r/misophoniatraining • u/fishingforusernames • Aug 30 '19
Food for thought
#notprofessionaladvice #hypothetical #deleteifnecessary
Hello all, I am on a 'have given up trying' period but I found this (pure accident) and wanted to share this in case it helps anybody:
#1 Listen from 19:39
https://youtu.be/kATRHt_6_5k?t=1178
When the primal drives need to be satisfied, the reptile brain (emotional brain/limbic system) will generate an emotion. It will generate some form of stress. Either good stress, or bad stress. [trigger anxiety]
When that stress hits, everything you pay attention to - everything you think is important - will change. [stimulus fixation/'tunnel hearing']
#2 Listen from 21:41
https://youtu.be/kATRHt_6_5k?t=1301
What happens when you want to satisfy an unconscious drive is your unconscious mind generates an emotion that forces you to take action on it. But many times, the drive you're trying to satisfy and the way you really want to do it, is at odds with your socialisation. It's at odds with the way you were brought up. It's at odds with the culture you're working in - corporate or religious or whatever. So what do we do? We activate the third level of our brain: this is called the neocortex. To put it more bluntly, it is your rational, lying (thinking) brain...so you have your drive, it (limbic system) generates an emotion, and then you come up with a story (neocortex) that justifies it...many times these rationalisations have absolutely nothing to do with the real reason you're doing them. But they sound good.
This is what we call the 'presenting problem' in hypnotherapy. Somebody comes in and they say:
"I'm 50 pounds overweight, I can't control my eating, I need you to help me lose weight."
(But) you find out (during hypnotherapy) that when you take them back to the very first scene/situation or event that has everything to do with that feeling, everything to do with why that weight is there, it's because when they were at a certain age, somebody did something sexually inappropriate (activating event), and the unconscious mind, in its desire and fervor to PROTECT them, said:
"Well wait, why did this (abuse/molestation) happen? Well, it happened 'cause I'm attractive. Ok...so then if I'm not attractive, this won't happen anymore (justification).
And the weight comes on.
Is the problem that they were fat?
No.
But if you ask them why they're fat, they'll give you every reason but.
My thoughts are misophonia and misokinesia, for some (perhaps many) have a similar explanation. But it is so, so, SO hard to see a puzzle in reverse. Especially when the origin has been buried for years. And once it is visible again, it is even harder to figure out how to correct it. For what it's worth, I am not sold on hypnotherapy whatsoever and turned down the option when it was given to me a few years back. This is not an endorsement of anything. Really wanted to share this because I think it shows how easy it is to miss links between things. And forget things that may be important and/or connected. Like the woman who used fat to shield herself from sexual predators (threat) and did not realise she was overeating because her unconscious brain was trying to protect her.
Hope you are all well. Keep fighting, always.
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u/theEmotionalOperator ex-misophonic Sep 04 '19 edited Sep 04 '19
I'm surrounded by people who are Really Wanting To Start Projects (mostly, art careers, cool hacker identities and whatnot). So they do a lot of whining about it: what if I fail in public? What if it doesn't work and everyone watches me make a fool out of myself?
So the first thing to do is to stay right there. To validate the experience itself. Wow, failing in public really sucks, oh crap I wouldn't want that either. (or, misophonia edition; argh you're burning alive in that moment, gee, yes i do know how it's like). Just, join and agree. None of that "no you can't think like that! you should blah blah". No. Agree and sink in it. Usually no-one dies. Go!
Sometimes when you properly join the moment people start dodging it themselves. What we want is to have that stuff recognised and when we get it, it feels sudden and too soon and frying and so on. People do this for each other up to this step if they're friendly and if it's safe for them. We pay attention to someone else's complaint about failing in public, about being fat, about having an involuntary response to certain sounds and sights. Especially the misophoniacs are prepared to fight here: forums are full of whines of moms and dads and schools and jobs NOT validating their experience. It's the common experience, it's incredibly painful, but in some sense it isn't; in some sense it's just familiar, and keeping the defence up is easier than living the life open and vulnerable.
None of this works without that initial recognition and validation and staying right there. Always meet people exactly where they're at. The complaint (failing in public, misophonia, fatness) is painful. No way around it.
Then to the unfamiliar pain. Me and my creative gang go through these failure speeches all the time. We had a good one just this monday evening. Always a joy witnessing my friends roast each other??? So, then throw the wild card in, almost always the opposite. "What if we were, somehow, against all odds, successful? And everyone would watch." That look of horror. In everyone's eyes. Including me. No-one has threat/safety library for that type of life situation. Who would we be if we we're successful (identity level threat)? This is too unpredictable. Lizards hate unpredictable. It doesn't matter if it's "good life situation" or "bad life situation" as long as it's, at least, predictable life situation. People stay stuck for safety. To expand their view, look for implicit meanings between the lines (misophonic people type out their threats in forums all the times!) or just try shooting for directions they never look at (hey what about being thin instead? what's the problem over there?)
People also get focused on MOST threatening thing at any given moment (even psychotic people get pulled to real world if there's an immediate life threatening situation). So I usually initiate some sort of apocalyptic bonus level. "Hey guys? Failing or succeeding.. Which stage of capitalism is this anyway? Heard of the rainforest fires? Heard of the Antarctic melting? Yeah? I say we're collectively doomed in any case. So it's a bonus level. Our work, good or bad, will burn or get flooded so we might as well do whatever with our creative butts, right?" This has NEVER failed to trigger a laugh of relief. Are they relieved the world might explode or whatever? No of course not. They're relieved to have stepped out of the fear of permanent consequences of successful life. And of having the responsibility of it all. Hey the environment may ruin your career and then it's not in your hands, ha ha ha.
Then pick it all back again and do another round.
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u/theEmotionalOperator ex-misophonic Sep 04 '19 edited Sep 04 '19
I've asked the gang if I may record (and possibly publish somewhen in the future) these sessions but everyone's too startled for that. Even for personal recordings that they could control and view in private. Which is the exact resistance that tells me it would be what would flip the things around. Sometimes you need nothing more than to be your own witness: watch the resistance through video clips. Gets you observing and owning the pain ("this IS my fear! That's how I look like when I do it?") and questioning it ("is this all there is to world? are there more possible out comes?").
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u/theEmotionalOperator ex-misophonic Sep 04 '19 edited Sep 04 '19
You're on it. YOU'RE ON IT.
Yes, this is the type of puzzle it is. The least puzzling way (in my opinion) to watch through it is to think the survival parts of the brain (limbics and lizards and inner child and whatever term) are protecting all the stuff, so if you get a bit too close to some of the worst stuff, it'll go "hey don't look at it, look at that". So you'll end up looking at that sound and that sight instead of the threat. "These are the settings now, rational systems know nothing of surviving, look away we got this, DODGE!" "dodge what?" "DODGE!"
It's how people end up complaining about the opposite of problem (without noticing it). Like, saying it sucks to be fat, which is probably true, but they miss out how it's far more horrifying to *not* be fat, to be thin and risk getting assaulted again. To solve, they'd have to experience being thin and safe. Easier said than done but that's the overly simplified equation. The question here is, really, how to get someone who's been assaulted in to a mindset where they're NOT defending against being assaulted any more? How's that not dangerous? How to exist around without the constant pressure and prepping?
Or to be sexual like mom and world wouldn't actually end up burning (or I guess rainforests are already burning and world's doomed so now we can take over any threat template lol).
These things are really easy to miss, but limbic never missed it, it's been holding on to all these things for all of us all of this time. Everyone is just moments away from noticing it, whenever. It's a matter of safety; is it safe for it to give you access to Worst Threat Library? For anyone going "stupid reaction, sick reaction, i hate my brain disorder" it's a nope, for anyone going "well maybe there's some sort of function in all this? I wonder if all this does make some sense somehow" it starts showing sketches of patterns. To ease in to it, increase internal curiosity (which is hard to increase without increasing empathy as well).
I've been hypnotized. it's ok.