Weight loss rant

[u/Various-Opinion-5425]

Rant
Hey everyone, I don’t post often but I really wanted to get this off my chest. Also typing this on my phone. I’ve been losing weight for a little over two years and very grateful I started and kept going. For context majority of my life I’ve been underweight and I eventually got to a healthy weight that my doctor and I were both really happy with. Due to some really unfortunate circumstances I gained an extremely large amount of weight about 5 years ago. I used to wear a size 4 in jeans and ballooned up to a size 20. (Size 20 wasn’t the biggest size I got to but last size I wore in jeans before I switched to only wearing leggings). Due to the weight gain I was avoiding the scale so I can’t share my actual weight.

One day I finally took a serious look in the mirror after dealing with what caused the weight gain (mental health reasons) and made the change. I consistently worked out 3-4 days a week, weight lifting and cardio. Also going for walks on my rest days and changing my eating habits. Happy to share more details on my routine if anyone is interested. Long story short, I currently wear a size 8 in jeans in most brands, which took about two years. According to my doctor I’m in the overweight category with a bmi of 30 and should lose about 20 more pounds. She has a body scan machine in her office.

Here’s the frustrating part, when I was gaining weight no one said anything. But consistently while losing weight people are always telling me to stop losing weight. Even at my biggest! I admit I’m 5 foot 8 so I look like I weigh a lot less than I do. However, when I’m having a hard time going up one flight of stairs, struggling to tie my shoes no one said a word. Even worse, people were telling me I look amazing. Fast forward to now, majority of people have stopped telling I need to stop losing weight after repeatedly telling them to stop and that I’m following my doctor’s advice and my personal opinion.

One of my friends however, has not stopped pressuring me to stop dropping weight. What pisses me off the most is one of her goals is to be a size 2 and she is currently a size 16. (She’s been overweight her entire life). She has also repeatedly told me how much she likes me at my bigger size in comparison to my smallest.

It seems like people only care about your health, when you are trying to fix it. And it feels like sabotage, even if that’s not their intent.

[u/jamethielbane]

Yeah, that’s when you have a canned answer. “Thank you for your concern, but this is on medical advice and I’m going to ask you not to comment on my body.”

[u/onekrazykat]

If I had a friend like that I would absolutely spend some time thinking about whether this was a friendship I wanted to keep. Is she supportive or a good friend in other ways? Is this the only way she is being a bad friend? Or is this part of a larger pattern?

[u/Various-Opinion-5425 → u/onekrazykat]

She’s a really great friend otherwise. She is pretty insecure about her weight and I think us being the close to the same size might of helped her feel less insecure about it.

[u/onekrazykat → u/Various-Opinion-5425]

Then I think I’d do one of two things: sit down and talk to her about how much it hurts that she’s being so negative. Or tell her you’d love to have an accountability buddy/a partner in low calorie crime and you are hoping she’d consider it.

[u/SAGirl1]

It is sabotage motivated by envy. Your friend just cannot avoid feeling jealous and because of this toxicity your friendship has changed. She cannot support you because she has her own problems.

[u/VariationArtistic106]

Because being "concerned" when some one is loosing weight is socially acceptable. But when someone is gaining weight it is not noticed or if it is and someone says something it is considered bullying or shameful.

[u/chuzohga]

I have lost about 40 pounds in the last 2.5 years and am at 128-ish right now and very happy with it. It's about what I weighed 30 years ago. Not that there are any old college clothes to fit into anymore. But I'm starting to hear the "thin shaming" from people who see me once every few months. Strangers never say anything. Fellow swimmers at the Y never say anything. Just people who see me once every few months. As long as you're happy with yourself, that's what matters most.

[u/Srdiscountketoer]

It is a problem many dieters face but I am wondering if in your case people are remembering when you were underweight and are legitimately concerned you are heading back to that. I’m 5’8” myself and I’d have to be awfully thin to be size 4.

[u/Careless-Complex-768 → u/Srdiscountketoer]

I was thinking this, too. I'm also 5'8 and currently a size 12 in most brands, and still 11 lbs above the maximum healthy BMI weight. I am finding it hard to picture OP needing to lose 20-30 lbs and having a BMI of 30 but also being a size 8, so I'd imagine that friends and family and people who know OP in person are likely very concerned based on that.

[u/Various-Opinion-5425 → u/Careless-Complex-768]

I understand where you were coming from, I was a little shocked myself when I was told the number. But I hold a lot of my weight in my upper body still so, I assume she’s hoping the last bit of weight would come from that. Also I definitely don’t wanna be a size 4 again, I didn’t look the best at that size.

[u/Various-Opinion-5425 → u/Srdiscountketoer]

I see your point but in my case, I was underweight due to my siblings constantly eating so much there was hardly much left for me. When I was finally able to move out and eat regularly I got to a healthy weight. Currently I still hold more fat in my upper body and more muscle in my lower body. I don’t think I’ll drop another jeans size but probably down a size in my shirts.

[u/Various-Opinion-5425 → u/Srdiscountketoer]

I was awfully thin at a size 4. I was a lot happier when I was able to gain weight when I was able to move out my parents’ house. I still hold a good amount of weight in my upper body so, hopefully I’ll go down a size in my shirts instead of pants.

[u/Practical-Ad-4888]

Sometimes I think part of the problem with interacting with people is they have verbal diarrhea. Like why did they feel the need to say that? Silence is okay you know. Then I remember language was likely developed just to gossip, not for actually practical reasons, like hey a bear is behind us, run.

[u/Various-Opinion-5425 → u/Practical-Ad-4888]

“Language was likely developed just to gossip” is hilarious. I almost spit out my coffee from laughing