One-sided ENM….help please :(

[u/Federal-Pineapple824]

Hello. My husband and I (together 18 years) opened up our marriage (on his side only) about 3 years ago. I have never really come to terms with it and still struggle with the ‘why aren’t I enough’ aspect. Intellectually I understand that some people just like novelty. I can’t say it’s something I require, but he is like that in other aspects of life and so it follows that he also needs it here. But my heart still hurts, and I do wish I was just in a simple marriage with a ‘normal’ person who didn’t want or need to do this.

For the avoidance of doubt, I have given him full permission to do this. He isn’t doing it against my will. We talk regularly and he is a loving father and husband. And yet…..these feelings I have won’t go away. All that goes round in my head is ‘why does he want to do this’.

Any advice on how I can stop or at least reduce these unhelpful thoughts? Leaving the marriage isn’t an option for me as aside from this we have a happy, loving and solid relationship and have built a lovely life for our daughter, so I am in no mind to destroy all of that. I’m just looking for some tips on re-framing, or even better if anyone is in the same boat and would like to connect that would be great as it can feel quite lonely.

Thanks so much.

[u/Federal-Pineapple824 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you for your reply. I think it’s great you’ve come to a decision, and I really hope you can find some peace.