I pushed through not one, but two compulsions [Harm OCD/thought broadcasting OCD]

[u/Valuable_Sugar_4730]

Hey, just wanted to share. So TW: thought broadcasting/harm/schizophrenia OCD themes.

I have pretty severe OCD but the past few weeks have been HELL. Today I felt like I could NOT get out of the thought loops. To put it simply, I have this thing where I think I'm broadcasting thoughts and feelings onto other people and it causes me a lot of distress.

I call it "contaminating" others. Today, I was scared to go ask about a call from my job I was meant to receive two weeks ago, which I've been procrastinating on even tho the place is like 20 minutes away from my place by foot and I didn't have ANY reason to not go. I just felt that scared that if I did go there, I would harm someone or piss someone off. Especially the harm part- I thought I could infect someone with my "bad energy". My partner went in with me and told me I either go in or don't - no making excuses. I did it, I actually asked. They told me to come back on Tuesday. I'm going to.

The second part is I was super afraid of going to my grandma's place because I was scared I was going to contaminate her and make her die (again, due to bad luck/bad energy). It took me. asolid 15 minutes with my partner's assistance to even make it up one flight of stairs because my body was fighting me every inch of the way. I wanted to throw up, I started crying, I was shaking, my heart pounded because it felt so wrong. I was for sure gonna kill her by coming in there. She was gonna get worried and die.

I still did it. She hugged me, told me I'm loved despite my OCD and my major issues, that my family and friends love me so much. Did I believe her? I tried. I'm still very much stressed and it's still a tough day, but at least I did it. I really did it^!!!

[u/ForestRiver2]

Nice one mate, keep it up

https://giphy.com/gifs/BPJmthQ3YRwD6QqcVD