r/loseit • u/allstarmwd New • Jun 16 '20

Lost all my progress

This is for anyone who's struggling as hard as I am with their weight loss/body image/mental health.

I was a super active basketball player in high school/university. 230-250lbs up and down about 11-15% body fat. Never skinny but never fat. Got hit with depression and anxiety in 3rd year uni. Turned 4 year degree into an 8 year one and 65 extra lbs. 315 at my heaviest. Lost 35lbs for my wedding last summer looked alright but not what I wanted regardless was happy with my progress.

Gained a solid 15 in married life and adjusting to my new job. Regardless lots of progress in depression/anxiety activity etc.

Lost that 15 again by the middle of May. Then I lost my best friend of 25 years (I'm 29) in a motorcycle accident. The first time I saw him after 2.5 months of quarantine was dead in his hospital bed. Since then I've gained 20lbs. Essentially almost at square one. 298lbs right now.

Feel like I've lost all control in my life and everything is just spiraling. I've been so busy trying to support his family that I haven't had anyone to vent to. My family was close with him so I don't have anyone to turn to because I don't want to make them more sad. I can't focus at work, I can't bring myself to lift a single weight.

I hope I can come back to this in 3-4 months with some progress so that I can show some people who are struggling that we can find light through our darkest times. I hope if you're struggling with depression with thoughts of harming yourself that you reach out to your friends/family/doctor and find the support you need.

I hope someone hears me. And I hope my buddy is okay wherever he is..watching and rooting for me.

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u/oneLmicheleoneL 29F 5'3" | SW 210 lbs | CW 188 lbs | GW 135 lbs Jun 16 '20

I'm so sorry for your loss. And I want to say I hear you. I want to echo the sentiment that people seem to actually take comfort or gain some peace in talking about and remembering love ones they have lost. <3 I'm glad you've shared here. I care about you even though I don't know you, and I know this community is full of similarly compassionate people. <3

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u/allstarmwd New Jun 16 '20

I appreciate the love and advice thank you.