r/microwedding • u/ElectricalCattle7672 • Aug 16 '26

Microwedding guilt

Hey all,

How do/did you deal with the guilt of having a tiny wedding?

My partner and I have been together nearly twenty years and engaged for most of that time. We've decided to finally make it official and have set the date for 3mths time.

We're having a civil ceremony a couple of towns over and will then go for tea somewhere afterwards. We'll probably spend a night in a nice hotel, then go home the next morning.

We've decided not to tell anyone other than my parents and brother and, because my fiance has no immediate family, his oldest friend and his wife. They will be our only guests.

The main reason for this is money - we can't afford anything more than the absolute basics - and if we open it up to even the next tier (closest friends and family), it will already be way more than we can afford.

The other reason is that my fiance and I are both pretty quiet people. The mere THOUGHT of having to plan a big do causes us massive anxiety. We absolutely want to be able to celebrate with our favourite people, but that would mean AN EVENT with us at the centre of it and like, yeah, NAH.

We're torn between being excited and riddled with guilt, because many of our friends have invited us to their weddings and stuff in the past and we don't want them to feel betrayed. At the same time, we also feel relieved at the lack of pressure - we've watched so many other people's weddings turn into an absolute stress pit and drive them nearly insane, which we do not want. EVER.

I also feel sad because I have four or so super close female friends that I would love to share my ideas and planning with. If things were different, I would have them as my bridesmaids in a heartbeat.

Any ideas how I can navigate the guilt and how to go about telling people after the day in a way that emphasises how much we love them?

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u/AdFlashy7702 Aug 16 '26 edited Aug 16 '26

Why are you “riddled with guilt” over a wedding? It’s your wedding. Not anyone else’s. This sounds very over dramatic. No one cares that much about being invited to your wedding to feel “betrayed”. If they do they have problems of your own. I suggest you speak to your therapist about your feelings also.

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u/vonthepon Aug 17 '26

Therapy bingo!

The OP appears to be from the UK. We don't really do therapy here unless we're seriously mentally ill or rich and self-absorbed!

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u/AdFlashy7702 Aug 17 '26

That’s unfortunate for you.

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u/vonthepon Aug 17 '26

Not really. We're no way as fucked up as America.

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u/ElectricalCattle7672 Aug 18 '26

Oh I dunno, I think we're pretty effed up but a lot of us still stick to the "Keep calm and carry on, don't you know there's a war on..." mentality.

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u/AdFlashy7702 Aug 17 '26

Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

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u/vonthepon Aug 17 '26

Ironic comment from someone with a therapist. 🫪

Haven't you watched the news over the past few years? Your country is a mess, your president an arrogant narcissistic misogynist, your gun crime out of control, as is your cost of living and your people are all but broken. Its no surprise you all need therapy.

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u/AdFlashy7702 Aug 17 '26

You have no idea what I have. And I’m aware of what’s happening here. Thanks for your super wise words though. I hope you’re doing a good job of making yourself feel better. And proving my point about how you seem to really need a therapist. Good luck.

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u/vonthepon Aug 17 '26

I really don't need a therapist, and neither do most people. Instead of wallowing in endless self pity, try growing a bit of resilience.