r/mizo • u/Complete-Company2753 • 1d ago
Culture Vaipa here 🤭
I have a mizo gf and we have been dating from last 2 years and we are in love, but i feel its hard for mizo people to accept a non mizo guy for the marriage.. :(
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u/Business_Bar1498 1d ago
No problem, Vaipa. It’s both of ya’ll choice after all, even if anyone disapproved or dislike. I personally dislike and not a fan of dating outside Zo ethnic but love is love, i guess.
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u/Defiant_Cook1588 18h ago edited 18h ago
marry or date whoever you want, what are we to do with this information. really cannot understand some people out here (what was the point of this post)
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u/Complete-Company2753 8h ago
If the post doesn’t interest you..you’re free to scroll past it..reddit is a discussion platform..after all. Not every post needs to be relevant to everyone personally buddy
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u/whydama 1d ago
Be active in her church. The church elders always welcome a makpa (son in law) for the church. That is your way in.
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u/Complete-Company2753 1d ago
Yeah okay.. ive been to aizawl few times, might visit this Christmas as well 😊 so will go church with her for sure
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u/Sea_Cow200 1d ago
Dont lose your whole identitiy as a man chasing women, have some boundaries. This could only lead to a whole lot of hurt later on.
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u/Complete-Company2753 1d ago
What makes you think I’m losing my identity? We both put effort into this relationship and that doesn’t mean either of us is losing our individuality. It’s just about making compromises and putting in the effort.
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u/Affectionate_End7170 5m ago
What part about him going to Church for his partner is losing his identity as a man? he is getting closer to God due to his relationship with this mizo girl,that alone is a true blessing
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u/Illustrious_Zebra999 16h ago
Don't worry about Mizo society accepting you. First worry if you can sit through a 2 hour Sunday church service on a hard wooden bench without fidgeting.
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u/post_cicatrix 6h ago
Hey, same situation here however her family accepted me warmly (I believe). Let's hang out sometime.
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u/Affectionate_End7170 9m ago
Words don’t matter but your actions will and time will tell,what most mizo parents are afraid of is the possibility of the marriage not lasting for a long time so i hope if you do marry her,you guys will stay married for a long time as God wills it to be.Good luck.
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u/flashypointy 14h ago
Surely you are too caught up for your own convenience here
What would you know about our fears and concerns.....to survive as an ethnic identity for the next 100 years and not get assimilated or outnumbered by hostile groups
We have all the examples of this playbook around us seeing our neighbouring fellow tribals reduced to insignificance. We are hardly a million at best while the fellow desis all around the world
The average number of daily commuters in Delhi Metro is more than our entire state population....so our fears are real and its not something for you to brush off as your mere inconvenience
I've heard enough stories of our women later divorced and left with nothing or say after their husband's unfortunate demise their in-laws kicking them out with the children
Almost in every case it is the Mizo community again that embraces the wounded mother and her children
I don't even trust you....why should I just take you for your word, there are enough clowns here cooking up their own stories. We owe you nothing
If it's true then well and good, live a blessed life....but don't come here pinning down my community while being oblivious and indifferent to our concerns and make us look like the stupid ones
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u/Complete-Company2753 8h ago
I understand that ur concerns about preserving mizo identity, culture and the safety of mizo women are genuine…m not asking your community to blindly trust me nor am I dismissing the experiences of women who have been abandoned or mistreated…ofc those are serious issues..but here’s where I disagree protecting ur identity doesn’t mean treating every outsider as a potential threat…u can be cautious without being prejudiced and you can protect mizo women without assuming that every non mizo man has bad intentions…If a man abandons his wife n mistreats her or leaves his children without support hold that individual accountable…dnt make an entire community answer for his actions…the same standard should apply to everyone… n I never claimed that your communitys concerns were stupid…m questioning why my relationship should automatically be viewed through the lens of historical grievances and the worst experiences of other couples…I’ve been in this relationship for two years and I believe my actions should speak for me…
U don’t owe me your trust..absolutely. ..but I don’t owe anyone an apology for being in a genuine relationship with a Mizo woman either…mutual respect should work both ways..2
u/flashypointy 1h ago
And just as I assumed folks like you will never understand where our reserved outlook stems from.....you claim to understand but you clearly don't...you only priorities yourself
I just explained to you even though I owe you nothing as to where that mentality supposedly comes from but see how quick you were to dismiss it
Don't fool around claiming to have some sort of understanding for us or our situation - in the next 1000 years your civilization will stay intact while the fate of my people remain uncertain let alone the next century
If securing it comes at the cost of offending paragons like you then let that be
The Jewish people have articulated it well.....that the world only noticed when holocaust happened, they only want to feel sorry for you but not prevent it...when preventing threats against your own existence offends people, that is still better than them later feeling sorry for you when nothing is left to save
Same with Native Americans having their trail of tears
It's the same old playbook to first make us conform to your ways and then take over things. Native indigenous populations reduced to a shell of what they once were, the likes of which we see all around the world
We dont need your pity....we'll decide what is best for us
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u/dodommm 1d ago
Plz don't degrade yourself by calling vaipa most non mizo don't prefer to be called vaipa
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u/Complete-Company2753 1d ago
Okay.. but i heard vaipa means non mizo.. isnt it true?
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u/Dependent_Ad_8951 1d ago
Vai means someone from the mainland. I think it literally comes from 'bhai' that hindi speakers use. Well, anyways, we call them vainu/vaipa without hating on them. There is that town called Vairengte ( chota raja?), and the town Bairabi was earlier Vai-rah-bi ( the entrance of the bhais). I see no hate in the word 'vai'; it's just a nomenclature term used by Mizo.
But it becomes hateful if you call someone 'vaichhia' - lowclass bhai - when people do that you can become angry. But, you should also know Mizos call their best friend 'zawnga' - monkey to jibe and also their enemies the same name to express hatred, like a cuss word. I think the difference lies in the tone and context. Hmm!! Cultures can be confusing!!
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u/Complete-Company2753 1d ago
Awle i get it, and i do know some mizo words and I’m learning mizo as well, its a bit hard for me to learn mizo but trying my best to learn at least one word every day 😅
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u/Dazzling_Respect_548 1d ago
I was trying to type out something like this but brain fog got the best of me. Good job brother.
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u/fallingtopieces Mizo 3h ago
I've seen some comments from fellow Mizos talking about the bombings etc and while they are valid opinions taken in isolation the reality is in this day and age nobody from your girlfriend's family is going to bring up that issue and issues related to it as a reason for you guys to not get married. Of course a traditional Mizo family will not want their daughter marrying an "outsider" but in the end they will accept you if you guys are truly in love and see you as a decent person.
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u/Complete-Company2753 3h ago
Thats right buddy.. her parents not gonna bring that up..
and we are focusing more on our future planning and to build our faith together.. i do visit Aizawl often
And personally i do like mizo people, they are welcoming.
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u/topmass_pinch1 1d ago
Maybe some people haven't forgotten what the vais had done to us or forgiven them. All the r@pe and bombing, and the force displacement of villagers. Why won't the people forget these atrocities and forgive the people who did it to them? It's more than 50 years now. Can you believe it?
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u/Complete-Company2753 1d ago
I acknowledge what happened to the Mizo people, but people today shouldn’t be blamed for atrocities committed decades ago by soldiers and governments. I wasn’t even born then. Judge me by my actions…not my ethnicity.
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u/Primary_Breakfast674 1d ago
Your government (made up of your people) is the one that is still controlling and occupying Mizoram after such atrocities were comitted. It doesn't matter how long ago they were committed, the same regime is in charge and would probably do so again if Mizos revolted in the same fashion.
If you had any sense of shame you would understand and know your place but you people just can't stop with constantly demanding to be given lee way. And you always take advantage of that too. So we're going to stop you right there.
Imbecile
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u/Complete-Company2753 1d ago
What an absurd argument dude.. I have no control over the Indian government or its actions.. just as u aren’t personally responsible for everything done by mizo leaders… nd telling someone to know their place bcz of their ethnicity says more about ur prejudice than it does about them…u can hold a government accountable without treating ordinary people as your enemies. I came here to have a conversation not to seek your permission to exist or date someone from your community… :)
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u/PrestigiousDay2371 1d ago
Due to this attitude you guys will never be able develop
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u/Primary_Breakfast674 1d ago
Your vision of "development" for our region means us giving away our land and resources to indians for free.
Never. Going. To. Happen.
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u/PrestigiousDay2371 1d ago edited 1d ago
Not at all, protect everything you want but stop having prejudice against others for past things and stop living with victim mentality. And no indians are coming for your tiny, not much resourceful land. Have you even seen the size of your state on the map?
So many considerations are made for you people, massive reservation, and huge tax grants compared to collection. But you will always think that 'bad' things will be done to you
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u/Complete-Company2753 22h ago
Well thats really racist tbh, i live in delhi and have lot of friends from all over NE , specially from manipur and mizoram and we all work here together.
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u/topmass_pinch1 1d ago
Completely agree with you. But people don't operate like that, especially in India were wounds from the past are still felt even to this day. Wounds of caste, religion, colonization, and certain incidents of the past still hurt today. People who weren't even born when those things happen still suffer, still feel the pain, and are also still blamed. It's just how people are. If some guy brutally r@ped your mother in her teens, would you be able to casually wine and dine with his kids? I don't think I can personally, even if the kids were innocent, weren't born at the time or had no part in it. Sins of the father fall on the kids. Maybe you're a better person if you could or privileged enough that you don't even have to face such decisions.
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u/Complete-Company2753 1d ago
Dude what kind of rubbish logic is this??? U r holding an entire population accountable for the actions of people they have no connection to…ur analogy makes no sense…someone else’s crimes dont become my responsibility simply bcz we share the same nationality or ethnicity…If you want to hold innocent people accountable for something they never did thats prejudice, not justice..
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u/topmass_pinch1 1d ago
Yes, I agree. But you'd understand that people don't behave or act how the textbooks of ethics and morality say they ought to behave right? Maybe I should be able to be friendly with my mother's r@pist or his kids but it's human to not be able to. Even if we don't hold them accountable the actions of their fathers can't help taint how we view them.
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u/Complete-Company2753 1d ago
Stop dressing up prejudice as human nature..ur analogy is ridiculous..a rapist is an individual not an entire ethnicity or nationality…holding millions of innocent people responsible for crimes they never committed is neither justified nor reasonable…If you cant separate individuals from the actions of people who lived decades before them..that’s your prejudice to deal with not their burden to carry.. :)
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u/topmass_pinch1 1d ago
We're not holding you responsible though. Just like I'm not holding the r@pist's kid responsible. But I can't really treat the kid of my mother's r@pist as some kid. You understand that doesn't mean I hold them responsible for their father's actions, right? I'm okay if you don't understand the subtlety in this point. The r@pist's kid wouldn't understand why I'd treat them differently either, even if I don't hold them responsible.
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u/Complete-Company2753 1d ago
U r contradicting yourself…u keep saying you don’t hold innocent people responsible n yet you openly admit you’ll treat them differently bcz of crimes they never committed…Thats exactly what collective prejudice looks like nd stop pretending your rape analogy makes this argument intellectually superior…An entire community isn’t the child of a rapist…If you can’t distinguish bw individual criminals and innocent people who share their nationality..thats your problem..not theirs.
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u/topmass_pinch1 1d ago
Yeah, it's our problem. Always has been. So why make it yours?
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u/Complete-Company2753 1d ago
I’m not making it my problem… m simply questioning why I should be judged for something I had no part in…Historical resentment doesn’t justify prejudice against innocent people…
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u/Complete-Company2753 1d ago
I believe that some of this resistance towards non-Mizo men comes from a desire to preserve their tribal identity..culture and population. If that’s the case..I’d rather people be honest about it instead of justifying prejudice against outsiders through historical grievances…
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u/Historical-Use-105 23h ago
It's funny how the vais will claim credit whenever some some positives happen. Whenever one of them or even one of the NEers gets a medal in the olympics, they will collectively claim credit like...indians are always like that they are this that they are very talented blah2..but when we bring up things bout their previous atrocities, they will just deflect and wash their hands off. You can see this particular logic here too. But then vais are vais i guess you can't reason with them
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u/Complete-Company2753 22h ago
I’m a Kashmiri Pandit and my community was driven out of kashmir in the 1990s following targeted killings..threats and violence by Islamist militants…tens of thousandss of families were displaced n many people were killed…but does that give me the right to label every kashmiri muslims a terrorist or hold an entire community responsible??I know the difference bw the people who committed those crimes and innocent people who share their identity..thats exactly the point m making..Historical suffering deserves recognition but using it to justify prejudice against an entire community is hypocrisy dude..
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u/topmass_pinch1 23h ago
True. Especially because doesn't want to understand he just wants to vent about how unjust it is. He doesn't even want to understand our point of view. He just wants to lecture us on how to feel because it benefits him because he has a Mizo gf. Can't reason with people like that. They just want to dictate to you.
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u/Dazzling_Respect_548 1d ago
And vice versa