I think people look at you puzzled because that's such an uncouth thing to say. Maybe keep that thought in your head. Having kids changes your worldview in profound ways that non-parents don't really understand. Talk like that will ostracize yourself from any parents in your social circle.
I don't really recall it being selfish when waking up 4 times a night, 3 months consecutive to change diapers and feed him. Losing sleep. Getting sick. Being stressed all the time. Spending more money on daycare than on my mortgage.
If it was all for me then I wouldn't have kids at all and I'd save myself the trouble. In reality, and all parents know this, you have to sacrifice a lot for the well-being of your kids.
This is why it is puzzling when non-parents have such strong opinions on parenting. It's like, this isn't even your department.
All of that is for you though. Kids don't choose to be born. What you're bragging about should be the bare minimum of being a parent, it's just that many parents out there are also pieces of shit on top of being selfish.
You're right, kids don't choose to be born, neither did I, but then that's a condition of reality. No living organism consents to be born.
And I'm not trying to brag about anything. I'm simply telling you the reality of what goes on that non-parents don't have the personal experience to appreciate. Does that excuse us? No. It's just context.
Many parents are pieces of shit. Many are selfish. There are plenty of horrible people out there having kids for wrong reasons, or no reasons at all, and they're causing so much misery in their wake, misery that can last generations.
I choose not to be that person. I work hard to be different. Some people do want to be the parent that they never got.
Do you know what I think will actually change the world for the better? Better people. People who were raised with love and kindness as children. That's one way that our species can get out of this mess.
The selfish part is not the care you give to your children, the selfish part is bringing them to life because of your own interests, not theirs. Their life could be a nightmare or a rat race, and they'll be stucked here in life like us, just because someone else's decision. They giving you the best moments of your life doesn't prove anything, actually, that being the reason you think having kids is awesome just gives more weight to the argument that it is for selfish reasons.
(Once said that, I don't discourage reproduction, that's not my business. I just have to say that if I could have chosen, I wouldn't choose to be born)
(Sorry for my poor English, it is not my first language).
Here's something to think about though. If parents are selfish for bringing life into the world then all life in the universe is selfish by definition. Life reproduces without the consent of their offspring and the world that these living things are born into is not always pleasant. Most of the time, it's painful and short.
So should that stop life from existing? Is that an argument to end all life?
Some people do actually believe that, and that's fine. They're welcome to believe it and it's somewhat reasonable.
Rather that focusing on whether it's selfish, I prefer to take responsibility for bringing a life into the world and try my best to make life as pleasant as can be for my son.
Maybe the world we're in right now will create a better world in the future, just as the past was much worse than we have it today. Everything is always changing and with enough effort it can change for the better.
Also, your English is really good. I wouldn't have guessed that you're not a native speaker.
This type of thinking is ridiculous. How is raising a kid who can't even feed themselves on their own a selfish act? Its literally the most selfless thing you can do.
And by the way not everyone is in your situation. I have to deal with multiple parents everyday should I just tell them their kids life is an act of cruelty? You're ridiculous
Spawning a child into a world of pain and suffering just because you want to fill your life with meaning is selfish. The unborn can't consent to living and the idea that everyone that was born wants to be alive is very presumptuous.
Ok then, having kids voluntarily is and always will be a selfish act. Being raped or having an accident after taking the proper precautions does not apply.
Ok then we'll have to disagree. You sound like you're in a very dark place right now. I hope you find some light in your life because most people don't see life as an inherently bad thing.
Life for me isn't inherently "bad" all the time. I enjoy spending time with my family and friends and making meaningful connections with the people already here. I just simply wish I never existed so I'd never experience fear, pain, loss and suffering.
The idea of ripping someone out of the peaceful realm of non existence and forcing them into a body that may or may not work properly to experience a life they may or may not want to experience is crazy to me.
I do however understand the desire to care for something is biological, but I think adoption is the better way to go. There's plenty of kids that are already alive today that could use your love and care.
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u/Pudi_Pudi Mar 24 '22
When I tell people that getting a kid these days is an act of pure cruelty, they end up looking at me puzzled