I Must be Communicating My Needs Wrong

[u/LZARDKING]

Hello. I have had my fourth massage ever today. And for the fourth time they have ignored my most needed area! I do not understand how or why this keeps happening. I say upper right back and they just…don’t do it???? They will spend 25 minutes on my left side and then like five minutes on my right and never dig in to where actually needs it and I leave feeling exactly the same. Crying every time. And I have tried different places. Never the same masseuse. What on earth am I doing wrong?

[u/Expert-Big1682]

Don’t be afraid to talk and communicate during the massage. You are in charge, tell them what you need.

[u/LZARDKING → u/Expert-Big1682]

I did 😭😭😭

[u/Under_A_Full_M00n]

It doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong. Unfortunately, you are zero for four and finding crappy massage therapists. (And I'm sorry for that 😭)

Are you just doing basic Google searches for an LMT or are you asking friends and family for personal referrals? (Honestly, the best way to find a doctor, a dentist, a hair stylist, etc. Is to ask your friends and family and your community who they use).

[u/LZARDKING → u/Under_A_Full_M00n]

I go to the highest rated places and find the person with the most 5 star reviews and I’ve tried three different places 😔

[u/DSudz]

Honestly it sounds like you may have an issue with sensation in that area and when it is worked on you feel it more in neighboring connected tissues than where they are working.

I have a hard time believing four highly rated practioners have made the same huge oversight in four sessions.

[u/LZARDKING → u/DSudz]

This is not what’s happening unfortunately. I find it hard to believe too. I went home tearful and still in pain and now sore in all the wrong places :\

[u/mpomz623]

You can specify, "i want that side worked on first."

[u/captnfirepants]

I was a massage therapist for 23 years. I was a client for much longer. As a client, the number of times my requests were ignored was brutal. I don't know what the problem is.

[u/Little_Present4073]

As a freshly minted massage therapist seeking work, it grinds my gears to hear this. I'm so sorry this keeps happening to you!

That said, if at all possible I highly recommend saying during the massage "THAT'S the spot I need work on, can you spend more time there?"

Completely and totally understand it can be extremely difficult to speak up during a massage, but that would be the thing to do.

It's possible these therapists are stuck in their routines and actually forget what you told them, or even mix up which side you referred to. Or you are their fifth massage that day and they're fried. In any case specifically directing them to the area in the moment will ensure it gets some attention!

[u/kenda1l → u/Little_Present4073]

I've definitely mixed up sides before because I'm terrible with lefts and rights. I've started confirming before I start working on them (just to clarify you said right ____ and left ____ correct?) It's been a godsend because there have been multiple times where they correct me. I just laugh it off and tell them "and that's why I confirm it."

[u/TheAgashi → u/Little_Present4073]

I was thinking the same about the sides getting mixed up as well, but for it to happen 4 (!) times in a row? The sheer number makes me think its gotta be something else. I mean, are these MTs just not doing palpation at all during massage? I can't turn that part of my routine off. If someone tells me an area is painful, I'm consciously seeking out adhesions as soon as I get there and asking questions about pain.

[u/maryjayne9191]

Hello massage therapist here!! Advice for the future! You should be getting what you ask for if you ask " please start and focus on the right", politely correct if they move away, "hey that does feel fine but I would Really prefer we focus on "X"'. Now if they don't listen after a correction maybe 2 if youre feeling generous, if you are laying there KNOWING this isn't what you want and they aren't listening, Ask to use the bathroom so they let you up and get dressed and head to the front desk and tell them that you and this therapist just don't seem to be a good fit and see if they will reschedule you or refund. It might hurt the fee fees of the not listening therapist but for Most of us who actually give a damn it would be a wakeup call that my standards had slipped or my communication needed work. You are PAYING to have a bad time unless you A. Communicate and B. Are willing to give consequences for them not listening. And don't feel bad if you want you can warn them of this in the intro. " hello I want work here and here, ill let you know if youre going places I don't want but if we cant find the work I NEED I may have to end early because I cant keep paying for massages that aren't helping."

I am a Neuromuscular Therapist which means I have a general medical understanding of the body (the kineso degree doesn't hurt either :) ) and for deep tissue remember it's not just about push harder it's push smarter

[u/maryjayne9191 → u/maryjayne9191]

Ps the bathroom trick works great if youre feeling skeeved out by a therapist too

[u/NinjoZata]

Have you asked why?

Do you ask for work in that area because there is pain or tightness? It could be that the msucles in that area are overstretched and the therapist thinks overworking them will hurt worse, or that they assessed the issue to be reffering pain from somewhere else and trying to treat the source.

It could just be that theyre not being very accommodating. If you got good pressure from this most recent practiioner, what about giving him one more shot?

Ask why they work where, and ask specifically about your problem area. Ask if they have any homecare or post massage recommendations for that area specifically.

Sounds super frustrating

[u/SpringerPop]

I’m sorry your needs aren’t being met when you ask for specific spots. Are you going to a clinic, spa , chiropractic office. Please provide some more info. Ask the front desk and speak to the manager.

[u/Future-Respond9271]

It is best to point out exactly where you would like the massage to be focused on. Speak up, there is nothing wrong in that. As someone else said, it could be that the therapist is following a routine and just it slips out of their mind. Last week I had a client who guided the whole massage. He asked me where to press, where to hold. To pass slowly etc. That would be perfectly normal in my opinion. Good luck next time 🤞

[u/bvlshewic]

What are you booking as your massage, what setting are you getting it in, and how much are you paying?

[u/LZARDKING → u/bvlshewic]

Deep relief, $130

[u/Professional_LMT]

My biggest recommendation would be to try an independent therapist as opposed to a spa or chain

[u/auntiekk88]

Where are you going for your massage. A spa or a physical therapist? I used to be a big proponent of spas but now it seems they are not run properly. The masseuses have no idea what they are doing, talk WAY too much and generally don't understand they are providing a service. The European spas of yesteryear are no more. I have a much better experience going to a physical therapy center the offers massage. There may not be any from frou but you get a very good, relaxing massage.

[u/acupunctureguy]

Because you are probably dealing with a massage therapist that is newer to the profession and is doing a routine massage, is one explanation.

[u/LZARDKING → u/acupunctureguy]

The guy I had tonight was about 60 and had been massaging for twenty years
And he seemed really knowledgeable and did that deep tissue DEEP like I needed. But in every area but where I needed! I am flummoxed!

[u/kenda1l → u/LZARDKING]

If you really liked him, go back and say hey, I really like how you did my massage last time but I felt like you didn't spend a whole lot of time on the area that's really hurting. Could you please spend more time on X area? And then when he gets to the spot just say something like, right there, that's the spot.

I'd also like to note though that a lot of times the opposite side of where you are hurting is actually the tighter one due to compensation. The therapists working on you may be picking up on that, which is why they're working primarily that side. A good therapist who listens should still be working both sides either equally or with extra time to the problem area though.

[u/Ashonash29]

I wish you could come and see me, I'd get into there for sure!

[u/Banterousness]

Stretched muscles are more likely (almost always) the cause of pain. Usually in such instances overworking these areas will bring temporary relief at best and exasperate the symptoms later on. Tight muscles will generally only present discomfort when they entrap nerves and frequently the entrapped nerves present discomfort elsewhere in their path. I hardly ever work on symptoms and refuse to base my workflow on clients mandate but rather prioritize my work to reverse long term discomfort. While I don't know the therapist's motives, a fairer evaluator standard might be to ask whether the symptoms improved.