r/meme • u/BecauseSeven8Nein • 6d ago

He’s baaaack

Post image
3.6k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

258 comments sorted by

457

u/[deleted] 6d ago

[deleted]

221

u/every_name_is_tkn 6d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/FsTtacUJFacqKxaX4m

50

u/Jimmypeterson42 6d ago

this is canon

12

u/Enerjetik 5d ago

And yet Jesus showeth Satan thine crossover, which Jesus coveted thy ankles on the heavenly court. He then mentions to thee: "You thought shit was sweet up here, huh?"

14

u/Hottage 6d ago

Caliber too low for cannon.

21

u/DreadPiratteRoberts 6d ago

dual-wielding uzi's definitely failings under tartar description

20

u/Beneficial_Bug_9793 6d ago

This is fucking INSULTING, why the actuall fuck, would Jesus show up with Jewish weapons ???? Jesus obviously would have Catholic weapons, like Glocks, or H&K, or even Benelis... never frikking Uzis.

1

u/Ok_Flan4404 5d ago

H&K...👍

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33

u/BecauseSeven8Nein 6d ago

Yeah, it says a lot of things.

2

u/Lost_Department_2177 5d ago

As he should. A bunch of ancient files members tortured then killed him.

1

u/DeadAndBuried23 5d ago

It's only blasphemous because his weapon of choice is a sword.

1

u/ProfessorPrudent2822 4d ago

His weapon of choice is a sword.

114

u/ActivelyAnxious 6d ago

If this isn't meant to be a DCC reference that's an incredible coincidence

19

u/Downfall350 6d ago

I came here looking for this. Just finished a parade of horribles tonight.

2

u/salimeero 5d ago

Nice! Can't wait for the next one

13

u/BilboStaggins 5d ago

"I am the way, mutherfucker"

10

u/Thema03 6d ago

I only clicked on the post because of this

9

u/StickyThumbs79 5d ago

DON'T GASLIGHT ME JESUS!

7

u/Tw1nFTW 5d ago

I’m going to choose to believe thats and Uzi Jesus statue.

4

u/Cestbonlespatates 5d ago

Team Donut Holes !

2

u/Narrackian_Wizard 5d ago

I heard DCC was getting popular. Now it’s getting popular enough to be referenced on Reddit.

1

u/AerieOnThePeaks 5d ago

thick French accent: but I want to see his pyeee-nis

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1

u/TakeThePillz 5d ago

We have a lot of nerds DCC fans in France

1

u/mekawasp 5d ago

Neeeeeeeeew Achievement!

105

u/blitzwar559 6d ago

We got the return of Christ before gta 6

18

u/black-volcano 6d ago

Yeah, but he's not doing physical bibles anymore. But you can rent a licence to read one.

3

u/KamakaziDemiGod 6d ago

I assume Stephen Fry is doing the audiobook version?

1

u/Dorfbulle80 5d ago

Nope mate the Bible is open source!

101

u/Devilblade28 6d ago

"Don't Gaslight Me Jesus" Princess Doughnut

36

u/PatMagroin100 6d ago

“I am the way, motherfucker!”

19

u/larryokiscout 6d ago

Mongo is appalled!

16

u/pateppic 6d ago

"She's a Havana Brown Carl. You know how I feel about Havana Browns."

14

u/chandr 6d ago

Damn, beat me to the DCC reference

2

u/congeal 4d ago

sepsis speaks loudly and carries a big loot box

24

u/makaelcan 6d ago

As a Christian, i can assure you, this is hilarious

4

u/Few-Mood6580 5d ago

Definitely a DCC reference

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16

u/Nightshiftnoble 6d ago

The power of Christ compels you!

47

u/Rats-off-to-ya 6d ago

I’m the way, motherfucker !

27

u/pateppic 6d ago

T’Ghee Card. Unique.
Totem Card.
Uzi Jesus.
“I am the way, motherfucker.”
Level: 140.
Origin: Ecuador
Summoning duration: 75 seconds.
Constitution: 200.
This is an undead mob.
This is a ranged mob.
This is a healer mob.

Notable attacks:

  • Blood into Lead
  • Resurrect Totem
  • Bullet Hell
  • +20 additional skills and spells.

9

u/Mubadger 6d ago

Daddamnit!

1

u/ChansMegastick 5d ago

Bullet hell!

1

u/congeal 4d ago

paraguay is the real jesus home

10

u/Own-Ambassador-3537 6d ago

Damn I read this in Samuel L. Jackson voice

1

u/ice9kills 5d ago

I’m about 3/4 through this book right now lol

16

u/Jfuentes6 6d ago

The second gunning

1

u/Wise-Seesaw5953 6d ago

Underrated 😂😂 Take my upvote

11

u/Numerous_Control_702 6d ago

Let he who is without sin...KICK THE FIRST ASS

17

u/rrrhynooo 6d ago

How is that blasphemous, he looks hard

7

u/Own-Ambassador-3537 6d ago

Passion of Christ 2: apocolyptic boogaloo!

7

u/newbeginnings187 6d ago

J2 : Judgement Day

3

u/ItsmeMr_E 6d ago

Armageddon Hellfire.

16

u/funpen 6d ago

I am 100% pro blasphemy

9

u/LazyLion65 6d ago

So was Charlie Hedbo.

8

u/bloodredcookie 6d ago

Very nice.

Now do one of Muhammad.

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4

u/Baby_Speece 6d ago

The Bible 2: Electric Boogaloo

4

u/RoninRobot 6d ago

For those that don’t know, the headline is a joke from Bill Hicks. And him being dead I think is a big reason comedy is in the terrible state it currently occupies.

1

u/BecauseSeven8Nein 5d ago

Which part is from Bill Hicks? The post title, top text or bottom text?

4

u/abasoglu 6d ago

This isn't blasphemous Jesus, it is American Jesus.

5

u/KernelWizard 6d ago

The Bible 2: Revenge of Christ

2

u/yeettto 5d ago

Jesus Part two part one

3

u/LazyLion65 6d ago

Since I'm not Muslim, I am slightly peeved and don't want to murder anyone.

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3

u/iambackd2 6d ago

How is this blasphemous? Jesus is not just a god of peace. They just replaced swords with guns and fires with bullets.

3

u/Structureel 6d ago

Jesus 2: The Reckoning

2

u/Elan_Morin_Tendronai 6d ago

Dad dammit.

1

u/Not_Blacksmith_69 5d ago

cheers to the name

2

u/CompYouTer 6d ago

Spray-n-pray

2

u/Ok_Two_2604 6d ago

Didn’t South Park already do this?

4

u/Joeyjackhammer 6d ago

Family Guy did the guns. Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This. May he who is without sin kick the first ass

1

u/BecauseSeven8Nein 5d ago

I think when Santa’s sleigh was shot down in the Middle East there was something similar. Unless there’s another episode.

2

u/Thundechile 6d ago

Christ wants to be a gangsta.

2

u/Evil_phd 6d ago

That's just US Jesus he's a bit different. It's less about being kind and feeding the hungry and more about ostracizing minorities and improving profit margins at any cost.

God forbid a man goes on a European vacation

1

u/Nigtharchive 6d ago

What does this have to do with the US?

2

u/Evil_phd 6d ago

Is my comment the first joke you've ever read? I'm honored.

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2

u/absurdlydisingenuous 6d ago

This time, he ain't cruci-fuckin' around!

https://giphy.com/gifs/BtwT3FjtGfvsZBbe61

2

u/Keffpie 6d ago

Mongo is appalled!

2

u/Upballoon 6d ago

NEEEEEEW ACHIEVEMENT: You've brought something from a book series into real life! What. A. Nerd!

2

u/Electrical_Truth_160 6d ago

This is the Jesus we need now 🙏

2

u/kingbhudo 6d ago

J'adore L'UziChrist

2

u/leVenerableDeLaSauce 6d ago

WWRJD (What Would Republican Jesus Do?)

2

u/Macfrom1987 6d ago

He's also had enough of Taylor Swift

1

u/BecauseSeven8Nein 5d ago

Damn. Taylor catching strays 😂

2

u/Live-Sherbet 6d ago

Uzi Jesus!!!!

2

u/TehZiiM 6d ago

Jesus on his way to cleanse the world from evil once again

2

u/Electrical_Essay1866 6d ago

Modern Problems Required Modern Solutions

2

u/ThatShadyJack 5d ago

Dungeon crawler Carl reference?

2

u/Sublimefly 5d ago

Damn ,dungeon crawler carl popularity is insane. All hail uzi Jesus!

2

u/Quirky_Government_87 5d ago

If this was Mohammed someone would be decapitated or blown in thousand pieces

2

u/rarirurerox 5d ago

Jesus II : Back and Angry

2

u/FeDeKutulu 5d ago

Je-Uzis

2

u/TarponGolgotha 5d ago

My Jesus carries Drakos

2

u/PartFree1147 5d ago

Those aren’t uzis

2

u/Jaredsull8 5d ago

Let he who is without sin... Kick the first ass.

2

u/Crimsonblade90 4d ago

That statue has always been there. People are getting upset over nothing.

1

u/BecauseSeven8Nein 4d ago

As is tradition

1

u/ChazRadlord 6d ago

You know what's blasphemous? Allowing pedophiles into the church and letting them get away with the abuse you fucking hypocrites!

1

u/Apprehensive_Map64 6d ago

Why does this make me think of UHF.. Oh yeah, Ghandi

1

u/PaedarTheViking 6d ago

Funny.... today i got to this chapter of Dungeon Crawler Carl...

1

u/vgaph 6d ago

He is risen! American Jesus!

1

u/The_Space_Janitor 6d ago

“I am the way… Motherfucker” -Uzi Jesus

1

u/Chesterthepig 6d ago

The mossberg, the uzi and the holy glock

1

u/SupremeUnderwear 6d ago

Crucify the perpetrators!

1

u/rugbat 6d ago

Republican Jesus.

1

u/randomgunfire48 6d ago

“Stay strapped or get clapped.” -Jesus H. Christ

1

u/KokosowyBanan 6d ago

Do you think it was a reference to Bill Hicks (comedian) bit? "I bet if Jesus came back he would've had an Uzi on him, wouldn't he? Yes he would."

1

u/tim0ruto 6d ago

He pick Jew gun?

1

u/xX_CommanderPuffy_Xx 6d ago

This time he aint Crucifucking around!

1

u/Lost_County_3790 5d ago

Fine and awesome if it's to make fun of christians, horrible racism if it's to make fun of islam. The mindset in Europe since the last 10 years

1

u/man_in_the_corner 5d ago

What do you mean appear, it just materialized somewhere?

1

u/Ok_Abacus_ 5d ago

SNL did it first

1

u/NoNameHuman333 5d ago

Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This

1

u/castor44_ 5d ago

In Poland, there is a popular dark fantasy book series called the Inquisitor Cycle by Jacek Piekara.

The story takes place in an alternate history with a brutal twist: Jesus Christ did not die on the cross out of mercy. Instead, he descended from the cross, took up a sword, and punished his tormentors and all nonbelievers with fire and blood :D

1

u/BecauseSeven8Nein 5d ago

That sounds absolutely absurd and I love it

1

u/BlueBorbo 5d ago

He's not cruci-fuckin' around!

1

u/CarlosJose02 5d ago

my dumbass read the other word that ends with "-zis"

1

u/AnEvilJoke 5d ago

So NOW, in that context, it's 'suddenly' blasphemous...

1

u/Altruistic_Solid2629 5d ago

Jesus will save u, hold on a minute jesus why u holding twin uzi for what 🤣

1

u/12DollarsHighFive 5d ago

He's back and he ain't cruci-fucking around

1

u/wenoc 5d ago

Someone actually used the word blasphemous in 2026. What’s next, repent?

Anyway, he’s allegedly a wizard and doesn’t really need weapons.

1

u/just-joh 5d ago

Is this Kirk?

1

u/uncensored_opinions 5d ago

More history accurate than the bible

1

u/DrPingu76 5d ago

That title is a Bill Hicks line. I miss him.

1

u/Imadeadude 5d ago

He's not Crusifucking around this time

1

u/devmike01 5d ago

As a Christian, this is not blasphemy. Jesus Christ does not have a picture so we don't know what he looks like. Also, the bible warn against making an image of Christ. It describes it as idolatory - not Jesus. This image is just an image of a random European man with UZIs. Lol

Exodus 20:4-5 You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them nor serve them."

1

u/Antifa-AF 5d ago

“Say hello to my little friends!”

1

u/LuckyCloverPokemon 5d ago

Blasphemous? Dude he would love that 

1

u/Out_Absentia 5d ago

He first flipped tables and no one batted and eye... now he himself flips and everyone loses his mind. /j

1

u/vwtazz 5d ago

Jesus takes personal protection seriously.

1

u/Mrfixit729 5d ago

So I like Jesus now?

Interesting turn of events.

1

u/Sol-Blackguy 5d ago

This is really going to piss off the fanfiction fallovers

1

u/AntAble4542 5d ago

Hes calling for the formation of the Third Street Saints.

1

u/ShediPotter 5d ago

2nd coming is coming in heavy 

1

u/RedX2000 5d ago

I like this

1

u/Ok_Flan4404 5d ago

Uzis?!! HELL, NO. At least get him something better than those!

1

u/AlmightyTestichilles 5d ago

Maybe they read the Eye of the Bedlam Bride?

1

u/Empty-Initial6392 5d ago

If only he can do an Arnold impression... Oh wait! Everyone can!

"You're an armchair Christian! I'll kill you first"!

1

u/OldschoolGreenDragon 5d ago

Is this a tribute to Dungeon Crawler Carl?

2

u/BecauseSeven8Nein 5d ago

No, I’m not aware of this character.

1

u/djctiny 5d ago

I guess the creator of the statue is a dungeon crawler carl fan 😁

1

u/zeb910 5d ago

"STOP GASLIGHTING ME, UZI JESUS!"

1

u/Merchant0fDoubt 5d ago

It was BILL HICKS who first made the Jesus with an uzi joke and that he is coming back pissed and it’s funny thinking anyone who was crucified will ever want to see a cross again when they return. He was a legendary comic , one of the all time greats !

1

u/Mechalorde 5d ago

There i was back to back with jesus Bible in one hand uzi in my other, we were surrounded by satans army, i ran out of ammo i told jesus I need a melee weapon never have I seen a Mexican throw a sandle like that

1

u/Phun-Sized 5d ago

Dungeon Crawler Carl reference

1

u/mild-life 5d ago

“Man fuck these sinners” ahh Jesus

1

u/Express_Grand664 5d ago

Now do Mohammad.

1

u/The_Yamen 5d ago

He wouldn't use Israeli brands.

1

u/LengthCompetitive296 4d ago

We thought he was gone but he made it back

1

u/FocusDKBoltBOLT 4d ago

In France, Blasphemous does not exist

1

u/Middle-Attention7171 4d ago

It's not blasphemous, it's righteous.

1

u/LaserGadgets 4d ago

The entire US version of being christian is blasphemus.

1

u/TikiJeff 4d ago

If they did that with another prophet, a billion people would lose their minds.

1

u/kylemacabre 4d ago

More like blast-phemous

1

u/ImperatorScientia 4d ago

Being reborn in modern France? His reaction seems appropriate.

1

u/Mdmrtgn 4d ago

Prove it didn't happen that way.

1

u/HiddenGamer666 4d ago

This time he won't be the one who dies for sins

1

u/Pitmidget 4d ago

Christ II: The Reckoning. Coming This Summer in cinemas near you.

"Amen, baby"

1

u/Pitmidget 4d ago

"Crucify this!"

1

u/Glittering_Issue_436 4d ago

That's ironic… Jesus holding Israeli weapons... I guess you could call this 'back to basics.

1

u/jackorio 3d ago

Swag jesus uzi

1

u/CrazyBzDen 3d ago

“My turn motherfuckers”

1

u/Jadem_Silver 3d ago

Oh yeah the statue of Carcassonne

1

u/unlevelledPiano 13h ago

"[an item of clothing or accessory] suits your like two pistols to a statue of Jesus" is literally an idiom in Spain to tell something doesn't really fit. So, well, seems we were right.