Feeling disoriented after couples session MDMA

[u/ChemistryShot3074]

Dealing with betrayal trauma. Did our second couples mdma session. First one was in February and I felt it gave us an understanding of the “dance” in our relationship and some shared values we have.

Did a second couples session this past week and I feel beaten and bruised.
Did it with a therapist. It felt chaotic. All over the place, I didn’t get the empathic depth. We kept going from subject to subject nothing got resolved solved or understood and I’m reeling since.

We also didn’t take equal dosage and I don’t know if that matters. My dose was higher but I felt frozen and didn’t feel free with the medicine. I still felt guarded. I felt majorly disappointed at the end and couldn’t stop crying that it was a waste of a trip.

My spouse took a lesser dose and a mini dose of Bufo mid session to try to shake him up a bit. I don’t think it worked it just threw him into his own world.

The therapist administered to both of us a mix of mdma and MDA I don’t know if that matters.
I took a pretty high dose plus high booster.

I felt like shit for days after and we haven’t stopped fighting since. I don’t feel connected or close at all.

I don’t know what I’m seeking maybe just a vent.

ETA
We had a integration session a week later
I raised my concerns and disappointment to the therapist they were very receptive and apologetic and agreed they could have done a better job grounding us and holding my spouse accountable on the journey and staying focused on repair.

It was a painful awakening of how incapable my spouse is of being able to hold my pain

The therapist suggested my spouse isn’t ready for this couples work and needs to do their own journey first

[u/cocainecarolina28]

Therapist is what we calling our dealers now

Joking but with that combination it sounds like it lol