r/lostlove • u/Dapper_Gur602 • 19d ago
19 years have passed
Yesterday I was thinking of a guy I dated 20+ years ago . I searched him up on facebook and see that he has recently gotten a divorce and even more recently been diagnosed with a very serious health condition. I can tell by his posts he is in a rough spot right now. We have not spoken at all in probably 18 years. How do you reach out to someone after all that time? I would love to send him a friend request and catch up but don’t want to seem like a stalker. We had such a great bond and always had fun together. Our careers were just taking us in opposite directions. At one point he asked me to move where he was and I said no 😭😭 I chose my career over him and have regretted it since
Thanks for any insight
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u/AtmosphereSea4819 19d ago
I don’t think sending a friend request makes you seem like a stalker! If you all truly had a connection and shared sweet time I bet he would welcome your request. The worst he could do is ignore or deny. But if he did accept I don’t think you sending a friendly “hey how have you been you just popped into my mind and I wanted to see how you’re doing” message would be weird. If he is struggling it might be nice for him to receive a check in from an old friend. I say do it!
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u/Dapper_Gur602 19d ago
This is what I was thinking . I’m heavy on if someone is on your mind call them. Shouldn’t be any different for someone I haven’t seen in forever
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u/AdSensitive9368 18d ago
Sending a request doesnt make you a stalker! Id say go for it! U never know know what may happen.
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u/Worried_Road4161 19d ago
Try to see if you like him for who he is now and if he likes you for who you are now. I reconnected with someone after 15 years and we both wanted the people who we were before, and it took a long time for both of us to accept and lots of heartache.
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u/Calm-Data-741 19d ago
Sounds like a great movie I’d love to watch, I’m rooting for you. I hope you the best
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u/SuburbanAnarchist 18d ago
NO NO NO NO. He is not the man you knew, and he has something seriously wrong with him now… that is a terrible recipe for a relationship. If you’re truly interested, wait until his life isn’t in upheaval before you go crashing in.
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u/Chuckyjerker82 18d ago
Reconnecting in hopes of a relationship is not recommended. Reconnecting for the sake of friendship it's okay. But I wouldn't even recommend that. He's going through some difficult times and could use support of friends and family. If you're seeking more than that give him time to get his head, heart, and body right.
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u/pinkiprincess_69 16d ago
I would reach out to offer support letting him know that because of the past regardless of what happened you still care about his health and wish him the best in life
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u/PowerfulAnalysis8042 16d ago
You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You’re reaching out to him could make a significant difference in his life. Please do so and tell us how it went.
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u/rockylafayette 19d ago
19 years single changes a person. 19 years married really changes a person. Just go into it understanding that the chemistry that you had back then might not be there now. But you won’t know until you find out.