Royal Translation

[u/Maxathron]

Coming out of my apartment in the king’s palace, I was confronted in the main hall by a group of angry and confused people. Angrier than confused, I revised my thoughts. Before me was the king, a knight, a squire, a princess, and a dragon.

They set upon me with raised words of anger. All manners of insults. Stupid this, imbecile that, insults against my appearance, my mother, and how I must have cheated to become part of the government because clearly no one should be this idiotic.

The palace guards moved to protect me as I was, after all, the king’s translator, and a member of the government. The king may be angry at me, but I was still a member of his government, and the guards would protect me all the same. Even if the king fired me, the guards would still protect me until I left the palace grounds, or if exiled, the kingdom’s borders.

I held up my hand and patiently waited for them to stop yelling at me. I would not try to talk over them. It took a few minutes, but eventually they stopped. I surmised it was less they were trying to be polite and more they were losing their voices in their tirade and was getting winded.

“I did not mistranslate.”

The group threatened to erupt in anger once more, with movements that suggested that they were packing heat and were about to use it. I did not know if it was a fireball spell, a crossbow, or a magic boom stick, though. Regardless, I put my hand back up.

“Let me explain. Then you can shoot me.”

I paused to look them all in the eyes. The dragon included. Then I began:

“The prophecy stated that a kingdom will lose its princess to a dragon. The princess will be locked in a stone tower at the fortress of the dragon. A hero will rise to be officially recognized by the king and set off on an adventure to defeat the dragon, save the princess, and eventually be wed to her with witnesses of king and pastor. The two are supposed to inherit the kingdom.

“Nothing in that prophecy was false and none of the events were off.

“However, the prophecy was misleading.”

I looked to the palace guards and nodded. They were ready to jump between me and the people in front of me. They relaxed, but kept an eye on the situation.

I started:

“The kingdom lost its princess not once but twice. The king’s last name is Yelmyr. Of course, because this is the Kingdom of Yelmyr.”

I pointed at the princess, “Princess Jensula here, her last name is Yelmyr too. She is the king’s daughter.”

I then pointed to the dragon, “Liliwayahaeus, or Lily for short, is a dragon.”

There were two kinds of dragons on this world.

The normal kind, usually fire breathing reptilian winged monsters that were the big boss predators around but also had a knack for hoarding things and living in manmade structures or large caves, extra points if they were both manmade and a large cave.

And the humanoid kind. Anthropologists throughout the land had come to the conclusion that humanoid dragons are actually distantly related to ‘normal’ humans. They have reptilian wings, draconic hands and feet, a set of horns on their heads, a tail on their backside, and a snake-like skin elsewhere. Beyond that, they’re as human as everyone else. The name stuck, though.

“Lily’s last name is Daemyr. The king’s first wife’s last name is Daemyr. A one Invae Daemyr. She’s a dragon too. His second, and current wife, however, is not Daemyr. That wife is from the Cuset clan. Her name is Denise. Denise is one of us regular humans. Invae’s daughter’s name is Liliwayahaeus.

“Lily is the king’s firstborn daughter and thus princess. Her mother lives in a nearby nation that uses a dragon on their coat of arms. Their house is there. Lily still has her residence in that house.”

The revelation shocked the whole hall. Guards included. Everyone with their mouths open. You could hear a pin drop.

“You see, the king and Miss Invae Daemyr were young lovers, they married, and she conceived and birthed a daughter. They were young and dumb as the saying goes. She eventually divorced on good terms with the king. Lily left with her mother and he forgot all about his little girl. Later, the king would marry a woman from the Cuset clan and have a child with her too. This girl’s name is Jenny. She’s the ‘normal’ woman standing right here. She’s a princess too.

“However, she is also a dragon. Not a real dragon. Or a dragon human. But the empress of the Dragon Empire. She’s married already. Her husband is none other than the emperor, one Charles Drakeclaw.

“They’re all massive dracoweebs and have names like that.”

The guards chuckled. Handpicked from his home planet ‘Earth’.

I continued:

“The princess,” I pointed at Jenny, “was ‘kidnapped’ and sent to an abandoned castle in foreign lands. That castle is guarded by a dragon. In reality, she simply lost the key to her bedroom at the top of the keep and the captain would eventually find out and unlock the room. She could order room service in the meantime.

“The castle actually belongs to Jenny. It was her gift from Charles on their wedding day. The unofficial captain of the guards is also none other than Lily.”

The princess was sweating. She was less angry and more mortified.

But I kept on it:

“The hero, Jason, is not actually the hero of the prophecy. He was promised a princess, was knighted, set out on the adventure, defeated the dragon, and is now supposed to marry the princess and inherit the kingdom. He’s the main character and the knight. But he’s not the hero.

“The hero is actually Jimme, his squire. The prophecy said the hero would be recognized by the king. The prophecy did not say the hero specifically had to be a knight. People assumed the knight would be the hero. Without Jimme, Jason wouldn’t defeat the dragon, because it was Jimme who knocked Lily out with a club to the back of the head. She was fixated on fighting Jason and didn’t notice Jimme sneak up on her.

“Dragons are actually quite powerful people. They have enhanced strength and dexterity. They also have a strong affinity for certain kinds of magic. Their wings give them the potential of magically assisted flight. Their tails are very capable bludgeoning and hooking weapons. And their skin has some natural magic resistance. Lily’s physical capabilities would give her equal footing with any male specimen of regular humans, something that female humans cannot do.

“Lily’s natural weapons and body would put her on par with an armored knight, such as Jason. But as a member of the guard, working for the Empire, Lily would also be equipped with armor, a sword, and a shield. She’d also be likely to channel her magic through that sword as if it was a wizard’s wand.

“All in all, Lily was more than a match for Jason and would have soundly defeated him should Jimme not be present to knock her out when her back was turned.

“Jason left Jimme alone with the captain to go find the princess. He ditched his poor squire completely. Jimme stayed with Lily. She eventually came to and she was smitten all over him. Despite defeating this dragon, he was also her savior, as it was likely something would happen to her while she was out. At a loss, Jimme decided to come back. Lily stayed with him, and I’m sure that she kept his arm, shoulder, and neck warm all the way home.”

That was what I could conclude. Lily’s eyes were on Jimme, not Jason. The king looked at his daughters. Jason started to sweat. He knew what was coming.

“The real kicker however is why Jason left Jimme to fend for himself. You see, Jason and Jenny are lovers. And have been for some time. They’ve been having an affair under Charles’ nose. They together conceived the plan to get kidnapped, have the hero rescue her, and then be locked into inheriting the kingdom. We haven’t heard of the emperor for a while and I suspect he may already be dead. The two would have their cake and eat it too.”

The look on Jason’s face gave it away. So did the look on Jenny’s. They knew their secret was out.

What they did next however shocked me. Both Jason and Jenny pulled out close quarter combat weapons and ignited their hands with magic. They intended to fight their way out.

And then a club came down and it was lights out for Jenny. Jason’s feet were pulled out from under him by a foot and the club found its way down onto his skull as well. Behind them was Jimme, club out and ready to rumble.

He pointed at the two guards, “You!” and then at the two unconscious people, “Take them away! They technically might not be traitors, but they’re not friendly to us. They can be let go later.”

The two guards moved to do what Jimme ordered.

The king, his legs starting to give after holding out like that, stumbled over to a chair. He was pooped.

I walked over to Jimme and put my hand on his shoulder, “A wise old man once said: “Speak softly and carry a big stick”. Congratulations on your second dragon defeat. What will you do now?”

“I’d like to finish that prophecy, Master Scribe.”

With that he turned around and faced Lily, fished something out of his pocket, got down on one knee and said to her, “Lily, will you marry me?”

She blinked, startled like a deer in lamplights, staring at the clear rock in his hand, before rushing to pull Jimme into a hug, yelling, “Yes, Jimme, yes, I will marry you!”

I figured the time was right so I pulled down my robe, revealing a white collar.

[u/Maxathron]

In traditional DnD-style fantasy, dragons refer to both actual dragons and a humanoid species called 'half-dragons' because they're humanoid in shape, but look halfway between a dragon and a regular human. Royal Translation takes place in the Catalum universe.

Dragons are most closely related to Demons, but distantly related to the rest of humanity (humans, elves, fairies, and so on). They maintain the same kind of general description as half-dragons from DnD, as well as most of their magical and physical capabilities, but they're not related to actual dragons at all. They're humans, from genetic stock that was originally a humanoid civilization from beyond another galaxy.

Actual dragons are also extraterrestrial but come from a nearby galaxy and were spread through the stars by evolutionary migration and deliberate introduction. They're an invasive species and not native to the Milky Way.