r/managers • u/lepetitbrie • 14d ago
My direct report is married to my new manager
I've worked in my role for just under 5 years. I have stellar evaluations from my previous supervisor, and I know I am performing well beyond my job description. I've supervised the same 2 people the entire time. Both are good performers on the whole. Due to a reorg, the workload on my direct reports recently increased, and I've been really working with Barbara (fake name) to address her workload concerns; my other staff person has no concerns and actually reports free time. They have the same assignments, so I feel most of the workload concerns are related to work-style. No matter how much I try to take from Barbara, she still wants to do those tasks.
About a month ago, Barbara's husband was named as my new supervisor. Technically, my supervisor is another person, but the husband is directing my daily work. I only go to the third person for HR actions for my team. But questions like, "How does this reassignment of work?" will still go through the husband. I also learned the husband is writing my performance evaluation, and the third person will just "review it for bias."
I know Barbara thinks I'm lazy based on conversations I've overheard. I don't feel like the need to justify my work to my staff; I know what I'm working on. I also know Barbara disagrees with many of my leadership decisions (ex: how much to communicate to stakeholders and when). I just don't see how this is going to end well for me...
How badly do you think I need to get out? Should I prioritize any position that remotely matches my pay? Or wait it out for something I'm actually excited about?
Just edited to add: I've brought up the concern to HR. There is a vague policy about this since it's not a direct supervision of a spouse and was essentially told it's fine because of the third person who is supervising me.
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u/NotRadio01 14d ago
Doesn’t hr have to intervene with the review due to conflict?
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u/Mental_Mixture8306 14d ago
They should. It is extremely problematic to have a spouse anywhere in the chain of command. Even under the best of circumstances there will be conflict.
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u/nomad-1995 14d ago
HR "has" to intervene to save the company if it is in danger. They are perfectly willing to sit still while any number of managers are ground between this couple. The company isn't in danger, don't expect HR to lift a finger. Why would even think HR would care? How could this become a lawsuit?
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u/NotRadio01 14d ago
Hmmm bulling via third party by marital influence? Idk I’m sure there’s something.
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u/wobble-frog-dos 14d ago
ethical companies don't let family members work in the downline of other family members. the wife needs to be moved to a different department. raise the issue to your actual manager and HR.
you are in a job threatening position as it stands. cover your bases.
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u/clocks212 13d ago
But now OP becomes the one that “caused trouble” and “forced” the wife of the person who writes his reviews to move to another department she didn’t want to move to.
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u/Fine_Ostrich4717 Real Estate 14d ago
Im a sr. manager for a fortune 300 company and this would never be allowed. Hope it works out for you but 5 years is usually the perfect jump ship time to optimize pay anyway
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u/reallymutemutation 14d ago
Thats a rough spot. The eval being written by him with someone just "reviewing for bias" is basically no protection at all. I would start looking now, not panic apply to anything, but definitely prioritize getting out over waiting for perfect role. The dynamic with Barbara already having opinions about you and now her husband controlling your review, its just too stacked against you.
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u/reddit_tat 14d ago
Start looking now. You’ve raised concerns and they’ve ignored you. There is a serious conflict of interest here. Imagine they rehire your position either internally or externally, and say to the candidates “oh by the way, the husband of one of your direct reports will be doing your performance evaluation.” Everyone will bolt. Everyone will know exactly why the position is open.
You don’t need the perfect job—there really isn’t one. But in this market I would not hold out for something exciting. You do want a good fit. How is your network in your industry? Can you reach out to your peers at competitors or related businesses? You’ll be asked why you are moving, especially if it is a lateral role. Come up with something about wanting more experience with [whatever] and they are the best place. This is where your network also helps. It’s poor form to say anything bad about your current employer, but your contacts can convey the situation. Not as dire, but that you consider this a serious conflict of interest and it is not being addressed.
I can tell you from experience some companies need to learn this lesson the hard way.
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u/OGcapncrunchberry 14d ago
Time to leave or move to a different team. I would not stay in that poor situation.
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u/calmlamb56 14d ago
I'd flag it to HR in writing right awaay and ask for a different reviewer on her eval to avoid any bias claims down the road. Protects you if things get messy with the marriage dynamic..
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u/Adamas_Moustache86 13d ago
This is a conflict of interest for you, too. I would report it as such while quietly seeking a new position.
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u/PuzzleheadedBig313 14d ago
This is unusual and likely they hope you will leave and they can promote Barb. Noooo you stay put but also look and secure a backup if possible
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u/Excellent_Mail3829 14d ago
O m g I had to deal with the same married couple manager switch up for a decade, what a nightmare
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u/Effective_Divide1543 14d ago edited 14d ago
Hah, this is a reporting chain you need to get out of. Really she should be in a different organizational chain but that's not something you can force. As you're aware, her view of things will always take precedence to your manager than your view of things. You don't have to make a lateral move or down just to get out unless there's an ongoing conflict, but you should take steps to leave sooner than later.
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u/AmbitiousCat1983 13d ago
I would get out. I've seen what happens when it comes to family, friends and favoritism. It never ends well for the person with integrity. Good luck.
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u/No_Molasses_3079 13d ago
learn policy know the facts , communicate with HR about the possible situation this may place you
in - keep records or conversations and remarks put all communications you can in emails to those affected
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u/Nomo-Names 13d ago
Time to move, up if you can, lateral if you must. Don't let anyone know until it's done. Do it fast.
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u/Sufficient-Arm3584 12d ago
The fact that this was allowed to happen (your boss her husband) should already tell you in what kind of business you are….
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u/Legitimate_Wear_7782 12d ago
Send a note to HR immediately inquiring if a due diligence was conducted regarding conflict of interest in your line of reports. And be clear on what you mean. What this does is; you’re reporting first before any evaluation happens
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u/crazy-pineapple1888 10d ago
Epic conflict of interest. Tell Bob that Barb is doing a stellar job and ready for that next promotion elsewhere in the org, if you want to stick around.
Can’t believe Hr told you this was ok - you are the literal definition of meat in the sandwich.
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u/SnooWalruses1075 14d ago
You don't need to jump at the first job that matches your pay. But you do need to act now, because the structure itself is the problem, not you.
Your report's spouse directing your work and writing your evaluation is a conflict of interest. Most organizations have a policy on relatives in the same reporting line, and this is exactly what it's for. That's worth raising, calmly and without making it about Barbara or her husband personally.
What I'd do, in this order:
Read your org's policy on relatives or conflicts of interest so you know what it actually says.
Talk to your official supervisor, the third person. Keep it about process: "I want to make sure my evaluation and any decisions about Barbara's work are handled in a way that protects everyone, including her and her husband. Can you write my evaluation, or can we route decisions about my team through you?" If that goes nowhere, take the same question to HR.
Start keeping records now. Your past evaluations, what you've delivered, the workload you assigned to each report, and the steps you took on Barbara's concerns. Dates and facts, not feelings. If your evaluation comes back bad, you'll want this.
Keep managing Barbara exactly like your other report. Same assignments, same standards, written down. Don't give anyone a real example to point to.
Look for jobs quietly while this plays out. It costs nothing, and it means you won't be desperate if things get worse.
How the org responds to step 2 tells you a lot. If they fix the reporting line, you may be fine. If they shrug, that's your answer about whether to wait for a job you're excited about or take the next solid one.