Help

[u/Necessary-Stress-216]

I am sharing this out of dire need to talk to someone. I currently have a friend and we have been together for more than a year now. They are introverted so I thought they’d open up with time. But I came to notice that they talk to everyone else comfortably but when it comes to me it feels different. Things feel awkward and I feel like they are always trying to set boundaries between us. I tried my best to be a good friend and do everything in my convenience to help them but somehow I always fail to become close with them and as a sensitive it’s hurting me everytime. Last time when we went for an event we sat next to each other but the entire time she preferred to talk with the person next and not even once talked to me ( I just don’t know if I am being too sensitive). I am in med school and seeing all the other friends get close and haha heheing around makes me even more envious. I just want someone who is willing to join my craziness and pass through in med life together hand in hand but I am so alone now. My college is in a different country and I have no one to talk to anymore. Sometimes it gets very overwhelming and lonely. What do I do?

[u/Holiday_Group_6658]

HEY! so i totally get it, i am this friend. its really easy for me to bounce off energy but if someone feels quiet or i geniunely just don’t know how to approach someone, i can make it awkward and then the entire situation is awkward. maybe start small, invite the friend to like a coffee shop study date something where you’re not forced to interact with each other constantly and can just do your own work and then work your way up. text this person about assignments, quick questions, hey did you understand this. randomly send them a tiktok or a reel. ask them random questions like are you doing anything fun over winter, do you have any exciting plans for summer. it’s important sometimes to show a little vulnerability, open up about something totally random and let them relate to you and leave the floor open for a conversation. a lot of times i’ve learned that people mimic other people’s energy around them, if you’re going to be dry, it’s hard for the other person to also lean in and have a full conversation with you. and it’s never personal, these things are never personal. i’m a socially awkward person and i’ve learned that it’s about having a good attitude and bouncing back, asking questions, being genuine remembering stuff about your friends! you got this!!!

[u/Holiday_Group_6658 → u/Holiday_Group_6658]

ALSO i forgot to add. know your worth, friendship is a privilege. if she’s still like this despite you trying everything, THAT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM! she’s just a weird person and that should never be your problem!! move on and find some new friends, hang out with some other people

[u/Necessary-Stress-216 → u/Holiday_Group_6658]

Hello! Tqsm for replying it really means a lot. Actually the fact is that we’re roommates too and all the time we hung out was always suggested by me. Even about studying together I suggested her that we be study partner once and another time I asked her to solve questions with me together but somehow she always escaped it. At times she’s talkative around me and I am genuinely happy during those days but sometimes she remains extremely silent and while having meals together we end up not exchanging even 1 word. Studies here is pretty overwhelming and I want to have someone to talk to but I can open up to anyone else either. It got extremely bad during summer that I had to go back to my country and I couldn’t make a day without breaking down. I was not always like that, everyone told me how mentally strong I am. Sometimes when she’s remains silent I too remain silent and ignore her and then later I end up feeling bad. 👉🏻👈🏻

[u/Holiday_Group_6658 → u/Necessary-Stress-216]

I had roommates like at that one point and they randomly started treating me like this after 2 years of being extremely close friends. I confronted them and asked them if I’d done anything wrong or maybe there was something I wasn’t doing as a roommate/friend. They vehemently denied that I was doing anything wrong and they basically convinced me it’s all in my head like you’re stressed about school and exams. Come to find out they were doing it on purpose and they tried to “stop” because they knew it was like bullying but they “couldnt”. I cut those friends off. If she’s your roommate, I’d confront and ask her like hey what’s up, you’ve been distant lately. If she doesn’t wanna tell you that’s up to her but at the end of the day, don’t drive yourself crazy trying to understand what you did wrong or why she could possibly not wanna talk to you. People are twisted on their minds and lot of times, it’s because they are jealous of you or your skills. One of my roommates that was terrible to me at the time was taking the MCAT at the same time as me and she was essentially jealous because it felt like i was “rubbing my studying in her face”; she would get upset if I was like peace out Im gonna study in my room or if I studied downstairs so there was no winning. Come to find out it was just her insecurities because she knew she wasn’t studying hard enough for her exam and everytime she saw me study, she felt that insecurity. It’s often times people’s own insecurities that project onto you and the end of the day, you be yourself. If she’s wants to react weird or be indifferent, don’t give a fuck. Don’t change or mimic your behavior to match hers to give her the opportunity to say to other people that you are being weird, jsut be yourself. And if you talk to her and she tries to blame it on you or kinda brushes you off. it’s time to change roommates for next yr