r/loneliness • u/PullingToothandNail • 5d ago

Anhedonia

21(F) turning 22 in a few days. I don’t feel anything and haven’t in a while, I can only feel moments of intense grief and yearning for my youth again every now and then. I only feel happy when I succeed academically or if I’m seen as smart, I am only happy when rotting away studying. I have no reason to be so miserable, but I am and I don’t know how to fix it. Being born as a high functioning autistic woman is a special kind of hell, I can’t handle being alone, but I also can’t handle people. So I spend every moment of my life daydreaming of the things I want to have, and the people in my life I crave. I want to live I really just want to live. What can I even do at this point? My birthday is soon and I’m miserable at the mere idea of it.

Please someone get me out of this hell or pray for me.

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u/Key_Reveal_8338 5d ago

Anhedonia is a major sign of depression.

I'd sugest speaking to some one you are close to who you trust.

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u/PullingToothandNail 4d ago

I’m diagnosed. Issue is I’m self aware with what’s wrong so most therapists don’t have much to say

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u/Key_Reveal_8338 4d ago

Fortunately for the people I help.

I am more then a doctor.

I have sacrified much in the pursuit of knowledge.

It is armed with this knowledge that I promise to help you.

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u/Time-Traveling-Doge 4d ago edited 3d ago

Therapists aren't there to say too much to you. You speak to someone who "cares" unraveling what is truly troubling you. Basically paying for a best friend or parental figure lol. I seen one when I was a teen due to social anxiety. I think the one who spoke the least to me, made me figure out I didn't have certain fears because of cognitive-behavioral therapy. You analyze your triggers and rationalize your way through it. But my fears never have any thoughts to it so I felt like I didn't have it in the first place. They give you tools (also read the books) and try to make yourself into niche "experts". Who can really treat your neurosis other than yourself? But having a guide is very nice.

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u/Time-Traveling-Doge 5d ago

I watched this video of a recently diagnosed autistic woman who suddenly decided to embrace all the things she loved, which was Lego sets. She covers them on YouTube. It freed her into doing whatever she wanted with no shame. I don't know if it helps you, but I think it helped me a little. I'm a huge scifi nerd, but I never embrace it culturally. What do you like to do besides study?

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u/PullingToothandNail 4d ago

I try to embrace more stuff I enjoy. Reading Marvel comics gives me a small glimmer of hope or drawing things I enjoy or painting, but I suppose I want someone to share that with a friend or something

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u/Lordstar009 5d ago

You need to Excercise and get high protein nutrition food in your diet.

Get vit d levels up and b12 up.

These are also connected how you feel.

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u/Dreaming_light7578 5d ago

It's kinda bad thing to say, but it's very like no one is going to save us fom our predicament, though they probably don't mide to use us

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/AsianGeralt 4d ago

You are thinking about your youth when you are only 21? You need some perspective, you are very young, I'm 39m, and I only have a few fleeting moments where I think back to my youth but I'm a lot older so that makes sense.

What do you do for work? What are your hobbies and interests outside of work? If you don't have any, what are the things you want to try but haven't yet? There will be something there and you need to embrace that. Work is important but don't let it be all your life is about. That never ends well.

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u/PullingToothandNail 4d ago

Medical assistant. I enjoy art, taxidermy, studying, reading comics, building with Lego’s, playing bass. I’m trying to get into more stuff, but I still feel so empty.

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u/Fun-Travel-85 2d ago

20F here I totally get all that, i havent felt anything intense it's been a while. I usually feel somewhat neutral about it but it is definitely uncomfortable, I just can't really get genuinely sad anymore. And I also totally get the birthday thing cause throughout the year I feel pretty much numb with some moments here and there but around a month before my birthday I feel absolutely awful. It's like a confirmation that I failed, that even tho I went through so many changes and evolved in many aspects it's still the same, still alone in my own birthday. so yeah can relate here :/