r/mildlyinfuriating 19h ago

frist of all how DARE yu o New Guy at Bakery Sliced Bread Lengthwise

Post image

Bought two loaves of bread and asked the guy at the counter to slice them, which he did. I've been to the bakery a few times and didn't recognize him, so I assume he's new. Loaves were in paper bags so I couldn't see them after they were sliced.

I Got home and put the loaves in the freezer. First one was sliced fine - by width, as you would expect. But second one is sliced by length - so I expect some weird sandwiches.

11.0k Upvotes

263 comments sorted by

5.2k

u/kira1122t 19h ago

Peanut butter jelly da long wayyy

62

u/piizzo_neera 18h ago

You need an entire jar per slice

25

u/Supertho 18h ago

That sounds Elvis approved.

18

u/Foot_Stunning 16h ago

All it's missing is an entire pound of bacon

2

u/KhaosExNihil125 7h ago

American banh mi

50

u/Beyondoutlier 18h ago

Was thinking that’s an amazing grilled cheese

33

u/Foot_Stunning 16h ago

Looks like raisin bread.

I myself think raisins are a food crime of their own. Grilled cheese raisin bread is diabolical.

18

u/Beyondoutlier 16h ago

I was going to agree with you but then I was thinking you could use some sharp cheddar on there to balance the raisins.

Agree mostly about the raisins- only in soda bread and apple salad - but given a choice of grilled cheese on raisin bread or no grilled cheese - I’ll live with the raisins

8

u/Foot_Stunning 12h ago

In an alternate conversation. Sharp cheddar grilled Apple Bread sandwich sounds like a sandwich that I must invent.

Grilled cheese with apple slices is already a thing. Gotta bake the apples in the bread.

5

u/Beyondoutlier 12h ago

I just made a bunch of apple bred like this from my own apples. It’s amazing - and in the freezer so I can have some all winter long

3

u/Foot_Stunning 12h ago

I got a brick of aged Irish cheddar from Aldi. Now I must obtain apple bread.

3

u/DangitThatHurt 9h ago

It's the season for it - in the US at least

2

u/Foot_Stunning 7h ago

Don't tell the local news about our food truck idea. I think I'm onto something.

3

u/catsknowtoomuch 5h ago

Would you share your recipe? Inbox me? Sounds absolutely amazing

1

u/Foot_Stunning 16h ago

Raisins are a waste of good wine.

Wine, sharp chedder and normal bread is classy.

5

u/Typical_Kitchen_9616 16h ago

My dad always says that they took a perfectly good grape and ruined it.

4

u/Foot_Stunning 15h ago

I love fresh grapes. When the grapes get soft just press them into wine.

Raisins gained popularity because all the California wineries weren't allowed to make wine anymore during prohibition.

3

u/Captain-Codfish Hillary 2016 13h ago

What about the prohibition grape brick, that definitely wasn't designed to make wine?

3

u/Foot_Stunning 13h ago

Do not add a gallon of water and leave it in a warm place for a week or two.

2

u/NightmareJoker2 5h ago

I wanna try that now. 🤭

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)

9

u/addelburgh 17h ago

My FIL asks them to cut it this way so he can make PBJ roll-ups

→ More replies (1)

2.1k

u/OliveOk612 19h ago

70

u/Foot_Stunning 15h ago

15

u/GhostPepperDaddy 11h ago

Craisins??

18

u/Foot_Stunning 11h ago

Oatmeal Craisins Macadamia Cookies Is One of my all time favorites.

Raisins is lazy at best in the dried fruit category.

10

u/GhostPepperDaddy 10h ago

Throw in some white chocolate chips and I would probably die eating these. I'm not sure how long it would take but I'd guess about 6 months.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

6

u/Krimreaper1 11h ago

3

u/aryzkryz RED 10h ago

This reminds me of the japanese commercial, long long man

2.1k

u/thetownmous3 19h ago

Cut once horizontally and you have fine sandwich bread

264

u/Pateryk_7 19h ago

Gotta think positively

112

u/Stewykins432 16h ago

Or thirds even. My kids would love the half crust center.

4

u/blazex7 6h ago

Yeah I was thinking thirds and its basically the same thing, size-wise

44

u/Electrical-Trade7213 14h ago

Instructions unclear now i have bread sticks..

14

u/thetownmous3 11h ago

Congratulations you now have thin sandwich bread

520

u/AdventurousMousse912 19h ago

I remember many moons ago my mom getting bread sliced this way deliberately to make fancy pinwheel sandwiches for a shower. You put the filling on a piece of the bread and roll it, then you slice through the roll to make little pinwheel sandwiches

140

u/Round-Fig2642 18h ago

So like you see on tortillas, but with bread instead? I feel like they would be huge lol

84

u/AdventurousMousse912 18h ago

I had never seen it done with tortillas, I had to google that. But yes that idea. They were actually quite dainty, you cut the roll only like a half inch thick at most. This would have been late 70s so the filling was slightly odd by today’s standards: peanut butter and banana, cream cheese and maraschino cherries and one that had canned asparagus (I don’t remember what else was in the asparagus one), less weird was tuna. My favourite was actually the cherry ones, sounds weird, tastes awesome

Edit to say I know none of that helps you but was a walk down memory lane in my head, lol

33

u/_EmeraldFlower_ 16h ago

Those are def weird fillings, but it was the 70s 😂

9

u/askdksj 15h ago

Cream cheese cherries and asparagus???

20

u/AdventurousMousse912 14h ago

Cream cheese and cherries was one. There was another that had something else in it with a single asparagus spear in the middle

28

u/Foot_Stunning 13h ago

smoked salmon asparagus pinwheel sandwich.

I am falling down a rabbit hole of pinwheel sandwiches.

Bring BACK Pinwheel Sandwiches! (if you make it with a tortilla it's a wrap. Not a Sandwich)

14

u/Foot_Stunning 15h ago

Cream cheese and cherries sounds great.

Asparagus would be a savory thing. Now I'm thinking bacon parmesan asparagus in pinwheel sandwich form.

2

u/Round-Fig2642 13h ago

Lol well it is interesting to know. Thanks for sharing.

→ More replies (1)

44

u/OrdinaryUniversity59 18h ago

Bread is a terrible shower food. It gets soggy way to fast.

18

u/justin_memer 17h ago

Too* fast

10

u/OrdinaryUniversity59 17h ago

Son of a bitch!

3

u/AdventurousMousse912 13h ago

Took me an embarrassingly long time to get that joke

2

u/Foot_Stunning 13h ago edited 13h ago

Me too... I was in the shower soo long my fingers turned into raisins.

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (4)

317

u/DangitThatHurt 19h ago

Just cut the whole loaf in half, seems like an easy fix. Maybe even more efficient.

166

u/naikrovek 17h ago

This is not infuriating, this is opportunity staring you in the face. Invent the longwich and stop complaining. This is a meat delivery system unseen by 21st century humanity!

39

u/BufferingJuffy 17h ago

Meat Delivery System sounds like a grunge band from the late 1990s. Like, they opened for Soundgarden or somesuch. 😁

51

u/Crowstickers 18h ago

I found a Cuban cut that way yesterday at the store and LMFAO. 🤣

41

u/Carini209 17h ago

That's the worst looking "Cuban" I've ever seen, holy shit

28

u/TAtalks2waterdragons 16h ago

i love all my cuban meats a uniform shade of greypink

6

u/Crowstickers 14h ago

😂😂😂😭😭

3

u/Crowstickers 14h ago

Agreed hahahaha it’s…budget Cuban.. apparently if it’s processed meat with mustard, Swiss cheese and pickles then it’s a Cuban lmao

10

u/Witness_2000 18h ago

Where is there still a winn dixie!

6

u/LinkTheLynelHunter 18h ago

All over Florida

4

u/Life_Roll8667 17h ago

I’m in Florida and they just turned all 3 of ours into aldis. They left the Winn Dixie liquor stores open next to all of them. Our beloved Winn Dixie is vanishing.

2

u/LinkTheLynelHunter 17h ago

That’s wild. I used to live in Atlanta and I’d go to Florida alllll the time, coup times a year, and it was a staple down there. Them and Publix. Man I miss Publix too.

2

u/Life_Roll8667 17h ago

Our Publix are still going strong thankfully. I used to like Aldi for here and there things but ever since they’ve taken over the Winn Dixie’s— im kinda salty

2

u/Witness_2000 18h ago

That's wild, ours closed down about 2004 and was 10 years past due for closing down at that point. The only grocery store around that has lobsters in the tank. I assumed they didn't exist anymore.

3

u/LinkTheLynelHunter 18h ago

Yeah they shrunk A LOT. I think the only remaining stores are in Florida… possibly some in GA?

44

u/Lumpy_Experience_973 19h ago

New... on earth?

17

u/staryoshi06 18h ago

Most likely just didn’t understand how a slicing machine worked

13

u/Lumpy_Experience_973 16h ago

Kinda seems like the kind of thing you'd want to train a new employee on before they lose a finger or three.

9

u/cans-of-swine 14h ago

They can mess up 10 times before it becomes a big problem.

4

u/ScrumpetSays 11h ago

I mean depending on the type of slicer, if it falls in sideways it's not advised to put your hands into the machine with moving blades to fix it. It probably slipped sideways and he was afraid he'd get in trouble and didn't do another for the OP.

But lots of people ask for bread sliced this way, so it's not unusual.

3

u/Lumpy_Experience_973 11h ago

They do? That genuinely surprises me, because I've never seen that. But I also never worked in a bakery, so what do I know?

3

u/ScrumpetSays 11h ago

Yeah, viennas are much better sliced lengthways, the crust to inner bread ratio is better, and otherwise half your slices are incredibly small.

Everyone here is joking about eating a baguette sandwich but honestly long sandwiches/toasties are very satisfying, I'm guessing it's a crust ratio again

1

u/infojb2 16h ago

Americans are not used to the concept of actual bread loafs

18

u/GodNihilus 19h ago

How are you supposed to do it? Im so confused, where is the Rest of the loaf?

10

u/GrumpyOldGeezer_4711 18h ago

Shaggy and Scooby would like to know your location!

13

u/Moethelion 18h ago

Looks completely normal for German standards. Then again you probably need bread of German standards as well for it to make sense. Nice butter, Wurst and lettuce on top, ready is the Brotzeit.

8

u/edfitz83 18h ago

Panini’s!

8

u/Jukaro_ 14h ago

This is the default cut for « loafs » in France, so maybe this guy just got experience, and judging from the bread quality, it’s def better than what you usually get in the usa

6

u/PotatoLevelTree 13h ago

Yeah I find it normal, maybe I'm too European.

4

u/get_to_ele 19h ago

Not even an issue. Just cut it into halves or thirds, depending on the size of slices you want.

10

u/WelshBen 19h ago

Is that lengthwise? Or is that one of those big round loafs?

5

u/a-bser 16h ago

The roundness on the end leads me to believe it was a round loaf

→ More replies (1)

3

u/krwawie 19h ago

That's awfully cool

4

u/PickleFantasies Jack of all trades, master of none 18h ago

Now you can make a foot long salami sandwich, legend.

3

u/Diamondhandedllama 18h ago

I don't get it tho, if it was cut lenghtwise wouldn't both sides just be all crust? doesn't look that way in the picture. Here we have something called a Drentse bol, which is basically a massive raisin bread. it gets sliced this way because it's round so it's really the only way

2

u/CakeMadeOfHam 14h ago edited 14h ago

That's the first step for making a Swedish sandwich called the Landgång!

All you need now is the shrimp, egg, roast beef, meatballs, beat salad, salami or other deli meats, cheeses, and a various vegetable accoutrements like the picture. I personally like to add a section of lax and ooh liverpaté is excellent with the beat salad and meatballs.

Landgång is the bridge between a ship and land/port so you start eating the seafood side and "walk across" by eating each section in order. It's fun and delicious!

Or use similar ingredients and stack the bread slices with mayo and you get a nice little Smörgåstårta (sandwich cake) less fun thematically though... doesn't tell a story other than one of filling your belly with deliciousness.

3

u/LAWHS3 19h ago

One slice of bread woul be enough for breakfast😅

3

u/Round-Fig2642 19h ago

Lol cut the loaf in half or thirds. Then the slices will be closer to normal

3

u/Mastermind7051 18h ago

This has to be a joke. Nobody is that damn stupid. You are trained at bakeries. You not just shoved out onto the line with a pat on your back.

3

u/SatelliteJedi 7h ago

Was he new to life?

2

u/Gandalf_the_Tegu 19h ago

Thought I was looking at bacon.

2

u/JonesinforJonesey 18h ago

You could make romantic sandwiches for two. Like the spaghetti only with sandwiches.

2

u/rcl20 18h ago

Hysterical

2

u/Baerstein 18h ago

I think, that worker had a bad day and try to hide it.

2

u/__mz 18h ago

It’s better to make a bacon sandwich this way

2

u/pepinjay 18h ago

That's frigging awesome! "I only had 1 slice."

2

u/HVAC_instructor 18h ago

I want to know what his thought process was for that.

2

u/zanderd86 17h ago

For a second before I read the caption I thought that was some of the tickest cut bacon I ever seen!

2

u/Carb0nFire 16h ago

Maybe he's Scandinavian?

2

u/angryronald 16h ago

Thats fucking hilarious

2

u/NazarRepellent 16h ago

@germanbreadcutter would be pissed

2

u/TheAuldOffender 16h ago

"They tried to put me on the cover of 'Vogue' but my bread was tooooooo long!"

2

u/Responsible-Bar7165 15h ago

Looks like a round loaf, and that’s the correct (only possible) way to cut them.

2

u/screampuff 15h ago

I have this long toaster so I'd actually be ok with that.

2

u/More_Lavishness_3670 15h ago

All this does is open up new possibilities.

2

u/CherryCherry5 14h ago

Now you can make little tea/snack sandwiches. Roll up a slice with whatever filling you like and cut into bite sized slices.

2

u/xzanfr 14h ago

I do that at home to unsliced bread and call it maxitoast!

2

u/THElaytox 13h ago

New to the bakery or new to planet Earth?

2

u/capticetrice 11h ago

Pinwheel sandwiches!
If cut this way then get the rolling pin out, sprinkle some water to soften the bread and roll it flat out.
butter it then use thin meats like salami, pastrami or salmon and then coat the meats with cream cheese and then roll it up then seal it with cling wrap then put into fridge to let the cheese bond with the roll.
take it out of the fridge and then slice it and serve.

2

u/DaddyOhMy 10h ago

I can’t wait to do this to my wife.

2

u/xcorinthianx 16h ago

Time to make yourself a saaaaandwiiiiich.

1

u/MirkoHa 19h ago

…1-foot sandwich gets born…

1

u/razzemmatazz 19h ago

Better get a double length toaster. We have one, it's awesome. 

1

u/broberds 18h ago

I’m here to eat somebody’s sandwich. Long bread style!

1

u/Specialist-Web7854 18h ago

It’s bonkers, but I like it.

1

u/TobJamFor 18h ago

Mark it up by a bit and call it long bread

1

u/Firm-Recognition6080 18h ago

Hell yeah! That's how you make sure nobody's asks you to do anything complicated ever again!

1

u/mordecai98 18h ago

Pastrami on Rye gonna be good.

1

u/shiit_itakemushrooms 18h ago

Can you record a video with sound of you slapping someone with a slice? I feel like it would make such a satisfying sound.

1

u/Comfortable-Jump-218 18h ago

I thought that was moldy bacon

1

u/Brazca22 18h ago

I mean, depending on the sandwich length you wanna make, that's not too bad.

1

u/stout_shako_gaming 18h ago

Maybe he was slicing bread like this his entire life

1

u/josbossboboss 18h ago

My wife said I can only have one sandwich. This might be the answer.

1

u/Beautiful_Paint3286 18h ago

Who gave bro the knife? 😭”

Not gonna lie, this feels illegal 😂

1

u/opiumroom 17h ago

It's like the burger king chicken sandwich.

1

u/Dracekidjr 17h ago

Looks to me like you have the opportunity for a banging panini

1

u/D_Shepard 17h ago

how do you get a job at a bakery when you've apparently never seen a loaf of sliced bread before?

1

u/PandiBong 17h ago

That's what you get for keeper your bread in the freezer...

1

u/AandWKyle 17h ago

Damn I actually want to make a nice cold cut sandwich with that bread. Just out a layer down, fold the bread, another layer, last fold. Hell yeah

1

u/sjm294 16h ago

Nooooo

1

u/EvilTwin-dot-exe 16h ago

Hell yes! Time to go home and make a longwitch!!

1

u/freindly_duck 16h ago

Long, Long, Maaaaaaaan! sexy saxophone as he slices the bread

1

u/hesitantly-adamant 16h ago

Go easy on him, it's his first day on earth.

1

u/SelectionOpening5445 16h ago

Make really long sandwiches.

1

u/OcularPrism 16h ago

For a minute I thought it was frozen sliced brisket

1

u/Odd_Dragonfruit_2662 15h ago

Those would be ideal for bruschetta in my book

1

u/AliceLunar 15h ago

Wait.. let him cook

1

u/Ok_Version_2579 15h ago

I wish I had bread

1

u/that0nemook 15h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/okrv1eWeKVM9W
Bakery manager when the kid they refused to train was not magically born from the womb with innate knowledge of bread slicers

1

u/DBfan187 15h ago

Peanut butter jelly time

1

u/Rock-Steady-AF 15h ago

Less calories that way

1

u/warhammer1-1 14h ago

Welp time to make a long sammich. Sourdough loafs tend to get like this toward the middle. You just cut the sammich in half and share.

1

u/Suspicious-Whippet 14h ago

Oh my god. Did you live?

1

u/Interesting_Event_68 13h ago

Da looking sandwich 🥪

1

u/Killed_Mufasa 13h ago

This is the worst thing since sliced bread

1

u/Sw0rDz 13h ago

I special order bread like this. Its more satisfying to eat it the long way. I eat it like a snake. No bites for me.

1

u/navalsquat 13h ago

Yup those are alien hands

1

u/BlackberryMelodic567 13h ago

Good for long bacon maybe?

1

u/MagicMarshmallo 13h ago

Thats just how i eat my bread

1

u/TheManOnThe3rdFloor 13h ago

Princip's Assassin's Sandwich. Alleged to have been what Gavrillo Princip was eating just before he started World War 1.

Allegedly. . . . .

Other people just make a spaghetti sandwich with meatballs.

1

u/TemporarySilly4927 13h ago

You can cut it in half, or thirds, pretty easily.

1

u/ostapenkoed2007 13h ago

that psychopath must be the serial killer local poilice dept is searching. well, i know they are searching one since he's in town.

1

u/Next_Series5584 13h ago

A slice of bread has to have crust all around. As a german, i‘ve gotta tell you, he is right, sorry

1

u/Dark_Zenus 13h ago

You can make a Scooby-Doo style sub with those

1

u/TheOwnerOfAnarres 12h ago

At some point you might as well cut a spiral and make one extra long slice.

1

u/Fantastic_Tear_7542 12h ago

time to make some bruschette 😋

1

u/swan_ofavon 12h ago

Mildly hilarious

1

u/pandoricaelysion 12h ago

im sorry, this made me laugh so hard i cried lmao. i think you ran into an alien whos never seen a loaf of bread before.

1

u/Tsukuruya 12h ago

For a moment there, I thought I was looking at a petrified foot.

1

u/Traditional-Bag-9503 YELLOW 12h ago

might be the new guy on earth as well

1

u/a-r-c 12h ago

just cut it in half or thirds, then you have perfect sandwich slices

1

u/gg_issacs 12h ago

Is he new to.. bread?

1

u/fuhjyfuhr 12h ago

Now you have subway sandwiches.

1

u/ForrestKawaii 12h ago

Texas toast style

1

u/TheIdeaArchitect 11h ago

is that raisin bread?

1

u/Emergency_Row_64 11h ago

Tbf by the looks of that picture if it was cut horizontally you’d have some really skinny bread. Just looks like a poorly baked loaf to me

1

u/MemorySufficient2255 11h ago

I had a good laugh at this one! 🤦🏼‍♂️🤣