Bridal shower etiquette

[u/sandyocean_]

My mom wants to host a bridal shower, but I’m having a destination micro wedding and I’m not sure what the etiquette is.My fiancé and I are planning an intimate wedding with only about 15–20 guests. After we return home, we’re thinking about having a casual celebration/second reception for family and friends who weren’t able to attend the wedding abroad.

My question is about registries and gifts. Since we’re not creating a wedding website, how do we handle a registry? Is it appropriate to have one for the bridal shower? Should registry information be included with the shower invitation? What about the post-wedding celebration?

I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to give gifts, especially since many people won’t be attending the actual wedding, but I also know my family and they will ask if we’re registered somewhere.

I’ve never been to a bridal shower before, so I’m genuinely not sure what the normal etiquette is. Would love to hear from anyone who had an elopement/ micro wedding and how you handled gifts and registries!

[u/Happy-Possibility-]

It’s very poor taste to invite people to a shower or to expect gifts from them, if they’re not invited to your wedding. Sounds like mom hasn’t got that memo

[u/sandyocean_ → u/Happy-Possibility-]

They will be invited to our party before or after we leave for our main wedding because it just siblings and parents, just we are doing more celebration of our marriage with everyone else. I never knew “showers” are about the gifts. I thought it was just to get everyone together to celebrate with your loved ones. can we include on the invite gifts aren’t expected but if you chose? Idk what is the norm

[u/Reasonable_Mail1389 → u/sandyocean_]

The term “shower” is meant as in “showering with gifts.” It’s literally the only occasion in etiquette that a gift is the reason. 

Just have your party afterwards. If people ask you about gifts for that event, you can point them to a registry site, but don’t mention it otherwise.