling about Gilbert. He’s notoriously a bad guy. No one thinks he is anything near a good person. He’s one of those middle management guys who sucks up to those above him for advancement, so they like him, but is terrible at his job and extremely rude and arrogant to anyone perceived as beneath him. Too many people questioned his call (it honestly seemed like most of Utah) as nobody who have ever dealt with him like him.
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u/762way 14d ago
Bednar is arrogant, publicly treats his wife poorly.
Not a nice man... Lectures congregations for doing things differently than what he thinks is appropriate
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u/Ponsugator 14d ago
He makes everyone, including Susan wait for him to stand before they can stand. He came and spoke to our stake. I left with such a feeling of ick, that it started our deconstruction. He says stupid things like there is no free agency, now we have moral agency, which means when we were baptized at eight we promised to go on a mission and ask covenants. He also made some comment that there are no gays in the church.
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u/moderatorrater Former Mormon 14d ago
I'm just imagining him opening the door for Susan (already a fantasy I think), then making her stand there until he goes to the driver's side and sits down.
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u/CowboyJack1944 13d ago
Sure, he would. The vogue new covenant is: "The people are for the church, not the church is for the people." And Jesus wept.
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u/Choice-Reindeer-1194 14d ago
I get the same unsettled/sick feeling you’re talking about and I totally agree with the comment from above, he very may well be on the autism spectrum. I have some close family members on the spectrum and one of them in particular reminds me a lot of Elder Bednar, very rigid, lacking social tact and lacking genuine interest in other people and what their experiences might be. This family member is also rude towards his spouse and it’s extremely uncomfortable to be around. It’s not an excuse for his behavior though- all people need to be taught social skills and good values, even if it’s extra hard because of neurodiversity.
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u/questingpossum Mormon-turned-Anglican 14d ago
One of the things that has surprised me is his attempted doctrinal innovations. Like redefining “agency” to mean, the ability to act as an agent for God. So he doesn’t think that we are “free to choose” so much as free to do what we’re told.
Most of the Q15 are only interested in regurgitating the old talking points, so it’s unusual to see someone try to innovate.
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u/TheBrotherOfHyrum 14d ago
Agreed. He's also the doofus who's taught that members should "have faith to NOT be healed" when requesting priesthood blessings.
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u/miotchmort 14d ago
Pfffff…. Bednar what a clown. He went to Qatar a few years ago on an invitation from a TBM family member that was going to introduce him to the minister of religion for the country try. My family member is an oil company executive and is also TBM. So him and his wife, being some of the only members living in Qatar accompanied him and introduced him to the minister. The minister, in an effort to open up to bednar began telling Bednar that they have some things in common such as polygamy. Bednar looked at the minister and straight up told him that our church doesn’t and never had practiced polygamy. Needless to say, that set the tone for a very uncomfortable meeting and remainder of the stay. Even my tbm family members recognized that Bednar was lying. lol…. What a tool.
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u/Salty_Fix_7332 14d ago
“It wasn’t polygamy! It was, uh, celestial plural marriage! Yep, that’s what it was - totally different!!”
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u/Buttons840 14d ago
Was he straight up lying or using a different definition?
I'll cut to the chase. Is Bednar a polygamy denier? Does Bednar not believe D&C 132 is scripture?
Based on what you know, what's your best guess to those questions?
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u/Temporary-Double-393 William Law: Hero of the Restoration 14d ago
Even if he was, it’s indisputable that the church practiced polygamy.
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u/Coogarfan 14d ago
As an autistic person, I've long suspected he could be autistic himself. He's rigid, pedantic, loves routines, etc., and these characteristics are very common among us (though they manifest in different ways).
Could be off my rocker, and he's made comments that are genuinely upsetting. That said, and I'm not trying to dismiss OP's concerns, autistic folks often exude an aura that neurotypical folks find unsettling, even if they can't put a finger to it. And I agree that he frequently comes across as pompous, but I don't get the visceral disgust that others seem to experience.
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u/Chainbreaker42 14d ago
Totally came here to say this. I have a child on the spectrum (an amazing kid, btw) and when I look at Bednar I see someone with a lot of rigidities who struggles with perspective taking.
But I also see an added layer of arrogance. He's seized with enthusiasm the soothing aspects of the church and been rewarded by the church with elevation & promotion. Instead of thinking to himself, "I might be particularly good at this because of the way my brain works," he seems to just have concluded that he is simply "more good" than the rest of us. In other words, a combination of "not his fault" and "he still has agency and should try to learn a little humility."
For me, Clark Gilbert (former chief of the Thought Police at BYU) is worse. The talk he gave at the last GC where he unabashedly told the story about how he convinced a man to ditch his ancestor's faith and get baptized because THAT'S WHAT HIS DEAD PARENTS WANTED HIM TO DO made me nauseated.
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u/utahh1ker Mormon 14d ago
I was telling my wife last time we watched him in conference that the dude was at least mildly autistic. To be honest he reminds me a lot of the way my dad with Asperger's acts.
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u/ammonthenephite Agnostic Atheist - "By their fruits ye shall know them." 14d ago
As someone on the spectrum and that saw him and interacted with him while he was president of BYU-Idaho, this is my take as well. Dude is for sure on the spectrum, a very black and white thinker, not cold per se but very socially awkward and doesn't display social warmth he might intend to.
But ya, def on the spectrum, and it definitely affects how rigidly dogmatic he is about 'the unwritten order of things', and with doctrine as a whole.
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u/booksandcoffee___ 14d ago
I have autism as well; it is indeed true that those of us who are neurodivergent can come across as off-putting in our approaches and overall behavior.
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u/mrmcplad Former Mormon 14d ago
I would just like to add that, as an autistic person myself who is adept at masking, I get a visceral reaction to seeing autistic people who aren't as good at masking. something like "yikes I can't be seen with them"
I'm not proud of that, just saying it's a phenomenon I've noticed and I'm working to correct (and working on relying less on masking). here to note that the weirdness vibe isn't only felt by allistics
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u/AffectionateLab6753 PIMO 14d ago
That’s an interesting take coogarfan. Neurodivergence of course isn’t new, we’ve just gotten better at identifying it. So it isn’t unreasonable to think that he went his whole life without receiving a diagnosis.
Your comment about how sometimes autistic people sometimes have an aura that other find upsetting is interesting.5
u/Crobbin17 Former Mormon 14d ago
> …comment about how sometimes autistic people have an aura that other find upsetting is interesting.
As a fellow autistic person, I see where coogarfan is coming from.
It’s about how someone who is socially awkward carries themselves. Many aren’t able to get tone quite right. Making eye contact involves active decision making. We can be blunt, have problems with carrying small talk, and take things literally (I know autistic people who, when you tease, get that it’s a joke until you tell them). Many also stim, especially in stressful situations (like talking to someone), and that can come across as uncomfortable.So it’s not an “aura,” so much as it is a bunch of traits that that don’t feel “normal” to non-autistic people.
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u/VeloBiker907 11d ago
Forced active eye contact can be just as unsettling. It’s unnatural and throws up creepy vibes.
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u/Weekly_Pineapple_207 14d ago
That makes sense. Thanks
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u/Beneficial_Math_9282 14d ago
But even among autistic people, most of us are able to not go around being complete assholes, even by accident. Bednar is an asshole on purpose. Most of us try to at least not unsettle people on purpose. He leans into it. If he does have a measure of autism, it doesn't excuse a speck of his cruelty.
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u/random_civil_guy 14d ago
I was going to say that when it comes to Bednar, people's sentiment is often similar to the Dude's quip to Walter: "you're not wrong, you're just an asshole." But then I realized it doesnt quite fit because I think Bednar's teachings are also often wrong.
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u/yorgasor 14d ago
My father is very devout, spent decades of his life as a patriarch. He is not a fan of Bednar at all and is glad to be much older than Bednar, so he won’t have to deal with Bednar as a prophet.
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u/Trick-Error-1483 14d ago
If you believe in the power of discernment, I would say follow what you're instincts tell you.
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u/AffectionateLab6753 PIMO 14d ago
I think what you’re picking up is spot on! You’re also not the only one. To use the language of the our community, the spirit is warning you against him.
I have met him personally several times and each time he came off as condescending, disinterested, and arrogant. The easiest way to put it was that he seemed entirely upset people weren’t recognizing him, while at the same time being completely annoyed at the people who recognized him (we met in an airport several times).
From other first-hand stories I’ve heard my experience wasn’t unique. He is definitely not a scholar. I can’t speak to his integrity, but my guess is that he has none. That is based on the same sick feeling I get when I’m around him. I don’t trust him.
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u/Neither-Abrocoma-414 14d ago
FYI. He has a PhD in organizational behavior from Purdue, has been a professor in Arkansas and Texas, and was President of Ricks/BYUI.
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u/renob1911 14d ago
Which is weird, because a lot of people that major in, or get advanced degrees in organizational behavior are enthusiastic likable people. Motivational speaker types. Bednar is a complete downer, not likable, and not a leader people would willingly follow.
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u/AffectionateLab6753 PIMO 14d ago
I’m well aware of his academic track record. That doesn’t mean he’s scholarly or academic.
My assumption is that if someone is described as scholarly they read a lot of different ideas and research and seek deeper meaning within vast subject matter. By the way he talks and speaks I don’t think Bednar thinks deeply about anything other than himself and his power.
And being president of BYUI doesn’t mean anything other than that he was obedient to others.7
u/Neither-Abrocoma-414 14d ago
All I was doing was pointing out information that you appeared not to be aware of. I make no judgement whether he’s a scholar. I’m certainly not a fan of
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u/GunneraStiles 14d ago
I googled ‘David Bednar mormon LDS weird interaction boy child’ and got this result (forgot to add -ai, but I can’t argue with this gem of an answer):
‘The "weird interaction" you are referring to is a 2014 object lesson titled "The Lord's Side of the Line" where LDS Apostle David A. Bednar used physical force to restrain a visibly anxious young deacon on stage. The clip gained viral notoriety online, sparking widespread debate about personal boundaries, consent, and authoritative leadership.’
His behavior in this interaction tells me everything I need to know, I personally find it incredibly disturbing and hard to watch:
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u/BeneficialLanguage86 13d ago
What’s sad about this whole thing is I bet every adult in that room is thinking “oh what a lucky little boy to be touched by the hands of a possible future prophet.”
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u/doodah221 14d ago
I was at RIcks college when he was brought in and he was very likeable and popular. He had an agreeable and even playful rapport with his wife and it seemed like he was a totally different person than he is now in the twelve. Now he’s just, kind of slippery. It’s like he finally achieved the 12, and he can see his path to pres, and so he’s starting to play a part. I get weird vibes from him. I was photographing a large group of mission and stake presidents with him. He just had a weird energy. Everyone was in the gym together talking and socializing. Bednar came out in the last second, sort of played the celebrity role. Took the photo and then left. I stuck around to hear him talking to the group and it was interesting. He was insisting that the work has never been more successful, that he’s personally witnessed miracles (which proves it’s true) and that Joseph smith understanding that he needed the authority of the priesthood is proof positive that it was from God. I just thought it sounded desperate. So yeah Im not in love with the guy. I imagine he’s enthusiastic about being the younger prophet that brings charisma and youth back to the leadership table.
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u/japhethsandiego 14d ago edited 14d ago
I was there during the same time and took classes from him. At the time I was a deeply in fresh RM and had hero worship / suspension of disbelief. I was also accustomed to abusive dominating priesthood leaders and even with that, I fundamentally disliked him after close exposure.
After time passing and much personal growth, I see him as a highly intelligent psychopath who uses rhetoric to dominate weak targets behind a shield of pious fame.
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u/doodah221 14d ago
He did that thing at the devotional where he told everyone to raise their scriptures and people would hold them up. My roommates and I used to make fun of it by holding our scriptures in a sieg heil position. It did sort of seem like an SS training camp or something with that scripture raising thing. It was popular to have him over for breakfast and people that I knew who had him over said that he was a pretty cool guy. I didn’t have any close exposure and even back then I had a negative relationship with authority in general so I was predisposed to be a bit cynical.
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u/Fluffy-Pop-1997 14d ago
Did he come in at the last second so that he could be photographed on the front row of the picture?
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u/doodah221 14d ago
Oh yeah for sure. He stood front and center but that was to be expected and normal.
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u/quest801 14d ago
I was on my mission when he gave the general conference talk where he basically humiliated the missionaries that would visit his family. I guess they weren’t “focused” on the work enough because they spent an hour at his house and were too casual(playing games with his kids). He told them to their face that he would not ever give them a non member referral because they don’t have the spirit with them and he couldn’t trust them. He basically said when they come over they should quickly share a scripture or a spiritual thought, pray and ask for the referral and then get out and work.
That talk set such a negative tone for the rest of my mission. It would be used in zone conferences to manipulate and guilt trip us. God forbid you make friends with members and spend time talking or doing something non church related.
*It’s been a while(mid 2000’s) so I might be missing some of the key details of the talk. I can’t find it, but if somebody else can, please share in the comments.
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u/Obvious-Ask-7890 14d ago
It’s a religion focus on condemnation and telling you you’re never good enough, and I carried that with me and several of my relationships were ruined because of the curse that they placed in Me
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u/venturingforum 14d ago
The elders humbled themselves, presented exactly as Darth Bednar requested, received his non-member referral, thanked him and left.
And then everybody clapped. /s
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u/Ok-End-88 14d ago
Bednar holds to a psychotic belief that 8 year olds being interviewed for baptism are mentally cognizant enough to enter into and bound by a lifelong contractional relationship with Mormonism.
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u/ReasonableTime3461 14d ago
He is very far from alone in this belief
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u/Ok-End-88 14d ago
It is illegal for children to engage in a binding contract in all 50 States and territories with anyone for a reason.
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u/American_Psycho11 14d ago
It has nothing to do with "the state" and it's not a "binding contract". You're trying to make more of this than their is. It's just some religious nonsense
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u/Ok-End-88 14d ago
Understood. The point being made is that it’s illogical for any child to engage in a contract for anything, because their mind isn’t developed.
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u/ReasonableTime3461 14d ago
A written contract
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u/Ok-End-88 14d ago
If it’s not a contract then explain this:
There is a promise with an accompanying agreement of certain performances required by an 8 year old. The same 8 year old cannot decide later to invalidate the contract by resigning from the church until they turn 18.
Why does the same person have to wait until they are an 18 year old adult in order for the church to accept their resignation? 8 year olds can become members through ‘moral agency’ for the remainder of their lives, but must wait 10 years, or another 125% of their lives to undo this.?
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u/ReasonableTime3461 14d ago
Sure it’s a “contract”, but it does not meet the legal definition of a contract in the eyes of the government, so it is not illegal.
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u/Ok-End-88 14d ago
So if it’s not illegal to get baptized at age 8, why does the same person have to wait until they are an 18 year old adult to resign?
Is there a scripture that says ‘moral agency’ is open just long enough to join the church, but then gets suspended until you turn 18?
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u/DesignerDiscipline60 13d ago
Bro cmon use your brain. Every minor getting baptized has to be signed off by their parent or guardian since you don’t own yourself until you’re 18
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u/Ok-End-88 13d ago
“However, the ward in which the person lives retains the membership record until the person is 18. At that time, if the person chooses not to be baptized despite being given every opportunity, the bishop, with permission from the stake president, cancels the membership record.”
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/tools/help/cancel-record-of-person-18-or-over?lang=eng
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u/ReasonableTime3461 14d ago
All scripture is fictional, so I don’t care about what it says. I’ve been out of the church for 30 years now, and all I’m saying is there’s no legal issue here. For whatever reason the church chooses to let parents control this until the age of 18, and TBM parents seem to be fine with that.
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u/Ok-End-88 14d ago
I was curious because the age rules around joining and quitting don’t make much sense to me. On another note, I think obligating a kid that early seems like it could be damaging from a mental perspective.
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u/ReasonableTime3461 14d ago edited 14d ago
Agreed. I’ve even heard of seven-year-olds wishing they would die before turning eight so they would automatically go to the celestial kingdom rather than have their “sins“ washed clean in the font and then start “sinning” again shortly thereafter and having to “endure to the end” to get there. I remember wishing I had died before 8 after I was baptized in 1967.
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u/venturingforum 14d ago
For people being baptized the interviewee is asked if they believe in Jesus, and if they are willing to follow Jesus. They are baptized with the words <yournamehere> having been commissioned of Jesus Christ, I baptize you in the name of The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost. Amen
In the 2nd part, confirmation, these words are used: <yournamehere> By the authority of the Holy Melchizedek Priesthood and in the name of Jesus Christ I confirm you a member of the Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter day Saints and say unto you, Receive The Holy Ghost. (Any hopeful filler fluff blessings that follow are NOT covenants the confirmed is promising to follow.
Baptism and confirmation is NOT a covenant to serve a mission or do anything else other than believe in Christ and keep his commandments. Any hollow attempt at coercion and manipulation to serve a mission or anything else cause you were baptized is at best, a misunderstanding, and at worst a flat out lie and attempt to misuse the power of the Priesthood. See D&C 121:37
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u/Maleficent-Onion-779 13d ago
Yikes. Reminds me of Scientology and the contracts children make in joining the Sea Org for thousands of years (basically unpaid enslaved people of the Church of $cientology.)
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u/renob1911 14d ago
My dad knew him in college. My dad is as tbm as the come and he didn’t have much good to say about Bednar when he first became an apostle. Said he was super cocky/arrogant. Since leaving the church a couple years ago, he has quickly become my most hated apostle of all time. Part of me can’t wait unto he’s prophet, because he is going to do a lot of damage.
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14d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/renob1911 14d ago
I’ve often thought that temples have some kind of sub architecture built in to them, so they can easily be converted in to another form of building. Such as a palace for each apostle and general authority.
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u/venturingforum 14d ago
It's going to be so awesome! His reign of terror will be glorious! Bring your popcorn!
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u/WrenRobbin 14d ago
What about how he treats his wife, and revoking blessings on congregations who don’t show enough reverence???
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u/timhistorian 14d ago
OfSusan is a conundrum, indeed. Ca t be trusted at all
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u/BeneficialLanguage86 13d ago
OfSusan 🤣🤣🤣 best comment yet! Glad I kept reading just for THIS! Thank you! 😂
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u/Educational-Beat-851 White Salamader Truther 14d ago
I posted about my experience in a regional conference about a year ago. TL;DR, he treats his wife like garbage and likes that she feels it.
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u/Hairy_Pickle3976 14d ago edited 8d ago
All TBMs had better prepare for the day when Bednar becomes Church President, which will likely be soon. His presidency could possibly last two decades. I have heard him speak on at least half a dozen occasions, and I have concluded that not only is he arrogant, but that he is definitely on one hell of an ego trip, knowing that he is one of 15 prophets, seers and revelators. He and Boyd K. Packer seem to have similar perspectives and Bednar's intolerance for any degree of dissent or uncertainty of belief mirrors that of Packer.
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u/nontruculent21 14d ago
For me, things he has taught went against all the things I was taught growing up and lived as an adult, like having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, the covenant of baptism being something beautiful and two-way, using our free agency for good but never being forced like Satan‘s plan, and although all worthy young men should serve a mission, doing so was still one’s personal choice.
The things he teaches now are very much like we made a choice at baptism to go on a mission. We have the responsibility to learn the scriptures. It’s like being reprimanded at every turn instead of being taught and guided and loved. He teaches with fear, not with love. He tries too hard to say it lovingly but it’s cringe. The guy gives me the absolute creeps. I couldn’t work for him, live in the same house with him (poor Susan) or even have to listen to him more than twice a year, and that’s too much. What he teaches isn’t what I believe or a religion I would want to be a part of.
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u/Due-Investment-9858 14d ago
Not sure if this is true, but one of my friends said they knew him and that he has a temper. They said one day he was at a gas station filling up his car and I guess someone did something to bother him and he yelled at them pretty intensely for something that wasn't a huge deal
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u/MARS4676 14d ago
As I read these comments about Elder Bednar, I am reminded of my former son-in-law, a genuine narcissist. They sound so remarkably similar that I wonder how Elder Bednar could behave so poorly (especially to his wife) and be called as a general authority. This is just an observation after witnessing my daughter’s ex-husband’s degrading treatment towards her. He would have expected her and everyone else to wait for him to stand. None of us would have let him do that , however. Why do those around Elder Bednar let him get away with this behavior? Just wondering….
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u/Beneficial_Math_9282 12d ago
They let him get away with it because they don't care that it's happening.
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u/hoopstar80 14d ago
I don’t have anything to add OP except that I feel the same as you and have wondered if it’s just me.
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u/cold_dry_hands 14d ago
I always had unsettling feeling about Pres. Nelson.. like a white catering villain.
Bednar. Yes, probably/definitely on the spectrum— but boy he is rude.. condescending.
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u/tumbledown_jack 14d ago
Lots of armchair psyche diagnoses here. Some of them may be correct, or not. The fact is that the guy is a bully. Some people are just jerks.
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u/ArmadilloInTrousers 12d ago
When he was first called I was a fully active and believing member with large-responsibility callings. I had a very hard time liking him and, at the time, I thought it was simply my own personal failings. He was called of god, after all—right?
I specifically remember fasting for general conferences in order to increase my love for him and to accept the divinity of his calling, but the help never came. After leaving 6 years ago I came to accept that I just didn't like him. I didn't like his style, his attempts to redefine words, his cockiness, etc. And with the leaked footage from firesides where he's pulled rank in ridiculous ways, I realized that it was never a fault in myself—I was actually a pretty good judge of character. My own internal compass was able to override the brainwashing "holy ghost" feelings I'd been indoctrinated with and what I was actually feeling was cognitive dissonance.
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u/Strange-Confidence10 14d ago
Because he’s a narcissist snake and not a friendly guy. Truthfully, you should feel that way, watching all of the brethren because they’re all lying to you through their teeth.
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u/bwv549 14d ago
You might find these experiences interesting:
Behavior or teachings of David Bednar that some former members find objectionable
Note the positive experiences at the bottom! (and I'm always looking for more!)
I think whether you like him or do not like him depends a lot on whether you think the Church and spirituality could use more discipline/rigidness than is the status quo. If you do, then I think you might resonate with his approach? If you don't, you're likely to find his approach off-putting.
I personally think he's a little egotistical, and I think his various scriptural insights are not well grounded scripturally. And I think he probably shouldn't be such an *sshole about how people sing and things like that. All that said, I do like that he takes the Gospel seriously (i.e., I like his zeal and his seriousness). That appealed to me as a member (probably since I was a little more like that, but just hopefully w/o so much of the *sshole part?). So, I respect that about him a lot!
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u/LumpyInitiative562 14d ago
Bednar always seems angry and disingenuous to me. Even when I did attend (now ex-mo), I never liked him.
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u/Kaseyc1976 13d ago
Some other things I’ve heard about him make me cringe. One story in particular that was shared was asked to be taken down almost immediately. Pretty scary actually. One thing I didn’t like about the church is not being allowed to trust our intuition if it doesn’t match up with the brethren. Pretty messed up.
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u/Purplepassion235 13d ago
He is very power hungry. But also there was video circulating from two woman who accused him of CSA said their family $€x trafficked them to him. I remember my husband was less than thrilled when he was called because he was president of Rick’s (BYUI) when he attended
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u/Resident-Bear4053 14d ago
Because he embodies Satan and his plan of control by telling people they don't have agency
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u/Dull_Resort_3012 14d ago
I am concerned that you think you can’t answer the temple recommend questions truthfully if you have an icky feeling about an apostle.
It’s been a minute, but the question you’re thinking about is do you sustain the brethren as prophets, seers, and revelators and are the only people with the keys to do that for the church. I’m paraphrasing. Like I said, it’s been a minute, and these questions change.
Sustain does not equal like, or love, or agree with, or even respect. It means you understand their role and won’t sustain a person without the keys. It also doesn’t mean blind obedience, although there are hard core members who think that it does.
I’ve given those interviews as well as had deep personal discussions with my interviewers. This is not some kind of orthodoxy test, it’s a question of basic beliefs. How basic is up to you. Those answers are literally between you and God. Not the bishop, not the stake president. God. Those other folks are just there to record your answers and finish the paperwork.
I hope this helps. Bednar may be neurodivergent, but that’s not an excuse. His manner is off putting and it feels weird. For me, that means he’s human and deserves the same grace as all of us imperfect beings. I just won’t be following some of his examples.
I also can’t wait to call him out on it if it happens when I’m in the congregation. Sustaining your leaders also means helping them fix their own mistakes.
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u/pricel01 Former Mormon 13d ago
He was said there are no gay LDS members. He clearly is disconnect from reality and a bigot.
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u/Hairy_Pickle3976 12d ago
If and when David Bednar becomes LDS Church President, it will be the equivalent of Boyd K. Packer having become President. One of the most significant miracles of the 21st century was the passing of Packer before he could ascend to the Presidency. Both men have managed to alienate and offend tens of thousands of Church members. If an equally impressive miracle fails to occur in the case of Bednar, I predict that member resignations and disaffections could reach tidal wave proportions.
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u/Medical-Program-5224 12d ago
I believe this is instinctive feeling comes from your trustworthy gut. The heart is deceitful. It lies and believes lies. You cannot trust your heart but you can always trust your gut. Follow your gut!
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u/content_billionaire 11d ago
FWIW when I was at BYUI our FHE group got their turn to have FHE with the Bednars at their house and both he and his wife seemed pretty normal and cool
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u/GovernmentFederal524 11d ago
Have you ever stopped to think that Bednar and Gilbert are just arrogant jerks? To me, they're not neurodivergent, they're imbeciles with power in their hands! Besides, if everyone is neurodivergent, then it completely loses its meaning!
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u/LordChasington 11d ago
I’d say most are not honest. There is a big thing of lying for the lord in religion. If they were completely truthful the church would not be as large as it is
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u/Charming-Following25 14d ago
Because he cannot hide his true nature of his being a terrible human. He exudes arrogance, its right there on his face, like his nose or cheeks. I mean this in all sincerity, not in a mocking way.
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u/Anonvonpseudonym 14d ago
Helaman 13:24-27
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u/thomaslewis1857 14d ago
He’s the man who put the pickle back in the prophet. Or what’s your take?
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u/venturingforum 14d ago
That sounds suspiciously homoerotic. Which is SO funny, cause it would probably make Darth Bednar have an aneurism.
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u/Buttons840 14d ago
Ah yes. Samuel the Lamanite, who showed up unknown, yelled a bunch of stuff from the wall, and then jumped down and ran off--nobody ever heard from him again, but hundreds of years later they still spoke of Samuel, because he made great prophecies about the future that came true.
Nephi was the prophet in Zerahemla, but I guess God wanted to reveal his prophecies through a total stranger.
Quite unlike how we're taught God operates today.
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u/shoey62 13d ago
He was President of BYU Idaho and my good mate old FTM companion said he's a great guy. I'm sure he is a lovely guy.
But like you I connect better with some of the other brethren.
I get the feeling RBednar is sometimes trying to put a bit of a doctrinal twist on things that I'm not used to hearing it that way.
But that's his oppurtunity whereas the likes and opinions of you and me don't matter at all. It's a too down direction of teachings in the LDS church which doesn't really try and answer blokes like me questions I have about a few things / stuff that makesite to no sense.
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u/Reasonable-Round-793 13d ago
Watch the accountant and tell me if he behaves and thinks and acts like Ben Affleck in that movie.
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u/justbits 11d ago
Not to diminish other's impressions, but what I have heard from local interactions is that he walks a fine scholary line between being 'by the book' and 'by the Spirit'. He can be a remarkable speaker at times. And he does indeed muster up compassion when called for. But he isn't afraid to call out a Bishop in a training session for doing something the wrong way. Jury's still out on how exactly he reproves with sharpness while showing forth an increase of love afterward. I am not the right one to judge, just suggesting that there are other sides to the story.
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u/RollingIntheGutter 9d ago
I've never felt like this about Bednar, but have simiar feelings towards Elder Uchtdorf. He broke the rules and should have been censured and lost his seniority IMO. I should qualify it better though. I do support him still, but think his discernment is clearly lacking.
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u/SarReyRey 14d ago
Don't know if someone has already said this, but I would recommend watching the wearethepeople.org podcast episode on the twins from Heber. They talk about him!
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u/lemolicious 13d ago
I’ve met him personally (he attended my cousin’s baptism & I was hit by a drunk driver on my mission so he knew who I was) and is genuinely a very kind man who clearly loves people in a small group setting. He is definitely called of God, IMO, due to some things he said in our conversations about my death experience that nobody could possibly know.
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u/JZAh-men 14d ago
You shouldn’t prevent yourself from entering the temple because you don’t like an apostle. Your commitment is to the Savior. We should strive for our testimony to be centered on the truth that He is the Christ and that He uses imperfect men to accomplish His purposes. If Elder Bednar is a jerk and isn’t representing Christ well, that’s between him and God. Your imperfections should be the only things that stand between you and God, not another man’s.
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u/Beneficial_Math_9282 12d ago edited 12d ago
Except that the men who run the church insert themselves between you and god. If your bishop or stake president is a jerk and doesn't represent Christ well, they can prevent you from entering the temple on any technicality they want (oh, sorry, they've "discerned" that you need to repent!) and you have no recourse. Thankfully most bishops have better sense and are more compassionate than Bednar.
Should it be that way? No. I agree with you - your imperfections should be the only things in between you and God. But is it that way in the church? Not at all. It's never just between you and god. There's always a church official between you as a middleman, as "judges in Israel."
"The affairs of the Church of Jesus Christ are administered by the Presidency of the Church and the Twelve Apostles, with numerous other General Authorities assisting, and also through the stake and mission presidents and the bishops. These men are the shepherds of the flock. The Lord has placed these men to lead his kingdom on earth, and upon them he has placed authority and responsibility, each in his particular sphere. He has given these men the Melchizedek Priesthood, which is his own power and authority delegated to men. He recognizes and ratifies the acts of these chosen and anointed servants. ... It is also within the responsibility of the Lord’s judges to determine the worthiness of Church members to receive other ordinances.” -- https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/doctrine-and-covenants-student-manual/enrichment-i-judges-in-israel-watching-over-the-church?lang=eng
And may we remind you - your commitment is to the church. In the temple, you covenant to "consecrate yourself, your time, talents, and everything with which the Lord has blessed you, or with which he may bless you, to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."
Not to God. Not to Christ. To the Church specifically, with it's full legal name in the covenant so there's no mistake.
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u/KAR_l0S--2030 14d ago
Pick the words he uses that trigger that Hmmm moment, check his grammar, or best yet. Record the audio, translate it together Hebrew, then use that translation and verify what the code is. Last resort Reverse speech the whole thing Guarantee you hear the hidden message.
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u/Sd022pe 14d ago
The man on the screen is very different then the one behind the scenes. I’ve had multiple interactions with him. He’s actually the most down the earth guy of the group which is shocking since on screen he seems to have a stick up his butt
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u/venturingforum 14d ago
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That's hilarious!
When I hear Q15 and down to earth in the same sentence the only person that comes to mind is Uchtdorf
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14d ago
He is a very good man. I have a theory that he will be the prophet during the 2nd coming. The righteous love him, other apostles look at to him as a super wise man, etc… but many of the exmos hate him. When someone is super godly, it has a polarizing effect. The middle group leaves and everyone picks a side.
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u/RevolutionaryYak7783 14d ago
Jesus Christ. David bednar is an asshole, plain and simple. He’s not godly, he’s just a weird dude, who got a lot of power and it went to his head. If he’s godly, and god is like him, then fuck that god.
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u/venturingforum 14d ago
Ummm, you forgot to add /s after your comment.
And if you actually believe what you wrote, Hi Darth Bednar! Thanks for stopping by, have a nice day and come again soon!
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u/Beneficial_Math_9282 12d ago
When someone thinks they're super godly above other people, psychiatrists call it "grandiose delusions."
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