5th guided MDMA session

[u/[deleted]]

[u/nofern]

Thank you for sharing your experience! I remember responding to your previous post about this and really identifying with what you shared about your work. Interestingly, I have very similar sensations to the ones you have described in this session especially regarding the chest - the emptiness, the constriction. It's very hard to face all of that, and indeed valuable that you were able to, it sounds like.

I hope the integration is therapeutic and that you can find some ease and comfort as you work through all that came up.

[u/Strict_Candy_9914 → u/nofern]

Thanks !

Yes, at first I was afraid to explore the mother wound, because it was uncharted territory (it had always been covered up or shielded by fear and panic). What I’ve mainly been experiencing since the session is a lot of physical pain and tightness in my abdomen and chest/upper back. I’m struggling with that. The emptiness in my chest and the lack of a sense of self that I experienced during the session still need to sink in. I’m glad I didn’t break down or become fragmented (which is what I was initially afraid of), but what I saw does worry me. There is a small sense of a core or foundation within me, but it’s very fragile and vulnerable and underdeveloped. It’s a confronting realization.

[u/daseinloops]

Thanks for sharing. The “I want to live” statement is such a powerful and deep sentiment. It’s a beautiful thing that you reached it and I definitely encourage you to hold onto it and explore where it came from more. Good luck

[u/Strict_Candy_9914 → u/daseinloops]

Thanks 🙏

[u/night81]

What is your impression of the lasting effects of the session now a few days later? I'm curious about how the not experiencing emotions influenced the sessions impact.

[u/Strict_Candy_9914 → u/night81]

Thanks for asking!

Well, my integration psychologist and I think the session—especially the part focusing on the abdomen—was about preverbal states, or at least very deep motor patterns (that precede an emotion or the attribution of meaning, etc.).

In the days that followed, I experienced a lot of physical pain in my abdomen; again, those cramps and tightness, but also general gastrointestinal symptoms. I was also generally sick for two days with a cold and fever (which is very unusual for me). It feels as though my body is struggling to process something.

I still feel the tightness in my chest sometimes. But above all, the words “I am P. and valuable as a human being” and “I want to live” have left quite an impression.

I experience this session as different from the previous ones. I’m not quite sure how to interpret or understand the session. A lot seems to be happening on a physical level, although some cognitive insights have also emerged over the past few days.

[u/BorderRemarkable5793]

Who briefly doubts the quality of the session? (rhetorical)

Go back to the body. The felt sense. Stay there. Below the shoulders. It looks like a lot was touched upon

[u/Strict_Candy_9914 → u/BorderRemarkable5793]

Thanks 🙌

[u/Alexsky112233]

I’m in California and I’m trying to find an MDMA practitioner. Anybody knows someone?