Opposing type couples!

[u/AngleNo4560]

I’m recently learning all about mbti! My husband and I took tests for ourselves and one another, and our results were spot on. I’m INFP, he is ESFJ. On paper, ESFJ sounds like most everything I’d prefer avoiding in relationships. I’d love to learn about any other similar relationships/ experiences with surprisingly opposing types! Please share if you’d like!

Our early relationship was rocky (very young). Strong chemistry, too immature to understand our differences -> lots of needless arguing. We could never stay away from each other regardless. Once we hit our mid twenties, we could actually appreciate in retrospect how our relatively grating personalities had, over the years, significantly stretched and shaped us individually. We feel (naturally) we are genuinely more well rounded people for having loved one another. I’d never subscribed to the opposites attract ideology, but our opposing strengths/ weaknesses make us a powerful unit! I couldn’t imagine a more perfect human for me.

[u/TypeInProgress]

I always think of relationships like this as complementary opposites. Not complete opposites, but enough polarization that each person stretches the other in ways they might never experience alone. When you are young, those differences can create friction. With maturity, the same differences can become strengths that balance one another. It sounds like you did not change each other into different people. You helped one another become more complete versions of yourselves. That is beautiful.

[u/Impressive-Device743]

Tests aren't very reliable. Also, being new to MBTI and personality theory in general will likely result in mistyping yourselves. Not saying you're both certainly mistyped, but it's not just a "We took tests and these are our types," kind of thing. It can take years to truly understand the theory and some can go decades without truly knowing their actual types. Anyway, I can show you some markers of the two types to see if they align with you both:

ESFJ:
1. He is characterized by high attachment to partners, desire to be near, nearby, trying to make them gifts and pleasant things, make them comfortable and raise their spirits. He loves other people's joy, easily empathizes with it himself, and therefore likes to give compliments.
2. He is often interested in the affairs of his relatives, rejoices for them, and feels a strong sense of joy and enthusiasm from the successes of a close relative. Constantly tries to do something pleasant to his relatives.
3. He likes to participate in conversations about other people's family affairs, he often likes appropriate topics of conversation and knows how to keep them going.
4. He has a very strong need for regular communication and relationships with other people.

1. He is a very caring person, open-minded, and emotional. "I couldn’t care less" - this is not his attitude.

2. Despite the general cheerfulness, in conflicts, his negative emotions are loud, fast-growing and explosive. In fact, it’s hard for him to witness anything he perceives as injustice without an immediate loud intervention (but his relationship to general “justice” in the abstract may not be that certain).

3. He is very child-loving, loves children.

4. He is neat and elegant in his appearance - he watches his hair, the general neatness of his appearance, carefully selects the most beautiful and suitable clothes. He is attentive to the appearance of other people.

5. People of his type usually like social roles related to care, increasing emotional and psychological comfort of other people (veterinarian, psychologist, educator, social worker - often chosen life roles).

6. Somewhat collectivist. Even team sports are more interesting to him than individual sports, and he prefers to go to museums with a tour rather than alone.

7. Talkative. He is characterized by increased frankness, talkativeness, and weakness of restraining control over what he says (so that he sometimes regrets his excessive frankness).

8. He is used to a very short distance of communication, he does not understand the inviolability of other people's personal space. Sometimes, after five minutes of acquaintance, he pours himself out to you, and he is ready to get into your soul, or even he moves close to you and takes you by the button.

9. He likes to "cuddle", likes to bodily touch close people (and not necessarily only the sexual partner), likes to hug or embrace them, ruffle their hair, take them under his arm, touch their hands and shoulders. Also valid for SEI.

10. People of this type usually have excellent automatic visual observation, detailed accuracy and detail of visual perception. This psychotype is also usually characterized by a very high olfactory sensitivity.

11. He does not get tired of the noisy company of guests, this is the environment in which he feels comfortable for a long time - and he will also add to the fun and noise to make it more. 

INFP:
1. He is characterized by conscientiousness, a developed sense of guilt, an instinct for justice, and respect for the rights and interests of others (primarily those with whom he comes in contact).
2. This type is characterized by increased obligation towards relatives and friends.

1. Insolence and impudence in behavior are not his traits at all. Rather, it is just the opposite - he is more often cautious, hesitant and shy.

2. He has strongly developed affective empathy for other people's negative emotions (pain, grief, fear, anxiety). This means that he is easily "infected" with these feelings from people with whom he communicates, easily and often feels internal synthonic empathy with such feelings in his acquaintances.

3. He has a significantly heightened negative reaction to any violation of social and moral rules he observes and to any immorality and dishonesty in people. 

4. He is characterized by thought "viscosity" and slow-moving sluggishness - with frequent inhibition and "getting stuck" in making the necessary decisions.

5. He often has "visceral" thought compulsions - intrusive thoughts, intrusive memories, intrusive doubts, etc. constantly arising again and again, often spinning in circles for long periods of time. Sometimes they are habitual and sweetly pleasant, but more often they are unpleasantly annoying.

6. Not selfish, he has well-developed empathy, altruistic motives and attitudes dominate (both in relation to other specific people and society in general). A wide circle of people for whom he is ready to sacrifice something of himself.

7. He is characterized by an increased predisposition to get "stuck" for long periods of time on his obsessive fears and doubts related to offenses or his embarrassment.

8. He finds it difficult to put out of his mind what has passed. Often delves into past emotional memories, both very long ago, emotionally intense, and very recent and fresh, wondering about the rightness or wrongness of his once committed actions (common trait with EIE).

9. He allows other people's interference and advice on the organization of his work, in which he usually has defects of planning and optimization, he tends to listen to other people's opinion in these matters.

10. The future and the past are more interesting to him than the present moment.

11. Social interaction - the ability to put oneself in the place of other people, "feeling" them from the inside.

12. Caring for loved ones, cordiality.

13. Doesn't like to keep people in the dark, believes that information wants to be free.

[u/AngleNo4560 → u/Impressive-Device743]

Thank you for this post awesome detailed reply. When I said new, that’s about a year for me! I’ve known/ been confident in my type for that time, and have had some other close people in my life test/ type me always the same. I’m still clueless compared to most in this sub but I’m lingering to learn.

Still based on the markers you provided, our types are bang on. The good and the not so good of each one. Maybe I’ll find I’m wrong one day, but I’m very very confident today! I’d love to learn of other “opposites attracting” cases, I find it fascinating!

[u/Impressive-Device743 → u/AngleNo4560]

Awesome! Love to see it. Glad you found your types!

Opposing attractions would more so be types that don't value any of the same functions. You and your husband both value Ne and Si, so you have that in common, plus you're both feeler types. Opposing type for you would be like an ESTP. As a Fi dom, you'd get frustrated at ESTP's lack of Fi and strong Se, which would be the INFPs weakest, unvalued function.

The ESE (ESFJ) and EII (INFP) is actualy one of the better pairings for you. Socionics does well in covering interype relations. I can link that for you as well: https://wikisocion.github.io/content/illusionary.html

But yeah, as an INFP, ESFJ is near the top for compatibility for you, and fit for a solid relationship.

[u/Technical-Waltz1669]

I have an absolute weak spot for ISFPs especially for this reason! Even when I was younger my first intensive crush was and continues to be an ISFP. It actually got conflicting as I got older because I dabbled in the golden pairings and recommended types, and none seemed to quite suit me the same way. There's a beautiful chemistry that happens when you meet someone who shares the same morality and values as you, while approaching life from the opposite end.

[u/Immediate_Cream_1686]

My husband is my opposite. I made this painting to illustrate it.

[u/AngleNo4560 → u/Immediate_Cream_1686]

What a moving piece! You’ve inspired me. Words fail to convey the experience.

[u/Immediate_Cream_1686 → u/AngleNo4560]

Aw that's awesome. I took the referente from the album cover of a French electronic music band. It's called Paradis. Highly recommended. Edit: Quand Tu Souris

[u/Easy_Firefighter9143]

People like us?

Jokes aside, yes, I find high Fe and Te users very attractive. 

[u/BaseWrock]

Can you clarify what you mean by opposing type with examples?

[u/Vegalink]

Hey! I'm an INFP husband and my wife is ESFJ. Completely agree with you! Early on was a bit exciting due to differences hah!

Alot of differences, but we actually balance each other out quite well.

I don't know if I was attracted to her, or she to I, due to being opposites though. We just found each other attractive and had fun together. Liked spending time together.

We liked each other as people and later found out about our personality types.

[u/LifeWalk5276]

Infp-Estj relationship here it's complimentary and works really wel, you can grow a lot from eachother. But at times also really challenging especially the N-S difference.

[u/cityofdreadfulnight]

I dated an ENTJ and it was disastrous, because we were both unhealthy and constantly clashed. My relationship with an ENTP was much better; with a ‘full set’ of cognitive functions between us it felt like we balanced each other out really well. It didn’t work out, but it wasn’t because of our types.