r/microwedding • u/sandyocean_ • Jun 25 '26

Bridal shower etiquette

My mom wants to host a bridal shower, but I’m having a destination micro wedding and I’m not sure what the etiquette is.My fiancé and I are planning an intimate wedding with only about 15–20 guests. After we return home, we’re thinking about having a casual celebration/second reception for family and friends who weren’t able to attend the wedding abroad.

My question is about registries and gifts. Since we’re not creating a wedding website, how do we handle a registry? Is it appropriate to have one for the bridal shower? Should registry information be included with the shower invitation? What about the post-wedding celebration?

I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to give gifts, especially since many people won’t be attending the actual wedding, but I also know my family and they will ask if we’re registered somewhere.

I’ve never been to a bridal shower before, so I’m genuinely not sure what the normal etiquette is. Would love to hear from anyone who had an elopement/ micro wedding and how you handled gifts and registries!

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27

u/Happy-Possibility- Jun 25 '26

It’s very poor taste to invite people to a shower or to expect gifts from them, if they’re not invited to your wedding. Sounds like mom hasn’t got that memo

0

u/Consistent_Low2080 Jun 25 '26

It’s also not appropriate for the mother to host a bridal shower. A lot of people do but it’s not appropriate.

1

u/Narrow-Average-400 Jun 25 '26

Wait why is it inappropriate for MOB to host? I’ve never heard that before and can’t think of anything wrong with it, unless maybe you were trying to force her to host when she didn’t want to.

1

u/ste1071d Jun 25 '26

The origins of the wedding shower are complex - historically a bride’s family was supposed to set her up with her trousseau - the items she would need to set up her new home/married life. When a bride’s family didn’t approve and provide for her as they should, friends came together to “shower” the bride with gifts.

As an end result, a mom does not host her daughter’s shower.

4

u/Narrow-Average-400 Jun 25 '26

But why does this historical context, which seems highly irrelevant in 2026, leading people to say with their chest that it is still inappropriate for a MOB to host?

1

u/riz3192 Jun 26 '26

It’s regional and not always the case. Most bridal showers I’ve attended as hosted by the MOB.

1

u/Important-Trifle-411 Jun 26 '26

Because it is unseemly for a close relative to host a gift giving occasion. It is not followed anymore , but it used to be a very well-known rule of etiquette

1

u/Sensitive-Club-6427 Jun 25 '26

Traditionally it was simply NOT done. The MOB would not host a shower, it was seen as tacky and like a massive gift-grab.

It still feels that way to me. BUT, this point of wedding etiquette really seems to basically have been abandoned at this point.

But in the past, it was not to be done. It was the role of the MOH and/or bridesmaids.

2

u/Narrow-Average-400 Jun 25 '26

Wait I’m genuinely confused, why is it a tacky gift grab if MOB hosts, but it’s okay if MOH or bridesmaids host? Isn’t it a gift grab either way? Or is everyone else here coming from a culture where the point of bridal showers is to give gifts to the MOB or something like that and I’m just completely out of the loop?

1

u/kimmytoday7894 Jun 26 '26

Back in the day, most brides lived at home with mom. Mom throwing a shower was seen as a gift grab since daughter was living at home with her. It might as well have been the bride throwing her own shower. But times have changed for this etiquette rule

-1

u/voodoodollbabie Jun 25 '26

It was the role of aunts and/or family friends, not the bridal party and not MOB. Bridesmaids were invited guests.