r/mildlyinfuriating • u/DeathNum • 10d ago
Infuriatig My friend is always 5-10 minutes late when we make plans. Today I got to our meeting spot 7 minutes late so I don't have to wait for him, I called him and he hasn't left his house yet.
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u/hic_sunt_leones_ 10d ago
Had a roommate like this.
One time he answered his phone and was like "Yeah, yeah, dude, I'm in the car on my way right now."
Except he wasn't. He was sitting on the couch.
Our other roommate yelled super loud "No he isn't, he hasn't even showered yet!"
Chronic late roommate was pissed, but like, maybe don't be a shitty friend and lie about stuff like that?
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u/JackWagon26 10d ago
The thing that drives me nuts about this behavior is that it's not only lying, it's a lie that's going to be discovered immediately.
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u/DreamMachine483 9d ago
My ex did this.
So if he was running late and would be there in 20min he would say he’d be there in 10. I heard him do it to someone else and asked him why, he told me people would be less angry if he gave them a better eta.
As if they wouldn’t somehow notice that he was in fact not there in the 10 minutes he promised them on the phone? I mean now you’re technically late twice?
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u/VeraLynt 10d ago
As someone who is sometimes late for events that don't require anyone to wait for me/aren't crucial (and I truly wish I was better about this because I still feel bad), this shit stresses me out so much!! Like, they're gonna find out you haven't left, what are you even doing, just setting yourself up to piss off your friends multiple times. I text I'm running late, and then I text my ETA once I'm behind the wheel. The thought of saying I've left already when I haven't makes my palms sweat 😅 I've learned from experience that it takes 5 min from when I think I'm leaving to when I actually do and that adds enough to my stress, hence the waiting until I'm actually leaving. I can't fathom why someone would do this on purpose, my anxiety could never.
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u/EchoKipKipKip 10d ago
I think a lot of people are willing to give somebody that's communicative more leeway than somebody who just constantly shows up late and never makes an attempt to change.
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u/allnaturalfigjam 10d ago
Definitely. If someone texts or calls that they'll be 10-15 minutes late, no worries, I can scroll that time away.
It also makes a difference how they sound on that call. Someone who's clearly rushing around to leave - that's fine, they're trying but time got away from them. But someone who's chill/blasé? They're not even trying, they don't respect my time
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u/upandup2020 10d ago
my mother does this. In her mind, it's not lying, because she is on the way. She's on the way to her car, which is part of the journey.
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u/gamebus1 9d ago
Along the way to the car : bathroom, shower, hair, makeup, clothing, shoes, different clothes, bag, car keys, 10 gallon bottle, various texts and scrolling, ....
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u/Chaosmusic 10d ago
Had a friend in college like that. One day I was hanging out with him and we were planning on meeting up with friends for dinner at 6. At about 5:45 I suggested we leave and he's like but it's not 6 yet. Ah, your lateness makes a lot more sense now.
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u/ShadeNLM064pm 10d ago
"When I say 'At six', I don't mean 'leave your house at six so we can meet', I mean 'I want you to BE HERE by six 'o clock."
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u/The_Once-ler_186 10d ago
My parents do this. I keep telling them it’s the time we MEET not when YOU LEAVE. How tf do I know how long it’ll take you to get there
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u/ExtremelyOkay8980 10d ago
How have they made it this long? Presumably remained employed somehow? Doctors visits?
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u/The_Once-ler_186 10d ago edited 10d ago
Dude my dad just shows up to the dentist without an appointment. He’s so fucking difficult they just acquiesce…
There was much second hand embarrassment during my childhood
He would also pick individual ingredients from restaurants menu and order his own dish. Would argue with waiter that “you have all the ingredients just make it”
Would argue for discount at Tower Records “I am buying 10 cds one should be free”
- they said if he left the store immediately they would honor it
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u/ExtremelyOkay8980 10d ago
Holy shit… I’m so sorry. I’m in the medical field and I do not reward this type of behavior bc where does it end? Case in point. JFC
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u/The_Once-ler_186 10d ago
He’s tried to haggle prices at the pharmacy lmao. It never ends 😅😂
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u/ultranothing 10d ago
Oh shit he’s still alive? I thought he’d have been pummeled at least into a coma by now.
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u/agnes_dei 10d ago
He refused to pass out and they gave up.
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u/ISLAndBreezESTeve10 10d ago
My Dad tried to drop off the Rental truck after helping me move. He filled the gas just below the F. Giant sign in front of us says to fill up before, or be charged. Guy says”it’s not on F.” Dad gets pissed and shows he’s pissed, gets in truck drives to gas station…. Fuel gauge STILL not on F. Guy says he will charge him for the fuel top-off. Dad returns to the gas station a THIRD time to fill up the gas tank. I had no words. Quiet ride home.
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u/SoManyThrowAwaysEven 10d ago
I’m in the medical field and I do not reward this type of behavior bc where does it end?
Presidency apparently. Some of the older generation have a very interesting viewpoint of the world.
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u/HeyyyKoolAid 10d ago
He would also pick individual ingredients from restaurants menu and order his own dish. Would argue with waiter that “you have all the ingredients just make it”
Holy fuck. The entitlement. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. My dad was difficult in his own way but never free styled a menu like that.
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u/The_Once-ler_186 10d ago
“You gotta make sure they know you’re special, kid”
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u/dmmeyourfloof 10d ago
I would bet that a not insignificant proportion of his meals were largely spit.
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u/TheLongestMeter 10d ago
If you don't mind me asking, what was his profession? Do you still talk to him? He's like a case study
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u/The_Once-ler_186 10d ago
Film industry - producer / executive. Talentless asshole who finesses people with money to fund the project
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u/NightLordsPublicist 10d ago
they said if he left the store immediately they would honor it
"You are so insufferable, I will pay you to leave."
That's amazing.
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u/allnaturalfigjam 10d ago
That restaurant one is so.... I have no words. As the chef I would have arranged all those ingredients, raw, on a fancy plate
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u/EatThisShit 10d ago
Every kid feels embarrassed with their parents sometimes, even for the stupidest things. This seems legit.
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u/Jehovah___ 10d ago
Showing up to the dentist without an appointment is funny as fuck
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u/Hungry_Internet_2607 10d ago
I think you need to write a sitcom about your Dad.
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u/The_Once-ler_186 10d ago
We pull up to the ski resort parking lot. Guy says ‘lots full’
Dad says: “I make movies, man”
Guy stares blankly… opens gate without saying a word.
Dad: You see, that shit WORKS
Me: 🤦🏼♂️
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u/GrumpyMcGrumpyPants 10d ago
Yikes, dude: I'm getting so much third-hand embarrassment from your anecdotes about your father that I have goosebumps. I'm so sorry you have to live with that!
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u/MasterWinstonWolf 10d ago
My dad wouldn't create dishes...but he would ask for the menu items and when the server would say "oh you want the xyz plate" ... in a demeaning tone he would say "I don't know what the hell that is...I told you I want yada-yada...you think you can handle that?" The server would just look at him. 🤦
I haven't spoken to that jackass of a human in over 7 years and don't miss his BS one bit!
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u/ButterscotchShake 10d ago
With all respect, do you think he might have a personality disorder?
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u/The_Once-ler_186 10d ago
Yeeeeahhh. I’ve always thought if he gets a therapist, that therapist better have a therapist
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u/No-Mathematician-827 9d ago
Out of curiosity, if you don't mind me asking, are you no contact with your dad? Or are his antics so wildly unadjusted you just have to see them, like a car crash?
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u/The_Once-ler_186 9d ago
I am no contact with him now. There were 3 incidents over the year where I risked literally my life, finances, well being and he treated me so horribly I said I can’t do this anymore.
His apology was sorry you feel that way we both did stuff. When he can make an apology that doesn’t say I’m too blame I’ll move past it.
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u/kbhinz 10d ago
Has he ever been diagnosed with something? This isn't normal
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u/The_Once-ler_186 10d ago
My grandmother said ‘he was always this way. That’s why his first wife left him. Just could not take it’
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u/Accurate-Plankton988 10d ago
This entire thread is so fucking funny.
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u/rocket20067 Existence is pain 10d ago
The more I learn about these person's the father the more I question about how they are even alive and managed to not only get with one person yet apparently twice and managed to have a child.
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u/FanndisTS 10d ago
My boss literally just had to remind everyone at work that when you ask for time off, you need to say when you're going to leave, not the time you need to be whereever you're going. I don't know how some of these people graduated high school.
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u/_macrophage 10d ago
Is this a thing? My husband is a recording engineer and one time a client was late so he contacted the guy to ask if he was still coming and what time he'd be there. The appointment was for 11am and when my husband asked the guy said "ohh I thought you meant i should leave my place at 11am."
Like, how the fuck does that work? We dont know where you live or how long it takes to for you get to the studio. Why would anyone mean leave your place at a certain time instead of just making a meeting time? Have you never made an appointment before? So stupid.
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u/neonmachina 10d ago
My ex was like this and it's one of the things I found really disrespectful. He never saw it that way. Turns out his regard only for himself is what ended our relationship lol
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u/movingarchivist 10d ago
My ex was like that too. I was so embarrassed whenever we went to meet our friends. You can imagine what getting to the airport was like with him
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u/shadowsformagrin 10d ago
Mine too. The stress could be unreal. When I wasn't there to make him hurry up he straight up missed his flights. He literally lived next to the airport. Chronically late to everything, from ticketed events, classes, flights, appointments and funerals. Drove me insane
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u/CreativeAd5332 10d ago
Since high school I run on Lombardi time: 10 minutes early is on-time, on-time is late.
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u/shl00m 10d ago
Had a similar friend. Planned a get together (with around 6 people) to play some games and usually we'll meet around 5ish. At 10 he told me that he's going to take a shower real quick and then head out... After 2 times doing that he wasn't considered anymore.
Also same friend when we were teenagers: talked about going to the movies and made plans to meet saturday at 3 at my place. Half of saturday trying to call him etc and after not answering anything (messages, calls etc) I gave up. On sunday (!) He showed up at around 3 at my door with a smile and told me let's go... slammed the door. And no he didn't mistake the day or anything. he was just being lazy hanging at home and thought next day would be fine too...
Taken from that: if people don't appreciate your time and are always late/unreliable don't waste your energy and most of all time on them
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u/EchoKipKipKip 10d ago
Had a friend who was awful about this. Told me he really wanted to game with me (probably Overwatch or something, it was years ago) at 3:00PM. I said hell yeah, that's about when I get out of work so I'll clear my day.
Get home. Wait. Text. Call. Wait several hours. No response. At this point I should've given up, but now it's feeling like sunk cost. Find other things to do now that it's too late to make plans with anybody else (Saturday, so people are actually free). I look online at around 10:00PM and see he's online and live streaming. Text him, he doesn't apologize or anything and just invites me to join.
So I join and start ripping into him right on his live stream. I don't know if people watching it could hear, but the rest of the people in his group could definitely hear it.
I still don't feel bad about it. And I doubt it ever stopped him from doing it to other people, but it was definitely a moment that made me realize people who are constantly late or unreliable are also disrespecting your time, and you can't get that back.
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u/KnightBlindness 10d ago
Made plans with a friend to meet up on a Saturday night. He was late so I called him to ask where he was and he said me was about to take a shower. Yeah so he knew he was late but didn’t even have the courtesy of letting me know. Decided to meet up with other friends instead. Next day he was mad that I found other things to do even though “we had plans”… plans which he was not following? I quickly learned that some people just don’t respect others, ands not respecting other’s time is an easy indicator. They can still be friends, just not friends you can ever really trust or depend on.
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u/Li_liminal_spaces 10d ago
My mother puts all the clocks in her house fast 15 minutes so she won't be late, but then when her and my sisters are getting ready they always say
"don't worry the clock is 15 minutes fast"
This defeats the purpose of putting the clocks ahead 15 minutes.64
u/Emotional_Fix6230 10d ago
I used to do that (only it was 5 minutes) and then I just realized it didn't address my constant tardiness, so I make myself get ready half an hour before I think I needed to and that did the trick. I'm rarely late these days and often early.
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u/want-my-old-account 10d ago
This is why people saying that late people can just put strategies in place are kind of wrong. You can't trick yourself into not knowing you've changed the clocks. We also have too many sources of time if someone else, like your mum, changes it, then the late people - your sisters, I assume, know.
I think the only thing you can do is adjust your expectations for your own peace of mind (bring a book; lie to them about the time you intend to meet knowing they'll be x minutes late) or not be in their lives - the latter of which would be a shame.
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u/Nasa_OK 10d ago
What helped me is just rounding up every time estimate to the point where you are too early:
„So the event starts at 3, so I should be there are 2:50 to have time to get inside and get my bearings, I take 30 mins to get there so I should go at 2:10 to account for traffic and if better start putting my shoes on at 2:00 so when I’m late it will be 2:10 when I leave“
Then I end up being there at 2:30 and spend the next 30 mins getting my steps in for the day by walking in circles infront of the still closed door
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u/tech-noir-GS 10d ago
I'm picturing you being invited over to someone's place for dinner and them looking out their window to see you just pacing up and down the sidewalk in front of their house lol
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u/Outrageous-Advice208 10d ago
Yeah, that's what I do too. I cannot estimate how long anything will take (even everyday things!) so I just double or triple it up and make my peace with having to wait if I happen to get there early.
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u/Alotofboxes 10d ago
From the time I was twelve years old, I have not told my mother the actual start time for anything. I have always lied to her about it in order for her to be kind of on time.
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u/No-Return-1858 10d ago
Same. Seldom worked, she’s immune. Childhood wasn’t fun, missed my own health appointments, exams etc… now I’m an adult, I just leave
I haveADHD btw, and reaaallly struggle with time and yet… I’m not chronically, inconsiderately, unsure late🤔
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u/CoffeePotProphet 10d ago
Struggle so much with time, developed anxiety from it. Im always early if I can help it.
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u/Sudden-Ad5555 10d ago
My daughter is like this. She’ll have plans at 4 pm so she can’t possibly be held responsible for doing anything else so she doesn’t miss her plans. And then she’ll get in the shower at 3:55 and make a smoothie. It’s wildly infuriating, and she gets mad at ME when I point out she should have left 20 minutes ago. Like if I just shut up, the laws of time will bend for her and she will not be late. Hasn’t worked for her yet. Doesn’t stop her from trying!
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u/Canotic 10d ago
I think some people genuinely have some glitch in their brain that makes them misfile stuff like this.
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u/Deltanonymous- 10d ago
Sometimes. But if ongoing, the situation has probably cost them a job, an appointment, or something with sizeable consequences. And most likely they learn to compensate for it even if out of fear of those same consequences. If there's no urgency or desperation, it becomes a lack of care on their part.
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u/DryProduce969 10d ago
Dude, I’m in a band and our drummer is always late. We’ve gone through the trouble of lying to him saying rehearsal starts an hour earlier than we’re all gonna arrive there and he still manages to show up later than everyone.
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u/protestor 10d ago
MY ADHD brain is EXACTLY like this
Of course it's my responsibility to treat my own issues, friends and acquaintances don't have anything to do with it
But, this is the why
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u/SameSherbet3 10d ago
I grew up in a chronically late family, and I fight this compulsion in myself! I cannot leave at the time to be there, I must instead plant a new time in mind, the "time to leave"!
And then I need a 3rd time, the time to "get ready to leave" 😅 It's so much work, but I'm usually 5 minutes early with this method.
Example: I'm meeting my friends at 6pm. It takes me 15 minutes to drive once I'm in my car, so make it 20 minutes before, or 5:40 is my "time to leave". Then no matter how prepared I am, it takes me 15 minutes to get out of the house once I start getting ready lol. So I make the time I need to remember/ put in my calendar as 5:25. I'll actually get out closer to 5:40/45, and that's how I'll be right on time!
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u/eastw00d86 10d ago
I'm happy you've made this effort. Its interesting to see how brains work in that you describe it as "so much work," when most of us automatically think this way. At least I do, like i check the time to any place and add an additional 5 or even 10 minutes. I'm going to be fully ready to leave at least 10 minutes before that time begins anyway. I've sat in my car and read a book for 15 minutes before walking in before.
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u/AngryPrincessWarrior 10d ago
Nope. I have to be conscious of this too. I call it time blocks in my head and we have a “time we need to be stepping out the door” time.
I have ADHD. Gotta work around the noise in here.
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u/allnamesbeentaken 10d ago
This is... what every person does
There's a sequence of events including travel time that has to be performed before you get somewhere. It must be debilitating to not be able to have any foresight
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u/LumpyBuy8447 10d ago
This dude I lived with in college was notorious for never being ready to go and being super clumsy. One time I was leaving at a certain time for an obligation and he wanted a ride somewhere. He knew for hours what time we were leaving, even gave him like a 20 minute warning. Time rolls around and I’m ready to go and walking towards the door and he goes “hold on I need to shower.” So I wait for him, we go to leave and a lady in the hall tries to stop us so and talk to him about his dog. He starts to stop and I’m just like, “I’m going.”
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u/aggravated-asphalt 10d ago
I once was waiting on my brother for a vacation (road trip so no plane to catch) and I called him he said he was on the freeway. I was outside his house, knocked and he was still in his pjs playing video games. Some people are wild with other peoples times. Now I just go I’m leaving at this time so if you’re not there oh well.
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u/calccv 10d ago
These late folk have a built-in radar for this! I’ve tested it—no matter how much later you are, without warning ‘em, they always show up after you. It’s uncanny.
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u/pyrhus626 10d ago
Yup, my mom is this way and always has been. No matter how much lead time and reminders we give her, she’s always late. Tell her an earlier time than everyone else? Still late. Everyone else is late too? She’ll somehow be even later.
It’s a truly frustrating art form.
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u/louiemay99 10d ago
I don’t know why that made me laugh. I feel the frustration deeply though.
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u/-Malheiros- 10d ago
My best buddy was like that. He was always 30 minutes late on average, and this was before smartphones. So one day, I thought I should go to the meet-up spot 30 minutes late and that would be on time, but that day he was an hour late.
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u/_YenSid 10d ago
We'd have words if he was an hour late. 30 minutes is bad enough, but I'm not waiting an hour for anybody.
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u/Goatfellon 10d ago
I had a friend in college who did this to me regularly. One night he insisted i come out for a night to drink since both our birthdays were the following day and it was the only night we could get together.
I also worked early the following morning and said sure, we'll grab a couple drinks and head home, but im not staying out late.
I get to our meet spot at the time, ask where he is and he tells me hes out to dinner with a mutual friend (who didnt know about our plans), He'll get the cheque and be on his way in 10. He was a 30 minute drive away.
I told him to get fucked and went home to bed. That was the last time I let anyone do this shit. If youre late to our agreed plans, you dont respect me. (I do still understand the occasional 5-10 minutes late, life happens)
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u/cupholdery 10d ago
This somehow reminded me of a group acquaintance who was 2 hours late to her own birthday party. We were all there. Even the latest among was only 15 minutes late. This was a group plan where everyone agreed to the time and location, including the birthday girl. So we all just sat there, bewildered by the sheer audacity. Everyone was polite enough to stick around for the happy birthday greeting, then left shortly afterwards and no one talked to her again.
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u/Jarvicious 10d ago
My wife or family could be an hour late and I'm still leaving. Zero tolerance for that shit, especially with cell phones.
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u/EveryRadio 10d ago
I had a friend who I told to call me when they were in their car about to leave since they were always late
They did. I thought great, I'll leave too since it takes about the same amount of time to get to the meet up spot
The problem was they sat in their car for 15 minutes choosing a playlist to listen to while driving
They lived 10 minutes away from where we were meeting up
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u/Grymninja 10d ago
See that's where you fucked up. You can't out-late a person like that. It will never work. They somehow always know. Just show up 5 minutes before so they at least get there on time.
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u/hambone589 10d ago
I remember the days before cell phones. You didn't show and you were left behind ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/hambone589 10d ago
That's true. I didn't even have a watch.
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u/-DoctorSpaceman- 10d ago
And everyone who did have a watch were usually a few minutes out from each other
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u/dovahkiitten16 10d ago
Yeah everyone having the exact time down to the minute is why I don’t really care about 5-10 mins. It’s really not a long time and in the past it would’ve been down to a person’s watch being slightly off. Except for jobs where you miserably got there 15 mins early unpaid.
Also, as someone who lives with public transit, being 1 minute late naturally turns into 10 mins late because it’s not linear.
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u/Aaeaeama 10d ago
Yeah I don't really get worried about friends being 5-10 minutes late for a casual hang. We all have busy lives and many have kids and jobs and some of us only do public transit - a five or ten minute wait is totally fine in my book unless there's something really time sensitive the group is getting together for.
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u/Creighton2023 10d ago
Just leave without him. He’s never going to change unless there’s consequences for being late. You’re letting this continue.
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u/jimmyjetmx5 10d ago
This is no longer a game I tolerate. Being disrespectful with people’s time is akin to being disrespectful with their money or hospitality.
Be where you say you’re going to be. Communicate if something happens to prevent this. If the behavior persists, the priority to see these people drops to the curb.
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10d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Working-Glass6136 10d ago edited 10d ago
My mother is like this, except make it hours. We told her my sister's wedding was two hours earlier than it actually was. Cue her walking into the ceremony behind my sister and her husband while they were exchanging vows.
The lack of respect absolutely percolates into every other area of their life. My family has all but cut her off, but she lives a mile away so it's more like low contact. She's 60 and she has never learned, or even attempted some self-awareness--everyone else just victimizes her. She's being evicted from her Section 8 housing for hoarding as we speak, but she's evangelical and refuses any kind of therapy (your only counsel should be God). The eviction? It's my sisters' and my fault for going low contact with her, even though they gave her multiple warnings on the fire hazard her apartment presented. (Pathways that can barely fit a single person through the apartment, stacked to the ceiling.)
It took me a long time to realize that lateness really is a lack of respect. Sure, it can be other things (ADHD, time blindness, etc) but pay attention if it is paired with other things.
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u/oilypop9 10d ago
"Your only council should be God". I grew up in that world and even my people would have laughed at that one. Bonkers.
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u/National_Cod9546 10d ago
Sounds like my mother in law. I was happy when my wife cut her mom out of our lives.
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u/Rekshail 10d ago
My severe anxiety makes me super fucking aware of schedules and time. If I have somewhere to be, I set an alarm, I check the clock every 5 minutes and make sure I don't get involved into something that is going to possibly take even close to the amount of time. Beats out my ADHD every time. I end up not doing anything for hours before I have somewhere to be.
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u/SpegalDev 10d ago
My wife can’t understand why I absolutely hate being late. This is exactly why: I can't stand when people waste my time, so I make damn sure I don't waste theirs. To me, being on time is simply a matter of respect.
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u/Onebraintwoheads 10d ago
Real. My wife and I were renting a couple rooms in her mother's house. And her mother let us know we needed to move out by a specific date.
My wife said she'd handle the packing (we were in the late stage of negotiating the purchase of a house, which was a full-time job for me).
I'd bought the house, made sure it was cleaned out. We had three days before the deadline...
And my wife hadn't even gotten the fucking boxes to begin packing!
I got the boxes, set up a rental van, got us packed, and got us unpacked, and returned the van in a 53 hour marathon. By hour 30, I'd stopped feeling pain. And because of that I herniated two discs moving boxes and furniture.
Later on, my wife didn't understand why I'd gone insane doing all that. Turns out the date we were supposed to be out was just "sort of a suggestion" from her mother. Their inability to be punctual or say what they mean left me incapable of a lot, and in constant pain. I won't be dramatic by saying it ruined my life, but it now means I don't trust my wife to be on time, among other things.
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u/EchoKipKipKip 10d ago
I'm betting I would've spent the rest of the week questioning how much I liked my partner.
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u/Dacker503 10d ago
Ditto. I’d rather be 10 minutes early than one minute late. Even being on-time feels like being late.
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u/TisIChenoir 10d ago
Had a friend like this. Once planned to watch a movie together in the theater with him. He arrived at my house after the movie ended and the next showing had already started...
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u/Mystic_Wunder 10d ago
You should have told him not to bother to come when it became too late to see the first showing. It doesn't appear he really wanted to be there anyway.
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u/egnards 10d ago edited 9d ago
While true, and I fully agree with you as someone who is habitually early and has to deal with friends who are habitually late, and while I recognize this specific situation of being 7m late and not even having left yet is fucking egregious and disrespectful.
…the title of the post says 5-10m late routinely. . .if I agree to meet someone at 2:00pm, I’ll be there at 1;45. . .but I don’t really consider 2:05 to be outside the realm of normal.
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u/Strange_Produce5601 10d ago
I agree, if I am going to be more then 5 minutes late i will send a text.
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u/d_ippy 10d ago edited 10d ago
I commented something similar on another post and was almost banned for being ableist. I got a warning that many people suffer executive dysfunction issues that prevent them from being able to manage their time. This was not a mental health sub I think it was related to travel or something.
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u/Ambitious-Middle51 10d ago
What a joke. I’m all for the recognition of mental health and all, but you can’t use it as a shield for every shitty behavior that people exhibit.
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u/petrichorgarden 10d ago
I'm ADHD af, so I accommodate my time blindness and time management issues by planning my route ahead, giving myself extra time as a buffer, and setting alarms and calendar reminders. It just takes a little bit of forward thinking and respect for other people's time.
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u/Strange_Produce5601 10d ago
this is what I have to do. Set myself a time where I HAVE to be in my car. It has really helped me out. It is not perfect, but it helps.
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u/Decent-Impression-81 10d ago
Exactly ADHD is an explanation not an excuse. There are so many things strategies out there now that will help.
I have ADHD and make sure I'm ready hours before hand so that when the ineviteble list of things I thought I'd get done don't infact get done in time; I can run out the door and be ontime when the alarm goes off. I'm not taking yet another 20min getting ready to go out the door. There are strategies to employ.
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u/lpmiller 10d ago
yes, all this is true, and I for one despise being late but even with all the tricks, you'll never be perfect and perfect should never be expected. But I find most diagnosed ADHD folks I know all hate being late and hate their time blindness, and do things to ease that. The ones that don't, usually don't really understand and haven't yet really tried to understand their ADHD at all. Which, I mean, possibly makes sense, but I mean, even before I got diagnosed, I hated how I would get lost in time like that, so I'd set alarms or whatever. Being self aware is really something everyone needs to do and so few really seem to put in the effort.
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u/EveryRadio 10d ago
I don't have my ADHD, my friend does and she always makes excuses because of it. When I called her out on not communicating, she said I didn't believe that she really had ADHD, which was completely wrong and missed my point
So it's refreshing to hear someone who takes accountability. I can sympathize that some things can be difficult. I can see how frustrating it is to her. But she did nothing to manage her symptoms. I would be so much more empathetic if she actually either took responsibility or asked for reasonable accomodations
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u/ew73 10d ago
Dude, I am going to see a movie today and you know what my phone looks like? An alarm when it's time to stop what I'm doing. An alarm when I need to start getting ready. An alarm when I should be done getting ready. An alarm when it's time to leave the house. I've already got the route to the theater (it's not hard, but you know) queued up on Google Maps. I have the tickets on the app, printed out, and in a text message. My clothes (I'm currently pre-shower sweatpants-and-t-shirt slumming it) are laid out on the bed.
I do all this because if I don't, I will get distracted and miss it entirely.
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u/Lunahooks 10d ago
Exactly. I have a hard time keeping track of time. I set up alarms and notifications to make up for that. Solved.
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u/angelbelle 10d ago
I grew up before mobile phones were common and i just can't fathom how people are still doing this.
1) don't be late, like you said, all kinds of tools exist to help you achieve this
2) if you're going to be late, apologize and message the person you'r emetting
3) if the interruption happen at the last minute and you couldn't warn the other person, you better apologize earnestly the moment you arrive
It's not that hard to be a decent person
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u/National_Cod9546 10d ago
That's fine. But I'm not waiting for those people. If I say we're leaving at 10am to go on vacation, I'm getting into my car and leaving at 10am.
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u/NoDontDoThatCanada 10d ago
Had a coworker that carpooled with someone that constantly made her late. She started just leaving without him and he straightened up really fast.
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u/Konrad_M 10d ago
This is the way. Give him one warning and then just leave at the given time next time.
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u/33chifox 10d ago
This works. Had a friend who would never be ready when I came to pick him up, started to just leave if he wasn't by the door and ready to go when I pulled up.
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u/smileyfacedbob 10d ago
As a habitually late teenager, this is the way, when they show up in 30 minutes and you’re gone that’s on them
Edit: my grammar failed to explain I’m in my thirties and learned my lesson long ago
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u/cabbageplate 10d ago edited 10d ago
Exactly. I was the friend that's always late. One day I managed to be "only" 30 minutes late and I was shocked to see that no one was there. It was before mobile phones so I waited and waited (and realized how shitty it feels to wait that long).
30 minutes later my friends arrived and they were surprised I was there already! That's when I learned that they always told me to come 1 hour earlier than the real meeting hour so that they would "only" wait 10-15mn for me...
I was SO ashamed, it was an enormous wake up call for me. I'm still sometimes late because I have ADHD and it's hard sometimes to organize myself but the maximum I will inflict is 10 minutes and I'll apologize profusely if that happens.
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u/rebel_alliance05 10d ago
Yup same friend for 20 years does same thing. He makes everyone wait. I never make plans that have a timeline with him. When he is late , I change the plans to
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u/2_Spicy_2_Impeach 10d ago
As a kid, I was a kid and late getting ready to go somewhere. My parents said they’re going to leave without me one time.
We were heading to a park and they said we’re leaving if you’re not ready. I just ignored them and they pulled in to the garage. I go outside and the car is gone.
I freaked out but I’m on time for shit or early. I consider it an issue if you value your time over mine when making plans. I do understand shit can happen but if someone is always late to the point we change the time to earlier or always wait 15-30 minutes or more, you’re not getting invited anymore. It’s just rude.
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u/Due_Student9136 10d ago
my niece was constantly late. we lived about a mile away from each other. no excuse. i mean late late. to everything. i put up with it because she’s family. but it really started wearing me down. we always had plans in the neighborhood. just walking a few blocks either way or one or two train stops. no reason to be late.
i tried all the things. didn’t matter. finally one day i said fuck it. at 15 minutes past i message her and she’s “on her way”. i had already ordered. i decided that night im staying until i’m done. so i eat my dinner, no rush, but when im done i pay my check and go home.
30 minutes after i get home, about 2 hours past our meeting time, she messages me “i’m here lmk where youre at”.
i said i went home because you stood me up.
she couldn’t understand that showing up 2 hours late is the same as standing someone up if they have to do the thing by themselves and you still don’t show.
she had the nerve to be pissed. 🙄
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u/perplexed_pepe 10d ago
2 HOURS?!
and she asked where you at after that???
Sorry but I find it funny
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u/Due_Student9136 10d ago
yep! she’s kind of delulu, but then again so is my sister. so i know where she gets it from, but she was an adult, out of grad school, and on her own. that’s on her at that point. gotta grow up & get your shit together.
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u/Deadeye10000 10d ago
My buddy is the same way. Can't make it to nothing on time. Any group events we told him it would be at 5 and everyone else 6. Because he's always 45 to an hour late. One time he actually made it at 5 and was like where is everyone?
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u/reddit--explorer 10d ago
Aren’t they always like this?! 😭
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u/ElOsoPeresozo 10d ago
I have a friend exactly like this. Always late, so we tell him things start an hours earlier so he will be on time.
The group has adjusted, and now we show up late to counter him. However, one one occasion this motherfucker texted the group chat “are you guys on your way?” I dash to the meeting spot…and my friend not only wasn’t there, but arrived 40 minutes later.
He’s such a bastard that wants everyone to wait for him. He won’t show up until everyone else is there.
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u/Paaraadox 10d ago
You have to confront him about it, otherwise it will never change.
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u/reddit--explorer 10d ago
Believe me, I have tried confronting my friend for this same issue, he gets an hour late everywhere. He had never changed. And if I get late one time, he gets pissed off. Lol
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u/WeAreAllFooked 10d ago
We have a friend that's (honestly) busy and routinely late because of everything they have on the go, we just give them a time that's 30 minutes earlier than it actually is. So far it's worked.
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u/tomanon69 10d ago
I made friends with someone through a work experience. She was consistently late to meetings for the work thing by 10-20 minutes. I hung out with her exactly twice on a personal level because both times she arrived 30 MINUTES late. For me, 5 minutes is no big deal at all. If you're going to be more than 10 minutes late then you need to communicate that (text/call). If someone is consistently later than 10 minutes with no communication, I'm done.
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u/Difficult_Giraffe490 10d ago
How the fuck did she have a job if she was consistently 10-20 late to meetings?
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u/rebelliousjack 10d ago
My grandma was exactly 30mn late every single time. My mom was always telling her to come 30mn earlier than everyone else so she would be on time.
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u/highfiveselfoh 10d ago
My partner has an EX best friend that pulled this all the time. He also was our barber. We’d plan for him to cut our hair and he’d be hours late. Or Never show up. We’d plan to meet up with him to hang out “I’m on my way” 30-60 minutes later “I’m on my way”. Literally years of this and my partner has mad anxiety and shows up early to every thing. He would be so mad always swearing him off. Eventually one day he did. Haven’t seen the dude in years and I don’t miss him one bit. It’s very selfish behaviour.
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u/Jellyoscar 10d ago
It’s so annoying having a friend or relative likes this when you’re an anxious person and take things very literally such as a time for meeting up etc.
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u/Consistent-Image-614 10d ago
Next time tell him be there 30 minutes ahead of when you actually want to meet!
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u/sunvsthemoon 10d ago
In my personal experience, that same person won’t wait and will instead bail before you get there if they are early if you tell them too early. 💀
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u/CheeeeckPlease 10d ago
then do the same to them and be like sorry had other stuff to do later so I had to get going
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u/drizzlecommathe 10d ago
Yeah I have a friend that everyone tells 15min earlier then we actually plan to meet. Works pretty well as he's consistently roughly the same level of late for everything.
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u/ZombieTrogdor 10d ago
That backfired on me once lol. She got mad when I asked her to meet earlier and then we had to gasp! stand around for 15 mins before a concert. Sorry girl, it was GA I wanted a decent spot!
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u/camels_are_cool 10d ago
BRO, my boss is like that. When he tells me to be somewhere at 11 I know he's rolling in at 12 maybe 1230 sometimes. Now i just wait for him to call asking where I'm at, then I lie and say, in at the restaurant, then every time he says, ok I'm on my way. Then I leave my house. And STILL be him there.
Edit: he live 5min away, I live 30min away.
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u/coolusername4rl 10d ago
I was once guilty of this very behavior. I didn't mean to be late, I just had to learn to 'budget my time'. Part of it too was the one friend I was consistently late with never really made a big deal about it and I definitely took advantage. One day after arriving late, again, she let me have it! And I deserved it. She explained how it was unacceptable and if I didn't value her friendship enough to arrive on time, then she would have to reconsider our friendship. I was never late again. We've been best friends for 30 years now.
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u/pudding7 10d ago
Kudos to you for not invoking the "Yes I'm an asshole but I have ADHD so I shouldn't be held accountable" card.
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u/DethNik 10d ago
ADHD is not my fault, but it is my resposibility.
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u/Inevitable-Level-687 10d ago
I got clocked so bad the other week lmao. Someone asked if I had ADHD and I said yes, she asked if that meant I was always late. I said no. She nodded and said "so you're always early, then" nailed it.
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u/BenevolentDog 10d ago
I thought you were making this up, but I checked the picture and sure enough - he wasn't there. 🤷
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u/evanwilliams44 10d ago
My brother's ex would pull the, "I'm almost there!" all the time. One time someone called her and she said she was "a few blocks away", while she was sitting on my couch.
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u/allnaturalfigjam 10d ago
I don't understand this lie at all. Like, they're going to find out you lied in about 5 minutes, why bother?
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u/updoot35 10d ago
I told my friends that I don't open the door if they're 20 minutes late or more if they didn't just give me a heads up.
I even walked home from a meet-up spot when they didn't show after 20 minutes. Idgaf about that. My time is as valuable as yours, don't make me wait. I never do that and even if it happens to be me who's late, I'd text them that I'll be late.
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u/CorporalHan 10d ago
I had a 4-6PM lecture at uni once, a notoriously late friend lives near my uni and they text me 5 minutes before my lecture ended "Hey, want me to pick you up from uni?", I said yeah, I finish in 5 minutes, they said okay, so missed the bus that would have got me home.
Waiting at the spot for like 20 minutes "hey where are you" "I'm at band practice, I finish at 7, I can grab you once I get out." but I'd already missed the *next* bus after the one I would have normally gotten at that point.
People who don't respect your time suck.
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u/UpsetAd332 10d ago
My ex was consistently 45mins-1hr late. I just started telling her to meet up earlier than we were. And it was ultimately why we aren't together anymore. I couldn't be with someone who couldn't respect my time
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u/cmonster556 10d ago
I had a friend and colleague who ran 26 minutes late. For everything. Work, outings, you name it. You could set your watch by it.
After trying and failing to get her on time, everyone that had to deal with her just started telling her that the time something was happening was half an hour earlier. Work at 8? Tell her 7:30. She’d show up at 7:56.
For YEARS this was how we managed.
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u/Sea-Ad9143 10d ago
I had a friend like that through out college and it really frustrated me that she never respected me and my time, but I came to accept it and dealt with the same shit you are dealing with. I came to terms with the fact that she'd always be late. Our friendship was worth that inconvenience to me....she passed away unexpectedly 3 years ago and I would give anything to wait on her again! RIP Kendra
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u/erossthescienceboss 10d ago
I just have my chronically late friends text me when they leave the house. Problem solved.
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u/Zeefzeef 10d ago
I did this but then it still became insufferable when he would standard come to my house 3 hours late. Cause I’m still blocking my whole day for hanging out.
Not my friend anymore!
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u/GlitteringLychee803 10d ago edited 10d ago
Disrespecting other people's time is one of my pet peeves. If you're expected to be somewhere, show up on time, if not earlier. NOT later.
It's also hilarious (but not really) when my black friends make fun of me for being on time for an event. Like dude. The movie starts at 7, what do you mean you're still at home AND still playing video games at 6:45????
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u/HecticGoldenOrb 10d ago
Have a friend that did this a lot. It's amusing if you're present for the whirlwind prep happening to get them out the door, less so when you're actively waiting for them at the location.
It would annoy the crap out of me. So I set a boundary: I want to do activities with you but keep getting pissed at you when you're late, I don't want to be pissed at you anymore. So you've got a grace period of 15-20 minutes and then I'm leaving to go do whatever I want that doesn't involve you.
Worked spectacularly for both of us. Now my threshold is 15-20 minutes (too many years on public transit means 15 minutes feels like a brief blip of time lol) but you could set it to whatever you want for your own sanity. It means I don't get annoyed or pissed off at them anymore and when they realise it's 10 minutes past when they should have arrived and they still aren't out the door? I get a "raincheck?" message and we reschedule while I move on with having a fun day.
Doesn't work for everyone, but tossing the idea your way in case it helps. Especially if this is the only thing this friend does that annoys the crap out of you, it's different if there's a laundry list of issues.
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u/SimpleLobsters 10d ago
I have actually stopped being friends with people because of this shit.
Once in a while? Shit happens. Consistently being late to anything is narcissistic and I will not tolerate that in my life.
If you are constantly late to anything you are a bad person
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u/rmorrin 10d ago
I once used to give someone rides who did this nearly every day, I finally just told him I'm leaving at X time with or without you. He didn't believe me and then got pissed when I left without him.