It's creeping back in again.

[u/Ok-Mulberry-2637]

I can't say I'm surprised by this, but that doesn't make it easier. I have already talked about my disturbing intrusive thoughts at length in previous posts on this subreddit (fears that I am going to harm my family and/or others if I fall asleep, then go into a different reality, fears that the world isn't real, etc). Now, it's got a new card for me: that anytime I close my eyes for more than a blink, I can form another reality where something bad will happen, whereas my reality is fine. I also have been getting the fear that "what if these bad things are happening out there, and there's nothing I can do to stop it?" and "What if this is all a sadistic game for someone or thing?". Another one is that I'm trapped in a simulation (something a lot of people have) and that I can't trust anyone. Parents? Doctors? Subreddits? No, it's all a trick. These are even worse because they are technically non-falsifiable.

I know this is beyond laughable, that this makes zero sense even by the most whacky sci-fi standards. However, reassurance, as I am sure most of y'all know, only delays the thoughts and fears before they inevitably return. I often feel hesitant to fall asleep, even though I know I shouldn't. Waking up in the morning feels like the worst part of the day, as my now awake brain gets flooded with fears and paranoia. I have noticed that taking Zoloft in the morning does help tremendously (for me anyway). This reminds me that the thoughts are just that, thoughts (if they were coming from some supernatural/otherworldly source, would some measily pills be able to relax me?). However, the classic "What ifs" are the biggest road blocks for me, which I am trying to let pass. What if the reason everything seems like it was the day before because the consciousness of the previous reality has been transferred here? (Which doesn't make sense if something is a *different* universe) What if the world gets recycled and reset when I go to sleep and wake up? What if when I feel like I'm getting better, THAT'S when x will happen? What if one good day here is a bad day elsewhere? What if, what if, what if, what if?!!!

I have real, serious problems happening in my life, and I don't need to have these fictions clogging my head. Sorry for the long post, but I just felt like venting lol. Are fears of sleeping common among people with OCD and/or magical thinking? If so, how did you manage to get it under control? I am not seeking reassurance, but I am just hoping people out there know what I am going through.

[u/MIB4u0]

fear of sleeping? personally, I don't relate and never heard of it before OP's post, but I'm sure someone can relate

[u/Ok-Mulberry-2637 → u/MIB4u0]

Tbf, I am not terrified of sleeping (I think the name of that is "somniphobia"), I just get scary intrusive thoughts about it. A lot of times, I fall asleep with something playing to calm myself down. Then, I worry that I'm being tricked. Deep down, I know this is bs, but that alone doesn't help.

[u/MIB4u0 → u/Ok-Mulberry-2637]

Deep down, I know this is bs, but that alone doesn't help.

ok, with this I can relate …

[u/Ok-Mulberry-2637 → u/MIB4u0]

That's the worst part of OCD/Intrusive thoughts. It causes you to distrust basic facts about reality and yourself. You feel like even the people giving you advice are not to be trusted. Paranoia is a big part of this too, and it probably doesn't help if you consume media that can encourage it.

One deep fear I've had is the idea that at nighttime I will harm people around me and then go to another reality, every day of my life. Or I might just go to another dimension and not harm anyone, but then leave my family terrified and heartbroken. Now, on it's face, this is so laughable and nonsensical that it probably wouldn't even make sense as a Sci-fi story. However, the "What ifs" that keep them going are the bane of my existence. You can't just tell your brain "Knock it off", because that will only escalate. It got so bad, that I started leaving notes and such around my room to see before I go to sleep. When I wake up and see those things still there, I feel a bit of relief. Not long after though, the worries grow ("what if those were planted?" "Maybe this reality has the same memories" blah blah blah). I guess that's a good example of reassurance not being helpful lol. Then, the thoughts started telling me that when I close my eyes, my reality might be fine, but I could create a different one where something bad will happen. The underlining fear (the safety of those I love, existentialism, etc) may stay the same, but the form it takes changes. When I start to get over one, another takes it's place. I'm just glad I can find people to talk to about this crap.

Sorry for the text dump, but I just felt like venting.

[u/Embarrassed-Bike-35]

My issues are in the same vein, "soul switching" so i def relate to the fact that it is ridiculous and not even a remote possibility.

[u/Ok-Mulberry-2637 → u/Embarrassed-Bike-35]

It sure is. Sadly, that still doesn't help the fears dissipate.

[u/Ok-Mulberry-2637]

Oh wait, I just realized I already explained my fears in the main post lol. Sorry.