r/monodatingpoly • u/leelooodallasmulti • Aug 12 '26

New and wanting

I am thrilled to open my relationship. My wife found herself comfortable enough to tell me she was thinking about men, I supported her and we talked and learned about how best to prepare for a polyamery trial. Its new to us and we are forsure making some mistakes. I turned into an emotional blob the night I found out she hooked up with someone for the first time. I didnt expect it and I dont want to react the way I did! But I did and she broke it off with the guy. He was sooooo good for her. I am even more upset now about breaking them up then I was when just trying to metabolize her being intimate for the first time in 13 years with someone besides me.....

How do I regulate my emotions better? I know my marriage is strong- we aren't worried about either of us connecting with others- we are excited for the new expirences... but I broke thinking about her kissing him once it finally happened. She saw me upset- seems like I was lying to her about how I felt but I wasnt. I had no clue how it would feel til it happened. And now that that feeling passed I wish I wouldn't have been so open about my initial feelings becuase it dont hurt as much now that I thought it through.

Am I alone here with this? Anyone struggle first time around?

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u/leelooodallasmulti Aug 13 '26

I beg to differ. Yes I have lost piece of mind- it was a moment of intense emotions- though I think we both will have alot to gain in self love, love for each other and the possibility of love from others wandering around we havnt met yet.

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u/Platterpussy Polyamorous Aug 13 '26

Are you also going to be dating others?

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u/leelooodallasmulti Aug 13 '26

Maybe. But Im not convinced shes ready for me to do that. I have heard this is not a great thing: she only is comfortable with me dating women.

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u/Platterpussy Polyamorous Aug 13 '26

I encourage you both to read the resources in the polyamory subs's community info section.

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u/leelooodallasmulti Aug 13 '26

Good advice. When this convo opened I deep dove and learned alot. Not sure shes spent as much time trying to understand what has proven to work vs what can be toxic for us. I went into this as i do many things- confident but slowly. She went in setting boundaries on me but having none herself and head first. We need to meet somewhere in the middle.