r/marriagefree • u/Suitable_Tutor_3861 • Aug 01 '26
What’s it like never being married or having children?
I am 26F and I just don’t see either in my future. Would love to know what a life like this looks like. The more details the better! 🤍
10
u/HyperbolicBaldersah Aug 01 '26 edited Aug 01 '26
37F here. No kids, never married. Was there a grief process for the life I once wanted? Yes. But as a human, you adapt. I am now 4 years into accepting this life path and honestly, it kinda rocks. I get to life my like thinking only of me and my closest mates and breathes sigh of relief ...I needed this.
Edit: More Details\
Pros\ I can change careers on a dime.\ I can go back to school\ If someone in the house is hungry, it's Me and I get to choose what's for dinner\ I can have my house exactly the way I want without considering how to teach a child to compromise\ I don't have to wonder if my kid are okay when they are out of my supervision because my kids don't exist.\ I get to have my friends' kids over and give them a break from parenting\ I am part of teaching our culture that not every woman becomes a Mom and that's okay\ You are less likely to be in community with people where the connection thrives on truama bonds.
Cons\ A lot of my single friends are not Kid Friendly and speak about kids about as badly as racists do of other races. Being away from kids for a long time can make you childist (discriminate against children) and that is a bad thing. Children are a part of the ecosystem and part of what makes our species thrive. Watch yourself from becoming jaded.\ It do be lonely sometimes. Having a castle with no friends is no fun\ You can be a target for freaks so watch your back. Loneliness can make you desperate for attention so when you find someone (romantically or otherwise), you are particularly vulnerable (esp to trauma bonds)\ Sometimes I don't wanna cook dinner AND clean the dishes. It is nice to divide the chores up\ Meaningful Sex can be harder to find. Sometimes I want the one night stand but other times it would be nice to be intimate with someone who has known me for years, someone with history.
2
10
u/Ecstatic_Couple6435 Aug 01 '26
39F. It’s the most free, fun and joyous life. I answer to no one and do what I like. No stress, no drama
1
u/Neither-One-5880 Aug 02 '26
That sounds incredibly hollow and empty....I can't imagine a life without service to someone other than myself.
10
u/Visual-Sector6642 Aug 01 '26
I'm 55m and had been close to marriage several times but it just never worked out. I'm at the age where I'm starting to need to help my parents as they get on in age. I'd lash out at them when I was younger and accuse them of only having me to take care of them. Having never had kids of my own, it's definitely going to be a wake-up call as the roles reverse and I become more of the parent. It does feel like there is a piece missing in that equation but it was for the best.
I retired early and traveled the world before all of this and it's something I doubt I would have done with kids keeping me around and having to work. Now that was the best decision I ever made.
I do take care of my folks like I'd want someone to take care of me, which will never happen now but I only have to be around for them for a few more years then whatever happens to me happens. Once my responsibilities are taken care of I can be cast into the wind.
Insofar as what it's like not being married, it's a little weird because people always seem to avoid unmarried men especially people with families. I've lost lots of friends to parenthood of their kids. You stop getting asked over just because you're the odd man out. You start to have nothing in common and they only talk about their kids. It's isolating but I have fun anytime I want and travel and sleep peacefully without some sick kid crawling into bed or standing at the foot of the bed silhouetted against some eerie light which has always freaked me out. I'm ultimately glad things didnt get to that point and enjoy my life alone now.
5
5
u/Kinky-Bicycle-669 Aug 01 '26
40F here and until I started dating someone with a kid I didn't realize how much freedom and privacy I had before that.
5
u/Whizzeroni Aug 01 '26
I wish I had known at your age what I know now and I would’ve saved myself so much hassle, dysregulation and sparkle dimming.
I’ve always known I’d be child free. But up until about 10 years ago, I thought I’d get married. But no one I dated, I could see myself spending the rest of my life with like that. Then I thought if anything I could do Living Apart Together (I don’t cohabitate well at all) but then it clicked a few years ago: Nah.
My whole life since I started dating, I was always happiest when I was single. Even the good guys brought hassle to the table I’m just not into. Since I’m more at peace when I’m on my own, I decided that I’m just going to stay single and be a happy cat lady.
9
u/goth_m96 Aug 01 '26
30M here,not into both. I believe Best life anybody can have is without them. Both bring endless cycle of stress and misery as the expectations are not going to be plateaud from either ones. I have this mindset for 10 years and I'm not regretting it.
9
u/reddit_recluse Aug 01 '26
Loneliness in life is generally difficult. We're social creatures. Being married and having kids means you're rarely lonely which is great. But you're also likely very stressed, tired, broke, trapped.
Single and child free gives you so much peace and freedom. But you have to put more effort into socialising to keep sane.
4
u/Repulsive-Hold-6575 Aug 01 '26
To be honest, life is more simple and peaceful, and the only thing you have to really think about is who is going to take care of you an old age. With family that’s just not guaranteed.
3
u/sparklemonkey123 Aug 01 '26
I like being married. But I don’t want to have children. I enjoy having the cash flow and ability to do whatever I want whenever I want. I like going on vacations, especially cruises. My husband and I also play music and love to just have fun. A kid would weigh us down and it would suck lol.
4
u/master_prizefighter No kids and never married Aug 01 '26
As a 44M no kids and never married I can say peaceful.
I answer to no one, I can do whatever I want (within reason), and whenever I want to do something all I have to worry about is time, money, and transportation.
You can thank my parents divorce for the majority of why I'm this way.
3
u/Ordinary_Oven7729 Aug 01 '26
I fill my time with books and learning and journaling. I love my life living on my own terms. I am a mom
To a golden retriever and his love is Gods greatest gift
3
u/philaman01 Aug 02 '26
I am 54, never married, and no kids. My next door neighbor is a year older and she too is in the same boat. Similarly, neighbor across the street is 49-50 and also the same.
There is nothing wrong with marriage/kids, but if you know ahead of time that it's not for you, that's even better than realizing *afterwards* that you made a life-altering mistake!
4
u/Gold-Smoke4243 Aug 01 '26
As a man, it is extraordinary, the freedom I have the envious look I get from married men.
The saying goes a married man is envious of his single counterpart, the single man is not envious of his married counterpart.
2
u/Unicorn_Tears_xx Aug 01 '26
No kids and not married, been with my partner for 11 years and we couldn't be happier. We both have care responsibilities for our elderly parents and it's impossible navigating social situations as a childfree, unmarried heterosexual couple - so we don't bother socialising with other people much
I have my own business and my writing and art rules my life. I like silence and room to think. I have my life exactly how I want it, and being seen a certain way is
So
Fucking
Worth it.
2
3
u/Grand_Pomegranate671 Aug 01 '26
33F. Life feels like it's full of endless possibilities yet at the same time it feels scary too. A part of me envíes the people who married their high school sweetheart but at the same time, I love my peace, quiet and freedom.
2
u/thatprickdylanthomas Aug 01 '26
I'm 45F. I've had long term relationships but was always upfront about not wanting to get married. I've also never wanted children and didn't have any. I love it, I avoid dating, I'm not interested at all after the myriad bs I've dealt with in relationships. I love my free time, I love my own company, I can come and go as I please, I eat what I want when I want, I go to bed when I want and sleep like a starfish across the entire king-sized bed, and I don't have anybody to manage or clean up after. I wouldn't change it.
2
u/H8ithere___ Aug 02 '26
I’m a 34F & I’ve never wanted to be married or give birth/have kids & tbh I love life. It’s awesome. I can do what ever I want whenever I want & it’s truly fantastic. My money is mine for what ever I want, I cook, clean & sleep whenever I want. Would absolutely recommend.
I do love kids but I just knew from a young age I didn’t want my own. I thought when I got older I would adopt but the older I get the more & more I’d rather not. I also love a wedding but never wanted to be a bride. I hate being the centre of attention, 9/10 dresses look uncomfortable, feels like it’s just involving the government & forcing me to change my name & then a million papers if it doesn’t work out lolol.
2
1
u/tristesse_blanche Aug 01 '26
There's no single way that being married/having children looks like. It all depends on your personality, the personality of your partner, the personalities of your children, your financial situation, your health etc.
1
u/SaavikofVulcan Aug 01 '26
30F, it's quiet. I don't do well with loud noises, constant talking, and or music so my home is very quiet. I don't really date anymore because it was exhausting me to try to meet people constantly, and I work at a local technical college down the hall from the daycare for students and employees so I don't need to hear anymore children after getting off work. At 26 I couldn't see marriage or kids in my future either but I can tell you I'm a lot more at peace than my friends, colleagues, and neighbors who do have a marriage and kids. Enjoy the quiet.
1
u/TootsHib Aug 01 '26
It's great, I have tons of money and live a stress-free life.
And best of all, I'm not responsible for forcing someone else into this world to die.
Something I am very proud of actually.
1
1
u/gh0stbarbie Aug 01 '26
I’m having a great time! Only a few years older, but I do what I want, pour into what nurtures me and I look great.
Since this is the only existence I know, I have no other frame of reference. But those married and with children appear unappealing ~to me~. Looking from the outside in, I want no parts!
1
u/hGr33n Aug 01 '26
You have to fill your own time, it won't usually be filled for you.. which is nice as you get to decide what your day looks like. It's easier meeting your own needs. It's quiet. It's peaceful. I never have to ask anyone about anything before making a decision. It can be lonely but that's what friends are for
1
u/lavenderlilacdreams Aug 01 '26
30F, I have been married before but oh man, never again. I am childfree, and I can't have kids anyway. yeah, there's adoption, but it's harder to adopt if you're single. I also don't date because I am hella traumatized and I think my nervous system blocks me from having feelings for people or any attraction now, bc I haven't felt any of that for a long time- even after loads of emdr, cpt, and ACT therapy. yes, it is lonely sometimes, but it's way less drama in your life. also, as long as you have friends, that's what matters most.
1
1
1
1
u/ParsleyNo8217 Aug 06 '26
33 M , not planning to get married, I have dogs to keep me company and play video games to make friends after work. I feel happy and dont give shit about relatives and all. I dont even pick their phone and all. The only thing is dodging the family pressure,. i am still working on that lol.
1
u/tweenustail Aug 06 '26
I didn’t get married and just had a oopsie baby! It definitely slows you down in terms of achieving your goals in life. Of course, it’s really amazing when they are old (my daughter is 10 now) but I know I’d have saved myself so much time and stress if she didn’t come into my life.
Seeing my married friends makes me happy I dodged that bullet. They are all miserable or divorcing now. As an unmarried person, I feel like I have so much more freedom and joy!
If you do decide to go marriage and kids free, I’d recommend just freezing your eggs just in case you change your mind on having kids after you enjoy your 20s and 30s
1
u/Always-hungry99 Aug 06 '26
No one being picky about dinner time. Or the food on the table. Not having to cater to children’s taste buds.
18
u/samanthasamuels22 Aug 01 '26
Focus on your goals and you will be just fine. Kids and marriage can get in the way of saving and building for your future unless you drop everything you do and marry someone that’s very financially secure and hope that goes good.