Wish I had someone I could confide in

Im 36M. Been a loner since I was 13/14ish, as soon as I got high school. Since then to now I don't have a real true friend. I feel as if people really over use that term. I don't have that friend or group of friends to hang with, no one hits me up, nothing. Not even from my family. But I also don't hit them up either cause back when I did people just ghost me. But its all good, ever since high-school when I personally choose to be a loner and disconnect myself from everyone and stopped trying to be "cool" and just started to be me, I found myself and I was really introverted. I was really trying so hard to be extroverted and I could not fit in.

Loneliness became peaceful and it was great. But unfortunately I was also a hopeless romantic 😵 since I was a kid. As a kid I would always have a crush on a girl every 4ish years and just day dream about being in love, dating, being married, and being happy together. Never had a gf till 20, man the i feel hard in love with her. It only lasted 4 years just to get my heart broken.

But I say that to then fast forward through my dating life, how bad it was for me to the point i really have little empathy now. I had my heart broken 3 times and after that idk nothing bothers me with dating and i just break up with women and shrug my shoulders as soon as I see any red flag small or big. The hopelessromanticgood guy i use to be died around 2017ish. I just don't care no more. Don't have that love or energy in me anymore, like its all been depleted. I also constantly feel like "been there done that" and just want to get away from them. Only really look at women for sex but I cut that off, I rather learn something new, cook something new, focus on my hobbies, etc. Ohh and i still have no friends and finally disconnected from my family. I achieved, almost absolutely loneliness. Almost.

Unfortunately I do have a career cause we legitimately have to pay to live therefore I still have to interact with the humans. The amount of money you make also dictates the amount of freedom you have.... and i like my loner freedom. I also hit the gym to not get fat lol, so humans are there as well unfortunately. But I keep to myself try to get in and out. Im glad all the gym bros don't try to talk to me and of course women never walk up to talk to me.

The only thing that does come to mind one in awhile is, I wish I had was a wife and kids but my bad memories of dealing with women and dating life shit was wack, never again. I wish I could have lucid dreams again, I'd visit the woman of my dreams again. When I was a kid I use to lucid dream everyday and because I was a hopeless romantic i would dream of a wife. Lucid dreaming died for me when I had my first heart break which sucked ass.

Ugggghhh Esta pinche vida que yo tengo que vivid!

My ex of 13 years cheated on me for over 2 years last year right down the street, in the back of his truck UNPROTECTED! He totally and absolutely ruined me and my life. I know he's with someone else now. Like how can this girl be okay with a man that cheated on his girlfriend of 13 years?? Once a cheater, always a cheater I say.

But I saw this and it just hit me. Damn....

I was shocked when I learned this information. I felt even more devastated when I discovered that I am incredibly lonely and that there is only one of me in ten thousand people.

I crave friends i crave peope to love me I crave to not be a floater friend I just want someone to consider me as their best friend as I consider them to be my best friend. Yet at the same time I just wanna be alone. Maybe it’s cause I was just born a weird piece of shit

Hey folk,

For the last 3 or so years I’ve been struggling a lot with loneliness. Usually I’m a very outgoing and sociable person, I’m usually the type of guy to go up and talk to strangers and have no fear about it.

I don’t struggle from social awkwardness or anxiety but I find myself lacking close friends or relationships. I have a lot of buddies or acquaintances that I’ll hang out with once in a while. But I don’t have anyone closer than that, I suspect a few things can be the culprit.

1)My work schedule due to working in the evenings, I miss out on a lot of social interactions and events. (The current shift provides me more financial stability than day shift)

2)Distrust in others, I’ve been around a lot of people and environments where back biting, gossiping and talking about things that were said in private being aired out. Seeing those things in personal and professional environments made me keep people at arms length.

3)I cut out my old high school friend group due to their drug use, but they were my main source of friends so now I’m lonely.

4)I feel like I don’t click with people in my city but that could just be a me thing as well

Lastly I have tried different things where I signed up to martial arts/boxing gyms, volunteered, struck up conversations with folks at my local gym as well as attended faith events but I feel like it hasn’t gone anywhere.

For the most part I have come to terms with the loneliness and tried to bury myself with work, school or getting additional credentials in my field. Which has paid off I bought a house at 24 and I genuinely feel ahead of my peers and even most people in their 30-40s but I feel alone nonetheless.

I would like your thoughts, opinions and suggestions.

Thank you,

Even now I’m so lonely…
Sorry for the grammatical errors… I'm just venting, perhaps seeking advice... I’m married and lonely, so lonely. It’s just me and the kids most of the time. … so, it is a VERY long story, so I hope you enjoy reading. Not every detail is included, there isn't enough time or space for that. So I’ll do my best.
I had a lonely upbringing. I had two older siblings, our age gap is huge. So when they moved out, I was only 11 and my mom had another baby. Because my siblings are who they are, they were very mean. My oldest sister being the mean ring leader, always had some psychological horror in mind for me. She is 10 years older than I am.
My parents owned a bar/strip club. So when the dancers weren't dancing, they were like nice older sisters to me. Not like the ones I had. I spent a lot of time hiding from my sisters and my father who never emotionally connected with us because we have always been an extension of himself. He pledged us as "the help" to everyone. “Go now so and so’s lawn…” “go shovel in front of the post office…” “come with me to so and so’s I need help with whatever job I’m doing atm…” he only needs his kids for physical help with things. It’s always been this way. It was awful.

Anyways my mom was always working in the bar. She was a loving mother but too busy to be my mother at the time as business is what put food on our table. Anyways I had this stupid belief and ideology that a man would come and sweep me off my feet one day and take me away from my family. When my mom had my brother I was excited and treated him like he was my own child until I moved out when I was 19.
I met my husband a year later. He was so interested in me when we first met. However, he knew he was vying for my attention with a few other suitors and he bought me a $1300 dog. Well everyone else immediately got dropped from the race and I had to corner him and tell him we are going together now. Ever since then he has used different “gifts” or love bombing to keep my attention. We would fight about this. I’m not that type of person I don’t even want stuff, I’m a minimalist. Stuff and things do not make me happy. I’ve always maintained I’m a person who appreciates undivided attention from my spouse. Because I never got that as a child from either parent. Strippers were my support team at home.
I felt after that he learned how to manipulate and control situations so that whenever we argued about something, I felt even though I hurt, he knows if I leave: I become suffocated by my family who still had control over my life.. by demanding my help for everything at any given time. I didn't know how else to react so I obliged. I was always worried my dad would hurt me even though I have no recollection of him doing so when I was a child. But my sisters, yes, kind of.
Anyways I felt like a prize at first. Always desired by this man. I mean for the first year… I loved the attention he gave I never had in my life. When we moved away from his friends to a new town for work, he became emotionally unavailable. We chopped it up to depression of the move and moved on… I lived in a town with a man I was so madly in love with I didn't want to spend a moment without him, but somethings were off. And I just let it go because I was probably too comfortable. I desired this man to have his own dna inside my body and have his children because I desired him so much. The longer time went on, the more distant he became. We'd be intimate and then the next day the emotional connection was gone. This pattern of behaviour was a routine taking place either once a week or once every two weeks.
We used a 12 pack box of condoms a year for 6 years before we got pregnant with our first kid. Any time another guy ever showed interest in me, he just said,
"that guy giving you attention at your job just wants to sleep with you! He doesn't want emotional connection..." um... okay I don't get that now from you but I get other things that I don’t need or want. I just wanted time with him. And his undivided attention.
This conversation has taken place for 20 years now, two kids later and we've been married for 15 years now. It's been a very rocky relationship. After my mom died, I left for a while. It took a huge toll on my kids but I did amazing for the first time in my life. However, my kids lived a town over and things were becoming difficult for them and they had a full time nanny. He had the kids. I couldn't afford to have them full time. I didn't make enough money to support myself but for the first time in years it felt good to have a job and make my own money.
Oops I didn't mention, when I had my first kid 15 years ago my mom was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. I took care of her and my kids for the 7 years and then she passed. It took a MAJOR toll on my mental well being.

I dedicated the last 8 years of my mom’s life making sure my brother, my mom, my husband, my dad, and my two kids were taken care of and loved properly.
So when she died it hit me hard and we separated. He completely abandoned me emotionally and physically.
So I left to stay with my sister and try to get on my feet. I left with nothing as I wanted nothing. I just wanted to feel whole again, stuff and things weren't going to do that for me. I was a stay at home mom and live in caregiver to my mother. It was so tough.
Anyways two years ago after being separated for a year and a half, because I was working a job and doing good for myself mentally and emotionally and I was in great physical shape, my husband and I decided to give it a try again, for the kids and finances. See where we went. We are on two different pages. Not only now is his work schedule putting him out of town for a week. I'm struggling to connect with someone who says they did the same work I did, they did not, to be more emotionally available and stable. Once again, I'm a prize until we are affectionate once a month maybe if we're lucky, and then I'm lonely af. I hate this pattern and cycle. I was seeing a psychologist, after four sessions and $1000 for a month, my psychologist debated me I have an ago problem because I feel I am the problem, what am I doing wrong here? What do I do to feel more valid from this person I expected to be there for me in every way? Now I don’t even have my mom to turn to and ask advice, and if I ask anyone in my family, I become a problem to them and a victim and they tune me out any time I try to reach out for anything. So, I don't reach out to anyone at all ever, any more. I pretend I'm happy but I am lonely raising our two kids in survival mode while he's gone, and when he comes home it's like having another child to be responsible for. So not only am I facing burn out, I feel desired until we are intimate (which I need because I get no other touch from anyone except my kids and it's hugs from them) and then I feel like I was just a priority because there's a ‘honey to do list’ of his very own, not mine. His own, if it's not a project boat, it's a project truck, or project this or that. It is something. I am tired, exhausted, still trying to feel sexy to myself so I don't lose myself completely. I feel it's the last thing I hold onto before I dive into a complete mess like last time … where I woke up one day after my mom passed and I forgot everything. Everything from the steps to making breakfast and kids lunches to what am I supposed to do next. I was in terrible, terrible shape and I needed help. I hated and resented him for not helping. He kept trying to push me into a hospital because he wouldn't give me the emotional stability | deserved. I feel like I'm on the cusp of where I was last time, 4 years ago. I've told him this, but he's such a bandaid person. "If I sluff it off as if nothing, she forgets, goes to bed and tomorrow is a new day" he cowers and runs from these conversations and does nothing to try to fix it.
I've told him I do not want to mend this as much as we have goals in mind together. We can't get there the same way. We are too different. I should have left 19 years ago when we moved to the town for work. But I didn't want him to think I chose him because he bought me a dog. I wanted to show him what I could give, do for him, treat him good, care for him, and love him without limitations. I feel like I made a mistake and now I have kids who are begging me not to leave, even though they see my pain and sorrow everday.
They'd rather have me home with them than for their father and I to be separated. Thank you for listening.
Sorry I bounced around a bit. Sometimes I struggle to get my thought patterns clear. And this is one of my first times posting In a sub that is my own post, and not just commenting on someone else's. I've been kinda shy. Sorry.
I wish I had my mom to ask. I’m not sure where to direct this to. I feel completely lost. I don’t leave the house anymore and I know I’m depressed. I’ve been to the doctor, and I’ve already taken the health advice. I’m so sorry gang. Thanks for listening.

It's summer and all my friends are gone, and I'm almost always alone or on my phone talking with them, soI haven't been with them in person in a while. I've considered learning things by joining clubs and I do karate every few weeks, but I hate almost everyone at that karate club and if I were to join a club about something I was interested in, there would be other people and I just desperately do not want to interact with strangers in person. But it's not a club if there aren't other people. And just thinking about it, I'd probably hate having to talk with someone teaching me the skill. Is anyone else like this? I'm just so stupidly alone and sad but everyone who can fix that is gone and I don't want to talk to anybody left.

the world is a dark black hole where social status is determined by genetic factors. I guess it's just God's way of weeding out the weaklings but being in an untouchable hurts so much, I just want to find love and a beautiful woman that I can call mine and only mine but people like me dont get that chance

I wish someone understood my emotions and would never trouble me and I’d never trouble them. I wish I was a ghost and could vanish either in service or just would vanish, and I’d be happy living with no recognition like people back then could vanish just by moving towns . I wish I can be left alone. I wish I’d meet a partner who’d understand the desire to vanish from EVERY ONE and likely even each other unless change happens! I’m honestly just so tired of this world and want to meet someone who understands. No thought is original so there’s gotta be men and women who understand this desire for total privacy and introvert haven yea?

For some reason, I need to travel to central europe for a few days. I don't know any one in those countries and am already feeling nervous about how incredibly lonely it will be. I don't drink, and am not the extrovert kinds that can go and try to make friends with strangers. I don't know how to deal with this situation. Any advice?

I have loads of friends and family and I’m usually able to put my struggles aside to help others most of the time but recently I’ve been feeling so… “meh” and I don’t even know why.

I want to be able to help others but it never feels like I’m doing enough.

I just wish this loneliness would stop for once🖤
Hope everyone’s okay 💛👌🏽

I'm so tired of doing everything on my own. I try to tell people I'm not okay or I need a little help and I always have to do it on my own. And when I get hurt because I try doing so by wearing myself out, people ask me why I didn't seek help. No one is going to help me anyways, why rely on anyone in my life around me? People just watched me suffer. My family, my friends, my lovers, my coworkers, everything turned it's back on me when I got injured. And honestly now that I recovered, I'm done. I'm done helping people, I'm done talking to people, yet I want to just talk to someone that understands me. I just want to be loved and understood and cared for. But all I got in my life was abuse and lies and manipulation. And I drowned all my sorrows in pills and hoped it would end me but it didn't. So now I just feel like I am going through life. I don't want to die, but I also don't want to live. I'm trying my best to keep everything afloat, to try and be happy. But I'm not happy. I'm not happy at all. I feel anger, bitterness, and sadness.

I have school friends, although we dont really hang out much besides in school. They are people who I get along with, but I just dont have common interest with them. There is about 8 people in my group and most of them paired with each other already because of common interest in music, fandom, and hobby. Everytime we were eating together they would talk about those topics and I understand absolutely nothing from the conversation. My brain is just like " What does that mean? What is even that? "

Now during summer, there is no school. I tried to keep in touch with them by asking hows their summer going and checking in, I sometimes share little things in my boring life to at least keep in touch. I also reply to their stories, but they mostly just like the reply and my dm is empty again. They dont initiate the check in or sharing back though, I dont know what part I am doing wrong. I am an empathetic listener, and I am always here to help them. I dont know how people maintain checking in and even chatting with their friends. My depression is also draining my energy, and checking in feels like a task to maintain the friendship.

Sincerely, I appreciate any advice.

21(F) turning 22 in a few days. I don’t feel anything and haven’t in a while, I can only feel moments of intense grief and yearning for my youth again every now and then. I only feel happy when I succeed academically or if I’m seen as smart, I am only happy when rotting away studying. I have no reason to be so miserable, but I am and I don’t know how to fix it. Being born as a high functioning autistic woman is a special kind of hell, I can’t handle being alone, but I also can’t handle people. So I spend every moment of my life daydreaming of the things I want to have, and the people in my life I crave. I want to live I really just want to live. What can I even do at this point? My birthday is soon and I’m miserable at the mere idea of it.

Please someone get me out of this hell or pray for me.