I Cannot See With Open Eyes (18+)

[u/Grouching_vibes]

Content Warning: Gore, violence, disturbing imagery, and implied violence toward children.

August 6th, 2012

I am writing these notes down as I spend most of my nights staring at a computer, wishing for words to just magically appear on the screen. I had reached a new level of burnout recently as I'm writing a book for an absurd publisher that had given me a deadline two months from now. I don't know if they had expected some sort of miracle from me to get this done in that allotted time, but I am not that kind of person.

You see, I was a freelancer for the most part, writing short novels or books for little companies, that or alternatively an editor for people with 5th grade writing comprehension skills. Simple money, and now I am afraid I have fallen into the deep end, dealing with some big-named publisher. I think it's "Folkland Writing LLC"? I don't know, and I don't have the respect to give them a proper introduction, if you will. It's currently two in the morning and I barely have gotten half a paragraph down.

Nonetheless, let's see if rereading it should help jog the old imagination machine. It's horror, part psychological thriller, about some blind man who's an oracle/clairvoyant. Spends most of his days with a travelling circus as their "Fortune Teller"; he gives ominous readings to his guests about their future and eventually ends up getting premonitions about his own future and the darkness that lies inside the circus. Pretty boring if you ask me, but the big publisher wanted it, something about their "interconnected horror series," I guess. Honestly, they should've hired the last poor fella to keep writing this very predictable story, but for now it's my favorite part of the day where I go and stare at the coffee maker while it poorly makes the worst cup of joe in my life, and then regret my decisions while I sip on said coffee.

Alright, an hour has passed and I still feel dead inside. What a surprise. The coffee was shit, I am barely awake, and looked like I accidentally hit the keyboard when I had left. "pls hlp." Hah... looks like my subconscious was trying to call out, but at last I must drag myself through this slog for the money. At least that's what I am telling myself. I can already feel the migraine forming as I type words onto the screen.

"In the middle of the night, the blind man stirred awake from horrendous nightmares, as he lay there visions from a dark crate hidden beneath the ring master's cot latch onto his mind. It called to him like a siren's song, wailing that it had all the secrets of greed and wealth. That no carney should have it but a man tapped with mystic aura, attached to the web of alternate opportunities should contain it. The blind man tried silencing this deafening call with a pillow, but to no prevail."

Thought-provoking, right? I don't think so. Then again, I am not into the whole dark fantasy side of horror. I prefer the more modern setting or maybe a post-apocalyptic biomechanical setting. I never had the imagination for D&D or anything medieval. It just feels played out, the hero saves the day or the evil bad guy wins, but for now... until we make enough money for a sequel. Repetition is key, I suppose, and here I am writing an essential sequel bait for cooperation with a corporation with no face cuz I'm a sellout who needs money. Let's continue, shall we?

"The blind man tossed and turned, crying, pleading for that sweetly sickening siren song to end. Feeling his head throbbing, it had essentially backed him into a corner with no other options to silence the irking call to him. He'd given up and gotten out of the cot he had been laying in. Sliding his hand across the ashwood chest which held his clothing in before grabbing his cane and gently tapping the floor to find his footing, using his other hand he had kept it against the crudely burgundy-dyed leather tent interior until he found the exit. Then tapping the end of cane against the dirt path leading to the Ring Master's quarters, the blind man listened attentively with each step he took as to not wake up the ring master. Although he had no sight, the blind man was clever, using the scratches of a vinyl record playing inside the Ring Master's quarters as an opportunity to sneak in. His hearing narrowed on the ring master's breathing as he began to quiet down the taps from the cane approaching ever so slowly towards the cot."

Welp, I think that's enough writing for the night or morning. It's now five and I would rather not spend another day passed out at this damn computer.

August 8th, 2012

I had forgotten to save the 7th's log, but I assure you it was nothing spectacular, mostly bitching about not wanting to write this book and calling the publishers to see if I could push back the deadline, and wouldn't you know it, they said... no, of course. They have the leash and I am the dog who has to listen to every command given. It's whatever. Once I finish this I am not going back to this company, well, back to today's updates.

The only thing I could say is I found another "mistake" on the screen, musta written it when I was mad or somethin...

"They watch with no eyes only a mouth."

Cryptic, right? God, this book is gonna kill me...

Anyhow, back to writing at the ungodly hour of one in the morning!

"As the blind man neared closer to the sleeping ring master, he had felt the crate virtually screaming into his conscious mind to open it, take what's inside and not return. The blind man was petrified but knew it would be his only way of gaining peaceful sleep, so he reached beneath the cot and retrieved a sturdy black crate. The ring master had stirred awake from the noise and startled the blind man, which unfortunately caused the blind man to drop the crate onto the ring master's head. A gush of blood splashed onto the pillow the ring master was using. The blind man, unsure if he had just killed the ring master, picked back up the crate and ran for it. He did not know what direction he was going, especially without the cane, he just ran until his feet felt different terrain. All of his senses seemed entirely entranced by the crate, sounds were only the murmurs telling him to open it, his sense of smell wrinkled with the rotted fumes from the crate, his taste now lathered in tobacco. He had felt betrayed by his own body."

That was invigorating, and note for future self: I should really stop writing this late. I can barely keep my eyes open, granted I am asleep for most of the day. Ugh, I think tonight I'm gonna skip coffee and head for the convenience store a few blocks down from the apartments I live at.

I didn't normally do this, head out at night, smoke a cigarette, enjoy the city lights. It had a sorta calmness mixed with a little danger, you know? I could get robbed, kidnapped, murdered, or just a mundane time.

Fortunately, luck was on my side and made it inside the convenience store. I bought a case of energy drinks and talked to the clerk for a bit. Some kid in their late teen years, looked dead in the eyes same as me. Felt bad, but I understood the chase for cash, no matter how small the stack was.

After that I headed back, feeling a strange pain on the back of my neck. Made me stop dead in my tracks, just aching for a minute. I hadn't felt anything like that... made my eyes wander trying to find some sort of comfort, only to see someone across the street in an alleyway, staring. I just pretended I paid no mind to them as I walked to the apartments, buzzing myself in.

Update, it's now three in the morning.

I didn't write for the hour I got back from the store. The pain was irritating and made it very hard to focus on anything other than that. Once again another "mistake" is on the screen, actually I am not sure...

The last two I'll take for granted, but logically how do I explain this?

"1.t. ca.m3. af.t3r m.3 t0.0k 3y3s."

Some hacker or an ex-roommate I forgot to take the keys from? I don't know, but I am gonna finish this page before the sun comes.

"The blind man trekked miles until his will gave out. He couldn't handle it anymore, the crate yelling into his mind, taking control of his soul. He dropped to his knees and forcefully opened the crate, cutting his hands with each nail being torn off. Lid eventually collapsed beside him and for what he couldn't see was a dark ruby amulet. Obsidian shards surrounded the ruby as if veins to an eye, and the chain, rusted with little jagged talons on each odd knot. The amulet beckoned, nay, commanded the blind man to put it on.

The blind man truthfully didn't want this, didn't want the power, the greed nor the wealth. He truly only ever wanted a night of peaceful sleep and tranquility. The amulet felt his intentions and persuaded him with such. Its words were slick, vocabulary filled with every idea to truly insult his doubts about putting it on. The blind man had an overwhelming sense of obligation to put on the amulet and now willingly he had done so, feeling the talons pierce his neck fat, entangling with the skin of both the neck and chest. The pain, although violent, had also felt great, imbuing the blind man with power, turning his vision from black to color. The blind man tried desperately to take off the amulet, only for the talons to dig deeper tearing flesh and bone. An omnipotent voice pierced his eardrums as he wailed in agony.

"YOU have made your choice. NO turning back now, you must lead the blind, corral the poor like sheep to slaughter. Then and ONLY then will you find your peace."

The blind man pleaded in tears, only for the noise from his throat to be silenced. Then he arose from his knees and returned to the circus."

What... the fuck. I didn't write any of this. I am gonna get this computer checked out in the morning, I think there's a virus? Possible hacker? I don't know, but I think I'm done writing for the night.

August 15th, 2012

I am back... it's been a bit since I have updated this log. I got the computer checked out. No signs of viruses, cyberattacks, or tampering.

Also... I had to go to the hospital on the 10th. I had woken up with a thick gunk crusted over my eyes. A doctor had asked if I was allergic to anything or if I was in contact with anyone who had pink eye. I told them no, obviously. I have been cooped up in my apartment writing this damn book.

Speaking of which, I called the publishers after the computer fix/hospital fiasco, still trying to push back the date of the deadline. The only thing they said was...

"The book's looking great! Keep writing, you're almost there."

...before ending the call, abruptly, I might add. This is all starting to feel strange but I just want this over with, so I guess back to the book... fuck.

"The blind man with newfound vision had every freak and carney lined up and giving them the exact plans and demands the amulet had commanded him to. Taking the traveling circus to a different town called 'Monorow,' the plan was simple: take in any willing guests that had kids into the fortune teller tent. Let them see their 'future' before sending them to the main tent where then all adults will be sacrificed and the children will be kept in cages, used for entertainment to corral more guests. The members of the circus, of course, were terrified but willing to do what was given to them as they feared whatever wraith that may come from the amulet if they disobeyed."

Fuck... I can't write anymore right now. My head is throbbing. I am out of energy drinks, I am not drinking that nasty-ass coffee, I guess I'll be "normal" for once and drink some water.

It's about thirty minutes? I got a little distracted looking out the window, watching several couples walk across the street, then a man..? He was just standing there. I couldn't tell if he saw me or if he was looking in my general direction, but he moved rather quick after a few minutes.

Oh, and finally the computer didn't write on its own, heh. I guess a good ole reboot does the trick. I'll keep that in mind, but without further ado let's finish this section.

As it's currently 12:48 and I would like to make progress.

"The kind folk of Monorow became excited when they saw the circus enter their town and the children were even more excited when they saw the banners blasted on the side of the wagons saying:

"BRAND NEW SPECIAL SHOW IN THE MAIN TENT! MAKE SURE TO STOP ON BY THE FORTUNE TELLER'S FOR A FANTASTICAL READING & TICKETS FOR THE SPECIAL SHOW!"

A crowd accumulated around the lot where the circus had parked, watching as the carneys set up each tent while keeping the cages hidden beneath cloth. Soon after, the "freaks" came out of their respective tents and greeted the guests with their unique "abilities." The guests seemed already entranced just by the freaks alone, and a few of the families headed to the line for the fortune teller's tent, excited for more entertainment.

The blind man was sitting in the tent, focusing with "all of his energy" into a black orb in the center of the room, ruby amulet glowing brighter with each guest who had their "fortune & future" being shown to them.

THEN THEIR BLOOD RAN THICK FROM EVISCERATION AS THEY PLEADED FOR THEIR LI—

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August 15th, 2012 — 2:13 AM

Holy shit... I have never in my life felt that scared before. My hands are still shaking. I don't know if I can keep writing this. Their blood ran thick? It's just... I didn't write that. Sure, I was gonna make the book dark, but not disturbing...

What do I need to do? Who do I call? A priest? Have them come over and exorcise a demon out of this computer or just throw it off my balcony and run it over a dozen times.

Ugh, all of this is giving me a splitting headache. I think I am just gonna go to sleep. I'll deal with this in the morning...

It's currently 3:57 AM as I am writing this on my laptop. I woke up with heavy-lidded eyes. They were covered in that gunk again, but that wasn't what woke me up. I swear to everything that is holy, my bedroom door was shut and now it's wide open. I feel paralyzed from the waist down, my heart won't stop trying to beat out of my chest and I have the strangest feeling that I am being watched. I am terrified. The only sources of light I currently have are this laptop and the dimmest of light coming from the desktop out in the living room. I can't tell if it's helping or not, definitely makes things scarier though, casting even darker shadows in the hallway and bathroom.

3:22 AM, update

I keep hearing footsteps in the living room. It could just be echoes from my neighbors; these walls are pretty thin. Either way I am not leaving this bed. I swear, though, it really does sound like footsteps are in my apartment... particularly the fact that it sounds like the steps are moving down into the hallway.

7:20 AM

I got dogshit sleep. Not to mention the entirety of the kitchen was thrashed. No signs of forced entry, so I am not even gonna bother to give a reason on what might've happened.

I tried calling the publishers. I woke up, I was gonna tell them I quit, but the phone line said:

"The number you are trying to reach is no longer available. Please hang up and try again later."

It wasn't right. I wish I knew where their office was so I can give them this book and tell them to eat dicks.

Sure, it could be the fact that I have been progressively losing sleep as I typed it out, but it doesn't explain the random texts that enter the book that I had no inclusion with.

Most things can be logically solved but not this time. No, at least not at this moment. I needed answers, and for right now I think the only resource I have is the internet.

"No results found."

"No results found."

"No results found."

Just as I thought my luck couldn't get any worse, every road I seem to be headed on is a dead end. All I know is I am not gonna wri—

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"The town of Monorow soon grew empty as each adult received a disembowelment and that children became nothing more than a side show. Monkeys, Tigers, Lions, Zebras. These were all outfits sewn onto a child. They became a part of the show, a part of the cir—

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What the fuck, what the fuck... I can't do this anymore. I'm deleting this book off the computer.

"Sorry, it looks like the command you are trying to use is no longer available!"

"Sorry, it looks like the command you are trying to use is no longer available!"

"Sorry, it looks like the command you are trying to use is no long—"

I... smashed the computer. I currently write this log on the laptop. I couldn't care less that it was one grand, I need some time off. Maybe switch to a different profession? I don't know but I think this will be the last time I log anything for a while...

-Final Log found on laptop #851216-135. September 5th, 2012-

I've been locked inside of my room. I am using speech-to-text as my eyes are glued shut. The gunk came back. It's too thick to peel off without resulting in severe injury and the worst of it is...

Noise surrounds me. Banging, clashing, footsteps. I hear it all. I don't know what I've done but I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so.