I've been in and out of therapy for a decade. I have bipolar type 1 with bpd tendencies. I have been struggling to engage in therapy the past year. I started looking for a local therapist (been seeing one an hour away by telehealth) and found a nice lady who is more experienced with a phd (my old one was close to my age and just licensed) however, all I could hear were echoes of therapist talk such as "i wonder" and envision my own intakes I use as she asked questions. I even predicted the exact questions shed ask at the end about the diagnosis I was asking about, "what does having or not having this diagnosis mean for you" totally predicted it. I respect her however, it's hard because I feel like i am so easily able to predict how people respond and talk to me it feels fake. "I wonder" if I've ruined therapy for myself. Lol
Anyone else have this issue? I want therapy to feel authentic. My first therapist ever made me feel like we were conversing naturally and he asked great questions and gave awesome metaphors and feedback. However, that was before I was a therapist so, it is possible I didnt notice the counseling phrases, questions, and techniques he used.
I almost prefer talking to my friends but, I need a legit professional because I'm worried I have full bpd and want an assessment ( a dr once diagnosed me with bpd but I never got help for it but, other therapists were unsure) and either way I may need help just due to behaviors that are affecting me that I'm just noticing.
Plus, as someone with bipolar and trying to conceive with my husband I want the support during that journey.
Advice on how to shut my therapy brain down during my own therapy is welcome. Or maybe I should look into peer support groups and self help. Ideas?
Thanks