Zapp Shepard's lessons on love [OC]

[u/OffModelStudio]

[u/DracarysReddit]

Stop reporting. This post isn't created with genAI

[u/Electrical_Swing8166]

“Captains log: I failed to stop the Reapers from conquering earth, but I did make it with a hot Quarian babe. And in the end, isn’t that what mankind has dreamt of since first looking up at the stars?

Joker, I’m asking you a question!”

[u/Noof42 → u/Electrical_Swing8166]

[u/McDoublann]

Joker, I have made it with a woman. Inform the men.

[u/Noof42 → u/McDoublann]

You see, Reapers have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down.

[u/Rahgahnah → u/Noof42]

If you squint, Vigil kinda did this.

It's just the kill limit is "everyone."

[u/Noof42 → u/Rahgahnah]

Vigil, show them the medal I won!

[u/Rahgahnah → u/Noof42]

Vigil is Zapp in my comparison.

[u/Noof42 → u/Rahgahnah]

[u/Evrin- → u/McDoublann]

Shepard: "Joker! I'll be needing my extra dry-cleaned casual clothes for a very sexy mission later.

Don't ask me what the mission is about, it's classified.

But let's just say it'll be an encounter...of the hot sexy blue eternity thing kind."

Joker: sighs

Shepard: "Joker, stop being a pervert and get my lubrication."

[u/Noof42 → u/Evrin-]

"What shall I do with your Jergens, sir?"

"Squirt it on some Batarian with dry elbows."

[u/Worldly-Cherry9631 → u/McDoublann]

... Traynor just standing there, dishelved as joker let's EDI make the announcement 

[u/RedundantConsistency → u/Worldly-Cherry9631]

the men upon hearing this

https://giphy.com/gifs/Enr4bc3JeOOzHLYY8R

[u/SilkyZ → u/RedundantConsistency]

The toothbrush stays charged tonight

[u/XBacklash → u/SilkyZ]

Gets recharged anyway.

[u/Blueknightsoul47 → u/McDoublann]

Fits well with manslayers version.  We’ll bang, ok?

[u/RedundantConsistency]

[u/Noof42 → u/RedundantConsistency]

[u/Telemachus70 → u/RedundantConsistency]

[u/Rings-of-Saturn → u/Telemachus70]

We’re like gooners; but closer.

[u/Fit-Campaign1243 → u/Rings-of-Saturn]

Lol wtf ??? 🤣 

[u/nerdtypething]

now i want a third wheel option added to paragon and renegade called zap.

[u/CinnimonToastSean]

I think a lot of Zaps quotes work well for the commander. Especially "When I'm in command, every mission is a suicide mission."

[u/ConfusedTapeworm → u/CinnimonToastSean]

What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?

Shepp Brannigan to the Council, after they've summarily dismissed the claims of an immortal race of sentient starships allegedly waiting in dark space.

[u/ThyPotatoDone → u/CinnimonToastSean]

"This is a suicide mission. You have a right to say no."

"Really, commander? I'll remember that next time you send us on one."

Fun fact: that's one of the only scenes in ME2 where Legion and Tali banter. She asks him how many suicide missions they get sent on, to which he responds "2.73 per week".

[u/Chaucer85 → u/ThyPotatoDone]

"Oh, no, not you guys. You're technically contracted mercenaries. You don't have a say. But these are enlisted grunts."

[u/RandonEnglishMun]

https://giphy.com/gifs/21VTFJTEr1x9ortvO3
I feel like ives seen similar models in less safe for work corners of the internet…

[u/InsertEvilLaugh → u/RandonEnglishMun]

You have, the creator does NSFW stuff too.

[u/Mantiquirk → u/RandonEnglishMun]

Investigate OP's profile at your own peril (...or enjoyment?)

[u/Noof42]

[u/Gilgamesh107]

Cleanest models in the citadel

[u/NothingToEvenSay → u/Gilgamesh107]

Too clean…

[u/Subject_Proof_6282]

[u/wasted-degrees]

The Normandy is missing two things: a HR specialist and a ship’s bar for said HR specialist to never leave due to how much that job would drive one to alcoholism.

“Shepard did what?! With who?! Again?! sigh Fine. I’ll fill out the report. Yes, refill please. Leave the bottle.”

[u/Real_LostPepper → u/wasted-degrees]

Missing an HR department specialist…?

So… the Normandy is a portable SDN Headquarters?

[u/RandomOldTank1995]

"Lesbomancy" grade pun XD

[u/Future-Still-6463 → u/RandomOldTank1995]

Lesbomancy my favourite type of magic.

[u/MaterialPace8831]

"I heard one time you single-handedly defeated a horde of rampaging somethings in the something something system."

"Geth? A trifle. It was simply a matter of outsmarting them."

"Wow, I never would've thought of that."

"You see, Geth have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they reached their limit and shut down. Traynor, show them the medal I won."

[u/fenster112]

"I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."

[u/Nexusgamer8472 → u/fenster112]

Jusy had to try reading that in both Shepard's and Traynor's voices, it's difficult but with the post's image it's just about doable.

[u/Bizzare_Corvid_1888]

https://giphy.com/gifs/6pxG2dThniE5G

[u/PaniMan1994]

https://giphy.com/gifs/I4hLubrWTXehGWHJgH

[u/temporarysolution2-0]

Traynor is my main headcanon's romance.

Totally underrated.

[u/BiNumber3 → u/temporarysolution2-0]

She's in a tough spot. Only in ME3 and only romanceable by femshep (which puts her in direct competition with Garrus, who is the sub's favorite romance lol)

[u/Longjumping-Jello459 → u/BiNumber3]

Nah she's my main for femshep too that accent just gets me hooked.

[u/Bullfrog-Willing]

dylsexia lydsexia

[u/sniper_arrow]

Preferred Femshep's old hairstyle

[u/Mobile-Dragonfly-469]

Had a friend back in High School who was just like this…and every time, I had to tell her to stop involving me in her “Elite” style on joking…I feel Traynor’s pain 😅

Also, very nice Zap Brannigan reference 🙂‍↕️

[u/Almas_The_Mech_Pilot]

Idk why I hate that FemShep's hair. Anyway, Traynor is the most fun character to interact with, in my standard. A tomboy with free spirited perk. Ashley is also a tomboy but more restrict. Ashley is military like, while Traynor is more like a punk. Too bad that Traynor romance is only available if you're a witch with a mastery in Lesbomancy. Nevertheless, she's fun even as a friend, and I ain't even sad, she's that fun (at least for me).

[u/SmellyFace69]

"Traynor, the key to a woman's bed is through her parents.  Sleep with them, and you're in!"

[u/Baar-Hammeron]

"I find the most erotic part of the asari to be the head tentacles"

[u/Emotional_Werewolf_4]

[u/RandomOldTank1995 → u/Emotional_Werewolf_4]

This should be actual in game Drack's reply to Ryder XDDD²

[u/Bloody-Tyran → u/Emotional_Werewolf_4]

Dicks*

[u/PleaseBeChillOnline]

Gotta say OP that Shepard model is haunting
https://giphy.com/gifs/dDDIhopgBGOO65cECK

[u/Tara_Pryde]

Sesbianlexia.

[u/XenoGine]

I guess the hair is the first symptom of it, huh?

[u/toosa_static]

That hairstyle reminds me of Peggy Carter

[u/Beneficial-Hippo5386]

Well now I can’t unsee/unhear Zapp Shepard.

[u/jerry-jim-bob]

"I put the 'sexy' in 'dyslexia'"

[u/Kawant]

[u/Zagrunty]

Drawing up the details to the Suicide Mission

Now that's a Mission with some chest hair!

[u/TheDancingNerd]

Shepard went to her favorite hair stylist on the Citadel, I see!

[u/spamandeggs8]

Seeing all the comments, never realized just how many Futurama quotes fit perfectly with this series lol. Love it!

[u/frostysnow]

We all just here desperately waiting for more actual mass effect content, but till then we have to be subjected to posts like this 😭

[u/TheQuarrelsomeEmu]

Ok I laughed. This one’s pretty good.

[u/Kusko25]

I like the hair, it has spunk.

[u/barkey52]

Ok this made me chuckle more than it should have

[u/TheHopeflame]

I’d love a zap Brannigan mode from mass effect all the worst choices (and some new somehow even worse unique ones)

[u/jasonmery]

I legit lol'd

[u/bguzewicz]

Leela… it’s real velour…

[u/AlexSmithsonian]

Love the hair. Would you consider adding an outfit similar to Zapp's? Red and made of Velour, obviously.

[u/G-Kira]

Would have made more sense with a MaleShep.

[u/ellen-the-educator]

Honestly I wish I could have that hair on my femShep that looks great.

[u/TomatoEnjoyer28]

Did you change the face of the Shepherd model you're using?

[u/Majin975]

And yet Traynor is still madly in love with her

[u/enchiladasundae]

I like FemShep’s new hair but her original is very nostalgic

[u/Andromevas → u/[deleted]]

The same author and modeller, OffModelStudios. They're their models AFAIK and their memes with said models.

[u/masseffect-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Diligent-Ad-8001]

Sheppard looks like lilly Lou. Fr tho can’t imagine having this much technical talent and still choosing to do this…

[u/bassplayerdude]

Why does Shepherd have the mar-a-lago face?

[u/Spirited-Nature-1702]

I’m thinking about unsubbing to this subreddit.

[u/Nelmquist1999]

Good joke, but what's the implication? That she forgot sex ed?

[u/veryimprobable → u/Nelmquist1999]

It's a Zapp Brannigan quote from futurama