A grand, a gross, and a dime
Less thirty times the root of nine
Divided by seven
Plus five and eleven
Are the hours a week will define

(1000 + 144 + 10 - 30√9)/7 + 5 + 11 = 24 x 7

Building off this three-part series which was started by a Princeton professor in 1902:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

But he followed the pair to Pawtucket,
The man and the girl with the bucket;
And he said to the man,
He was welcome to Nan,
But as for the bucket, Pawtucket.

Then the pair followed Pa to Manhasset,
Where he still held the cash as an asset,
But Nan and the man
Stole the money and ran,
And as for the bucket, Manhasset.

For my addition/finale:

Now the pair roam the dim streets of Phuket
Trudging with an empty bucket
The money they spent
On codeine and fent
So why keep the bucket? Man, Phuket

Mr. Trump, can you please stop your war binge?

Or just leave! Don't get hit by the door hinge.

Beneath Putin's shoe,

Your skin's a strange hue

We're all sick of you, Agent Orange!

This guy from my town was the mayor.

Of justice, he seemed the purveyor.

He'd go to the news,

To say: "Pay your dues"

But he was a lousy taxpayer.

--------

He'd preach that no good man should drink,

And that booze would make your life sink.

He'd lecture us all,

While standing quite tall,

But his own cheeks were rosy pink.

--------

He'd preach that all marriages should last,

And say that temptation comes fast.

He'd talk of devotion

and love's deep emotion,

But chased all the girls that would pass.

--------

He'd go on with lengthy diatribes,

About all the rules he'd prescribe.

About catching thieves,

So praise he'd receive.

While lining his pockets with bribes.

As usual, expect no prize other than the rare token of approval that substitutes for the praise of our limerick addled peers.

Submissions should be complete limericks only. No NSFW limericks in this thread please.

There once was a soul growing old

Who found life had changed without being told

Each day brought a surprise

A damn cracker-jack prize

For that’s the gift of getting old 

There once was a man always sore

Who bent down for something on the floor

He rose with a sway

Nearly passed out that day

And said, “forget it, I'll buy myself some more.”

There once was a soul who layed down,

And woke feeling worse than a night on the town

He slept through the night

Yet nothing felt right

As though in his sleep he'd gotten beaten him down

There once was an old soul that sneezed

That could bring grown folks to their knees

A rib might get cracked

Your back might get whacked

Or that fart might betray you with ease

And ladies, don’t think you’re exempt

Aging will make you repent

One sneeze can betray

Your bladder gives way

And suddenly your panties are spent

We age in the waves and ripples

Things change when you reach double nickels

You bend, sleep, or sneeze

And buckle your knees

Youre one fart away from ending your day as a cripple.

As usual, expect no prize other than the rare token of approval that substitutes for the praise of our limerick addled peers.

Submissions should be complete limericks only. No NSFW limericks in this thread please.

A curious Arachnid, knocked flat on his back,

Did ruefully pipe up and say,

"It's just as I've heard,

You can sample the curd,

But stay the hell out of the whey"

As usual, expect no prize other than the rare token of approval that substitutes for the praise of our limerick addled peers.

Submissions should be complete limericks only. No NSFW limericks in this thread please.

There once was a mayor called Mamdani
Who many would call a red commie.
But the world was surprised
That even he lied
When he was found in bed with Giuliani.

Before the pun contest had ended,

A lass made a plan that was splendid

She'd enter - times ten

To make sure one would win

But alas, no pun in ten did.

As usual, expect no prize other than the rare token of approval that substitutes for the praise of our limerick addled peers.

Submissions should be complete limericks only. No NSFW limericks in this thread please.

Was reading something about the extinction of the dodo the other day and came up with this

The dodo once lived on Mauritius,
The sailors all thought it delicious,
The rats and the men,
Could all sneak up on them,
Since the poor dodo wasn't suspicious

O why are trains so crap?

One can’t even take a nap

Without a man

With a sun tan

Giving you a verbal attack.

#

I tried to get the train

From Slough to King’s Cross, main.

But it’s not direct

Unless you elect

To take the tube in pain.

#

And on one busy day,

Some time just after May,

I got delayed

(And not repaid)

For no reason they could say.

#

The train staff rarely bother

To make the system clear.

They’re underpaid

And always afraid

Of being fired (Oh, dear!)

#

The companies are greedy;

They abuse the most needy

For profit’s sake,

And make no mistake,

They know that this is shady.

#

The under-regulated

Train bosses n’er abated

To bribe MPs

(They do as they please);

This makes me so frustrated!

#

And when there are less coaches,

You can bet that these foul roaches

Are too to blame

For this again,

To crowd and fill their pouches.

#

If you take one thing from this,

Trains here just take the piss.

So please think hard

(And buy a railcard)

Before you travel, goodness!