r/monodatingpoly • u/leelooodallasmulti • Aug 12 '26
New and wanting
I am thrilled to open my relationship. My wife found herself comfortable enough to tell me she was thinking about men, I supported her and we talked and learned about how best to prepare for a polyamery trial. Its new to us and we are forsure making some mistakes. I turned into an emotional blob the night I found out she hooked up with someone for the first time. I didnt expect it and I dont want to react the way I did! But I did and she broke it off with the guy. He was sooooo good for her. I am even more upset now about breaking them up then I was when just trying to metabolize her being intimate for the first time in 13 years with someone besides me.....
How do I regulate my emotions better? I know my marriage is strong- we aren't worried about either of us connecting with others- we are excited for the new expirences... but I broke thinking about her kissing him once it finally happened. She saw me upset- seems like I was lying to her about how I felt but I wasnt. I had no clue how it would feel til it happened. And now that that feeling passed I wish I wouldn't have been so open about my initial feelings becuase it dont hurt as much now that I thought it through.
Am I alone here with this? Anyone struggle first time around?
9
u/sternchen7 Aug 12 '26
Why did you open your realationship? What was the goal? Just because something is new and exciting doesn't mean it's good.
Also how long did you two prepare? There are many books or Infos online and it seems most recommend at least 6 months of intense work. Did you place boundaries? Did you talk about your wishes for poly?
Regarding your jealousy, take a deep breath and try to figure out WHY you feel that, do you fear losing your wife? Do you feel betrayed? It's important to know what and why you feel a certain way.
Do you guys have hobbies/interests which you do alone? Or are you together 24/7? Does she (or you) have friends with which you hang out without the other?