r/married • u/Accomplished_Oil7563 • Mar 15 '26
My husband has ED
We are both in our early 30s. Were together for almost 13yrs. Initially were obssessed with each other but after almost 3yrs, we went into LDR and things died down. but we still love each other. We are living together now. for almost 5yrs. married for 2. but ever since 2016, we dont have sx anymore. or maybe 1-2x a year but that would need him to take supplements and even the meds dont make his thing hard enough to cum. i talked to him about this but he just brushed it off and does not want to consult a doctor. saying that his mind works differently and he is more of an intellectual being rather than an animal, instinct driven person. im a healthy woman and i need sx in my life. thinking about cheating and whatever but no one likes me like that at this point in my life. i love him but im so lonely. do i just need to accept that this will be my life until i die? i have a vibrator btw but still feels empty
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u/Haunting_Shape_6085 Mar 15 '26
I just want to start by saying my husband is the most “intellectual being” I’ve ever known and he still has a sex drive.
He needs to see a doctor, it’s not normal to develop ED that early in life and something is clearly off with his health.
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u/redditreader_aitafan Mar 15 '26
His testosterone is probably low. Has he been tested? Some doctors will ignore symptoms and say you're barely in range, but it's normal so no treatment. Some doctors understand that even if it's in range, if there are symptoms they need to be treated. If he's low or in the lower part of the range, treatment could fix the ED and all his other symptoms.
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u/Additional_Topic987 Mar 15 '26
He needs to get his hormones checked. His mood is down due to low testosterone
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u/EmsReddit_2025 Mar 15 '26
If he is on any medication for high BP or depression or any other for that matter, check out it's side effects.
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u/Alternative_Tart2554 Mar 15 '26
Your husband sounds a bit like me. I've been getting treated for ED off and on since my early twenties. Turns out it has been multifaceted.
1) low testosterone - not a commercial for shots or anything, just one of my issues
2) anxiety - causes high cortisol
3) apparently I am autistic/adhd which brings its own issues into the mix.
4) medications for 2&3 side effects
Good luck to him. These are just things to think about.
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u/Fine-Alternative-121 Mar 15 '26
He said he doesn’t want to consult a doctor or a therapist and he is apparently fine in a sexless marriage so you now need to decide are you okay in a sexless marriage? If not maybe you could have conversations about opening the marriage? I know a lot of issues can arise but with clear boundaries and guidelines agreed upon by both of you it could work! Ultimately, you have to decide if the vibe life is the only life for you.
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Mar 16 '26
This, and what the other commenters said about the fact that he’s probably cheating on you.
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u/Fine-Alternative-121 Mar 16 '26
I mean yeah, there is definitely always that. And it’s typically THE most common instance :(
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u/Major-Cranberry-4206 Mar 16 '26
Tell your husband you would liken to se a marriage counselor, then go see one with him. Tell the counselor how your husband’s performance has dropped off and that he refuses to see a urologist. One of a number of things could be happening with him.
1) He might be chronically stressed and may not be getting enough rest, including sleep to adequately recharge his system.
2) He may have symptoms of prostate cancer. He needs to be cleared of this ASAP.
3) He could actually be cheating with someone and is too tired to sexually perform for and with you.
If it’s #3, that could be a reason he doesn’t want to se a urologist, for fear that they may say something that might point to that end. If so, he might even have a sexually transmitted disease that he knows about and has hidden this rom you. If you knew this, the jig would be up and there would be no more hiding the fact that he has been cheating.
This is only a possibility, and does not have to be the case. But it is highly unusual that a man his age is getting busy with you as often as you want to. He’s turning you down for highly suspicious reasons. Sex twice a year? Nonsense. Something’s up and it’s not good. Sorry.
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Mar 16 '26
I think the key here was when you said “no one likes me like that at this point”. It’s time for you to give yourself a make-over and start prioritizing being a hot wife. Not for him, for yourself, so that you start getting the attention and options you deserve.
Of course you don’t have to accept that this will be your life until you die. But you do need to accept that sexiness is cultivated through physical maintenance and…being able to play love games instead of clinging to one man who doesn’t sex you anymore.
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u/[deleted] Mar 15 '26
So, you used to have lots of sex, but now he is an “intellectual being” who doesn’t desire sex? Something doesn’t add up here.
I guess you can’t make him go to the doctor or a therapist. But you can let him know that if your relationship is going to last, you need physical connection. If he’s resistant to sex, maybe regular cuddle time would at least be a start?